Twas Loud Before Christmas
by
Hatoralo or Oogie-Boogie & Mama Aniki
It was very Loud before Christmas
The Family was active and joyous
The children and parents decorated the tree
The garden had become a Christmas grand prix
While the roast was cooking and festive music was playing,
Lincoln Loud spent his time with zombie slaying.
Dawn of the Decaying was an all-time favorite game,
And he knew he would get the sequel today with the number three in its name
Then suddenly a flying van crashed into the living room
It almost brought the young Loud an early doom
Two green things, one large one small stepped out of the van
"Hello", greeted the large one "We are your Christmas Man!"
The smaller one turned to him and asked "Don't you mean ducks?"
Lincoln was still way too shocked to give more than two fucks.
"Who are you and what… is that a van?"
The white haired boy asks as good as a person in shock can.
"We are SwaySway and Buhdeuce, Breadwinners"
Explained the two to him and his sisters
Who came running to the room after hearing the crash
Lola exclaimed "I tell mom and dad you stupid pieces of trash!"
When Lori Loud saw the two creatures,
She was rather put off cause of their strange features,
"Lisa", she asked "have you again put us on drugs?
Why am I literally seeing two butt ugly green ducks?"
"No drug I know of could hallucinate you that."
The young genius explained sternly and flat
"What a cute four-eyes" was SwaySways reaction
He stuffed Lisa a loaf down her throat as a friendly action
Lisa swallowed it down the bread of enormous size
And almost immediately had to pay the price.
Cause the bread was of magic and with a glow,
Her hair all off sudden began to grow.
While the genius hair was growing without hold
Buhdeuce was running through the household
He Popo-kicked a hole in the wall of joy
The piece of wall then smacked into the musical tomboy
"Dude, what gives?", Luna asked stern and not amused,
But the two just grinned like two braindead bemused.
SwaySway bowed down in style, a grin on his face,
He explained to the kids why they invaded their space
"We are here to bring you happiness and Christmas joy…"
"…by stuffing your tummies with magic bread", said the smaller duck boy
"We are doing this to every Nicktoon for two years straight…"
"…and we get rewarded with joyful tears and no hate!"
Before Luna could counter bread was stuffed in her throat
One which a snake and a scorpion stuffed good
Luna felt the hurt without pause or delay
Screamed like she suffered from bodily decay
The larger duck ignited the Christmas lights
He proved that he hadn't the brights
As he got the Christmas tree on fire
Thinking it was part of the show his joy got only higher
While Lana tried to extinguish the fire,
Lori's blood pressure and anger raised higher and higher.
She tried to get the ducks out of the house,
But they just stuffed another bread in her mouth laughing like Santa Clause.
Before she had any chance to spit it out,
She could feel her nose turning into a snout.
"
You turned me into a giant pig!"
The oldest screamed in terror big
"This is it, I am calling the police, I am serious"
Lola announced more than angry and furious
Instead she got forced down another piece of pastry
It was stank bread which made her breath nasty
One sister now looking like Miss Piggy and one rather stinky,
The third one's throat burning the last having hair like a hippie.
Lincoln Loud saw it and started to feel more and more displeased,
At the two green ducks and their bread based feast.
Speaking of feast, the Louds'was going to be ruined soon,
Cause one of the Breadwinners went downstairs like a wacky toon
While the two ducks run around they destroyed more stuff
They didn't noticed the problem it because they were rather deaf
Leni got a Dark Rye to eat which made her evil and rancid
She stole all the presents and dissolved them with acid
Luan was stuffed with Exploding Barley Bread
It exploded in her and made her hurt and sad
Okay that is enough, Lincoln thought and went after the ducks,
Right now the young boy was all out of fucks.
With Lana busy roping up an evil Leni,
He was the only one standing against the enemy.
Then Lucy scared the larger one with an off-screen teleport
"Hey you scared me!", railed the hazardous idiot
He filled her throat with a loaf of Rainbow Confetti
Which made her vomit a lot of colorful jelly
Lynn came to her aid with the needed bucket,
…the only word that now rhymes is freaking Nantucket.
Let's just ignore this poetic failure,
And just focus on the Loud House's interior.
Cause after explosions and crumbled halls,
The house was a danger zone with instable walls.
Lana was wondering how to fix that mess up,
When suddenly she too became the victim of a duck.
Only the loaf she got was rather charmless,
Turning her breath only freshly mint and harmless.
Though for Lana this was a reason to shout,
She was rather proud of her stinky mouth.
