Disclaimer: I don't own Cabin Pressure or any of the characters.
The ghost of you
"I know it's been a long time since I last saw you and I know that I should try and forget about you, but there are so many things I need to tell you or else I might just explode. Things have been... bad lately and I just don't know what to do anymore. Usually flying makes me forget about everything and makes me feel like maybe things aren't as bad as I think they are, but I just... It doesn't work. Flying means nothing to me anymore. I work at MJN until the end of this month and then after that I have no idea what I'll do. Maybe I'll just take my last money and leave. This place is just filled woth too many memories and I can't handle it anymore. It's killing me." Martin took a deep breath and tried to blink away the tears that where threatening to fall as he waited for her to speak even though he knew she wouldn't. She never did. And even though he was used to being ignored it hurt.
"Theresa, please don't do this to me. I need you to tell me that I won't always feel like this, that things will get better. I need you to hold me and kiss me and tell me how much you love me. I need you." He closed his eyes and just let the tears fall. He had been holding everything inside for too long and he couldn't do it anymore. He needed to just let it all out.
"Why are you doing this to me?" He asked her as he looked at her again. "Why do you just keep ignoring me every time I come here? You told me that I could always trust you. You told me that no matter what you'd always be here for me. Was that just a lie? Was our whole relationship just a lie? Don't... don't answer that. I don't want to know." He sat down on the ground and wrapped his arms around himself, but was careful to not stop watching her, scared that she would just walk away if he did. It had happened before.
For a long time he just sat there watching her with tears streaming down his face. Why did she just stand there? Why didn't she even try to console him? Why did she just stand there and look at him? She wasn't even moving. It didn't even look like she was breathing. "Well, it was fun talking to you, but I... I need to leave. I'm late to work and the last thing I need is for Carolyn to yell at me." Martin stood up and wiped away his tears. To his dissapointed me she wasn't there anymore after that.
"I'm sorry I bothered you." He whispered before bending forward and kissing the gravestone that had her name on it. He knew he should tell something about all this, about how he felt, that he sometimes could see her even though she had been dead for months. But he was scared. Scared that no one would believe him, scared that they would send him away and let people in white coats pump him full of all kinds of pills that would surely make him feel like he wasn't himself anymore.
"Goodbye, Theresa." Those where the last words he spoke before walking away. But he weren't heading to work even though he was late. He wouldn't go back there anymore. He had lied to Theresa. He wouldn't go anywhere after tonight. All he was going to do was walk home, get drunk and then make sure he could join her in heaven. He had been planning it for weeks and now was the perfect time to do it.