CHAPTER ONE
or
The Little Black Dress And The Best Divorce Lawyer Ever
Hinata finally learnt the hard way that giving sharp scalpels, tiny pieces of glass and optic microscopes to a bunch of freshmen and leaving them on their own was probably as intelligent as taking a herd of bulldogs to a barber's shop, and expecting that the dogs would throw themselves exclusively on the sauerkraut. When she returned to the laboratory, she went catatonic at the sight of the utter destruction laid before her. But in the small place in the back of her mind which had not been affected by the trauma she noted that the catastrophe provided her a perfect excuse for being late. In the end, Hinata loved her students dearly.
It was the twenty first century. One would not believe the extents her parents would go in their quest of getting themselves a brand new son-in-law. Normally, parents of adult children filled the sudden emptiness in the house with dogs or cats or, if their hearts longed for something silent for a change, fishes. That was not the case of Hyuuga, who just had to have something extra. (Plus, they claimed that their twenty-four-year-old daughter was already the hot adept for a position of a spinster.)
Moreover, their version of subtle hints to inform her that they condemn her single status included periodical avalanche of Jane Austen's books and chick-flicks such as Run Away Bride.
Even thought she liked Pride and Prejudice Hinata really did not need six issues of the same book differing only in the cover, font and the quality of the paper, audio-book, series and the last film version. Despite Hiashi's strong belief, Hinata got the hint at the third gift book that her parents think of marriage vows as the basic milestone in the life of woman, the milestone she so sadly had been missing for her entire adulthood.
Taking off the white coat she wondered when the wedding madness had begun. The clues had always been there, she thought when she recalled the long white dress and the diadem she had gotten for her twentieth birthday. Right at the moment she should have gathered all her belongings, leaved the country, changed her identity, and lived a happy life of a botanist to earn her living on a level... of a well situated homeless person.
Before leaving the building of the faculty, she stopped at the lavatory. She looked in the mirror. Now, only a really desperate man would call her sexy, for the all-day class took its toll on her looks. Hinata tried to remember what kind of miracle led her to agree with her parents' stupid idea to attend omiai. Surely, she was a victim of a temporary insanity.
In an overpriced tea-house she would sit with a cup of even more overpriced tea while her mother and father would look elegantly and decently. They both would measure the young man (or elderly man, who had not met the right woman yet) with a stern glares exchanging a few polite phrases with his parents. Meanwhile, a matchmaker would try to convince everyone that Hinata is not only a young lady from a good family, but also an amazing future wife just created to be an angel of the house.
Or so Hinata imagined.
On her way to the tea-house she stopped at her studio. Even though she did not care about the meeting, she did not want her parents to think that she was willingly trying to sabotage their well-meant attempts to secure her a perfect future. Therefore, she decided to take a shower. There was no need to stink of a formaldehyde at the meeting with her potential fiancé. Maybe she should even toss the jeans burnt by acid, and wear something presentable. The tradition demanded for a fancy furisode kimono, but putting it on needed a small army of helpers, because despite of all of her and her mother's effort she had never gotten a hang of obi tying.
The little black dress would do.
She was thirty minutes late when she finally arrived to the gate of the tea-house. She leant on the low wall to catch her breath after running for a half of the way. A cutting pain was shooting from her soles to knees. What was wrong with her brain that she had decided to wear high heels?! The meeting took place in a tea-house full of tatami mats which meant walking bare-foot. There was clearly no need to wear this tiny stylish torture devices.
"Now I understand why you never got picked out for a floorball team," said a voice from above. Hinata looked up.
"Hi, Sasuke."
"Hn."
Give me a fixed point and I will move the world, Archimedes claimed. Sasuke's 'hn' was that point. You could depend on it. You could define the length of second using his stern, court 'hn'. It was a phenomenon of such periodicity that insurance companies would offer you a very favourable indemnity against its absence. Of course, you would never see a penny because Sasuke's 'hn' never ever failed.
After the graduation and somewhat bleak break-up with Naruto Hinata had avoided her former classmates from the high school. She and Naruto parted friends and Hinata got regularly mails from him. But she felt a little bit embarrassed when the people from her high school kept questioning whether she had talked with Naruto about the next stage of their relationship – at this point they usually started pointing at their ring finger. Father would find in them valuable allies for his quest to marry Hinata off. Thankfully, he had never heard of them. The potentiality of their alliance against Hinata's spinsterhood was dreadful.
She straightened her back. Sasuke was Naruto's best friend, who occasionally stood in for his brain, consciousness and judgement. He was the single living person able to make Naruto not to run into the parliament, pick a fight with the security, and yell at members present only to give them a petition to sign.
She wanted to know what he was doing there. She asked.
"Do you remember Itachi?"
She nodded.
"He had quadruplets, recently."
"Congratulations... But what does it have to do with you?"
"My parents concluded that four grandchildren aren't enough. Temari didn't look amused when they nagged if they plan on other children... So it fell on me."
