Disclaimer: I do not claim this series or any of these characters as my own, they all belong to their creators, their production companies, yadda yadda yadda so donÕt sue me.
Make Me Normal
by: Shoujo Priestess
Any comments or suggestions can be mailed to: StJusteSama@aol.com
AN: Hopefully this will not be too confusing to follow, I wanted to do a story from the point of view of the characters. Oh yeah, sorry about the quotes and stuff but right now the only computer I have access to is a Mac and I am not very experienced in using it. In any case I hope you enjoy the story!
-Touji -
Finally class is over... About time too, the damn teacher was putting me to sleep! Why should I care about what happened fifteen years ago?!? I mean, there ainÕt nothing you can do about it now, and if something like it ever happens again... Well... At least we wonÕt be around to suffer more consequences.
There is nothing I would rather do than to just leave but *sigh* of course I canÕt go home yet because I WOULD have to be assigned cleaning duty this week... Damn it, of all the days for Kensuke to be out sick! At least with him around I have someone to talk to, my partner in crime. And Ikari, just where is that guy? He has been absent almost one full week now, oh well, probably being trained to save the world. Yeah right, Ikari is certainly the type who looks like he could save the world. Hmph, well I guess IÕll just sit here and wait until someone notices that IÕm not cleaning. ItÕs just not right, cleaning up is a womanÕs job for crying out loud!
ÒSuzahara would you kindly explain why youÕre not helping with the rest of the class?Ó
I look up and see the class rep looking down at me, she would be cute if she did not always have her face scrunched up together. Better not tell her that, she would probably end up calling me a hentai or something, better just to tell it like it is. ÒHeh, just trying to decide what I want to do.Ó
ÒWell I have decided for you, clean the blackboards and then you can take the trash to the incinerator.Ó
Whatta bitch she can be sometimes! SheÕs given me more work than anyone else and does not seem to mind at all. Still, I know that I can not get away from duty, our professor has ways of making our lives hell whenever we skip out on cleaning. ÒFine, go on home. IÕll do it.Ó
She leaves with Asuka, the red menace, and a couple of her other friends. IÕm glad theyÕre gone, they might be easy on the eyes but are tough on the ears. Walking over to the blackboard I nod to a couple of the other guys, weÕre buds but nothing like Ikari, Kensuke, and myself.
After finding a bucket and filling it with soapy water I start to clean the blackboards with little enthusiasm but with great speed. So much in fact that I did not even notice that there was another person next to me, on my left cleaning the windows was Ayanami Rei. She is always quiet like a ghost, most days I donÕt even notice if sheÕs in class or not, she misses more days than Ikari and Asuka combined.
- Rei -
Normal... Is this what normal feels like?
This is the first time I have cleaned the classroom in over a month, usually I go straight to work and suffer thru an assortment of tests. Did I just say suffer? Yes... Because I am bound to my duty, to the Evangelion unit that I pilot. Without it I am nothing, that is something that I never want to be. To live without a sense, a purpose, is a fate worse than any other. Today however my purpose is to make sure that these windows are clean and free from dirt and dust. This is something I must do with all my might, I never do anything unless I do it all the way.
Turning to rinse my cloth out I discover that someone has taken my bucket, I look a few feet further and see that one of my classmates, Touji Suzahara, has placed it on the teacherÕs desk and is using it for his own assignment.
ÒExcuse me.Ó He looks up, I think I startled him. I motion towards the bucket with my hand. I do not think he knew I was using it, he looks at me and brings the bucket over to me.
ÒOh, this was yours? Sorry.Ó He says in his thick accent. ÒCouldnÕt we both use it?Ó
I nod and wash my cloth out, returning to the chore I can hear Touji humming to himself a song I do not recognize. Suzahara is IkariÕs friend. I myself do not have friends, nor do I care to have them. Friends would only make my life difficult because then I would have to worry over them and they would worry over me. Still I can honestly say I am saddened whenever I see Ikari or even the Second Children go out with their friends. But I am confident that I have made the right decision... Still, I know that my choice is not a normal one... Everyone seems to need somebody... But would anyone actually consider me a friend?
