Phobia
Rating: It's safe!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Summary: Phobia's can make or break a family.
A/N: HA. I love this idea. Kinda. But yeah. I got boredddddddddd. And I did all my homework and I practiced my flute, and yadda yadda yadda. Hopeyou guys like it!
"Cath, if you don't change this diaper, I might suffocate."
"Stop exaggerating and change your son."
"He's yours, too!"
"You can work with dead bodies and decomposing body parts, but you can't change your son's diaper?"
"No offense, but what have you been feeding him?"
"Baby food." They both stood over their new born son, who was laying on the bed with a dirty diaper. "Hurry, Gil. It looks like it's about to fall off!"
"Well maybe if you would've changed him when he wasn't so... stinky!"
"I had work to do!"
"Watching TV and washing the dishes takes no more than twenty minutes."
"I-"
"Wait. In your case, it does take more than twenty minutes. I'm sorry."
"Yes. Thank you! Finally, you agree-"
"You're 'Catherine'. You can't multi-task. I forgot." She whacked Gil's arm and stomped her feet.
"Change him before his diaper explodes!"
"You're the mommy. You do all the changing stuff."
"Says who?"
"That's the way life works. Bye!" He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and ran out of the room. She stood there and stared at her 3 month old son, Josh, who was playing with his shirt collar and spitting up everywhere.
"Alright. Let's see how well daddy likes the taste of his own medicine."
Gil was sitting in the living room, watching TV when Catherine walked down the stairs holding their son.
"So you changed him?"
"Of course I did." He smiled and held out his arms. She slowly walked over to him and placed their son in his arms. Once she was sure he had him, she took off running. Gil froze and looked down at the small baby.
She lied. He still had that dirty diaper.
"Catherine!"
"Sorry, Gil! I'm in the shower!"
"That woman! Some nerve!" Gil looked down at Josh and closed his eyes. He walked into their room and laid him on the bed. Gil looked around for the diapers or anything to change Josh with, but he couldn't find anything.
Catherine walked out of the bathroom with her wet hair and laughed at the sight. Gil was in bright yellow dish gloves with an apron and goggles.
"What... are you doing?"
"Changing his diaper."
"You look like your running a science experiment, if anything."
"Well since someone was too lazy to change him themselves..."
"Hey. Now wait a minute! I've been changing his diaper ever since he came home from the hospital!"
"So what? You're calling me a bad father?"
"Gil, move over..." Catherine pushed him out of the way and stood in front of their baby.
"Cath, no. I'm going to change my son. I have the right."
"You should have had that attitude when I asked you to change him in the first place." She had her hand on his diaper strap and when to pull it when Gil nudged her out of the way. The diaper flew from her hands and hit the wall. "Gilbert... Grissom."
"Yes, darling?"
"Clean!"
"Um... that's for a woman?"
"NOW!"
"Yes ma'am, Sergeant Grissom, MA'AM!" Josh giggled and kicked his feet in the air, getting the carpet, the bed sheets, and his clothes even dirtier. Catherine gagged at the smell and covered her mouth with her hands.
"Sweet Jesus. I'm gonna be sick." She ran back into the bathroom and flew to the toilet. Gil winced as he cleaned the 'stuff' off of their wall with baby wipes. Lindsey suddenly walked in the room with the phone in her hands talking to her friend, when she stopped.
"Whoa! What happened?"
"You're brother's diaper exploded."
"Seriously?"
"Ask your Mom if you don't believe me." She looked around.
"Hey, Amanda? I'll call you later. I gotta go do something. Bye." She hung up the phone and walked through the bathroom to see her mother throwing up over the toilet. "Oh God! You're not pregnant again, are you?"
"What?" Catherine looked back but her head on the counter. "Ow!" The sound of a crying baby flooded their ears. Lindsey ran out of the room and yelled.
"I'm going to Amanda's house! Later you guys!" Catherine cleaned herself up and walked into the room.