"Oh... I'm so sorry."
"Hn." He took a chocolate bar out of the pocket of his suit, and started munching it. "I presume your parents dragged you here."
"Is it that obvious?"
"You don't rush inside to see the love of your life." Sasuke used to spend a lot of time with Ino. It had left a severe impact on him. "Instead of that you rather chat with me here. That doesn't indicate any enthusiasm from you."
"I've seen the statistics."
"Crap... I forgot these."
"Well, women twenty-five-year old or older who haven't yet managed to get married are the usual participants of omiai," said Hinata. "Most likely, they will put a bit of press on you because they might feel that they're running out of time. I will probably meet there a man above thirty who hasn't yet married because he had no time or he is completely lost when it comes to dealing with women."
"What a bright expectation," Sasuke gruffed, and hid the tinfoil into his pocket.
"Uhm... I know it's personal, but..."
"You want to know why I'm still single."
"People ask you about this a lot, do they?"
"You've got no idea. And for your information – the study of law and the babysitting of my nephews and the idiot eat up all my time and energy. There is just no space for some romance demanding shrew." Sasuke leant on the wall. "What about you?"
"A lot like you. Except the nephews. And I give undergrads courses."
"I thought you are still working on your master's degree."
"Oh, yes, but professor Zetsu hates freshmen, and he also likes to use his postgrads as slaves... I was just the only person willing."
"Doormat."
"With such attitude you'll have no problem saving yourself from a marriage."
"Really?" He seemed genuinely pleased. "Would you give me another tip on how to get rid of a girl without my mom going livid?"
"Act natural."
"I said I don't want my mom to be mad."
Hinata paused in thought. She had never understood how Sasuke managed to attract women in such crowds against his own will. Yes, Sasuke won the genetic lottery being born with a face of sharp, handsome features, and a body similar to antic sculpture. Of that, Hinata was aware. But there must have been more to it.
Maybe in the deepest darkness of subconsciousness, where the strong currents of instinct and emotions run dragging a person through the vast river of evolution, women interpreted his bad traits as a manifestation of high levels of testosterone, therefore masculinity, therefore healthy and go-getting offspring.
It could have been the real reason. And maybe, in the prehistoric times, an early Homo Sapiens Sasuke could have fathered a bunch of children able to survive the harsh conditions of ice age. But Hinata had always preferred the nerdy-looking guys with Naruto as the only exception. Being born ten thousand years ago, Hinata would be an evolutionary dead-end.
"Don't mention that you study to be a lawyer."
"I'm sure my mother got to spill that out already."
"... Hm... Tell them that you're going to be the best divorce lawyer, then."
"Oh... I didn't think of that... What's next?"
"Talk about your work and new laws. No snarky remarks, no grins. Just bore them to death."
"Are you implying..."
She raised her eyebrows not having a clue what was on Sasuke's mind.
"... That I could have saved myself from TWENTY YEARS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT WITH JUST BEING LIKE A GRUMP?!"
"Yes."
Sasuke's face spoke levels of a man whose world had been shaken by a catastrophe of unimaginable measures just to catch a glimpse of a silver-lining in dark clouds above. He drained a deep breath.
"I should go back. To get over it."
"She didn't show up?"
"No, something has kept her... I don't know, other families have come, but I'm not sure who did I have to meet."
"Well... Glad to see you. Good luck with boring them."
"Thanks. If you want to get rid of him, play a hard feminazi. It works on anyone... Well, except Itachi, but he was always the odd one."
"Thank you."
They stepped into the tea-house. The hostess welcomed them at the entrance. After exchanging bows Hinata showed her the invitation card. Meanwhile, Sasuke was sauntering to one of the private rooms at the back. The hostess giggled.
"Please, follow me, Miss Hyuuga." She sounded mischievous. "Mr. Uchiha, would you wait, please?"
Sasuke stopped and gave them a questioning glare.
"I would like to recommend you both to look at your cards."
The same room, the same matchmaker, the very same time.
"W-what?!"
"Did you know about that?"
"Father just wrote me that I have to show up, and the only thing that would excuse me not being here is my death. I've never told them that we know each other exactly for this reason."
The hostess found keeping her face straight a very hard task.
Without any assistance from the hostess, who was enjoying the scene too much, both young people stormed into the private room where they saw the Hyuugas and Uchihas facing each other, and a poor matchmaker guy who was stuck up between them as a referee. Sasuke opened the door in a tsunami-like fashion. Hinata slipped in right behind him.
Both fathers and both mothers glared daggers.
"Where were you?!"
Sasuke paid them no mind, and spoke out himself.
"The purpose of omiai is to introduce potential partners, am I right?"
The matchmaker nodded.
"Great! We can call it off, and go home. This is my former class-mate from my grammar school, Hinata. See, I even recall her name! Clearly, there is no need for introducing."
"Uhm... Good afternoon."