The Sports ace Lynn had really enough
She decided it was time to play tough
Lynn gave the thin one an uppercut
The fat one got a hard kick in the gut
But Buhdeuce wouldn't go down
He prepared another loaf to be thrown
He threw and hit Lynn's mouth with ease
It was a Love Loaf for Lynn to please
Ronnie Anne choose this moment to arrive
"What is going on in this crazy loud hive?"
Lynn beheld her then and her glance became love-struck
She started to kiss Ronnie then to everyone's shock
Lincoln didn't quite know what to say,
Turned to the reader and spoke out his dismay:
"Really guys, I don't know what to think,
I know for some of you this is a kink.
But for me you see, this "sexy" tongue twister…
Is between my maybe girlfriend and older sister."
While Lincoln was exclaiming his disgust,
Leni noted the absence of the ducks.
"
Where are those green monsters" Lori would ask,
When a sound could be heard from above, turning her face into a death mask.
Cause it was the sound of a baby's cry…
….
….
And now we reach the part, where the Breadwinners die!
The cry freed Leni and Lynn from the bread-farce
Leni tore the rope apart which held her in place
They all run like a unit too Lily's shared place
Ronnie stayed behind and stared into space
"Why doesn't she want to eat?", Asked Buhdeuce
While SwaySway tried to stuff the baby's face
Lily didn't want to eat and tried to crawl away
This was confusing for numb nuts like Buhdeuce and SwaySway
Like roaring Kaiju the sisters attacked
They punched and hit the ducks like mad
They Party-Punched and Popo-Kicked to fight
"Stop attacking us guys! Don't give us reason to gripe!"
"We stop when you two lie six feet under."
Promised Lucy with dark and merciless thunder
And Leni, made merciless through Dark Rye's sprout
Punched SwaySway so hard that all is teeth fell out
Buhdeuce tried to fight with his behinds "grace",
But Lisa threw acids and bases into his face.
While he was crying in pain Lynn took the chance,
And pushed him into his buddy, using a bat like a lance
The Breadwinners on the ground feeling nothing but pain,
Looked up to the Louds, hoping for their sympathy to gain.
But no mercy was seen in nine pairs of eyes,
Only the promise for those two to now pay the price.
Lincoln now calming Lily in his arm,
Knew those two were in for the harm.
They brought it over themselves with their gall
Their stupidity is lethal and not charming at all
We have to cut back from these scenes now
Because they would be brutal even for a R-Rated Show
But we will tell you what they used in their assault
On the thin and fat douchebag without any mercy and halt
They were used for experiments and listened to bad poetry,
They were beaten up and sewn together by the eldest of the family
They experienced the worst the Louds could do in the name of humanity.
Bombed by balls, with mud and pink flamboyant glitter,
They went ex when they tasted cyanide so bitter.
Finally the deed was done,
To think about it is actually kinda' fun.
This situation had something karmic
Because more rounded characters did the trick
The gifts, the furniture and the House were destroyed
The animals who got trampled by the ducks were annoyed
This Christmas started to look really bad
At least none of them was seriously hurt or dead
"So, now what?" Lynn would ask, feeling rather sore,
She was no longer in the mood for inflicting gore.
Most of the Louds still affected by the bread,
Felt at the moment god awful and sad.
"I can clean up the damage as good as I can!"
Declared Lisa to the members of her clan.
Pulling out a remote from behind her back,
She summoned a robot that would clean up the shack.
Lana and Leni rummaged through the flying van
They found a ridiculous amount of bread in the can
They found breads of a blue coloration
Could this be the bread to deliver them salvation?
Lori found a book which described all the bread-effects
"This can heal us from these bread induced events!"
The oldest oinked like a younger Miss Piggy
This made all the siblings very happy and jiggy
After the antidote loaf had them healed
Two winged beings appeared out of left field
One was female, pink hair and looked friendly
The one with the green hair came across as wacky
„Hello kids", the green haired wacko said in a squeaky voice,
Lisa loaded a laser gun with quite a chilling noise.
„I don't know who you are", she stated rather dire
„But if you were friends with the ducks, I am ready to fi-„
„Wowowowo slow down little one!"
The pink haired being said taking away the laser gun.
„We are here to thank you for doing the deed,
And get rid of those bastards by making them bleed."
The Louds were confused and on their own admission,
They gave the two beings time for exposition.
„This is Cosmo I am Wanda, we're Fairy Godparents,
We grant wishes to all of your world's adolescents.
„We are also Nick Toons and for 15 years on the run,
Even if the jokes we deliver ain't anymoreso much fun.