"What's wrong? Why is he crying?" Gil shrugged his shoulders. She frowned and put a new diaper on him. She picked him up and walked around the room with him, patting his back softly and humming a song into his little ears. It didn't work. Gil had finished cleaning up the wall and quickly went to walk out of the room when she caught him. "What did you show him?"
"Nothing," Gil squeaked.
"I don't believe that for a second!"
"I showed him your stripping outfits."
"You did not!"
"You're right. I didn't. Bye now." He went to walk out of the room, but yet again, she stopped him.
"WHAT did you show him?"
"Not a thing, my dear."
"You only call me your 'dear' when you've done something. What is it?" She slowly started walking towards him. His hands went behind his back as he was forced against the doorframe. "What cha' got behind your back, huh Gil?"
"My hands."
"And what are those hands holding?"
"My ass."
"GIL!"
"Well you're obviously going to kick it in a few minutes!"
"Let me see."
"No!"
"If there's nothing in your hands... you can go. If there is, you're changing his diaper for the next two months."
"Cath-" Josh's cry got louder and Catherine winced.
"Let me see, Gil!" He sighed and held out a small glass container which held a big, fuzzy spider. "GIL! You showed our son your pet spider!"
"I thought it would calm him down!"
"Did it work," she asked sarcastically.
"Apparently, no."
"Out of all things to show a three month old, a spider?"
"I didn't see any of his toys!"
"So you thought a spider would cheer him up?"
"Well, you did say he was half mine too. So yes. I thought a spider would cheer him up!"
"Save it! And while your down there, feed the rest of them so you don't have to bring any of them in the house!"
"Fine. Fine!" He threw his hands up in the air and walked down into the basement where all his bugs were.
Hours later, Catherine had finally calmed down Josh. It was almost dinner time. He was sitting in front of the TV with one of his Barney tapes in the VCR. Catherine was in the kitchen, making dinner. Suddenly, Josh started crying. She dropped the fork on the kitchen floor and ran into the living room.
"Ahh! Ahh! AHH! WAAA!" John's small arms were flying in the air as he tried to crawl away from the TV. Catherine frowned as she saw what her son was screaming at.
'Okay, kids! And now... The Itsy Bitsy Spider!' She turned off the TV and picked him up.
"Gil! I hope your happy! Your son has Arachnophobia!" Gil walked out from the basement and frowned. He walked up to them and took him in his arms.
"Come here, buddy." Josh threw his arms around Gil's neck and tried to wrap his small legs around his chest.
"He's going to have to miss his first Halloween, Gil."
"No he won't."
"He won't be able to walk one step out of his house without crying!"
"Calm down."
"I won't be able to dress him up as a cute little pumpkin!"
"Catherine!" She calmed down at stared at him. "Go finish making dinner. I'll calm him down."
Minutes passed and dinner was ready. Catherine walked out into the living room, expecting to find them sitting on the couch or watching TV, but they weren't. She looked towards the basement and dropped the fork she was holding, again. She swung open the door and stopped when she saw Josh was holding up the same glass container with the spider.
"See, Josh? They won't hurt you." His eyes lit up as the spider walked around in the container. "Say spider."
"Ider."
"Spi-der."
"Pie-mer."
"Eh, close enough."
"What are my two men up to?"
"Is dinner ready?" She slowly walked up to Gil and rested her head on his shoulder.
"Yes."
"Good let's-"
"Oh my God! Is that a snake?" Catherine jumped back from Gil and pressed her back again the basement wall.
"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I got him a few weeks ago. He's cute, isn't he?"
"Get him out of here!"
"Cath, it's just a snake."
"NO!" He smirked and looked down at Josh.
"It seems Mommy has Ophidiophobia!"
A/N: Ah yes. I have Ophidiophobia. Leave me alone. I hate snakes. LOL. Well, yes. A review would be nice. It'd be like christmas in... September. XD