Dedicated to zxskunkmuffinxz who passed away today.
I've tried since I heard about his death, to find a way to deal. A way to find that it didn't hurt quite so bad. And it hurts, nothing can dull that but time. He was my friend, my confidante, someone who meant a whole awful lot to me. And now, he's gone. I did the only thing I could do to try to hold on to him forever and to hold on to my fragile state of being so that I didn't lose it entirely. Because it's so hard to be okay again after you lose it. And I want to be okay-for him.
Inspired by "Safe and Sound" by Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars
But the words are easy and soothing, promising tomorrow will be more hopeful than this awful piece of time we call today.
The Hunger Game, Pg 234
This can't be happening. This can't be happening. My hand goes to the screen, but it does no good—it has none of your warmth. It's not you. It's not the boy who stayed up late talking to me. It's not the boy I knew, not the boy I'd come to love. It's not the boy that is my friend.
They pulled your name from the reaping, and you went to the games. You asked me to hold on to who you are, really truly are no matter what happened. And I promised that I'd never let you go. I'd never forget how you were in this moment, not as long as I lived. I remember you asked me not to go as they pulled my arms from around your neck. You wanted me to stay with you—but the peacekeepers aren't gentle. They aren't kind, and I earned the bruises they gave me in an effort to get back to you—to get back to the boy I knew. You can't be leaving me. You can't, my heart cried it over and over again. But you were gone.
I have watched you all these days, barely sleeping—hoping, daring, dreaming that you'd come home. I wanted you to come back to me. There were so many things left to say, so many things left for us to talk about. How I longed to hear your voice one more time, but as the fire raged in the tall grass were you had hidden—I knew they were driving you out. There in the flames, I watched as you and Cato had it out.
He was faster, he was covered in thick metal. And I struggled, I cried. I held on when there was something telling me this was over. I watched as you slipped and slid in the mud. I watched as Cato got you in the end and something broke within me. My hand reaching out, trying to touch you through the cold impersonal screen. But you were too far away, struggling too hard to hold on. I don't want you to suffer anymore. I don't want you to fight so hard to come back here, to come back to me if you're in pain. Please, I beg as the tears fall down my face. Just close your eyes. Cato can't hurt you anymore, no one can. You're safe. No one can hurt you, Thresh. You're safe.
Just let go. You don't' have to fight anymore. The tears fall so thickly, I can barely see you as Cato leaves you there. The screen is on your face, and the heavens pour forth more rain like even it can't keep it's tears in. The sun goes down on this gloomy day as you close your eyes, as you breathe out.
Another good thing has left this world. The boy who stayed up and talked with me, the boy who was so fiercely protective of those he cared for. And the only consolation I can take is that, no one can hurt you now.