Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho
Last Chance
Five rare words led to a rare night indeed.
First, Mukuro's parting phrase: "You've got the night off."
Second, upon crossing the barrier and landing on the tree outside Kurama's bedroom window: the absence of the fox's scent, an empty room, and an envelope with an address engraved at the back.
With nothing else to do, Hiei fingered the engraving, sighed exasperatedly, used his jagan and was in the district of the address in no time.
Landing on the red brick street, Hiei looked around and took note of his surroundings. The houses and cobbled walls looked old, made of stained concrete and bricks that were very much unlike the wood-and-paper structures he was accustomed to in Japan. The people walking along the lined street carried black umbrellas like it was a weapon. Some granted him strange looks, whispering in a language that Hiei immediately recognized as not Japanese.
Ignoring the crowd, he walked a little to the east and faced a thin building sandwiched between two bustling coffee shops. There was a small patio inside where a rusted swingset hung forlornly. Weeds and grass grew tall and nourished, like they were pets. He took note of the golden plate stuck on the black iron fence.
67 Loopdale Avenue.
He looked at the address on the crumpled envelope in his hands and smiled in satisfaction. He was right on track.
Suddenly, a soft body collided into him.
"Sumimasen-I mean, pardon, monsieur!" the mass of brown coat, scarf and black umbrella exclaimed. Hiei looked up at the owner of the voice and blinked.
"Did moving to another country make you lose your agility and demon sense?" Hiei asked flatly.
Green eyes looked at him from head to toe, and then back up. It blinked several times, then after being convinced that what it was seeing was real, finally grew wide in recognition.
"Hiei!"
"Hn," Hiei said, crossing his arms and facing the flustered human that was Kurama. "You've grown taller."
Kurama stepped back and seemed to have lost words to say. Finally, after a moment's hesitation, he spoke. "What are you doing here?"
"I should ask the same about you," Hiei retorted.
"I- I live here now," Kurama said defiantly. "Wait, does Mukuro know you're in Ningenkai?"
"What does it matter?" Hiei spat, his voice rising along with his temper. Perhaps looking for Kurama had not been such a good idea after all. It seemed like the fox had changed a lot, judging from his appearance and his new abode. Hiei took note of the extreme length the fox's hair had gotten, now tied back in a braid. He turned around to leave, but suddenly a hold on his wrist stopped him.
"Please, Hiei, I was just surprised, that's all," Kurama said, giving, if it was even possible, a smile that was both hesitant and determined. "Come inside."
The fox fished for something in his pocket and drew out a set of keys, after which he used it to open the iron grill fence and proceeded to prod Hiei in. The fire demon allowed himself to be pulled up the stone steps, then pulled past an ornate oak door. Once inside, Hiei looked around and blinked at the décor - the setup was very different from the houses and temples in Japan; actually it resembled more of the old castles in Makai. There were lots of carvings and sculptures and curves made from both metal and wood. Flowers lined the walls and there was no space that was blank. Framed paintings hung around the room, interspersed with curious trinkets like clocks, statues of cloaked women and a man on a cross.
Kurama pushed him onto a plush seat ("I'll fix you something to drink") and Hiei just stared as Kurama made himself busy in the kitchen. Finally, the former thief returned with a steaming cup of tea that Hiei was vaguely able to recognize the smell of.
"This is from home?" he asked, suspicious.
"Actually, from Makai," Kurama said, taking a sip from his own cup and sitting down across Hiei. "I take the seeds with me everywhere I go. I brew the leaves that grow from it."
Hiei gave a little grunt, but sipped from the teacup.
"You know, I'm just asking in case I need to defend myself when Mukuro sends a hoard of guards to pick you up," Kurama said with a small wink. "Does she know you're here?"
"She shouldn't care, I have the night off and can do as I please," Hiei retorted, keeping unsaid the fact that he was only finally able to leave because Mukuro authorized it.
"Good," Kurama said, looking a bit relieved but unfooled. "Well, then comes my next question: what are you doing spending your 'night off' here?"
