To James,
There are so many things that I need to say to you. I feel it is best that I write these things down, if not, I may not get through them all before I do or say something totally stupid...or even more likely you do.
James, you are a really nice, genuine guy and I really value your friendship and never want to lose that because I think that we have something special. I know that you want more, and I am scared. I am scared that you think too much of me, that you have created an image of me in your mind that I will not be able to match, and I don't think that I can bear with your disappointment.
I don't think that I will be able to cope with looking into your face every day and knowing that I am not what you want, but you feel that you have to stay with me because I have finally accepted and you are too much of a gentleman to end things.
I am scared that if we get together and I do not live up to your expectations, then I will break your heart, and I don't think I could bear doing that to you; you are far too special to me. I am scared to look into your eyes and know that I am not good enough for you. You may have wanted to be with me for years, but you, James Potter, are the reason that I have rejected all your efforts. You are so special and wonderful and full of brilliant ideas that I can't even begin to describe, I have rejected you because I don't want you to lose all of those wonderful qualities that made me take notice of you in the first place.
But most of all, I am scared to live my life without saying I love you, even if you don't feel the same way anymore because I have wasted so much time. I know that you are getting bored with my games, and I know that you have persevered for years, and now that I finally want you, I am scared that you have moved on. But James, I love you more than my own existence, I don't know how to explain my feelings. Every time I breathe, I thank God because I can breathe in your essence and with every heartbeat and every whisper; I love you a little bit more. It is like I am drowning in you, but no one can notice, because I am not fighting against it anymore, I am letting myself be submerged.
James I love you, I have always loved you and always will.
Lily x
*****
To Lily,
I need to tell you something.
You know that I admire you. That you are fantastic and I don't understand why you won't just give me a chance, but I have decided to listen to my friends. I am moving on. I am sorry, and I hope that this respects your wishes, and I will not be bothering you in the future.
No matter who else I meet, you were the first, and you will always be with me, half of my heart is reserved for you, and if you never take it, it will still be yours and yours alone, it will not beat for anyone else. They say that time is a great healer, and maybe in time, that half of my heart will grow and heal, and I will not remember you with a pain of longing, but I will remember you as the girl that took my breath away.
Good luck in life
Love
James x x x
*****
To Lily,
I hope that I have not ruined things between us, my last letter was from the heart and I will never forget you. I am sad that you have not answered me, and I am even sadder that you cannot see that you are in love with me and that I love you more than life itself.
I would love to hear from you sometime this summer. Sirius is at ours, he left his parents the day he hit sixteen, he says hi.
Anyway, I have been asked out by Marie Ellis, I thought I would let you know, because even if you don't want to be my girlfriend, I still want us to be friends. It would break my heart not to have you in my life.
Love
James x x x
*****
To Lily,
It seems like you have disappeared off the face of the earth. I have sent you countless owls, asking for conversation from you, but still I hear nothing. Is there something I have missed? I am so sorry if I have hurt you. Just let me know, please, even if you want to scream at me. Send me a howler! Come to my house and hex me! It would be so much better than this God awful indifference that you are showing me.
Please Lily,
Love
James x x x
*****
To Lily,
Please answer me
I am always yours, even though you'll never be mine,
Love
James x x x
*****
To Lily,
I spoke to Sirius last night, he saw that I was upset and asked me about it.
I then found out everything. I know why you are ignoring me, and believe me if I had known, I would have never sent you all those letters.
I have kicked Sirius out, and our friendship is perhaps ended forever, I don't care, it was his fault and I don't want you to feel responsible in any way for what happens between us. He stole your first letter Lily; I read it last night and cried. I haven't cried in almost 10 years, but last night, nothing could console me, I went to bed crying and woke this morning with tears filling my eyes.
To see it written with such certainty that you love me, and always will, made me shake with anger. Why couldn't you have told me this Lily? Why couldn't you have given me a signal? Why did you write something that special and sacred in a letter that can, and was intercepted with the simplest of ease?
All I feel now is despair, I know that I have damaged whatever we had, and I cry because of that.
Please Lily, I love you, you know I do. To see your hand write the words was the most amazing experience of my life. All the other was nonsense, how could I not love you? I am infatuated by you and I need you to know, that you would be better than all my expectations combined. Nothing could be better than me holding you in my arms, to have you to myself, and to hear you say that you love me.
I know that I have ruined everything by my sheer ignorance and Lily I hope that you can forgive me.
I love you forever,
James xxx
*****
To Lily,
Please, don't be mad at me, I hid that letter so James could move on. You don't know what it's like, James just sits and mopes around, and he doesn't do anything. We told him to move on, practically forced him to write that letter, and then I find an owl addressed to him with your handwriting. I had to hide it; I had to get my best friend back. I realise now, what I did, I am the most selfish person ever and I feel that I have ruined my best friend's happiness forever. Please Lily, do not blame James; hate me, not him. You are the only girl I want my James to be with, you are two of a kind, and if I believed in soul mates, you two are the real deal.
Just give him another chance, and I will spend my whole life trying to make it up to you
Please Lily,
Sirius x
*****
To Lily,
I understand your lack of response to be a no, you won't forgive me. I understand what an idiot I am, I can't believe that I gave up two seconds too soon and I will spend my life paying for that mistake.
I love you, please find it heart to forgive me, and even if all else fails, I hope we can be friends,
James xxx
*****
To James,
I am sorry that I have not answered your letters.
Understandably I have been upset, I gave you my heart, and I received a letter of rejection. How is a girl supposed to feel? I found out that the boy of my dreams had given up on me.
Time is indeed a great healer, but I don't think that we can be friends. It hurts me too much to even think about you, let alone be near you, hear you talk and, even worse, to see you with other girls.
You hurt me, and I don't think that I can trust you anymore. Maybe one day, we can be friends again, and then maybe, it will develop into something more.
I hope so
Lily x
*****
To Lily,
It pains me to know that I have hurt you in such a way. I vow that I will do everything in my power to make you trust me again, even if it takes me my whole life.
Please, Lily, I don't think that I can cope with Hogwarts if you aren't speaking to me.
Lily, I promise you, that in the future, when you are doing great things, I will come and find you. We can then have those wild adventures that we always talked about and have good times. We can be great, and the world will never forget Lily and James Potter. I promise.
Forever,
James xxx