- Touji -
Finally, the dumb board is clean. Stupid sensei, why do you always have to use the yellow chalk when the white chalk wipes away easier?!? And now I still have to take the garbage to the incinerator, oh well at least it is a more manly assignment. Out of the corner of my eye I see that Ayanami has also finished her task, each of the windows is sparkling in the fading sunlight.
As I gather up the garbage she walks over to me and offers to help. I tell her itÕs okay and that she can go on home if she wants, IÕm sure she has a lot to do.
ÒI have nothing to do at home.Ó She says quietly, monotone as is her style. ÒI would rather be doing something useful than to be doing nothing.Ó
Shrugging I hand her the lighter of the two bags and we walk outside in silence, in the early evening light she looks almost normal, her light blue hair is much darker and her face is nowhere near as pale. She could probably get along well around here if she was not always involved with whatever it was NERV did. Ikari never spoke of it and I never asked, on the other hand IÕm sure that Kensuke could give me a full outline, he has a way of hacking into computer systems like you wouldnÕt believe.
Throwing the bags into the fire it is a bit satisfying to hear a FWOOSH sound as the flames dissolve into the plastic and leave nothing behind. I turn around and see Ayanami staring into the fire with an odd look on her face, she looks as if she is being hypnotized by the reds, yellows, and oranges.
I wave a hand in front of her face and she blinks and looks at me, her face softens and she actually apologized! Not that there was anything for her to apologize for, I guess she just was trying to be polite or something. Walking back to the front of the school, again in silence, I tell her to wait and IÕll go back inside to get her bag. I donÕt know why I did it, in a way I guess IÕm sorry about her situation: No chance of being a normal kid with her job and from what Ikari tells me she lives alone, I mean my dad and grandpa are never at home either but at least my house has their pictures, clothes, and personal items in it. And on the rare events that we are all together, itÕs almost like a normal family. And even without them I have my little sister who is more dear to me than anyone else, her smile and laughter making it worth coming home at night. My family lets me know where I come from and that means a hell of a lot. I can not imagine living alone, without anyone in the world you could worry about or depend on.
I find her bag and grab my own, running back outside I see that she is sitting on the curb. SheÕs so frail and petite, I bet a gust of wind could blow her away if it was strong enough. I hand her the bag and she takes it, the tips of her fingers brush against mine slightly and I pull away quickly, they were cold.
She looks up, knowing what just happened and opened her mouth to speak. She invites me to her apartment for coffee, I think that she is looking for things to do because she has no concept of what free time is, or maybe she just wants someone to talk to. I guess even Ayanami needs to talk every once and awhile. I agree since my sister is staying over at a friendÕs house and of course my dad and grandpa are at work. Besides, Ayanami wasnÕt so bad once you got to know her. A bit distant, but at least she did not talk your ear off or make life a living hell like some of the other girls in the class did.
- Rei -
I near my place, Suzahara is walking right beside me and along the way we have made meager conversation. He asks me things like ÒHave you heard the latest CD...Ó by a group I did not know and ÒHow did you do on the English exam?Ó Things that I once considered nonessential but I see now that they are a part of normal conversation. I answer back the best I can and then ask questions of my own. Suzahara, I find, is not one to hold back and he seems to enjoy the walk and, I dare say, the company.
ÒBoy Ayanami you had me fooled, I thought you were just some frigid bitch like the red menace.Ó Suzahara says. I feel my mouth drop open. I stop and turn to face him, do I really appear so cold and hateful I wonder? Is that why everyone hates me? He senses my feelings and quickly adds. ÒNot like I ever took the chance to get to know you, I guess ya think IÕm a regular dumbass now huh?Ó He turns to walk back to his house.
I stop him. ÒWait!Ó I cry and grab his shoulder before I can stop myself. ÒSuzahara I... DonÕt call me Ayanami anymore, please, my name is Rei.Ó
Suzahara looks at my hand on his shoulder and nods. ÒFine then... Rei, call me Touji.Ó
I remove my hand and we continue in silence until we reach my building, of course the elevator is not working so we walk the three flights of stairs and come to my front door. I open the door, I never lock it because I have nothing of value to steal, and remove my shoes. Touji walks in after me and removes his sneakers and places them next to my own shoes. I tell him to go into the other room and that I will have the coffee ready in a few minutes.
