I took deep, shuddering breathes, trying desperately to calm my nerves. I was doing what was right, logical, selfless. I was doing what a proper princess, who put her country and her people before herself would do. But that didn't stop me from being absolutely terrified. I'd spent my entire life in Archenland. And now my father was marrying me off to the new King of Narnia, to secure peace and prosperity for our Land. I knew that I would go through with it, do the responsible thing, but I was still scared. What if I was a bad Queen? What if the people hated me? What if I couldn't care about my husband? What if he couldn't care about me?
But instead of throwing my bouquet across the room and running out of the room, out of the palace, out of Narnia, and continue running forever, I lowered my head, and let my lady-in-waiting, Hennie, pin the heavy, almost opaque veil and diadem to my head. The thick veil was an Archenland tradition. It was possible to see through if you were wearing it, but almost impossible if one tried to gaze upon the wearer. Throughout history, it had become a custom to cover the face of a bride from Archenland, as she often cried. This was not a pretty sight, so heavy veils quickly came into fashion. As a child I thought it a stupid tradition. I had always assumed that I'd be the happiest woman alive on my wedding day; that I'd be marrying a man that I loved. Now I was more grateful for that veil than I ever thought possible. I felt so close to tears, and I hadn't even set foot on the isle yet.
I had heard that King Caspian X was very handsome. That he was steadfast, humble, kind, and a good leader. But I had heard the same about Miraz, from those too scared to say otherwise. It is not my intention to compare the two- I knew that King Caspian could not be so bad, if he had been chosen by the Great Lion himself. The point was, that you heard a lot of things about a lot of people, and it was impossible to tell a person's true character based on gossip and conjecture.
I heard the music start, and couldn't hold back the small gasp, as my body went numb. I was beyond tears. I knew what was expected of me.
Slowly, I began forward. The doors opened, and I saw a figure at the end of the aisle. Because of the thick fabric in front of my face, I couldn't make out his features at that distance. I saw that he was tall, with dark hair, and a slender, athletic build. I saw the tense set of his shoulders, and was somehow comforted. Walking down the aisle, and getting closer, I saw the dark eyes, the strong set of his jaw, and knew that he was just as nervous as me. I felt my heart flutter, and my cheeks warm, but not from fear, as before. I wanted to comfort this man, let him know that it was going to be okay, that we were in the same boat, and could work it out together.
Before I had a chance to so much as reach out my hand for his, though, the double doors once again flew open, as a messenger came sprinting in, straight to Caspian. He whispered in the King's ear, and his eyes went wide, glancing down at me, before he turned and gave hushed instructions to the messenger.
As the boy ran off once again, Caspian turned to the guests, who were now shifting and muttering amongst themselves. He addressed the room "Ladies and gentleman, I regret to inform you that the wedding will have to be postponed. I have just been informed that a Calormen army is marching here as we speak." A collective gasp was heard, myself included. "They are no doubt threatened by this union, and an army of our own must be organized. I'm very sorry, but I must leave you now."
With that he bowed, stiffly kissed my hand, and left, my father, their generals and advisors hurrying after him. I stood there, in shock of the news, of the situation, of being left at the alter, until Hennie quickly ushered me away, before the throng of wedding guests could descend.
Once back in my quarters, I collapsed into a chair, as Hennie tried to get me out of my wedding attire. As she pulled my veil off, I realized that Caspian didn't even know what I looked like. For some reason this disturbed me greatly. Hennie gently draped a robe over me, and I wrapped it tighter as I made my way to the window. I sat on the seat there, staring out long after the cavalry, lead by a pure black horse, its rider in shining silver, disappeared over the horizon.
Months passed. We heard word from the battlefront every now and again, usually requesting more men or supplies. The armies seemed to be pretty evenly matched, but I still worried. I was unsure of my place here, too. The ceremony hadn't finished, and I wasn't yet Queen. I found myself in an awkward limbo from which I couldn't escape. Some expected me to do something, to take a stand, while others complained that it wasn't my place, or my right, to take lead. Because of this, I spent most of my time in my quarters, or the healing ward. I was a skilled healer, and my gifts were needed.
For a few days, there seemed to be a lull in the amount of soldiers we were receiving from the battlefront. I couldn't help but become cautiously optimistic, thinking that the fighting must be dying down. That was not the case.
I was sitting at the window seat, which had become my usual haunt, gazing at the sunrise, when I noticed movement below. A group of horses was headed toward the palace, stretchers between them. I saw a pitch black horse and a flash of metal, darker, more tarnished, but undeniably silver.
Springing up, I gathered my skirt to navigate the twisting stairs and passages quicker, running to meet the procession. One look at the faces of the men leading the horses when they saw me was enough to confirm my fears. I quickly lead the men bearing the stretchers to the ward, as they explained what had happened.
