I WANT TO SAY I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS. BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE.
Over a couple of weeks I watched a fuckton of HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother) and I think this started out as some weird Barney/Ted fanfic but homestuck'd. Shit, now that's all your thinking, isn't it? Ha. But seriously, I have no fucking clue what I have done here. Pay no mind, thank you. Move along, nothing to see here...
You order another drink. Your wallet's getting significantly lighter, but you don't really care.
God, you hate her.
Hell, you love her.
You sigh. Vriska fucking Serket. This is the third time she's decided she 'doesn't need you'. You expect her to be back all over you within the next week or two - that's like, her life cycle.
Get drunk, call John, hook up, completely ignore him but insist he's perfect for you, get into an argument with him, break up but do everything you can to make him feel guilty. Repeat after a couple weeks.
You really shouldn't keep going out with her, but seeing her sad and lonely isn't something you want.
"Eyy-yo, sad is not an option, Johnny-o!"
You groan. Dave. He's that weird sorta guy who's obsessed with women, but like a big kid. He's always inviting you to laser tag and doing stupid things and making inane games out of setting you up. You swear, if he says the words "Have you met John?" one more time you're abandoning him.
"C'mon, we're going."
"No, no, no. I do not want to do whatever screwed up thing you're dragging me off to now."
He pauses. "Vriska again, huh?"
"Soulsucker's dumped me for the third time."
"She sucks the fun outta you, too. Why do you keep at that chick?"
His voice warbles a bit. Apparently he's had a few drinks already. You don't bother answering. He wouldn't understand.
"You know what?" He continues, leaning over. "C'mon - you're coming with me."
You sigh. He won't stop until he gets his way - just like a kid. "Fine."
He pulls out a packet of something suspicious-looking that glitters and empties it into your drink. "Take that. It'll help, promise."
You notice he hasn't touched the drink in his hand, and give him a look.
"Don't worry, it's technically legal. And you shouldn't have any memory of tonight." He grins, and you see him wink behind his ever-present aviators.
"Dave, I don't-"
He cuts you off with a finger to your lips. "Sh-h-h. Just drink it. You'll thank me."
You swat his hand away. "You've said this numerous times."
"And you have never thanked me. But that's okay - I always know you do."
You look down at your drink. "Is it-"
"Drink it."
Well, he's certainly gotten you into worse.
"Three, two, one…"
You both down your drug-laced drinks at the same time.
Nothing happens for several moments.
Then you're hit with the most epilepsy-inducing, seizure-like, rippling and pulsating weirdness of a drug high you have ever had.