Hiei stopped swallowing his tea and looked at the fox, who was staring at him with a strange look. Unable to handle the inquisitive stare, Hiei looked off to the side, muttering something about an empty room, the cold, and an envelope on Kurama's desk.
"Strange, I knew I'd left that envelope inside the drawer," Kurama whispered, rubbing his chin in thought. "In any case, welcome to Paris, Hiei."
"Hmm," Hiei whispered, looking at Kurama with a slightly more relaxed expression. "So what led you here? Finally got tired of Yusuke and Kuwabara bugging you?"
"Our friends are well too, Hiei, thanks for asking!" Kurama laughed, knowing that was what Hiei meant. "Yusuke's running the ramen shop with Keiko, Kurabara's a doctor now, I know who would've thought right, and I'm here for studies."
Silence found its way like a lost rabbit sniffing across the two demons. For himself, Hiei wondered if Yusuke and Kuwabara have changed as much as Kurama had seemed to. No, wait, correct that: if their circumstances have changed as much as Kurama's did.
"How-" Kurama suddenly voiced.
"So-" Hiei said at the same time.
A pause.
"What were you saying?" Kurama said.
"You go first," Hiei said at the same time again.
They stopped, blinked at each other, and laughed.
That broke the awkwardness. As if an elephant had been lifted up from the room, Hiei relaxed and suddenly felt at ease again with the laughter of his partner.
"How long do you have?" Kurama asked Hiei after wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.
"The night," Hiei answered.
"And you chose to spend it with me. I'm flattered, Hiei," Kurama teased.
To his own surprise, Hiei felt his cheeks warming and his voice running away from him. "I-" he tried to say, but nothing came out. He gave a cough and finally jumpstarting the old voice box, spoke a little too loudly. "I had no one else to go to."
Kurama smiled at him, then took his cup. Hiei was about to protest when Kurama held up a finger and held it to his face. "You can have one again later, when we get home. But now I'm taking you sightseeing."
"It's midnight, fox," Hiei said, suddenly wary. "What human sights can we possibly see?"
He remembered one time, just before the Makai tournament, Kurama had brought him to watch something called the "last full show". Hiei had asked if it referred to someone dying, and Kurama had laughed so hard, his cheeks turned the color of his hair. The redhead then explained to him then that most human establishments closed before midnight, and that the movie they were going to see would be the last one for the night. Hiei hadn't really enjoyed it, but he couldn't bring himself to break it to the enthusiastic fox. He hoped this wasn't what Kurama was thinking of going to again.
"Midnight's perfect," Kurama said with a wink. "There would be nobody else there."
Hiei nodded with silent acceptance; it wasn't like he had anywhere else to go or anything better to do. After putting the cups on the sink, Kurama led Hiei into the living room, then up two flights of narrow stairs. Reaching the attic (Hiei almost sneezed because of the dust), the fox opened a hatch and soon they found themselves on the roof. ("Chimney cleaners used this route until just fifty years ago," Kurama explained along the way. Hiei nodded, although he had no idea what a chimney was). Upon climbing up and breaking free into the night, the fox breathed in deep and spread out his arms.
"Ah, fresh air!" he breathed.
"Sorry," he mouthed with one eye open upon seeing Hiei eyeing him strangely. "I've never been in any adventure or fight since the Makai tournament, so I've sort of tucked my powers away except for cooking or healing every now and then."
"And your garden," Hiei returned, referring to the wild growth of weeds and grass on the patio.
"You've noticed," Kurama said as he brought his arms down, looking quite pleased. "Anyway, I hope I'm not rusty."
Suddenly, Kurama leapt from the roof and landed on the neighbor's softly, without making so much of a thud. Hiei flitted to the same direction and was about to ask Kurama what he was doing when suddenly, the fox leapt away again, but not before leaving a whisper for Hiei to hear.
"Race you."
