No idea where this story came from, but it wouldn't leave me alone so I had to write it down. This is the result, takes place on their wedding night in episode 8 of season 2.
Nervous. What an understatement. 'Nervous' didn't even begin to cover how Anna was feeling. She paced and paced mindlessly around the small guest bedroom Lady Mary had provided. This was supposed to be a happy day. It was such a happy day. Maybe it hadn't been the wedding she had always dreamed of, but the end result was the same. She had his name. She was finally 'Mrs Anna Bates'. Lord, how good that sounded. Anna would never confess how many times she had tried on the name years beforehand. It was a glorious feeling to be a wife. And now she was going to ruin it all.
She had tried not to think about it during the ceremony. But her guilty past wouldn't leave her alone. Even as her wedding ring was placed on her finger, a feeling of dread and shame settled deep in Anna's stomach.
Back at Downton, Anna could hardly have refused Lady Mary's kind offer without revealing too much. She and Jane had gone to so much trouble to organise the perfect ending to a perfect day for them. They didn't know how imperfect it really was. None of them did.
She thanked Lady Mary as politely as possible but now she could avoid it no longer. John was to meet her here, where they would consummate their marriage and finally be man and wife in every sense. He would've found out sooner or later. John was no simpleton, he would have figured it out, Anna was certain.
It had happened years ago, but Anna was hardly going to forget it in a hurry. It had made her scared and weary of men for a long time afterwards. But John wasn't like that. He made her feel safe, so kind and caring is her John. She knew the real him.
Bu then she thought she knew Danny too.
Of all John's talk of him being unworthy of her love, how she should give up and find a better man. If only he knew he should find a better woman
Anna had stopped pacing and was now staring blankly into the fire. The blaze was burning with a furious heat, and yet she shivered.
Footsteps could be heard in the corridor and Anna froze. She could hardly hear the door handle being turned over the sound of her heart thudding in her ears. Anna wasn't sure whether she wanted it to be John or not.
It was, of course.
He stepped into the room, and closed the door.
xXx
It wasn't so bad. Certainly not as trying as she had feared.
Needless to say, she had survived and that was that. He was kind and gentle. Dare she say she had actually almost enjoyed herself? With Danny it had been rushed and ungraceful, but she supposed not being consensual loses the appeal.
She hadn't told. Anna wasn't sure if she would ever tell him. They didn't need that right now. She didn't want to add to all the hurt that already surrounded their fragile relationship. John could barely handle the indifference his past caused, Anna didn't like to think what he would do if he knew everything.
Once their breathing has slowed and their heart rates slowly returned to their normal speed, it was clear that John was rather fatigued. He was curled around her back, sleeping peacefully. Anna was grateful; she didn't have to look him in the eye this way. Now with only her thoughts to trouble her, Anna closed her eyes, and begged slumber to come her way too.
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