Note: Everybody is hairy, whether they are willing to admit it or not. And if you're not, you will be.
Summary: Suifeng has no friends.
Hairy
Suifeng has no friends. It is a pure and simple fact.
Of course, there are many people within the Court of Pure Souls who would disagree with this statement, claiming that they are good friends - if not best friends - with the diminutive captain. There are many who have been in the presence of the Captain, joking around with her, laughing around with her, and even playing small friendly games. Why, there was a time shortly after Yoruichi's sudden abandonment that Suifeng developed a strange "friendship" with Kyorakou. She was often spied sitting on his front porch with him, drinking and laughing, making crude comments about the female form and how they "wouldn't mind a wild night" with one shinigami or another. Their years' long "friendship" came to a sudden end, however, when Nanao decided to go through a very sudden growth spurt and turned from a pushover child to a strict and demanding lieutenant with high, very high, expectations. Suddenly, the work Nanao had once oh so willingly completed without a word of complaint, became Kyorakou's responsibility. He had found himself spending more time pouring his (regrettably) undivided attention over forms that needed filling and reports that needed writing, and less time drinking and leering with Suifeng. While Kyorakou had regretted it, Suifeng shrugged it off. He was never her friend to begin with, so losing him was "no big deal".
There was even that one time when Toushirou had only just become the newly appointed captain of the 10th Division. Now, many people do not recall this, as it was such a long time ago and anybody who asked would be met with firm and almost dangerous denials from both the 10th and 2nd Captains, but the two were involved in several "friendly" games. Toushirou's name was already rather well known before he became a shinigami and the youngest captain in the history of the 13 Division Imperial Guards. While he put on such a convincing façade that he is anything but a child, his guilty pleasure betrayed him - Toushirou was once known as Rukongai's best Top Spinner. Suifeng had caught wind of this, and challenged him on more than one occasion out of sheer boredom. At first, they were simply competing- Toushirou trying to maintain his title, and Suifeng desperately trying to gain a new one. However, as the frequencies of their "battles" increased, and as challenging taunts turned into childish giggles, it became glaringly obvious that they enjoyed each other's company. But then, Matsumoto was promoted as lieutenant; and just like Kyorakou, Toushirou disappeared behind neglected paperwork. And still, Suifeng shrugged it off.
More recently, however, was Suifeng's involvement in the Shinigami Women's Association. While they were known for their involvement in the many improvements of female shinigami livelihoods, they were really more or less a group of girls sat around a large table gossiping as women are wont to do, and discussing boys (or girls, as is the case for Suifeng), music, food, and other such seemingly unimportant things. Of course, Suifeng had felt no real desire to join in on the conversations, and would never initiate anything of the sort, but her peers and "equals" always managed to coerce her into joining in on "girly bonding time". So when Rangiku commented on how Hisagi's arse was sculpted by the gods themselves, Suifeng talked about how her Yoruichi-sama's smile shone brighter than the sun. When Yachiru bounced in her seat excitedly while chatting away about Harry Potter and his merry gang, Suifeng calmly told her that Gandalf could "whoop Dumbledore's arse like the little bitch he is". When Suifeng was not wearing her title of Captain of the 2nd Division, Commander of the Onmitsukido, and Corp Commander of the Executive Militia, the Shinigami Women's Association grew to consider her a very good friend.
But see, Suifeng has no friends. She doesn't bond. She is a cold woman, only capable of producing cold hard facts. Friends, Suifeng believed, do not simply know about each other's likes and dislikes. They do not simply enjoy each other's companies (Suifeng can name a few inanimate objects she simply enjoys being around, but it doesn't mean that she is friends with them). Friends, Suifeng concluded through careful consideration, do not simply joke around each other, play games with each other. Friends do not simply sit around talking about such trivial things like the material world. Those were all just superficial pleasures that can be found in just about anybody, and just about anything.
Friends communicate without words.
So while she enjoys the company of a select few, while she enjoys the occasional giggle, game, or drink, while she does not hesitate to share her likes and dislikes, she absolutely refuses to become readable. Everybody knows that Suifeng loves black cats and they think they know why she does, but they do not know how black cats make all her insecurities fade momentarily. Everybody knows that Suifeng cried at the feet of her Yoruichi-sama when she returned, but nobody can tell you how she felt while she pressed her forehead raw over hot sand. Everybody thinks they know so much, Suifeng often thinks to herself, but they only know what she lets them see. See, she is an assassin- that shadow you see from the corner of your eyes but only realize that it's not really there once you focus your eyes on it. Suifeng is a master of disguise- that woman who is often seen mistreating her subordinates, but unseen is how her heart swells with pride when they excel above her own expectations.