- Touji -
Nobody should live in such a way. I am horrified to see that a human being, a girl no less, staying in a place that could best be described as a depressing jail cell. The walls are cement and unpainted just like the floor, the only furniture I see is a bed, two chairs, a chest of drawers, and a measly bookshelf that sagged under the weight of the things placed on top. Above all there is virtually no light, only a small window above the bed, the dim lights from the hall and kitchen, and the florescent lights above that were not on, but I suspected they probably did not work since it was almost dark outside and Rei had not made a move to turn them on. I walk over to turn them on and find out my suspicions were correct as they did not light up.
Sitting down on the edge of my bed I sigh, for a moment I ponder the idea of asking her to come and stay the night at my place, she could use my sisterÕs room and I know that pop would not mind, he worked for NERV after all. As a man I could not leave this place knowing that she would remain behind in such a sad room, I damn near felt like crying about it and as one who never cries over anything that meant a lot.
Before I can get emotional about it Rei walks in with a small tray holding two cups and a coffee pot, she set them down on the floor and motions for me to help myself. I pour myself a cup and then one for her, I sip it and wince... I donÕt normally drink coffee because I always heard it stunts your growth, but I want to be polite and all. Rei tries to take a sip and she also makes a face.
ÒI am sorry, I do not normally drink coffee and so I donÕt know if this is any good or not.Ó
I smile and tell her itÕs good, of course I could have told her the truth but I figure that a little kindness might make me feel better, the room had a way of taking the life out of you.
Besides, I wanted to see if I could make her smile. That is what puzzled me most of all. Rei had been in my class for nearly two years and I do not think I have ever seen her smile.
A few minutes later Rei disappears into the bathroom and returned wearing a dark blue T-shirt that hung down to her knees and white socks pulled all the way up mid-calf, one of them slouching ever so slightly. She hangs up her uniform and sits back down to try the coffee again.
I figure this is her way of telling me that itÕs time for me to go, I get up and offer to take the tray back into the kitchen. When I come back she tells me to sit back down, that she has a question for me.
ÒTouji, am I your friend?Ó She asks innocently enough. I wonder about what kind of answer she wants but in the end I reply simply with yes and she sighs.
ÒIÕve never had a friend before.Ó She says.
- Rei -
He is looking at me like IÕve just grown another head. What did I say wrong? Did I do something wrong maybe? I am sitting here feeling something well up inside of me. Apprehension? Uncertainty? Maybe I should not have invited him over after all. Why am I even trying to knock down the wall I have built over the years?
Because I want to be normal. I am a human being and I want to act like one.
I am not a doll. I am my own self and I want to find my own purpose. No matter how mundane or how exciting my purpose in life is I have to find out about myself outside of NERV and outside of the Eva... Outside of him... The Commander is just using me like he uses everyone else, I have known this for a long time and for the longest I did not mind.
Why are things so different now?
ÒAyanami... Rei, have you really never had a friend?Ó Touji asks in a different tone of voice now, it is lower and a bit softer. A voice of concern. I nod my head. I tell him that I have come across many people in my life and have interacted with them but have never felt close to anyone. Even the Commander, I never considered him any more than my boss.
ÒThatÕs so sad...Ó Touji says putting down his cup, still in the same soft voice. He just sits there for a moment and says nothing, he looks up at me for a moment then back down to the floor.
I feel my body growing hot, I feel my cheeks redden and my chest tightens with every breath I take. I feel both ashamed and confused, why am I acting like this? Why does his presence affect me so? My hands are trembling ever so slightly, my emotions are trying to find a way out of my body yet are unable to find a way.
- Touji -
Rei Ayanami, a girl who once seemed so distant and unemotional, is crying. I did not know she was capable of such things until I saw her with my own eyes. First there was a single tear which fell from her left eye, then another, until both cheeks were wet and she covered her face with her hands. I get up and gently place a hand on her back, I ask if she is okay and if she needs anything.