Hiei grinned ferally and flitted to the next roof the fox had landed on. He was again left with air, and again and again as Kurama jumped from roof to roof and Hiei followed suit. Of course, the fox was cheating; Hiei, even with his inimitable speed, can never win a race where he didn't even know where they were racing to. The fox continued to leap in a zigzag pattern, blending in like a thief in the night, so to speak, and Hiei gave chase leisurely, enjoying the small game like it was a walk in the park.
"Rose whip!"
Hiei raised an eyebrow as his partner took out his favorite weapon; was there danger he should be preparing himself for, too?
Then, as the fox moved, he realized what he was up to: across the block was a huge metal tower. Kurama leapt in that direction and lashing out his rosewhip, swung his way up the iron bars. He landed with a graceful leap at the viewing deck near the top, loose strands of red hair swishing like a willow.
"What took you so long?" Hiei said, looking at Kurama with a pleased glee as he stepped away from the shadows and neared the redhead's rising figure. The fox shrunk his whip back into a rose, then handed it to Hiei.
"Your prize," he explained with a wink. Hiei grabbed the rose and toyed with the soft petals. He'd never actually touched any of Kurama's plants before, much less his most intimate weapon. He was almost lost with playing with the silky flower when he noticed Kurama walk across him and near the edge of the viewing deck. The fox put his arms on the railing and looked at the city lights below them. "Come, Hiei, it's beautiful."
Hiei walked gingerly to the space beside Kurama and looked at the view. The full moon cast a soft glow and the foreign city bustled below them. The city lights lined up the roads and even in the distance, Hiei could spot the carefully-crafted landscape of the park illuminated by lamp posts a few meters away from each other. A few humans walked like ants below, sometimes meeting and greeting each other in a distant flexible buzz that was tolerable.
"Paris never ceases to amaze me. It's a beautiful and romantic jungle, don't be blinded by the apparent snobbishness of the people."
"It's pretty," Hiei acknowledged. He leaned forward and closed his eyes as the cool night wind played with his hair, too.
"All over Ningenkai, they call this the city of love," Kurama said softly. "I came here thinking that the world may present something new for me. What better place to forget love than the city that promises a replacement for it?"
"Fox."
"I've spent two years here studying literature in university," Kurama ploughed on. "It's quite fascinating, human stories of love and hate and war. In a way, they're really similar to demons. Perhaps someday, I can read you some of the words they've crafted. It's quite different from the war tales and songs we're used to in Makai," Kurama breathed, smiling softly.
Hiei blinked at his friend and tipped his head back, forcing himself to relax under the glow of the human moon. "Why don't you read one now?" he asked.
"You want to hear it?" Kurama returned, clearly pleasantly surprised.
"Not their story," Hiei admitted. "But your voice."
Kurama looked down at that statement, frowned, and then opened his mouth to speak, but not too soon seemed to change his mind and closed it again. He rummaged inside his bag and pulled out a notebook. Leafing through it, he finally stopped at a single page and faced Hiei.
"This was something we discussed in class earlier. It's poetry – just a series of words that are not meant to tell a story, but instead to paint a picture, or invoke an emotion. It's called Bonsai, if you remember, the small plants Yukina takes care of at Genkai's garden."
Hiei nodded his head, recalling the miniature potted trees and urged the fox to continue. Kurama then began to read from his notebook in a soft and steady voice.
All that I love
I fold over once
And once again
And keep in a box
Or a slit in a hollow post
Or in my shoe.
All that I love?
Why, yes, but for the moment-
And for all time, both.
Something that folds and keeps easy,
Son's note or Dad's one gaudy tie,
A roto picture of a queen,
A blue Indian shawl, even
A money bill.
It's utter sublimation,
A feat, this heart's control
Moment to moment
To scale all love down
To a cupped hand's size
Till seashells are broken pieces
From God's own bright teeth,
And life and love are real
Things you can run and
Breathless hand over
To the merest child.