"We got overconfident. Those Calormen Devils' attacks were becoming fewer and farther between, and we got careless. That's when they ambushed us. His Majesty fought like a true hero, putting himself in danger to save another. That's how he got the nasty chest wound, and as he fell off his horse, another sword caught him on the leg."
As the men were talking, I gently began taking off his armor. Caspian seemed to be asleep, or unconscious, which might have been kinder, considering the severity of his wounds. There were more than just the two that the soldiers had described, but it was obvious they were the worst, and I hadn't even gotten passed his underclothes yet.
I could tell my voice was shaking as I addressed the men, but I tried to remain as composed and diplomatic as possible. "Gentlemen, I'd like to thank you for your service and bravery. If you're hurt, another healer will attend to you shortly, but in the meantime, there's plenty of food in the kitchen."
After I dismissed the men, I pulled the curtain around the bed he was resting on, and returned to Caspian's wounds, gasping at their severity. The gash to his chest was the worst, long and jagged, and down to his ribs. After making a poultice and bandaging the wound once more, I turned to the one on his inner thigh, which was the other one mentioned. I couldn't help but blush as I removed the garments hiding the cut, trying to ignore his lean body, and instead focus on the gaping laceration that marred his smooth, tan skin.
I cleaned the rest of his wounds, and checked his head for possible concussions. As I was gently running my hands through his hair, looking for bumps, Caspian shifted slightly, his mouth pulling in a way the looked a but like a soft smile.
My hands paused, eyes transfixed upon his sleeping visage. Until then, I had never seen him smile, or look so relaxed. I warm, painful ache began somewhere deep in my chest, and I began hoping fervently that he would open his eyes, and finally look at me.
But his wounds were deep, and my brew was strong, and he did not wake that day, or the day after, or the day after.
I started talking to him after a week. Telling him about the weather, about the other patients, about our army gaining the upper hand by the fervor with which our soldiers were fighting after they saw their King go down, anything to try to entice him back to our world. I didn't know where his mind was, but I tried everything I could think of to bring it back to me. Everything but telling him who I was. I didn't tell him my name, my position, what I looked like, anything that might lead him to think, if he was listening, that I was his fiancee. I tried to tell myself that it was because I didn't want to burden him, or remind him of the obligations he still had here, but deep down, I knew that it was because I was afraid that if he knew I was waiting for him, he'd never want to come back.
So, the days passed, and I talked to him whenever I thought that there wasn't anyone around to hear. His slowly began healing, but still he didn't wake.
One day, as I was leaning over him to fluff his pillow, I couldn't help but think what an awkward position this would be if he chose that exact moment to wake up. It must have been that thought to cause my paranoia, but out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw his eyes flutter ever so slightly. I quickly pulled back, desperately searching his face for some sort of sign, but it remained as it had looked for the past three weeks- like he was in the clutches of living death. After a full 10 minutes of no other movement, I gave a soft sigh, and made my way back to my room to curl up on my window seat for a few hours, before tending to Caspian again.
I was more exhausted than I anticipated, because when I finally awoke, it was because of the moonlight shining on my face. Quickly, I slipped shoes on and hurried back to the ward. Since I wouldn't let anyone else tend to Caspian's wounds, I was already a few hours behind on changing his bandages. I prayed fervently as I half-ran to the ward that the poultice hadn't congealed, which would pull the scabs off the wounds and extend the healing time.
But when I got to the ward, I stopped dead in my tracks. A side of the curtain surrounding the bed had been pushed back, and for one agonizing, heart-wrenching second, I feared the worst, that he hadn't made it. But then I realized that if the King had passed, there would surely be an uproarious mourning, and noticed how the sheets and bedding had the look of those thrown back by someone getting out of bed. I turned around, looking for any sign of movement, when I spied a silhouette leaning against the doorframe. Slowly, he straightened, and limped into the light provided by the full moon shining through the window.
My breath caught in my throat as the light hit his face, triumphant and proud.
"It's you, isn't it?" He asked, softly. "The one who talked to me."
I kept my eyes down, suddenly aware of my appearance. I was too busy taking care of him to think of anything else, and was wearing my simplest dress that I usually reserved for hiking and gardening, with my hair pulled back, and no make up on. Softly I nodded, suddenly speechless.
I finally looked up when I felt his eyes all over me, taking everything in, making the almost constant ache in my chest increase, and the heat rise in my cheeks. When I made eye contact, he held it longer than I was expecting, like he was trying to look past everything, straight into my soul.
"Please talk to me some more." He said, limping back to the bed. I noticed his sharp wince as he sat down heavily on the bed, and I couldn't help but fuss over him.
"Here, you need your bandages changed." I said plucking softly at his shirt. I slowly helped him get it back over his head. I gasped a little when I saw how much blood had leaked through the bandage from the gash opening again. I tended to the one on his chest first, before turning bright red when I told him I'd have to do the one on his leg too. He blushed some too, but joked "Couldn't wait to get my pants off, can you?"
