Heart
Chapter One:
"Bittersweet Symphony"
...
AN:
So, I've just rewatched Bittersweet Symphony p. 1&2, and all I wanna do is cry. This storyline is so heartbreaking. Knowing that Cam felt like that and no one was able to help him, that he didn't 'make it through'.. it hurts. But, I suppose the Degrassi writers were wanting to do a suicide storyline and Cam just had to be the victim. Dylan Everett was the perfect person to portray him – amazing actor, amazing storyline, amazing fit. It's gonna suck not seeing him on the show anymore, as well as no more Camaya. I was really hoping that he would just attempt it, that Mr. Simpson would say that he didn't succeed and that he was still there – he just wouldn't be around for a while. I wanted to watch him recover, I wanted to see the long-term effect on Cam himself – support groups, stray depressing thoughts, guilt, learning to really live again, how he would act around Maya and Dallas and everyone he would have (and now, actually has) left behind. I wanted to see him finally be happy. And this is the result.
It starts from the end of BSS p.1, and moves on from then. I'd just like to warn you all that I'm not the best writer ever, and updates are gonna be random. I wish someone else would take on something like this, someone who could carry on the Cam/Camaya legacy in a better way. But, for now, I'm gonna be writing this to the best of my ability, and I really hope it's enough.
Also, I know. Isn't the title so original?
…..
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next,
I can't change my mold,
No, no, no, no, no...
Bitter Sweet Symphony –
The Verve
….
Campbell Saunders sat on the steps in front of Degrassi, waiting for his beloved girlfriend, Maya Matlin, to meet him. Maya was his guiding light, his sunshine, the one thing that really seemed to be going right for him since he left home. He was so happy that she still wanted to be with him, notably after what he had done during the ball hockey game. He did not know what came over him – the only thing he could think of was Maya and the fact of that jerk Zig wanting her all to himself. That wasn't cool. You just didn't do that, try to steal something from someone, especially something that they held so dear to their heart. Campbell could not help but be a little smug when he saw the object of his loathing coming towards the very spot where he sat, taking note of the large bruise right by his eye.
"Ooh, nasty shiner there," he stated, not even looking up at the other boy for too long. "Hope it didn't hurt too bad."
Zig stared Campbell down, knowing full well that his words held no truth. Campbell was proud of what he had done – he was only acting like some sort of misguided hero so Maya wouldn't leave him.
"I also hope that it didn't hurt too bad that you lost the girl," Cam remarked, almost laughing. Zig had tried to steal his happiness away from him, but it did not work. Maya was, and hopefully always would be, his.
Zig was surprised. "Maya forgave you?" He could not believe his ears. Knowing that this psycho – someone who had purposefully hurt him in front of a large crowd just out of jealousy – had earned Maya's forgiveness burned him to his core. Zig didn't know when he started liking his blonde friend, but he did know that his heart sunk a little more each and every time he saw her with the loser sat in front of him. "Doesn't matter. It won't last," he scoffed. "You know, you can't keep up this act for long."
"What act?" Cam's heart nearly dropped a little at those words.
Zig didn't skip a beat. "Eventually, Maya's gonna see what I see."
Even though Cam was not sure he wanted to hear the answer, he still asked, "Oh, yeah, and what's that?" And if his heart did not stop before, it certainly would with Zig's next few words.
"You're a psycho." Zig turned to finally walk away. Just before he entered the school, he added: "It just sucks that Maya's gonna have to deal with it. If you really cared about her, at all, then you'd get out of her life now. Forever." And then he was gone, leaving a very heartbroken Campbell behind.
Campbell stared forward, eyes filling up with tears. Zig was right. He was a mess, a crazy psycho. He would be doing everyone a favor if he just went ahead and offed himself. Maybe Maya could find someone stable, someone who could really support her. Someone who wasn't completely hopeless.
"Campbell," someone snapped their fingers beside his ear, effectively grabbing his attention. He turned to see Alli sitting beside him, staring at him in concern. He silently wondered how long she had been sitting there, hoping she didn't hear Zig's words. He really didn't want his own tutor to know just how much of a lost cause he was proving to be. "I've been calling your name for a few minutes now. Are you alright?"
Cam brushed his fingers under his eyes, praying she hadn't seen any stray tears. Dallas had said that crying in public was embarrassing. He just couldn't seem to do anything right, could he? "Yeah, fine. J-just tired, I guess."
Alli quirked an eyebrow at him, not sure of what to believe. His outburst yesterday had really worried her – he seemed to be crying a lot nowadays, as well. She made a mental note to have a long talk with Dallas later, to see if he had anything to do with Cam's current behavior. "Are you sure? I really want to believe that you are okay, Cam, but I can't help but worry about you. And aren't you suspended? What are you doing hanging around the school? You could get yourself into trouble."