When Kurama stopped, Hiei turned his face to look at his partner of long ago. This was the kind of things Kurama liked. Wonderful words. Careful crafting. Beautiful things. His mind wandered back to the day they met, when Kurama stopped his brutal attack with a gentle spectacle of rose petals raining down on them. Since then, Hiei had always liked to sit back and watch Kurama's fights. He's always been a rose-colored display of magnificence and power, dancing with his enemies and waltzing with life in general.
It was a wonderful time, their days as Reikai detectives. Hiei would never admit it, but it had been the best moments of his life. It's just been some years since then, but right now, the bitter battles he's been forced into as Mukuro's general made the memory seem so far away. He was tired, and Kurama's voice made him more so. The beauty of the words made him visualize the ugly world he lived in Makai now, and most importantly, what he was missing.
He realized then what he'd given up in his search for power.
Hiei blinked in thought. He had no one now. He didn't have any friends, he didn't have a home, he didn't have anything more than the splatter of the blood of enemies on his chest and the scars of misunderstanding on his arms. He was amazed that Kurama still recognized him; he'd assumed long ago that he has transformed into an uglier version of his green, multiple-eyed, teeth-baring monster form for good.
A weight that had slowly been growing inside his chest now dragged his breathing downward.
He was about to speak when Kurama's voice interrupted him.
"I never stopped thinking about you, Hiei," Kurama said slowly, looking off to the distance. As his hair flew across his face and his emerald eyes shone like crystal, Hiei couldn't help but take a sharp breath at the beauty laid out before him. What had he done to deserve such a treat in life? What had he been thinking in giving it up? How had he survived all these years without seeing those emerald eyes everyday? Even after all these years, he realized that no matter how much time and space split him and his friend apart, he would always protect Kurama. He would fight until his death to preserve such beauty.
"I wanted to love you, fox. Even now, I want it so much," he whispered, barely audible. Speaking about his emotions and weaknesses has never been comfortable for Hiei.
"I know," Kurama said, turning his face slowly to face Hiei. "I never blamed you. I know you tried, and I know it must hurt, wanting to do something so badly and yet not being able to."
Hiei watched as Kurama's hand lifted gently to his lock of crimson hair, tucking it behind his own ear. A gust of wind flew across them and Kurama hugged himself for warmth. Oh, how Hiei wanted to reach out to that frail form and be the one to give comfort to his partner. But no matter how much he tried, his heart just refused to love the fox the way the fox deserved to be loved.
"It hurts more for you," Hiei spat, furious at his own incapacity.
"Don't worry too much about me," Kurama chuckled, still embracing himself against the cold. "I have someone now."
"Oh?" Hiei raised an eyebrow. He saw Kurama look off to the city lights below once again. There were almost no people now, and they were left with the view of lights and foliage from above.
"It's nothing serious," Kurama explained. "I met him in one of the art classes at university."
"Does he love you?"
Kurama closed his eyes then, and after several seconds Hiei lost himself in staring at the serene face of his partner. He looked almost at peace. Hiei found himself fidgeting as a bubble seemed to expand inside his chest. He inhaled to accommodate it, but his breath caught inside his throat and he had to cough to mask the soft choke it evoked.
Kurama didn't seem to mind, and after several seconds he opened his eyes, looking downward. "Yes," he whispered softly.
"Do you love him?"
Kurama shifted at the question and released his body from his own hold, slowly turning his back to the demon and grabbing the railing.
Hiei frowned. Kurama always did that. Grabbing onto something to keep from falling. Bracing himself and never truly giving in. This time, Hiei was lucky the fox was doing it. It gave him some sort of chance.
Hiei grabbed Kurama's hand forced the fox to turn around and face him.
"Do you love him?" he repeated.
"Enough," Kurama answered, looking at him directly. "But not as much as I loved you."
Silence, with both demons feeling strange, akin to the rail breaking and falling through open space, but never landing.
"Why did you come here, Hiei? Why did you look for me?"
"I-" Hiei struggled to explain.
"I need to ask you a favor."
"What is it?"
"I… need you to make this our last meeting."
"What?"
