Title: Phoenix

Author: TracyT

Rating: K+

Category: Romance, Family

Summary: Rick returns home and something's wrong

Spoilers: None

Archive: Yes, Please!

Feedback to:

Disclaimer: Not mine, but I wish they were. No profit will be made on this. It is a labor of love.

Note: This just kind of popped into my head one day. Hope you like it.

#######

Rick Castle knew something was wrong the minute he entered baggage claim. He'd been on a three-week book tour out of the country and had just flown in from Japan this morning.

Usually, when he returned from travelling, no one came to meet him at the airport. He'd hire a car service to take him home and call them all from the airport telling them he was back in New York and would see them soon. He didn't want them to have to come all the way out to Kennedy to meet him. Sometimes, however, they would come out to meet him as a nice surprise.

Today, as he descended the escalator, he could see the three of them rise from a bench at his appearance, his mother, Alexis and Kate all with serious expressions on their faces. Normally Alexis would bound over and hug him, while Kate and his mother would bring up the rear, smiles on their faces, chattering and joking with him. Not today.

As they approached he immediately said, "What's wrong?" Alexis came up and gave him a long, hard hug. He looked over her head at Kate and Martha, who just shook their heads.

"It's fine, darling," Martha said softly, a rather shaky smile on her lips. "Welcome home."

He wasn't buying it. He let go of Alexis and turned to Kate. "Kate?" She shook her head again and held out her arms. He thought her hug had a sense of urgency to it, and she seemed reluctant to let him go.

"We, uh, brought a car," she said as she pulled back. She looked up at him and there was something in her eyes that had him frowning. "I'm glad you're home," she said quietly, stroking his cheek, and giving him a quick kiss on lips.

"Okay, come on you guys, tell me," he said, looking quickly between them. He was becoming increasingly disturbed. He'd talked to Kate briefly last night, and although she was quiet and the conversation short, she'd said it was just that she'd had a long day. Clearly it was something else.

"Richard, let it wait until we get home, okay?" His mother said, patting him on the arm.

What the hell is going on? He thought desperately.

#######

The trip home was a silent affair. Alexis sat up front with the driver, and his mother sat in the back with Kate and him. Kate laced her fingers with his and tucked her head under his chin. He put an arm around her and held her to him, sensing a sadness to her that he'd never felt before. In nearly a year of marriage everything had been so happy, so carefree and he racked his brain trying to figure out what was now her. He'd move heaven and earth to make her happy, to keep her happy, and frankly, right now she was scaring him.

#######

When they finally walked into the door of the loft, his mother turned to him and with a deep breath said, "You two need to talk. Alexis and I will go upstairs."

"That's all right, Martha," Kate said, taking Rick's hand. "We'll go into the bedroom."

She led him through his office and into their bedroom and sat with him on the edge of the bed.

"Kate," he said, turning to her. "Please, tell me what's going on."

She looked at him with sad eyes. "First of all," she cupped his face in her hands. "I want you to know I love you, okay?" She kissed him softly.

He had an arm around her waist and one on her shoulder. "I love you, too, Kate, but you're scaring the hell out of me. What's happened?"

She looked away from him and took a deep breath and breathed it out slowly. "Rick, there's no easy way to tell you this. Three days ago—I had a miscarriage. I was pregnant and I lost the baby." She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

Thunderstruck, he could only look at her with his mouth open for a few seconds. "What? Kate." He clutched her to him and squeezed her as hard as he could. "Oh my God, Kate." He couldn't take this all in. "Wha…how?"

She pulled back and swiped at her eyes. "Sunday morning I woke up and I was in pain. A lot of pain. When I threw the sheets back there was blood. More than I have during my monthly period. Martha and Alexis called an ambulance for me, but it was too late. By the time I woke up, I'd already lost the baby. I had no idea I was even pregnant."

He held her away from him by the shoulders. "Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me? I would have come home immediately."