"Yeah," Cam nodded, taking a deep breath. "I was actually just about to leave. Don't worry."
"Okay," Alli smiled at him, staring right into his eyes. "Remember, I'm here, Campbell, if you want to talk. I know you may think of me as just a tutor, but I'd really like to be your friend. You seem like a pretty great kid."
Campbell looked away shyly at her words. He really did need a friend right now. Someone to just talk things over with. But, he wasn't going to admit it. He would not be a burden for anyone, not anymore. "Alright. Thank you, Alli. For everything."
Alli watched as Campbell walked away. She really did hope that the boy could get himself together.
…..
Campbell wandered around the school grounds for a while, pondering over his life up to this point. Back home in Kapuskasing, he had struggled with a minimal amount of anxiety, but it had never escalated to the level he was at now. He knew people there, way better than he did here at Degrassi. And, then, when he had any bad days, at least his real mom would be there. Now, all he got was this stranger, a billet mom. Yes, she was nice, but she didn't understand. Nobody would ever understand.
There was just so much pressure surrounding Cam. He was on the hockey team – the 'star player', as Dallas would say. He had no real friends. He was losing his girlfriend. Everyone who really cared about him was back home, encouraging him to stay away. What did he have left? Emptiness. An overwhelming sense of being completely and utterly alone. The pain and sorrow and guilt that ladened his heart, always.
"Stop being so selfish. The whole team is counting on you, Cam! You!" He really was selfish, wasn't he? He heard Dallas' words echo in his head; they wouldn't stop. It was true. He started to put his own happiness above the team for once. He may have ruined their only chances. He just wished the team didn't need him as much as it appeared they did. He wasn't going to be around forever.
"Just jealous? You went crazy." "Get your head on, man." He didn't know what hurt worse – hearing Maya call him out on what he really was, knowing that Dallas thought of him as just a screw up, or having their voices constantly ringing in his head. They only succeeded in making him feel even more sorry for himself. Everything was falling to pieces all around him, and it felt like there was nothing he could do to even try and fix it.
"Everybody has bad days." All Campbell could think when he heard these words come out of Alli's mouth was that she wasn't really hearing him. All of his days were bad – that was no exaggeration. He always messed everything up, he always disappointed everyone. This wasn't like everyone else. Everyone else wasn't scrambled in the head like he was. Everyone else wasn't.. a psycho.
"You're a psycho." No matter how much Cam wanted to take this as a jealous side comment, he just couldn't. If Zig, someone who barely knew him, could point him out on his biggest flaw with so much ease, then it had to be pretty apparent to everyone else. Zig wouldn't even have to say a word to Maya – she probably already knew. What if they talked about him behind his back? What if they all talked about him behind his back? Everyone here at Degrassi, everyone back in Kapuskasing..? Did they all think he was so.. incompetent? So worthless? Did they all mock him when he wasn't around – laugh at his fail of a life?
Campbell really started to lose it once he passed the greenhouse. Everyone was moving all around him, talking as if it was just another day – which, in reality, it was. But in Cam's sad little scrambled world, this day could be the very last. He just wanted to go somewhere quiet, somewhere peaceful. Somewhere that reminded him of home.
He stopped in his tracks. His mother had been a part of a gardening club when he was younger. He could remember all those times where she would bring in some new type of flower she had learned about earlier that week, chattering on about how it was special, how it was unique. Now that he thought about it, his mother had always found an unimaginable beauty and reason behind everything that held any sort of abnormality. Maybe that's why she loved him so much.
Campbell shook his head, turning around and pacing back and forth a few times. He just wished he could be with her right now. With her, and his siblings. He wanted to feel whole again, like he was a part of something good – a family. He wished he never even left home in the first place, let alone coming back after the short week he had actually gotten for break.
Campbell's eyes shot to the side. There it was again – that stupid greenhouse. At the moment, it just seemed to be calling out to him. He walked toward the building, feeling more emotionally drained with every step. As soon as he set foot inside, he threw his bag down on the ground, sliding down a vacant wall. His gaze was steady, catching the many plants and tools cluttered in the somewhat small space, before falling back on his bag thrown on the floor, contents scattered about. His eyebrows furrowed in sadness as he saw Maya's little owl, Hoot.
He thought about how Maya had told him just last night that Hoot was there for when she felt lonely. It was something she had gotten from her family to keep her safe when nothing else could. Campbell picked up the small owl, giving it a watery almost-smile. Maya had a really great support system behind her. Her parents sounded like pretty good people, from the few times Maya had actually talked about them. Katie was the protective older sister, always looking out for her when she needed it. He remembered when he and Maya had first started to really get close and how Katie had been there, telling Maya to watch out for herself. He sort of wished he had someone like that with him here at Degrassi, always keeping him in check.
