A/N - This is my first Twilight fic that I've published. I'm pretty nervous and don't know how happy I am with this. haha. It's completely unbetaed, so there's probably a million errors. haha. If anyone's interested in being my beta, just tell me in a review or whatever. I'm not one of those people that beg for reviews, but they're appreciated. I'd just like to see your opinion. Just please don't be rude. I can take criticism, but I hate rude people. haha :D
If there's one thing I've learned plenty about in the 30 years of my existence, it's love and secrecy
If there's one thing I've learned plenty about in the 30 years of my existence, it's love and secrecy. Okay, so technically, that's 2 things. But I believe they go hand in hand. When you love someone, you feel the need to protect them. And sometimes you must lie.
I ran a brush through my soft golden locks. Naturally, there were no tangles or knots. I kept my hair and body in the best condition possible so trivial human things like that would not hinder me. I gazed at my reflection in the mirror. My skin was unnaturally smooth and pale. Not a wrinkle in sight. There would never be a wrinkle on my face. Or anywhere else on my body. No frown lines, no laugh lines, no lines on my forehead, no stretch marks. There would never be an imperfection on my body.
There was a soft knock on the door and I rolled my eyes as I laid my brush down. I knew my "family" well enough by now to know that Edward was the only one stupid enough to bother me while in here. Emmett learned about my temper within a month of living here. Esme kept to herself most of the time, and Carlisle rarely got involved in our problems.
"What, Edward?" I hissed, furious. Would he ever learn? Honestly. That man was as thick-headed and stubborn as a damn mule.
"You can't hide in there forever, you know."
Watch me, I thought, knowing he was reading my mind. I jumped as his fist slammed against the door. I should've known. He never let me hide away for very long. He always dragged me out of isolation before too long. He did not take pity on me. He never had. The door swung open and there he was, leaning casually against the doorframe, one arm resting against the frame above his head, the other placed on his hip.
"Asshole.", I whispered, feeling a sudden wave of sadness wash over me. I knew that, if my tear ducts still worked, my eyes would be swimming with tears.
"I know. Bitch." he replied coolly. His brows were slightly raised and there was a mix of indifference and irritation written all over his face.
"What do you want? Did you just come in here to gloat?"
"Actually, no. I came to talk to you about Emmett." He said, standing up straight. I sighed lightly. I loved Emmett dearly. That's why I rescued him. But no matter how much I loved him, I couldn't tell him. He couldn't know about my past. He would just give me looks of pity and disgust, like everyone else. It's better if he doesn't know. Edward, fucking interfering bastard, doesn't agree.
"I'm not telling him, so you can just give up trying to convince me." I growled, glaring at the man who's been a thorn in my side since before I was a vampire.
"He loves you. Why, I'll never understand. But he does. He'll understand. He's not going to hate you. And I don't deny that I give you looks. But they are not because of what happened to you. I killed people like him for years. It's because you're so vain, not because you're tainted."
"Stop it!" I yelled, tired of him prying into my head and seeing things he shouldn't.
"If you weren't so damn blatant about it! You think I want to know what you're thinking? But he's my brother! And I won't sit back and watch you hurt him!" he bellowed.
"I'm not hurting him, I'm protecting him!"
"Let him help you." Edward whispered.
"I don't need help!" We were standing inches apart from each other now, yelling in each other's face. Thank whatever God was out there that Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle were out hunting. I pushed past Edward, tired of him being in my face and I ran down the stairs. I heard him yell something when I opened the front door, but I was too concerned with leaving to concentrate on what he was saying. I ran out to the woods surrounding our house.
I had come to terms with what had happened a little over 20 years ago, the night I was changed. It still bothered me, of course. But the pricks were dead. I got my revenge. But it was beginning to get in the way of my relationship with Emmett. He had asked me about my past one day, and I had lied, saying I didn't remember much. It was a total lie and he knew it. He was always able to see right through me. He confronted me a few weeks ago and told me he knew I wasn't ready, but that he would be here when I was ready to talk.
I laughed without humor. I'd never be ready. But it was pushing us apart. I had to do something soon. Edward was right, but I wasn't about to admit that to him. If only Emmett knew the truth. If only he knew about his precious, perfect, innocent Rosalie and how she was tainted, ruined, damaged goods. I see how he looks at me now – with complete adoration. He admires and respects me. If only he knew.
I stopped running to realize I had reached a clearing. I had been here so many times in the past year we've lived here. I knew this place like the back of my hand. I knew that a mile north there was a lake Emmett and I swam in a lot. I knew that if I went far enough to the east, I'd eventually hit a highway. And I knew to the left of the clearing there was a cliff. The same cliff Esme jumped off so many years ago. I fell to the floor and began to sob. My body shook and I desperately wished I was able to shed tears, but I knew it was an impossible wish.
Eventually I stopped crying and I just laid there, my cheek resting against the mossy ground and I stared at the green foliage surrounding me. I heard footsteps approaching, & I instinctively knew it was Emmett, just by the sound. I felt myself being picked up off the ground and I clung to his shirt desperately when I was cradled in his arms. He didn't say anything – he didn't have to. It was then, that I realized the extent of his love for me. He cared for me so much and he made it clear that there was nothing I could do to change how he felt. After a few minutes I let go of his shirt and motioned for him to let me down.
"Let's go home." I mumbled hoarsely and I took off, knowing he was right behind me. We walked inside and I saw Edward sitting at his piano, writing music. I grabbed Emmett's hand when I saw Edward's smug expression. He winked at me and I led Emmett upstairs, to my room. It was time to talk. I didn't know what his reaction would be. I didn't know if he'd be angry or repulsed or horrified. I did know that he would always be here for me. I knew his love was unconditional. And I knew I was tired of keeping secrets.