ÒI am sorry Touji, I am sorry for being so strange.Ó She says with her back to me, her voice cracked and uneven thru her sobs.
Before I realize what is going on I pull her to me and envelop her in a hug. I wonder if the girl has ever had contact with another in such a way. She relaxes in my embrace and that makes me feel better, I want her to be able to relax and because I can not think of anything to say that would be as comforting.
ÒTouji, thank you.Ó Rei says finally returning the hug with one of her own. She looks up at me and blinks back the last of her tears. ÒI see why the others like you so much.Ó
I smile and ask her what she means.
ÒIkari has always looked up to you, I believe that he thinks of you as a brother and he values your opinions more than his own. The second children may seem hard on you but I have heard her discussing with her own friends that she admires how you carry yourself...Ó Rei drifted for a moment then returned, I guess she was unsure if she wanted to go on. ÒEven myself. I have often wondered what it would be like to be so open, so vocal about my own thoughts and desires.Ó
I take in all that she has said and realize that she is no more a quiet little doll than I am. I tell her to vocalize herself, to let it be known what she wants out of life. To not let others dictate what is her purpose and what she can and must do. She frowns before answering. ÒI am not at strong as you.Ó
Unsure of myself I place a hand to her cheek and caress it ever so softly, I want to be able to comfort her and tell her it will all be okay. ÒI will be your strength Rei.Ó I tell her before placing a kiss on her lips.
- Rei -
I have never been kissed, but now I can say what the sensation is like. I now understand why songs and stories have been written about such encounters and I can see how significant such an event can be.
The encounter was brief, a second or two, but the electricity remained inside me for much longer. I look up at the handsome face of Touji Suzahara and whisper to him. ÒI want to be normal.Ó
He smiles and kisses me again, deeper, longer. I put my arms around his neck and bring him closer to me, I like the way his cologne smells.
ÒRei, this is the beginning of you and me.Ó Touji says, his eyes shining a smile across his face. ÒThat is, if you would like it that way.Ó
Instead of saying yes or no I respond with a smile and a kiss of my own. This is my first step to a normal life. I might have the same job and responsibilities but now I also have someone to share it with. My own reason for living.
- Touji -
Who would have thought that I could have fallen so such a girl? She is my opposite in so many ways yet now that I am around her everything feels so normal... so right. I feel myself wanting to make her happy and to make all of her dreams come true, I guess for the first time I am feeling what love is. You know what? It is a damn fine feeling.
Ayanami and Suzahara, our journey is just beginning...
~*~ THE END ~*~
Make Me Normal
by: Shoujo Priestess
Any comments or suggestions can be mailed to: StJusteSama@aol.com
AN: Hopefully this will not be too confusing to follow, I wanted to do a story from the point of view of the characters. Oh yeah, sorry about the quotes and stuff but right now the only computer I have access to is a Mac and I am not very experienced in using it. In any case I hope you enjoy the story!
-Touji -
Finally class is over... About time too, the damn teacher was putting me to sleep! Why should I care about what happened fifteen years ago?!? I mean, there ainÕt nothing you can do about it now, and if something like it ever happens again... Well... At least we wonÕt be around to suffer more consequences.
There is nothing I would rather do than to just leave but *sigh* of course I canÕt go home yet because I WOULD have to be assigned cleaning duty this week... Damn it, of all the days for Kensuke to be out sick! At least with him around I have someone to talk to, my partner in crime. And Ikari, just where is that guy? He has been absent almost one full week now, oh well, probably being trained to save the world. Yeah right, Ikari is certainly the type who looks like he could save the world. Hmph, well I guess IÕll just sit here and wait until someone notices that IÕm not cleaning. ItÕs just not right, cleaning up is a womanÕs job for crying out loud!