Campbell leaned back and set Hoot down by his bag. He ran his hands over his face, rubbed his eyes, and took a shuddering breath. How had his life come to this? How had everything gone so rotten? What happened to happiness? Innocence? Desire? What happened to life? Why was it suddenly so difficult? When did he start wishing that, maybe one day, everything would disappear? When did he start wanting to go to sleep.. forever? Where did he go wrong?
The light from outside seeped into the greenhouse, surrounding his body like a halo. Cam would have chuckled darkly at the irony – because, really, he wasn't a saint, couldn't be with the low thoughts he'd been having as of late – but the illumination only further opened up his eyes to the solutions that were literally right in front of him. He peered down at the glimmering object peeking out of his bag. He had forgotten that he still had his skates from practice earlier that morning.
He remembered back to that time after Dallas and the other guys pushed him so hard after he missed out on a practice. He had pretended to be sick so he could hang out with Maya and her friends. When Dallas found out about it, he was furious. Cam remembered how, after they made him spend so much time on the ice alone, Dallas had come to talk to him, saying that the hockey team was all he had. They were all that he was allowed to have while at Degrassi. Hockey was his life – he couldn't afford mess that up. But, it seemed he had done just that. Earlier this morning, after he hit Zig, Dallas told him that their coach was mad, he had almost ruined everything for everyone. Now, he was feeling the same way as he did after that stupid solo practice – like nothing really even mattered anymore.
Campbell bent forward, running a finger over the blade of his skate. He then picked it up, examining it. After that dreaded practice, he had accidentally sliced his palm open with the same blade. At first he hadn't even noticed – it didn't hurt, which terrified him. Cuts were supposed to hurt. Skin being torn apart was supposed to hurt. But.. it didn't. Actually, once he had noticed his injury, in some weird way, it had calmed him down. He couldn't help but wonder if it would calm him down again if he were to do it on purpose.
Campbell sighed, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes, placing the skate back into his lap. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't. But, his life was so damaged – he was damaged.. And Zig had said if he really cared for Maya, then he should get away from her. He didn't really wanna do that – he wanted to spend all the time in the world with Maya. She was amazing. It was just that he wasn't. He had to agree that he wasn't what she needed in a boyfriend, or even a friend. She would be so much better off without him – so much happier. Besides, if he did go through with what he was thinking of doing, there was no way they'd make him play hockey anymore.
He picked up the skate once more, hesitantly placing it over his arm. If he did this, maybe he could go home. He would be free. Finally.
…..
Dallas was scoping out the hallway for Alli. She didn't answer any more of his calls from the previous night and he wanted to explain to her that he wasn't the bad guy in this whole Cam situation. He was just looking out for his future. If this hockey thing didn't work out for him, he wouldn't know what to do with himself. It was all he had.
He finally spotted the girl of his interest sitting near a window at the end of the hall, reading. He walked towards her, hoping with every ounce of his being that this meeting would be nothing less than pleasant. When he was a little more than five feet away from her, he stopped, clearing his throat. He saw Alli roll her eyes when she looked up at him.
"What do you want?" she asked, turning towards him.
Dallas paused for a moment, sighing. "Look, I know you're still mad at me. But I need you to understand something."
Alli glared at him, brown doe eyes almost penetrating right through him. "I'm waiting."
Dallas paused , mentally debating whether or not he should sit beside her or continue standing. Choosing the latter, he took a breath before continuing. "Hockey is the only good thing I've ever had going for me. Ever since I was a little kid, I've wanted to be in the NHL. Campbell is currently the only thing keeping our team together. He's the only reason we've gotten as far as we have. We need him on the team to win."
"Well, congrats. With the way you yelled at him yesterday, I really doubt he'd ever want to be in the same room as any of you hockey jerks ever again," Alli quipped, crossing her arms.
Dallas ignored her. "Yesterday, when Campbell punched that kid, Coach was pissed. And even though Cam was the one who got suspended, I'm the one who had to face him. I'm the one who took the harder fall," Dallas chuckled humorlessly. "That's the downside of being the captain – everyone's looking at you when things go south."
Alli watched as Dallas sat against the wall nearest to her. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She didn't know where this conversation was going and she didn't want to push any unnecessary boundaries.
Dallas waited for a few random bystanders to clear out before facing Alli and speaking in a softer tone than before. "Sometimes I can't take the responsibility, Alli. I can't take being in control all the time. I thought that, maybe being the captain would get me noticed. Maybe it would be good for me. But, it's a nightmare. How am I supposed to keep everyone in check? I'm not even that good of a player."