Kate shook her head. "Rick, you were half way across the world. I wanted to see you desperately, but it would only have upset you and there was nothing you could have done. We decided to wait to tell you until you got home."

As he looked at her his vision blurred and he sniffled. "Kate," he breathed, his lower lip quivering. "Our baby." He held her to him again and she felt him sniffle and breathe heavily against her. She held on to him tightly, stroking the hair at the back of his head, tears running down her face to join his. After a few seconds he pulled back to look into her face.

"Kate, God, I didn't even ask. Honey, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. The doctor said I didn't suffer any permanent damage. We just can't have sex for a couple of weeks until I heal."

"But there can be other babies?"

Kate nodded. "The doctor doesn't think there will be any problem, and they will monitor me a lot closer next time, but this baby…." She looked at him and tears filled her eyes again.

Rick wiped the tears from her cheeks with the sides of his thumbs and shook his head. "No. No. Listen to me." He scooted around to lay back against the pillows with her in his arms. As she settled against him with her head on his chest, his voice was low and husky as he sniffled. "Our baby's soul has just returned to heaven for a short time, until we are ready for her again. She'll be back. You'll see."

Kate stroked his stomach. "How do you know it's a girl, it could be a little boy."

Rick shook his head again. "Nope. It's a girl. I just know."

They lay in silence for a long time as the light faded from the room, content to just hold each other.

#######

A few days later, Kate quietly walked into Rick's office. She rarely disturbed him when he was writing, but she needed to talk to him.

"Hey," she stood next to his chair and bumped him with her leg. He put the laptop on the desk and drew her down to sit on his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

He turned his head and kissed her softly on the mouth. "Hey, what's up?"

She leaned her cheek against his. "I talked to Paula today."

Rick pressed his lips together. "Paula may be looking for a new job soon. I told her not to say anything to you."

"Rick, she's the best at what she does, you don't want to lose her."

"Maybe." He sounded mulish.

"She said you told her no more book tours. Ever. What's up with that?" She lifted her head to look at him.

"Kate, when you had the miscarriage, I wasn't even here to help you through it. I should have been here," he said, sounding distressed.

"Rick," she stroked his cheek. "It wasn't like we could have predicted it or anything. You were doing your job. How does that translate into no more book tours?"

He shook his head. "I am never going to be away from you for long periods of time again, that's all there is to it."

"Rick, I love you for being so protective of me, and I wish you'd been here, yes, but you can't just put your entire life on hold just in case something happens. Your career is too important to you."

He squeezed her to him. "You're too important to me."

Touched, she held him in silence for a few moments. "I tell you what. If I can swing it, I will come with you on the book tours from now on, okay? Will that make a difference?"

"That would be great, but I know you can't always come."

"Just promise me we'll work something out, that you'll think about it, okay?

Rick sighed. "I'll think about it."

#######

Two weeks later, Rick rolled away from her, breathing heavily, and tried to ignore her sound of protest.

"Rick, what's wrong?" Kate put an arm around him from behind and held him.

"Nothing, I just think maybe it's too soon."

"Too soon? Isn't that for me to decide?" Kate started kissing her way up his arm. Again he pulled away from her.

Trying to keep the hurt from her voice, she said, "What is it? Do you not find me attractive anymore?"

"What? No. God, no." He rolled over and took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. "How can you even say that to me? I will have you know, you are the most beautiful, the sexiest woman I have ever known. I just…I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you."

"Rick," she breathed a sigh of relief. "You're not going to hurt me. At least, I will definitely let you know if you do, but I don't think there's much chance of that. I'm fine."

When he remained silent, just looking at her with a sad worried expression, she cupped his cheek with one hand and stroked his bottom lip with her thumb before kissing him softly. "Rick, please, make love to me," she said softly.

He put a hand on her hip to roll her onto her back and covered her body with his.

#######

Six months later she surprised him in his hotel in Miami—where he was being generally grumpy about 80 degree temperatures combined with Christmas decorations-to tell him in person she was pregnant again.

