You.

(left)

Me.

Me.

(and my obscene obsession with)

You.

.Axel.

I didn't love you, Roxas.

Because to love something, you need to have a heart. Demyx says we have them and Zex says we never have; I think maybe we had them once, but the truth is that we don't anymore. You taught me that, Roxas. When you took my hand and put it on your chest and asked me if I heard your heartbeat. I laughed a little too loudly, told you to stop thinking so much, and then I fucked you. It wasn't any different from the way I'd given it to you any other day...except I was bothered.

So we don't have feelings and I didn't love you and when you left I didn't curl up on your bed and try to make myself cry. I didn't walk around half dead for the worst month of my fucking nothing existence trying to remember how to be the badass I used to be before you came around. Nope. None of that happened, Roxy, when you decided you didn't need me.

I loved you, Roxas.

I heard every single scrape of your shoes on the pavement. And your cold voice.

The way you said it like it was my fault. I heard you, Roxy, did you hear me? I think you heard me. Did you get it memorized, Roxas? You didn't care about me. Fire's never burned me, but you - the coldest thing I've ever fucking laid eyes on - you burned me. You left me. I wish I knew how it was possible. To break a heart that doesn't exist.

I still love you, Roxas.

I wandered around a town that's as close to nothing as we are, waiting to see you, to make you come back to me. I was going to make you, Roxas, I was. But you were already someone else, and it burned worse the second time around; you wanted to fight, I wanted to scream, and we both got what we wanted that day.

So let me tell you the truth, Roxas.

I'm going to die for you. Sora's in between his world and ours and I'm going to step in and save the fucking day, just because I know you're in there somewhere. We always had problems saying it - neither of us were very good with words - but I think you should understand by now that I love you, because I'm giving up my not-life for someone who isn't even you, just someone who has you in him. You got that memorized? I'm doing this for you, because I love you and when I was with you I didn't need to have something as stupid as a pulse.

Let's meet again in the next life, Roxas. I know you'll be waiting.

I'll still love you then, Roxas.

'K, so. My first Kingdom Hearts fic. ;P I'm not sure if I got Axel right or not. Review? Favorite? PM? Constructive criticism is appreciated.