ÒSuzahara would you kindly explain why youÕre not helping with the rest of the class?Ó
I look up and see the class rep looking down at me, she would be cute if she did not always have her face scrunched up together. Better not tell her that, she would probably end up calling me a hentai or something, better just to tell it like it is. ÒHeh, just trying to decide what I want to do.Ó
ÒWell I have decided for you, clean the blackboards and then you can take the trash to the incinerator.Ó
Whatta bitch she can be sometimes! SheÕs given me more work than anyone else and does not seem to mind at all. Still, I know that I can not get away from duty, our professor has ways of making our lives hell whenever we skip out on cleaning. ÒFine, go on home. IÕll do it.Ó
She leaves with Asuka, the red menace, and a couple of her other friends. IÕm glad theyÕre gone, they might be easy on the eyes but are tough on the ears. Walking over to the blackboard I nod to a couple of the other guys, weÕre buds but nothing like Ikari, Kensuke, and myself.
After finding a bucket and filling it with soapy water I start to clean the blackboards with little enthusiasm but with great speed. So much in fact that I did not even notice that there was another person next to me, on my left cleaning the windows was Ayanami Rei. She is always quiet like a ghost, most days I donÕt even notice if sheÕs in class or not, she misses more days than Ikari and Asuka combined.
- Rei -
Normal... Is this what normal feels like?
This is the first time I have cleaned the classroom in over a month, usually I go straight to work and suffer thru an assortment of tests. Did I just say suffer? Yes... Because I am bound to my duty, to the Evangelion unit that I pilot. Without it I am nothing, that is something that I never want to be. To live without a sense, a purpose, is a fate worse than any other. Today however my purpose is to make sure that these windows are clean and free from dirt and dust. This is something I must do with all my might, I never do anything unless I do it all the way.
Turning to rinse my cloth out I discover that someone has taken my bucket, I look a few feet further and see that one of my classmates, Touji Suzahara, has placed it on the teacherÕs desk and is using it for his own assignment.
ÒExcuse me.Ó He looks up, I think I startled him. I motion towards the bucket with my hand. I do not think he knew I was using it, he looks at me and brings the bucket over to me.
ÒOh, this was yours? Sorry.Ó He says in his thick accent. ÒCouldnÕt we both use it?Ó
I nod and wash my cloth out, returning to the chore I can hear Touji humming to himself a song I do not recognize. Suzahara is IkariÕs friend. I myself do not have friends, nor do I care to have them. Friends would only make my life difficult because then I would have to worry over them and they would worry over me. Still I can honestly say I am saddened whenever I see Ikari or even the Second Children go out with their friends. But I am confident that I have made the right decision... Still, I know that my choice is not a normal one... Everyone seems to need somebody... But would anyone actually consider me a friend?
- Touji -
Finally, the dumb board is clean. Stupid sensei, why do you always have to use the yellow chalk when the white chalk wipes away easier?!? And now I still have to take the garbage to the incinerator, oh well at least it is a more manly assignment. Out of the corner of my eye I see that Ayanami has also finished her task, each of the windows is sparkling in the fading sunlight.
As I gather up the garbage she walks over to me and offers to help. I tell her itÕs okay and that she can go on home if she wants, IÕm sure she has a lot to do.
ÒI have nothing to do at home.Ó She says quietly, monotone as is her style. ÒI would rather be doing something useful than to be doing nothing.Ó
Shrugging I hand her the lighter of the two bags and we walk outside in silence, in the early evening light she looks almost normal, her light blue hair is much darker and her face is nowhere near as pale. She could probably get along well around here if she was not always involved with whatever it was NERV did. Ikari never spoke of it and I never asked, on the other hand IÕm sure that Kensuke could give me a full outline, he has a way of hacking into computer systems like you wouldnÕt believe.
Throwing the bags into the fire it is a bit satisfying to hear a FWOOSH sound as the flames dissolve into the plastic and leave nothing behind. I turn around and see Ayanami staring into the fire with an odd look on her face, she looks as if she is being hypnotized by the reds, yellows, and oranges.
I wave a hand in front of her face and she blinks and looks at me, her face softens and she actually apologized! Not that there was anything for her to apologize for, I guess she just was trying to be polite or something. Walking back to the front of the school, again in silence, I tell her to wait and IÕll go back inside to get her bag. I donÕt know why I did it, in a way I guess IÕm sorry about her situation: No chance of being a normal kid with her job and from what Ikari tells me she lives alone, I mean my dad and grandpa are never at home either but at least my house has their pictures, clothes, and personal items in it. And on the rare events that we are all together, itÕs almost like a normal family. And even without them I have my little sister who is more dear to me than anyone else, her smile and laughter making it worth coming home at night. My family lets me know where I come from and that means a hell of a lot. I can not imagine living alone, without anyone in the world you could worry about or depend on.