Suddenly a tropical Christmas seemed like a fun adventure-now that she was there.

#######

One day when Kate was four months pregnant and her hormones were out of control, they staggered into their bedroom, kissing and tugging at each other's clothing. Rick closed the door and they both started throwing clothes off as fast as they could, while kissing and caressing each other.

Kate got her top and bra off, while Rick was working on his belt buckle. He pulled her close and she closed her eyes expecting a kiss, but instead he leaned down and said into her stomach, "Close your eyes, little buddy." Kate's laughter was cut off when they fell onto the bed.

#######

"Push, Kate. Come on, PUSH." Rick was alternately holding her hand during contractions, and going around the table next to the doctor to see what progress was being made on the business end.

"I am pushing!" She growled. Sixteen hours of labor had left her exhausted, and they expected her to push harder? She wasn't going to make it. She pushed through the contraction and fell back against the bed with a sob of distress.

"Kate," Rick came around again and wiped her brow with a wet cloth. "Come on, honey, she's almost here."

Kate shook her head. "Too tired. Can't do it," she panted. "Can't you just take the baby?" Kate implored the doctor. Dr. Simmons shook his head. "Sorry, it doesn't work like that."

Rick spooned some ice chips into her mouth. "Kate, you know if I could, I'd do this for you." Yes, strangely, she did know that. If Rick could have taken the baby into his own body and delivered it, if that could have been an option, Kate knew he would have.

Another strong contraction started, and Kate's face screwed up in a grimace.

She felt a movement and suddenly, despite the protests of the medical staff, Rick was behind her on the bed, his legs alongside hers, holding her and letting her bear back against him during the contraction. "Come on, Kate, push back against me, you can do it."

When it was done he let her lie back and rest against him. It had become a team effort and Kate felt a renewed sense of strength from it.

"Mrs. Castle, the baby's crowning, I want you to push as hard as you can," the doctor said. She and Rick pushed together, both grunting and groaning, until the doctor told her to stop so he could clear the baby's shoulders. "Come on Kate, breathe," Rick started huffing and panting to illustrate what she should do.

"Okay, one last time, push." The doctor called out.

Kate, assisted by Rick, pushed as hard as she could. Then she felt something slide from inside her and the sound of a baby's cry.

"It's a girl," the nurse beamed at them. "A little girl."

Both Kate and Rick were crying and laughing in joy at the same time. The nurse cleaned the baby up and wrapped her in a little pink blanket. She brought her over and placed her in Kate's arms. Rick put his just under Kate's so they held her together.

"Look," Kate turned to Rick. "Look at her. She's beautiful."

Rick's eyes were suspiciously shiny. "Yes, she is. She's going to be just as beautiful as her mother." He kissed Kate.

The baby let out another lusty cry and they both chuckled.

#######

Kate shook her head and took the picture. It was Emma's first birthday and they'd gotten her a little cake of her own to demolish, and demolish she did. She had pink frosting on her face, on her dress and in her hair. To top it all off, Rick had knelt down beside her and had frosting smeared down one side of his face with little fingers. He'd just laughed and that's the picture Kate had snapped. Emma and Rick covered in frosting.

"Like daughter, like father," she said with a smirk.

"C'mere, Mommy, Em wants to tell you something," Rick gestured.

"Oh, no, I'm not falling for that one. It's going to take an army to get this all cleaned up."

"Or a fire hose," Martha chuckled, a wine glass in her hand.

"Ah, it's not that bad," Rick said, taking a birthday napkin and wiping Emma's face. "Is it, Em? Huh? Is it?" He said in baby talk. Kate rolled her eyes, and Emma giggled a Rick wiped one arm and hand.

Kate's smile faded a bit when she remembered the time not so long ago when she'd lost the baby, and what Rick had told her about the baby's soul returning to them. Her happiness today was in such stark contrast to her misery back then.

She made sure no one was looking and put a hand on her stomach. Now, how was she going to tell him about this one? She shook her head and took another picture.

Fin