"I-" Kurama struggled, if it were ever possible for the calm fox. "I've worked so hard at trying to forget you and moving on, and it almost worked, except now that you've returned, I find all my feelings resurfacing again."
"And it's a bad thing?"
"Of course. You yourself told me that you don't love me that way."
"But I could, fox," Hiei said, suddenly nearing Kurama. "I could. I will. Just give me time."
"And if I do, what? I'll wait in misery and solitude while you take time to figure things out under Mukuro's command? No offense, Hiei, but I think I have a right to my own happiness."
"F-fox,"
"Before I finally say goodbye," Kurama whispered softly, "We have the next five minutes to us."
Hiei looked at the horizon. Kurama was right. The sun was rising, signifying his imminent departure back to his ugly world. Hiei's eyes widened – he never even realized how long they've been talking!
Frustrated, he looked back at the fox and saw the seriousness in Kurama's eyes.
Nearing his partner in a determined step, Hiei reached up and roughly pulled the redhead down, touching his lips with Kurama's.
"I'll be back," Hiei said, letting the fox go. "I promise."
"No, Hiei-"
"Damn it, Kurama!" Hiei interrupted, grabbing the fox's wrist once again. "Don't try to control me or your life! I am not the child in your poem. You can't stop me if I want to force myself into loving you, and I will."
Green eyes sought his own, and pleaded for him to let him go.
"Please," Hiei pleaded back, suddenly speaking in a softened tone laced with desperation. He pleaded for the first time in his life, but then he hesitated – what exactly was he going to ask Kurama? And what can he offer in return?
"Please," he repeated, looking down but still maintaining iron grip on the fox. He couldn't lose Kurama. No, not now, not ever. "Let me," he finally said.
"Why?"
"Because," Hiei fought to find the words. "Because only I can care for you the way you deserve."
"You've told me that a thousand times. And I understand you need time. But that's something I don't have, Hiei. Human lives last much shorter. I can't waste it not being happy."
"Are you happy now?"
"As much as I can be."
Hiei fell silent. He looked back at the horizon and realized he only had about a minute left. The sun was almost fully up, and the birds flying in his direction were suddenly malevolent and boding. If he didn't return in time, there would be nobody to guard the barrier after the last shift. Demonic chaos would break once again.
"Kurama, I came here because… because I love you."
"How much of a bastard are you to realize that a minute before you disappear again?"
"I'll be back. I'll fix things. Then I'll come back."
Kurama grew silent, unsure if he should curse or hate Hiei, or just reach out and take the jaganshi into his arms.
"What is this place called?"
Kurama actually smiled. "The Eiffel."
"Meet me here, next year, this same day and time."
"Why?"
"Just promise me!" Hiei shouted.
"I can't ju-"
"Dammit, I don't have time left!"
"Okay!" Kurama replied, shocked into answering.
Slowly, Hiei released his grip and, seemingly satisfied with the answer, looked at the fox one last time, before flitting off and disappearing into the sunrise.
Kurama hugged himself once again, this time not from the cold but from the bigness of the decision, and the choice, he had just made. He lingered for a while, enjoying the peace and quiet he's grown accustomed to after being left alone once again. But this time… this time was different. Hiei's departure left him with a hope he was afraid of; he knew he would rely on this hope for the next 365 days, and if Hiei were to break it, it would just shatter the illusion of sanity he had left.
He turned around and walked towards the edge of the viewing deck, pushed the button of the elevator going down, and it wasn't long before the expected ting! of the elevator door opening beckoned him inside its empty cavern.
He took a step forward and briefly hesitated, and then stopped altogether. He let the elevator door close before he turned around, ran towards the other side and launched himself from the railings, using his almost-forgotten demon skills to expertly maneuver his way invisibly down. As he did, he took a deep breath as adrenalin rushed and flowed into his body, preparing him for a riveting ride. He let himself fall, fall into the uknown future that was waiting for him. His heart beat like a maniac, but it whispered to him that it was because of anticipation.
Well, I hope it wasn't too fluffy, or Twilighty. Read and review!