My cell rings and I don't think twice before answering it in front of everyone.
"McGarrett."
But as I hear what the voice has to say on the other end, I excuse myself to my office trying to ignore the inquirying looks that I getting from my team. Once in, I shut my door and keep my back to it. The voice goes on once I'm alone and I feel my heart drop. What they're saying can't be possible can it. They're talking about someone I trust, someone I would lay down my life for and what they saying isn't possible, it can't be. Once the call ends I know what I have to do. I turn and look at my team, they're laughing and joking about god knows what. I know then and there that I can't include them in this, that I can't let them now about what I'm to do until I'm gone.
I hear Danny laugh at something Chin said and I just stare at him. He's so beautiful when he smiles, his whole face light up and his eyes sparkle. I can't believe that I get to spend the rest of my life with him. Which, sadly, maybe shorter than either of us expected. Taking a deep breath I place my phone in my pocket, run my fingers through my hair, smooth out my clothes and plaster a smile on my face as I rejoin my team.
"So whats so funny people?" I comment coming up behind Danny, throwing my arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. Taking in the warmth of his body.
"Chin just told the worse joke ever." Kono said, rolling her eyes.
"Hey you both laughed." Chin pointed out crossing his arms.
"So uh who was the phone call from?" Danny asks me, wrapping his arms losely round my waist.
"Oh it was Joe. He was just telling me what he's been up to." I hate lying to any of them, Danny especially but I know this has to be done.
"Oh right then. Was it about your secret squirrel stuff? Is that why you went in your office?" Danny asks with a straight face.
I look down at him with a smirk. "Secret squirrel stuff huh?" He's eyes are shining as he tries not to laugh. "Well kinda. He wanted to know about some stuff."
"What stuff?" The three of them chorus and I look at the three of them with wide eyes.
"You three have spent way too much time together." I laugh. "I can't tell you, it's classified." At that they all let out a groan and roll their eyes.
"It always is huh boss." Chin grins.
"Sorry guys." I shrug trying to be nonhalant.
"Right, if we done for the day, I'm off. Malia's cooking my favourite tonight..."
"Uh leave it there Cuz please. I don't need to know the rest." Kono laughs interuppting. "Is ok if I go too boss? I've got a date." She admits grining.
"And with who would this be?" Chin asks going into overprotective mode.
"Don't worry Dad, he's a gentleman." Kono giggled.
"Go have fun guys." I wave them both off and I'm left alone with Danny. I pull him close and run my fingers through his soft blonde locks and I am struck once again with the need to tell him but I hold my tongue. Instead I place a kiss on his head and say "Lets go home."
I sit on the edge of the bed and just stare at him as he sleeps. He's beautiful like this, the stress and tension of the day disappears and he looks so much younger. I reach out to touch him but I stop myself. I don't want to wake him up, I get up, collect my clothes and creep out the bedroom to the bathroom. I shower quickly, dress in the bathroom and creep downstairs. I go to the cupboard by the stairs and pull my go bag out, I place it by the door and look back up the stairs trying to swallow down the guilt I feel. I move into the kitchen where I look at the reminants of our dinner lay and the memories of the night come back to me. We order a takeaway from Danny's favourite place and then I took him upstairs, pushing him down on the bed, telling him how much I love him over and over again as we made love. It was amazing, I've never felt such a connection with anyone before like I do with Danny and now Im risking it all.
I walk into the study and take out a pen and paper. I sit down and start to write a letter, I get as far as Dear Danny and I just stop. What the hell do I say. 'Sorry for leaving you without explaining. Please forgive me.' I take a deep breath and place my head in my hands to stop myself from screaming. This is insane, I can't really be seriously thinking of leaving him can I. My phone vibrates with a message and I know I have too. I will come back to my love and my ohana but now I have to do what I have to do. I raise my eyes up to the ceiling and think of Danny. I hope to god my beautiful boy can forgive me. I look back down to the paper and begin to write, pouring my feelings into the words. Once its done I place it into an evelope, seal it and write his name on the front. I creep back up the stairs, using my ninja skills as Danno calls them and carefully move into our bedroom. He's still sleeping peacefully. I slowly and caustiously make my way to the bed and place the envelope on top of my pillow. I move round to his side and just stare at him. I lean down by his ear and whisper please forgive me, place a kiss on his forehead, forcing the tears not to fall from my eyes. I stand back up and move towards the door. I walk on to the landing and slowly pull the to a close, before I close it fully I take one final look back towards the bed and draw a shakey breath as I pull the door fully closed. I walk downstairs and grab my things. Opening the front door I walk out. Before I close the door I take one last look up the stairs.
"Goodbye Danno." I whisper. Then make my way to the truck.