"Now, wait a minute," Alli uncrossed her arms, putting a hand on Dallas's shoulder. "Dallas, you're a great hockey player. The Toronto Ice Hounds only sought out the best players – obviously you qualify, or they wouldn't have given you a chance. And as far as I'm concerned, you're the only guy who could captain those misfits. You've done a pretty damn good job of it up to now."
Dallas shook his head. "Being captain has given me so much more to stress over. Only so many people make it into the NHL, Bhandari. Hockey is such an important part of my family. If I don't make it, then what else is there for me? All that hard work for nothing? And then, Saunders swoops in. He's got his whole life planned out for him. Of course the other guys and I are jealous. All he has to do is wait a few years, graduate, and he's there. Exactly where I want to be. And it's like he doesn't even want it anymore."
"That's still no reason to yell at him, Dallas," Alli said.
Dallas groaned. "You don't get it. Cam doesn't have to worry about anything. He's got this perfect life thrown at him, all he has to do is follow through with it. Me – I have to work. Hard. It isn't fair for all of us who are actually trying to make it to be held back by someone who just wants to quit. It isn't fair that he's losing interest in something he's so good at. It isn't fair that he'd rather spend time alone or with his girlfriend or moping over stupid junior high dramas than actually trying. It isn't fair that he's so young, and yet, all eyes are on him. It isn't fair that he's the best and we need him. It's just –"
"– not fair?" Alli finished with a sarcastic undertone. "Honestly, I think you're being very childish right now. Cam can't help that he's good. He just is. He didn't ask for all of the attention he's been getting. Hell, I'm pretty sure he doesn't even like being in the spotlight. Really, Dallas, if you wanna be the best, you have to fight."
Dallas pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his arms on top. "I know. I guess it's just a little disheartening to know that, when we play, all anyone ever sees is Campbell. We all want the life that he's already got, and when we do try to fight for it.. nobody's ever really watching."
"Well, I'm sure your time will come. And remember, none of this is Campbell's fault. Right?"
Dallas nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I guess I kinda owe an explanation to little Rookie."
Alli stared at him expectantly. "Just an explanation?"
Dallas rolled his eyes. "Alright. An explanation and maybe an apology." He stood, readying himself to leave. Before he could go, Alli cleared her throat behind him. "Yes?"
Alli coughed a little awkwardly. What she was about to say had been bothering her since her encounter with Cam earlier. She really hoped Dallas didn't have anything to do with it. "You.. You didn't say anything to Cam last night after we talked, did you?"
Dallas was confused. "Anything like what? Why would I have talked to Cam last night, Bhandari?"
"Well," she cleared her throat once more. "It's just that.. I saw Cam earlier. He was sitting out on the front steps to the school."
"Wait, he was here?" Dallas asked loudly. "He's suspended. He could get in trouble for being on school grounds. Man, we do not need anymore setbacks. He knows that."
Alli looked down. "Dallas, this is serious, okay? He looked pretty upset – like he'd been crying. I just wanted to know if you knew anything about it."
"He's still crying? Alli, I haven't talked to Cam since yesterday after the ball hockey incident." Dallas said. "Why, did you talk to him? What did he say? Is he still here?"
Alli moved a stray strand of hair behind her ear, catching onto the slightly guilty undertones of Dallas' voice. "When I was walking out of the school to meet with Clare for lunch, I saw him sitting on the steps just staring at nothing. There were tears in his eyes – he looked completely frustrated. Tired. I told him to get back home so he wouldn't get in trouble," she explained. "Maybe you should call to check up on him. I think he could really use somebody to talk to right now. Somebody he trusts."
Dallas scoffed lightly. "And you think he'd trust me of all people? After everything I've ever put him through?"
Alli smiled softly at him. "A guy like Cam doesn't hold too many grudges. You may not see it, Captain, but he really looks up to you. He just wants to make you happy."
Dallas thought about it for a moment. He really was the only one on the team that Cam ever tried to talk to. He always thought it was just because he was the captain. But, Cam was like a little brother to him. He just had to be a little tough on him sometimes – he only wanted him to succeed in life. "Yeah, thanks, Alli," he smiled, taking a few steps back. "You know, you're a really good listener."
Alli shrugged her shoulders playfully, grinning. "It's what I'm here for."
…..
Dallas hung up the phone and balled his hand into a fist. He had called Cam's phone five times and even tried his billet parents – no answer. How was he supposed to have a nice, calm little chat with Campbell when he couldn't even find him? The kid never gave him any warnings.
Dallas glanced back and forth along the hallway, looking for one of those little niner friends of Campbell's. He stopped when he saw the guy that Campbell had punched yesterday leaning against a locker. He strode towards him. "Kid, have you seen Saunders?"