These two ducks you just butchered were known as Breadwinners,
Pesky little twerps and animated sinners.
They terrorized our homeworld and dozen others too,
With their stupid pastries and not getting a clue.
They ruined Christmas for our dear friend Timmy,
This is equivalent to declaring war to a fairy.
So we hunted them down through the multiverse,
Ready to make their lives so much worse.
But then my dear husband there got us lost,
We spend the last 20 hours in the world of Jack Frost.
„Come on Wanda, it was pretty fun,
Especially when I managed to fight of that evil nun."
The kids were confused but didn't bother to ask,
While Wanda continued talking about their task.
„So we hunted them and fixed up their messes,
But never got a chance to kick their asses.
So we would like to thank you in the name of all Nicktoons,
For getting rid of those greenish buffoons.
"They had it coming, they tried to hurt our baby sister"
Explained Lucy the fairies sinister
"But they destroyed our house and presents this year
I like this image but my siblings don't hold it dear"
The parents by the way where out of the house
They were at some restaurant, eating chocolate mouse
Because the two deserved some time for themselves
But seeing this would hit them out of their shoes
"I think we can gift you a wish this year
Because you kids suffered a lot here"
Explained Wanda with her usual cheer
Cosmo meanwhile tried to ride a deer
The eleven huddled together and bespoke
Luan said "This doesn't sound to me like a joke
I would have noticed that if that is the case"
"Let us wish for some beautiful Christmas days."
These words came from Lori, the dumbest and kindest
"We can wish for everyone in this world a good feast
We have the chance, we should do it"
She said with a surprising amount of wit.
"Have you decided?", Cosmo now asked
"The deer threw me off and kicked me fast"
You're doing it wrong you green haired weirdo"
Explained Lana, who couldn't believe this bimbo
She quickly managed to get the deer's trust
"You have to be friendly or it ends in a bust."
"We decided to wish not only for us"
Explained Lola without much fuss
"Everybody should have something from this wonder"
Added Lisa, not so calm but a lot more happy yonder
"Everybody in this world should have a good Christmas"
Finished the largest Lori with unselfishness
The fairies looked at each other a bit in surprise,
But they were kinda proud of the kids to being so nice
„Wish granted" they shouted lifting their wands,
Unleashing Christmas magic that knew no bonds.
As for what happened next, just take it for granted,
Christmas became marvelous for everyone on the planet.
The spirit of kindness and generosity,
Swept over the world in an awesome display.
For three days everyone seemed to realize,
What truly mattered instead of emotional lies.
Presents got exchanged, old relationships renewed,
People developed some good attitude.
The poor got fed, the sick got healed,
Wonders all around, no easy feat.
Meanwhile back in the town of Royal Wood,
The Louds found everything turned back to good.
Their tree decorated, the house back to normal,
A mistletoe hung from the ceiling rather formal.
The presents not damaged, the food on the table,
The holy walls were back to being stable.
„Have a nice Christmas" Cosmo said with a Santa beard,
Then he and his wife just disappeared.
They even got two ducks as part of the big meal
The breadwinners would taste so good it was unreal
Ronnie stayed also with them to make things clear
"I was worried about Bobby last year
He packaged himself as Lori's present without informing me
I kicked him for his stupidity against his knee."
Later then, the Louds, the Santiagos and the McBrides
Sat down on the large dinner table on all sides
"Your roast duck looks strange", noted Bobby
"It is just normal for this type of duck" hand waved Lori sloppy
Yeah you people can guess by barely using your brains,
What happened with SwaySway and Buhdeuce's remains?
No of course they were not eaten, that would be cannibalistic,
You sick f**ks have a fantasy that is rather sadistic.
They got buried outside, no one will ever know
The roast on the table was strange on its own.
While the sisters were fighting over the best piece of the meat,
Lincoln Loud was just glad for having avoided the heat.
He never suffered from the awful bread magic,
That transformed so many others in ways rather tragic.
But as we all know, pain likes company,
And especially within a family.
So when Lincoln grabbed for some bread on the table,
He realized to late what he would enable.
Cause this bread was not bought by his mother,
Nor his sisters or his dear old father.
It was from the late Breadwinnersand its effect…
Well, till Lisa found a cure on new year's eve,
The House had eleven girls much to „Linka's" disbelief
The Breadwinners are gone for good,
Thanks to eleven kids in the Neighborhood
And the moral of the story my dear kids, please carefully read:
Don't be an oblivious idiotor you end up very dead
Note: Merry Christmas everyone from us! We hope you like it.