Yes. Many people consider Suifeng a friend, but really Suifeng has no friends. Simply because nobody can read her well enough to deserve such a title.
"Hey, Suifeng, show me your hand."
'Ah, well. Maybe I've got one friend.' Suifeng thought to herself, while she extended her hand out to a particular woman with dark skin and bright eyes.
"That's so weird. Your hands are tiny!" Yoruichi exclaimed, while she pressed her palm against Suifeng's to compare sizes. Flipping their hands over, so that the back of their hands were facing upwards, Yoruichi exclaimed once more. "And you have no knuckle hairs!" she whined while Suifeng rolled her eyes.
Suifeng used to wonder about her relationship with Yoruichi. Nearly all of their conversations were trivial in nature, such as the conversation they were having at that very moment. Yoruichi behaved around her like she would with any other person; and while Suifeng regarded her with more respect than she would with anybody else, she liked to think that there was no marked difference between her and Yoruichi and, say, her and Unohana Retsu. Sure, Yoruichi used to be able to stir explosive emotions in an un-lidded blender within her once upon a time, but Suifeng always put it down to her previously revering her like a God and nothing more. And it's true, that for a very long while Suifeng had only ever seen Yoruichi as the human manifestation of an omnibenevolent being, and worshipped her like one. But quite suddenly, everything just changed.
Suifeng used to pretend she did not notice, because after Yoruichi returned from her 100 years absence, she was more than happy to repent for her blasphemous attitudes against her Goddess. But something was definitely different, and suddenly worshipping and idolising became too frustrating and degrading an act for her. If Suifeng had to tell you where it all started, she would have said that it happened when she was kneeling at Yoruichi's feet the day they fought. She would tell you how she remembers looking up at Yoruichi's face and her breath suddenly freezing at the base of her throat. While any other person would see Yoruichi frowning almost disapprovingly at the curled form of Suifeng, Suifeng saw something else. And if you were to ask her to explain, she would say that she heard Yoruichi cry just as hard as she and she heard Yoruichi apologise profusely, all without shedding a tear or uttering a word.
At the time, Suifeng had brushed it all off as wishful thinking, that Yoruichi had not really done any more than frown at her. Because days later Yoruichi provided her with a full explanation of her actions even though Suifeng, as she had told Aizen during the Winter War, had always known. However, when they were not talking about whose eyelashes were curlier, or why Sasakibe was such a white supremacist despite him not being white, when they were silent, things felt different. It was something new and unfamiliar to Suifeng, and perhaps to both – but Suifeng was never really good at mind-reading. Even when they were not speaking verbally, they were still speaking. A simple glance spoke of deepest secrets and raw emotions, and a simple twitch of the lips told stories. It happened so often, that soon enough, the two of them would spend some days simply sitting together in absolute silence. The trained eye would see all the unspoken words shared between the two souls who had grown from a God and her servant to friends. While it was hard to believe how things had progressed between them, Suifeng soon found herself admitting to herself and submitting herself to the changes between them.
"I feel like an ape compared to you. I mean, look at this! The hairs on your legs are so fine they're practically invisible. But if I do not shave my legs, I'd have man legs!" Yoruichi exclaimed while stretching her bare legs next to Suifeng's, snapping Suifeng out of her musings.
"It's because I'm Chinese." Suifeng replied casually, breaking into a teasing grin.
Yoruichi only got more frustrated and turned her bare back to Suifeng. "Do you see that?"
"I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm supposed to see." Suifeng replied, her eyes wandering the delicious skin before her, only more beautified with fading battle scars.
"The small of my back, Suifeng! It's got hair on it!"
"…Where?"
"Okay, maybe they're not very visible, but they are there! But you? You're more hairless than a baby's bottom!" Yoruichi whined, throwing her arms up and dropping herself against Suifeng's chest.
Yoruichi looked up at Suifeng's seemingly annoyed expression with a self-pitying frown, but lights only Suifeng can see danced jovially in her eyes.
Yes, Yoruichi is her friend.
"If it makes you feel any better, Chinese women tend to grow hideous moustaches when they're old." Suifeng said, stroking Yoruichi's cheek with the pad of her thumb.
With a laugh, Yoruichi sat up and brushed her lips lightly against Suifeng's. "Yeah. That does make me feel a little better."
And her lover.
"That way, when we're both shrivelled up like prunes, we can be old and hairy together." Yoruichi laughed, leaning her forehead against Suifeng's. Suifeng only smiled back, reaching out and pinching Yoruichi's inner thigh.
Yup, and her soul mate as well.
END