The other boy shook himself out of his daze and turned to Dallas, almost smirking. "Why would I have any interest in keeping tabs on the guy who hit me? Very publicly, I might add."
"Kid, I didn't ask for sass," Dallas grabbed the collar of his shirt. "Have you or have you not seen Campbell today?"
He didn't break a sweat. "Your friend's suspended. Pretty sure that means he isn't supposed to be here. Therefore, I'm not supposed to have seen him."
"Ah, but you did, didn't you?" Dallas pushed him further into the lockers. "Look, I'm sorry that your little baby niner feelings are hurt because you got a black eye. But, my problem's a little bit more serious. I've got a missing hockey player on my hands – that's not something you can brag to coach about."
Dallas watched as the freshman rolled his eyes. "In case you haven't realized, I'm not exactly the biggest fan of the hockey team. And Campbell's not on the Novak List of Amazing People, either. I mean, how does that psycho even think that he's good enough for Maya. She needs someone stable, someone who can always be there for her. Not someone who's just gonna flake off in a few years. He's wildly unpredictable, and it'd be good for everyone if he just went back home."
Dallas felt all of his built up anger and annoyance bubbling towards the surface. The world just seemed to be testing him today. He asked a few simple questions that could have been given equally simple answers. But, instead, this guy decides to make everything difficult. If Cam was a psycho, then what was this guy? "I really don't care about your stupid relationship problems. If it were up to me, Cam would have his own 'no girlfriend' policy so he can focus on hockey. But, baby Matlin makes him happy, and there's nothing I would do to get in the way of that."
Zig crossed his arms and slumped back against the lockers, muttering things under his breath.
"Look, I just wanna know where he is. Now, tell me, where was the last place you saw Cam? And what did you say to him to make him disappear like he has?"
The kid kept his mouth shut.
Dallas was about to warn him that he had exactly thirty seconds to answer (or else he'd have matching black eyes) when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He swiveled around to see a little blonde girl with glasses – Maya.
Maya waited for him to let go of Zig and fully face her before speaking. "I heard you were looking for Cam. When you find him, can you just ask him why?"
Dallas furrowed his eyebrows. He was so lost. How was he getting caught up in all of this drama when he just needed someone to answer one question? "Why? 'Why' what?"
Maya fished her phone out of her pocket, bringing up her latest messages from Cam. Dallas took the phone out of her hand and read every word, his heart beat skipping as he read the very last text. "'It's over'? Matlin, when did he send this to you?"
"I was going to meet him on the stairs for lunch," she frowned. "I don't understand what happened. Yesterday, he looked so happy... I thought he was happy."
"Hold on a second," Zig added from the background. "You guys are serious right now? Campbell Saunders is bad news. You should be glad that he ended things with you before you were in too deep."
Maya glared at him. "Zig, I told you. I love Cam. I'm not just gonna leave him because he was jealous of you and made a mistake. Trust me, you've made plenty of them yourself."
Zig was thrown off guard for a moment. He thought Maya was over the whole 'him having a crush on her' thing. They were friends again. Everything was back to normal, now. Wasn't it? "Maya, I'm sorry, but I don't think he's good enough for you."
"What, and you are?" Dallas piped up. "Dude, get over yourself. Stop acting like such a little kid."
"Yeah," Maya added. "I don't get why you're suddenly in Cam's business, anyways. You know he's not terrible – you've hung out with us before. You know I really like him. And I told you not to make things weird, but that's exactly what you're doing."
"Maya, I can't help that I like you. I can't help that I don't feel anything for Tori anymore. I'm sorry that I'm making things weird, but.. I want you."
"I don't care, Zig. Tori and I may not be friends anymore, but I can't do that to her. And, what happened to the Zig that would do anything to make Tori happy? You know feelings that strong don't just stop."
Dallas glanced from one freshman to another. Knowing that this conversation was far from over, he waved a hand between them. "There's something more important happening right now. If you," he pointed at Zig, "would just tell me where you saw him, I'd leave. And you could finish whatever messed up non-lover's spat you got going on here."
Zig sighed. "He was on the steps."
Dallas felt like punching something. He really, really did. First, Alli and Zig see Cam on the stairs. Then, Maya says he's not on the stairs. Where the hell was this kid? He looked pointedly at Zig and without any specific emotion, muttered, "Thanks." Then, he ran off toward the front of the school.
Zig looked at Maya, eyes traveling from the top of her head, down to her lips, and then back up to her eyes. "My feelings for Tori may still be there somewhere, deep down. But, my feelings for you are stronger than that. Sometimes, when we were dating, it kinda felt like Tori kept me on a leash. With you, I feel like I can be anything, do anything. And you'll still just see me for exactly what I am."