I find her bag and grab my own, running back outside I see that she is sitting on the curb. SheÕs so frail and petite, I bet a gust of wind could blow her away if it was strong enough. I hand her the bag and she takes it, the tips of her fingers brush against mine slightly and I pull away quickly, they were cold.
She looks up, knowing what just happened and opened her mouth to speak. She invites me to her apartment for coffee, I think that she is looking for things to do because she has no concept of what free time is, or maybe she just wants someone to talk to. I guess even Ayanami needs to talk every once and awhile. I agree since my sister is staying over at a friendÕs house and of course my dad and grandpa are at work. Besides, Ayanami wasnÕt so bad once you got to know her. A bit distant, but at least she did not talk your ear off or make life a living hell like some of the other girls in the class did.
- Rei -
I near my place, Suzahara is walking right beside me and along the way we have made meager conversation. He asks me things like ÒHave you heard the latest CD...Ó by a group I did not know and ÒHow did you do on the English exam?Ó Things that I once considered nonessential but I see now that they are a part of normal conversation. I answer back the best I can and then ask questions of my own. Suzahara, I find, is not one to hold back and he seems to enjoy the walk and, I dare say, the company.
ÒBoy Ayanami you had me fooled, I thought you were just some frigid bitch like the red menace.Ó Suzahara says. I feel my mouth drop open. I stop and turn to face him, do I really appear so cold and hateful I wonder? Is that why everyone hates me? He senses my feelings and quickly adds. ÒNot like I ever took the chance to get to know you, I guess ya think IÕm a regular dumbass now huh?Ó He turns to walk back to his house.
I stop him. ÒWait!Ó I cry and grab his shoulder before I can stop myself. ÒSuzahara I... DonÕt call me Ayanami anymore, please, my name is Rei.Ó
Suzahara looks at my hand on his shoulder and nods. ÒFine then... Rei, call me Touji.Ó
I remove my hand and we continue in silence until we reach my building, of course the elevator is not working so we walk the three flights of stairs and come to my front door. I open the door, I never lock it because I have nothing of value to steal, and remove my shoes. Touji walks in after me and removes his sneakers and places them next to my own shoes. I tell him to go into the other room and that I will have the coffee ready in a few minutes.
- Touji -
Nobody should live in such a way. I am horrified to see that a human being, a girl no less, staying in a place that could best be described as a depressing jail cell. The walls are cement and unpainted just like the floor, the only furniture I see is a bed, two chairs, a chest of drawers, and a measly bookshelf that sagged under the weight of the things placed on top. Above all there is virtually no light, only a small window above the bed, the dim lights from the hall and kitchen, and the florescent lights above that were not on, but I suspected they probably did not work since it was almost dark outside and Rei had not made a move to turn them on. I walk over to turn them on and find out my suspicions were correct as they did not light up.
Sitting down on the edge of my bed I sigh, for a moment I ponder the idea of asking her to come and stay the night at my place, she could use my sisterÕs room and I know that pop would not mind, he worked for NERV after all. As a man I could not leave this place knowing that she would remain behind in such a sad room, I damn near felt like crying about it and as one who never cries over anything that meant a lot.
Before I can get emotional about it Rei walks in with a small tray holding two cups and a coffee pot, she set them down on the floor and motions for me to help myself. I pour myself a cup and then one for her, I sip it and wince... I donÕt normally drink coffee because I always heard it stunts your growth, but I want to be polite and all. Rei tries to take a sip and she also makes a face.
ÒI am sorry, I do not normally drink coffee and so I donÕt know if this is any good or not.Ó
I smile and tell her itÕs good, of course I could have told her the truth but I figure that a little kindness might make me feel better, the room had a way of taking the life out of you.