This made me smile, but on the inside I was angry and hurt. He was engaged! He shouldn't be flirting with nurses, even if the nurse he was flirting with was his fiancee. He didn't know that! As I was cleaning the wound, I asked "How much longer do you think your wedding is going to be postponed? Now that the Calormen army is all but wiped out, it won't be much longer now, will it?"
His friendlier, easy demeanor instantly shifted. "Is she still here? I wouldn't know, seeing as she's never come to talk to me. Yours is the only voice I've heard. She's probably off playing games and enjoying life, like the princess she is."
His harsh words cut me to the core, so unprepared for them I was. My hands fumbled on the bandage I was wrapping, and he winced. "That's not true at all. Her Highness comes to you whenever she can."
Caspian snorted. "Whatever. I'm sure this whole thing has been so difficult for her." His voice dripped with sarcasm and contempt, and I finally broke.
"You have no idea, no idea what she's been through. From the moment she saw you standing there at the alter, she fell in love with you. When you left, without even sparing a backwards glance at her, she didn't know what to do with herself. She couldn't eat, or sleep, just spent her days sitting at the window, waiting for you to come back. You think your people have accepted her with open arms? With no true title and no security, she's been treated as nothing but an outsider, who's expected to step up and prove her abilities by some, and to butt out and mind her own business by others. So don't you dare judge her so harshly, because she's just been doing the best that she can."
And with that, I fled, finding the head healer in one of the other ward rooms.
"His Majesty has woken up, and won't be needing my care anymore. Please be sure to tend to him in the morning." I couldn't keep all of the bitterness and hurt from my voice as I spoke with her. "And don't mention me, or who I am." I added before leaving.
I wouldn't couldn't cry before I made it to my room. I had was in love with this man, had nursed him back to health, was supposed to be his bride, and he sneered at the mere mention of me. How could I live with something like that? Just because whoever he thought the Princess was hadn't talked to him while he was asleep, that didn't mean that she didn't care about him.
I had to leave. I didn't want him to know that it was me this whole time. I didn't want him to realize how devoted I'd become in a few short weeks. The Narnian and Anchenlandian armies had united to defeat the Calormens, and that should be enough to keep the Lands in good relations. He didn't need me anymore.
I woke Hennie, and had her draw me a bath and set out a clean, more beautiful dress. I had spent weeks in these rags, worried too much about Caspian to care about myself. But that was done. I would go home, and act like the Princess I was expected to be. I had to care about myself, if nobody else would.
By the time I was ready and my things had been packed, it was morning, I had had Hennie wake the horsemen, so my coach would be waiting for me, and I could leave quickly and quietly. If Caspian felt the same way about me as he did last night, he wouldn't try to stop me.
After my things were loaded into the trunk, I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself before leaving this place, and the man I had fallen in love with. I made my way to the carriage, when I heard the call. Recognizing the voice, I slowly turned around.
I finally faced him, taking even longer to look up at his face, and when I finally did, all that was registered was shock. I felt tears well, I was so embarrassed, angry, and hurt.
After a few seconds of floundered stuttering, he finally got out "Th-they told me that the Princess was leaving." I took a great breath, squaring my shoulders, and answered "They told you right." In a softer voice, seeing hurt quickly flash across his face, I added "You don't need me anymore. Narnia and Archenland have a common enemy, and will remain united." I went on, even softer "And it's obvious you don't want me here, that I'm just a burden. You wouldn't even give me a chance." Now the tears were rolling down my cheeks. "I was ready to give you everything, and you swept me aside like I was nothing. Like I was nothing." I repeated, softer, "You wouldn't even give me a chance."
I hadn't noticed how close he had gotten until he reached out and grabbed my arms. "How could a give someone I'd never met a chance, when I fell in love with an angle while I slept?" He asked softly.
I gasped and finally looked at his face again. I felt like I was going to drown in his eyes, they were so deep.
"I was somewhere far away, the pain of my body pushing me away from my world even more, when I heard your voice. At first, it was so pure and perfect I thought that it surely had to be Aslan's Country calling to me, but then I realized that it was back with my body, coaxing me back to the real world."
"And you came back." I couldn't help but add, between the gasps of my crying.
"I came back for you." He said, before pressing his lips to mine.
It was the kiss to end all kisses. The kind of kiss that goes down in history. It was warm, and hard, and full of wanting and care and some sadness. It was a kiss of sunrises and champagne. I was soaring and falling and drowning all at the same time, and he was there to fly with me, to catch me and pull me from the ocean. I knew now that I could never be parted from him, and he held me as though letting go would mean that he would surely die.
But it ended, as all kisses do, and I had to cling to him to remain standing. His arms wrapped around me to bring me as close to him as possible, as he buried his face in my hair and murmured fervent apologies and beautiful promises, that brought tears to my eyes once again.
"Never leave me." He whispered
"I won't" Sealing the promise I would keep for the rest of my life with another kiss.