Maya stared at the ground silently, not sure if there was anything she could say. She heard Zig's retreating footsteps and looked up to see him rounding the corner at the end of the hallway. She felt like everyone was watching her. Not knowing what to do or where to go, she just stood in the middle of the hallway as everyone continued to pass her by.
…..
Anyone passing by the boy sitting in front of the school would have thought he was going insane. He was staring blankly and saying random things to himself, like "ice rink" or "gym". Dallas only knew of a few places that Cam would usually go to blow off steam. But was he even angry? Was he sad? Confused? Did he just want to be alone? What if he didn't even want to be found?
Dallas rose to his feet gradually. He looked from side to side, scrutinizing the whereabouts. If I were Cam, where would I go? Who would I go to? He could already cross off any place that dealt with hockey. He could throw away the possibility of Maya and Alli. If I were Cam, and I was upset at something, I'd probably want to be alone. Somewhere no one would go during the school day. He began to walk towards the back of the school, finding it more and more empty the further he went.
I'd want to go somewhere quiet. He saw that there was virtually no one around. They must have all been inside, carrying on with their lives. It was just a Tuesday. Nothing especial would be happening, nothing new.
Dallas took in the way the wind was blowing through the trees, how the light peeking through just illuminated every single thing in its path. He clearly recollected the many times during hockey practice when Cam would talk about his family, namely his mother. I'd want to be somewhere peaceful. Somewhere I could think. One detail from Cam's stories always stuck out to him a little more than the others – his mother loved gardening. He remembered how he had thought of Katie the first time he heard the story, when he still had a crush on her. Katie and Jake had been working on that stupid garden together – the 'Degrassi Green Space', they had called it. Now, the garden may have been destroyed, just like Katie's trust in him and his feelings for her. But, they still had the greenhouse.
"I'd go some place that reminded me of home," Dallas muttered to himself. His gaze shifted from the trees to the small building beside the school a few hundred feet away. It struck him that he was not aware of what he would find in there, if Cam would even be there at all. What would the kid have even been doing for the past few hours? He probably just went home and went to sleep. Dallas shook himself out of his contemplation. It was now or never.
He took a few steps toward the building, heartbeat skipping with every one. Once he came a little closer, he saw the outline of something slumped against the ground. His instincts overwhelmed him with this horrible feeling. His stomach flipped and his heart was in his throat. He felt the adrenaline pumping into his veins as he raced towards the entrance of the greenhouse, refusing to believe the image etched out right in front of him.
Campbell was lying in a pool of his own blood, eyes closed and arms still leaking the red liquid. One of his hockey skates was near him, blade also covered in blood.
Dallas dropped to his knees in front of the younger boy, shock overcoming his every bone. Was Campbell dead?
He leaned forward uncertainly, placing his ear over Campbell's heart. He let out a sigh of relief as he heard the telltale rhythm and felt the calming rise and fall of his chest. Cam was still alive, just unconscious.
Trying to discern the magnitude of what was happening, Dallas whipped out his phone, frantically dialing 911. When he heard another voice on the line, he didn't even stop to give them the time to finish their sentence. "Yeah, I need an ambulance down at Degrassi Community School now!"
The person on the other line asked him a few questions about 'the victim', but they weren't registering. All he could say, as the realization finally hit him, was: "There's a lot of blood. I think he tried to kill himself."
…..
Students gathered around the front entrance to the school as they heard the sirens. Mr. Simpson pushed through the crowd, turning to face everyone once he had broken through.
"Alright, everyone calm down. I'm sure everything's fine. Just a big misunderstanding," he watched as two police cars zoomed by, stopping beside the school. An officer got out of his car and walked up to him.
"Are you the principal?"
Mr. Simpson nodded. He looked pointedly at Ms. Oh to help get the students in order before fully facing the officer. "Yes; Principal Simpson.. How can I help you?"
"Well, Mr. Simpson," the officer looked to the ground. "We got a call about an attempted suicide in your school's greenhouse. We wanted to ask you some questions."
A few of the students near the front of the mob caught the words 'attempted suicide', and the rumors started flying. Alli looked around for Dallas, a sinking feeling taking over her body. She knew he had gone off looking for Cam, and as far as she knew, no one else was really missing.
Mr. Simpson glanced over at his students. Sure some of them could be a little hard to handle, but he loved all of them equally. "Suicide?" He knew what that was like. He had seen the aftermath of something of the like during his own period of high school. "I'll do anything you need me to do. Just let me get everyone back inside and I'll meet you in my office."
"Yes, sir," the officer motioned for his partner to get out of the car.
Mr. Simpson stood frozen for a moment, not doubting that the rest of the semester would be harsh. Dealing with a situation like this and drowning in its impact – even for it to be just an attempt.. The outcome would not be pleasant.
