Summary: Two days after his fight with Himura which broke him Soujiro is about to embark on his journey of finding his own truth.

A/N: Hello people while this isn't my first fic im still relatively new at writing. Just recently watched RKagain and i couldn't help but dothis.Soujiro is my favourite character out of the whole show. while its an old plot hopefully im approaching a new angle i havent worked out the story yet. just that reading quite a number of soujiro fiction its seems to me that people tend to turn him into a kenshin no2 with both of them having the same ideals at the end of the fic. i havent settled for a particular truth for soujiro therefore while writing this fic i intend to inquire into what would be the truth for soujiro as he travels and meets up with different people. anyway enough rambling hope you enjoy it.

disclaimer: i dont own rurounin kenshin.

Chapter 1

Sounds of soft steps laced the winds in this quiet night. A light crunch was heard as the person walking made his way to the riverbank. Slowly moving to the water's edge he squats reaching in the water scooping some and splashing it on his face. As the ripples in the water calms he looked at the image reflected in the mirror. The silly grin is still on his face. However it's a little different. Rather than the usual wide tightlipped smile plastered on his face, this one looks a little twisted, crooked in that sense.

Soujiro closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

"Things sure have been twisted around," Soujiro said aloud to himself.

Suddenly shaking of leaves coming from a bush could be heard from behind him. Soujiro jumped slightly and immediately turning around simultaneously unsheathing his wakizashi only to find a squirrel scurrying out from under the bushes. He dropped his guard lightly letting the tension in his shoulders slack.

Since when have I been so jumpy? I don't remember being this way even when I was assassinating someone.

Images of him screaming like a lunatic during his fight with Himura entered his mind. His hand holding his wakizashi shook and he dropped to one knee. Pointing his wakizashi down he stuck it into the ground leaning on it for support. A dull throbbing ache formed in his head. His free hand gently ruffled his hair rubbing his scalp unconsciously trying to ease the aching in vain. It's been only two days since his fight with Himura. Thoughts of the fight and any memories of that incident now makes him weak at his knees and brings pain to his head.

Then he felt it, something long lost and forgotten ever since he entered Shishio's service. Fear. It wasn't overwhelming but its there, like a slight churning letting you know of its presence. He just stared blankly at the sand on the ground unsure of what to make of the resurfacing of another old emotion.

When was the last time I felt fear? Even if it is just a little bit.

The answer to the question came as a flood of images, of memories long suppressed. Memories that broke through during his fight with Himura. Memories that broke him there and then.

Somebody help me! HELP ME!

Running. Running hard. Crying. Crying hard. Got to get away. They are going to kill me. I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

Survival of the fittest. The strong live and the weak die.

A wakizashi. The wakizashi. My hand is holding onto the wakizashi. My hand is swinging the wakizashi. Red. There is so much red. Everything is red. Why is it red? WHY?

You have to find an answer for yourself.

Himura. Himura is looking back at me. A smile. A sad and compassionate smile. Searching. Finding? Can I? Will I?

REWIND….STOP….PLAY

Somebody help me! HELP ME!

Running. Running hard. Crying. Crying hard. Got to get away. They are going to kill me. I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

Survival of the fittest. The strong live and the weak die.

A wakizashi. The wakizashi. My hand is holding onto the wakizashi. My hand is swinging the wakizashi. Red. There is so much red. Everything is red. Why is it red? WHY?

You have to find an answer for yourself.

Himura. Himura is looking back at me. A smile. A sad and compassionate smile. Searching. Finding? Can I? Will I?

REWIND….STOP….PLAY

Somebody help me! HELP ME!

Running. Running hard. Crying. Crying hard. Got to get away. They are going to kill me. I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

Survival of the fittest. The strong live and the weak die.

A wakizashi. The wakizashi. My hand is holding onto the wakizashi. My hand is swinging the wakizashi. Red. There is so much red. Everything is red. Why is it red? WHY?

You have to find an answer for yourself.

Himura. Himura is looking back at me. A smile. A sad and compassionate smile. Searching. Finding? Can I? Will I?

REWIND….STOP….PAIN

Pain. Immeasurable pain attacked his head as the memories kept looping and reeling in his mind.

"AAAHHH!" Soujiro screamed at the top of his voice.

He gripped the hilt of his wakizashi hard trying to stop the violent trembling. Both knees are now on the ground. Letting go of his wakizashi he hunched over both hands clutching his head instinctively trying to relieve him of the pain that relentlessly assaults him. He curled further into a fetal position rolling around before releasing one final scream. That was all the poor young man could take. The darkness of the night and his mind claimed him.

Soujiro's vision was a blur. He could vaguely make out the riverbank and the surrounding vegetation. He blinked, trying to clear his vision. At the same time he tried to sit up. His head still has a dull ache from the assault of memories. Lightly gripping his forehead, he let out a small groan.

"Ugh, how long have I been out?" he wondered out loud. As his vision cleared up he could see that it was still dark.

"About 4 hours now," said someone softly. Soujiro immediately turned to the direction of the voice reaching for his wakizashi only to find it missing from its usual place at his hip.

"Ara?"

Soujiro in his dazed state didn't notice that he had company. There was a girl seated with her back on a tree looking at him. There was even a small fire set up separating the both of them. Most importantly his wakizashi was leaning on her shoulder away from him. Obviously she was trying to keep it away from him. He frowned slightly thinking of making a move. Before he could do anything, girl tilts her head to the side in an observing manner. Emerald eyes with flecks of amber from the fire looked intently at him.

"What happened to your smile?"