Ms. Oh noticed that Mr. Simpson was just standing there, even after the officers had already entered the school. He seemed to be in shock, not processing something to the full extent. She called out his name softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Is everything alright?"
Mr. Simpson shook his head once. "Winnie, I need you to get everyone back inside. There's been a terrible incident out in the greenhouse, and I have to sort a few things out."
Catching his stern tone, Ms. Oh immediately got to work on herding the crowd back in the school.
Mr. Simpson quickly gathered his thoughts, heading to the greenhouse. He wasn't going to let this be one of those times where the concrete evidence of a situation just slipped through his fingers. He was going to get to the bottom of this, and he was going to help make damn sure that it never happened again.
As he rounded the corner of the school, he could see the ambulance's flashing lights in the distance. Two men were hoisting a gurney into the vehicle and a red blur was stationed off to the side. His level of curiosity and concern rising by the minute, he trudged up to the men. Once he was a few feet behind them, he took became more open to the surroundings. He caught sight of the greenhouse floor, where endless amounts of red painted the floor. Blood. Turning his head to the side, a figure appeared in the corner of his eye. Someone was leaning against the greenhouse, knees pulled up to his chest, head resting on his arms. If Simpson watched closely enough, he could very plainly see the figure shudder every so often.
"Mr. Dallas?"
The figure picked up his head, red eyes meeting those of his principals.
Mr. Simpson looked from the Ice Hounds captain to the ambulance, the dread feeling like too much to bear. He backtracked a few steps and looked at the boy on the gurney. He blanched as he took in Campbell Saunder's ashen yet peaceful face. It looked as if he was just sleeping, while Mr. Simpson knew there was a war raging within him.
"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to move."
Mr. Simpson stepped away from the ambulance, watching as the paramedics prepared themselves to drive away. Looking between Dallas and the emergency vehicle, he berated himself for not noticing any of the signs earlier.
Sighing, he silently praised Dallas for finding him in time. At least Campbell was still alive. But, he guessed Campbell wouldn't really be making that appointment on Monday after all.
…..
Maya sat in the middle of the hospital waiting room with Katie. Madame Jean-Aux had taken her to see Mr. Simpson once all the chaos had calmed down. Then, he told her that Cam was in the hospital – he had attempted suicide.
Maya felt her breath catch in her throat. Cam had tried to kill himself. Was that what his text had meant? When he said it's over, he didn't mean their relationship at all, did he? Maya felt like sobbing. She wanted to believe that everyone was lying, that it was all just some bad dream. But here she sat, waiting for news on his condition.
She knew that anyone who worked in the hospital would want to talk to his family – or, in this case, his billet family. She wouldn't be able to see Cam at all while she was here. She wasn't sure if she even wanted to see him. Principal Simpson had told her that it was bad, messy. She didn't want to think of Cam that broken. She just wanted to know if he would be alright.
"Maya!" All heads in the waiting room shot up to the brunette girl and her red headed best friend running into the room.
Maya just watched as they made it to her, staring up at them.
Tori was the first to reach her, immediately bring her into a hug. "Maya, I'm so so so so sorry. I'm sorry this is happening, I'm sorry I let Zig get in between us, I'm sorry I threw drinks on you, I'm sorry I stopped being your friend, I'm sorry I stole Tristan back, I'm sorry we haven't really gotten the chance to talk things out, and I'm just.. so sorry," she sobbed.
Tristan stood in the background, shifting on his feet awkwardly as he let a few tears escape. This brought back so many bad memories. He almost died here not too long ago because of his cleanse-induced heart attack, and now Cam was lying in one of these rooms, not any better.
Maya glanced over Tori's shoulder, watching as Tristan just stood around like he didn't belong. She pulled away from Tori, stepping back from the two of them. "Why now? Why do you think you can just march in here and pretend like we're the best of friends again? I honestly think I'd be much happier if you just left me to be alone with my sister."
Tori shook her head. "You don't mean that. You need a friend, and we need you. I've missed you so much and I've wanted my best friend back since after the Battle of the Bands incident."
Maya rolled her eyes.
Tristan sighed. "Maya, she's telling you the truth. You don't know how annoying it got hearing her complain about how bad she felt."
"Yeah," Tori agreed. "I even annoyed myself, and you know how hard that is to do."
Maya let out a little laugh.
Tori smiled sadly. "Maya, I really am sorry. I think that if there's anyone who deserves my wrath right now, then it's Zig. Not you."
"Agreed," Tristan chimed.
Maya couldn't help but feel like they were right. Zig kinda was the one who started all of this. She looked from Tristan to Tori. Finally, she held out both of her arms for a hug, which they gladly joined in. "I've missed you guys, too. And I really do need you right now," she sniffled.
Katie watched on in sadness as she saw her baby sister break a little. She couldn't believe all of this was happening. Just the night before, Cam had stayed over at their house. He looked so happy. Why was all of this happening?
Maya pulled away from the hug and wiped at her teary eyes. She went rigid as she saw a couple walking into the waiting room.
The Clarksons – Campbell's billet parents – had finally arrived.
Tori and Tristan looked towards one another and back at Maya. Tristan stepped up next to the blonde while Tori grabbed her hand.
Maya watched as the Clarksons walked up to a doctor and listened closely as they talked to him. She heard only bits and pieces of their conversation, but only one part made sense. Campbell needed a blood transfusion. Meaning he had lost a lot of blood. Maya felt the tears coming again as she finally realized that Campbell really could have died.
Katie saw the water building up in her sister's eyes and stood up, hugging her close. "It's gonna be okay, Maya, I promise."
Tori and Tristan added on to the hug, ignoring everyone else in the room that looked at them in sympathy. This was their moment, nothing would break it. Just like nothing would break them.
Tori leaned up to Maya's ear, murmuring. "Yeah, Maya. Everything is going to be okay."
Maya gripped her friends and her sister tighter, taking comfort in the fact that they would always be there for her when she needed them the most.
…..
End An:
I don't really know where the greenhouse is.. So, I just said towards the back of the school. That's reasonable, right? And this chapter was probably very messy/unorganized, didn't have enough detail, the wording is a little sketchy, and it ended on a weird-ish note, so I apologize for that. I think it's pretty okay for something that's about 9 pages and 7,200 words. Wow.
Oh my gosh. This was hard to write. I'm gonna miss Cam so much. This story is a way of, not only keeping me sane, but keeping him alive and everyone else (somewhat) happy. I'm gonna write this as best I can, but.. I am no doctor, I am no counselor, I don't have a lot of knowledge on some subjects that may be brought up with this story, and I'm definitely not the best writer ever. I still really, really hope you guys like it.. Now, on to a sort of personal/me story:
Okay, so when Bitter Sweet Symphony aired, I was actually in the process of rewatching every single Degrassi episode – from the very beginning. I actually just finished with the end of Season 9.. So I hadn't watched any promos, I didn't know any spoilers. Imagine my shock when the first thing we come back to is Cam killing himself, basically. I was so sad. I mean, it was foreshadowed. We knew it was possible. I just so wish it didn't happen. He was one of my favorite things to come out of Season 12 – him, Camaya, Dallas... And now, they're all broken. When I came back and searched the Degrassi tag on Tumblr and saw all of the gifs and spoilers for Bitter Sweet Symphony p.1, I thought for sure he would just attempt – not succeed. When I was watching part 2, I was just waiting for someone to say that he was hurt, that he would get better over time maybe, even that he was going home.. But, that didn't happen. So...
I still can't accept that he's gone. I want someone to come back and say, "Oh, it was a lie. We all thought he would die but he didn't." or "His mom just wanted him back home, where there's no drama. She didn't want anyone to know.." .. Like, can that happen? Please..?
Oh, and I'm kinda a fan of The Vampire Diaries as well. So Jeremy dying and then Campbell dying the next day doesn't sit very well with me. Maybe I'll give him a little guest spot in an upcoming chapter.. And I'll more than likely include most of the Degrassi characters that are currently still in the show. With Cam, you can obviously expect Maya, Dallas, Alli. And from them you could see some of Tori, Zig, Tristan, the other members of WhisperHug, the hockey team, Clare, Eli, Jenna. As for couples, I'm thinking Camaya, Bhandallas, Zori.. Most of the canon things. But, anything's possible. (By the way, if you guys are actually reading this ridiculous author's note, do you think I should keep Cam listed as a main/central character – you know, where you search for stories and everything? 'Cause it is mainly about him, but it won't be solely about him, you know?)..
Anyway, BSS was a really well written episode, and everyone (especially Demetrius in p.2/Dylan in p.1) did a phenomenal job bringing that story to life. So, bravo to everyone who had a hand in that, and thank you (even though it was emotionally scarring). I understand they'd been wanting to do a suicide plot for a while, but.. it would have been just as good to see him attempt and then fully cover how he got over it (including any of the consequences that would follow – which, I hope to cover some in this story).
Also, I'm so sorry this is so long. But, if you do like this story and you want me to continue with it (which, I will anyway), you might have to wait a while, because I do want to plan some more chapters out. This one pretty much came from nothing except for the desire for him to live, so it's a little messy. I also want to continue on with my rewatch marathon.. So, it's gonna take some time.
Thank you. – SA101