Besides, I wanted to see if I could make her smile. That is what puzzled me most of all. Rei had been in my class for nearly two years and I do not think I have ever seen her smile.
A few minutes later Rei disappears into the bathroom and returned wearing a dark blue T-shirt that hung down to her knees and white socks pulled all the way up mid-calf, one of them slouching ever so slightly. She hangs up her uniform and sits back down to try the coffee again.
I figure this is her way of telling me that itÕs time for me to go, I get up and offer to take the tray back into the kitchen. When I come back she tells me to sit back down, that she has a question for me.
ÒTouji, am I your friend?Ó She asks innocently enough. I wonder about what kind of answer she wants but in the end I reply simply with yes and she sighs.
ÒIÕve never had a friend before.Ó She says.
- Rei -
He is looking at me like IÕve just grown another head. What did I say wrong? Did I do something wrong maybe? I am sitting here feeling something well up inside of me. Apprehension? Uncertainty? Maybe I should not have invited him over after all. Why am I even trying to knock down the wall I have built over the years?
Because I want to be normal. I am a human being and I want to act like one.
I am not a doll. I am my own self and I want to find my own purpose. No matter how mundane or how exciting my purpose in life is I have to find out about myself outside of NERV and outside of the Eva... Outside of him... The Commander is just using me like he uses everyone else, I have known this for a long time and for the longest I did not mind.
Why are things so different now?
ÒAyanami... Rei, have you really never had a friend?Ó Touji asks in a different tone of voice now, it is lower and a bit softer. A voice of concern. I nod my head. I tell him that I have come across many people in my life and have interacted with them but have never felt close to anyone. Even the Commander, I never considered him any more than my boss.
ÒThatÕs so sad...Ó Touji says putting down his cup, still in the same soft voice. He just sits there for a moment and says nothing, he looks up at me for a moment then back down to the floor.
I feel my body growing hot, I feel my cheeks redden and my chest tightens with every breath I take. I feel both ashamed and confused, why am I acting like this? Why does his presence affect me so? My hands are trembling ever so slightly, my emotions are trying to find a way out of my body yet are unable to find a way.
- Touji -
Rei Ayanami, a girl who once seemed so distant and unemotional, is crying. I did not know she was capable of such things until I saw her with my own eyes. First there was a single tear which fell from her left eye, then another, until both cheeks were wet and she covered her face with her hands. I get up and gently place a hand on her back, I ask if she is okay and if she needs anything.
ÒI am sorry Touji, I am sorry for being so strange.Ó She says with her back to me, her voice cracked and uneven thru her sobs.
Before I realize what is going on I pull her to me and envelop her in a hug. I wonder if the girl has ever had contact with another in such a way. She relaxes in my embrace and that makes me feel better, I want her to be able to relax and because I can not think of anything to say that would be as comforting.
ÒTouji, thank you.Ó Rei says finally returning the hug with one of her own. She looks up at me and blinks back the last of her tears. ÒI see why the others like you so much.Ó
I smile and ask her what she means.
ÒIkari has always looked up to you, I believe that he thinks of you as a brother and he values your opinions more than his own. The second children may seem hard on you but I have heard her discussing with her own friends that she admires how you carry yourself...Ó Rei drifted for a moment then returned, I guess she was unsure if she wanted to go on. ÒEven myself. I have often wondered what it would be like to be so open, so vocal about my own thoughts and desires.Ó
I take in all that she has said and realize that she is no more a quiet little doll than I am. I tell her to vocalize herself, to let it be known what she wants out of life. To not let others dictate what is her purpose and what she can and must do. She frowns before answering. ÒI am not at strong as you.Ó
Unsure of myself I place a hand to her cheek and caress it ever so softly, I want to be able to comfort her and tell her it will all be okay. ÒI will be your strength Rei.Ó I tell her before placing a kiss on her lips.
- Rei -
I have never been kissed, but now I can say what the sensation is like. I now understand why songs and stories have been written about such encounters and I can see how significant such an event can be.
The encounter was brief, a second or two, but the electricity remained inside me for much longer. I look up at the handsome face of Touji Suzahara and whisper to him. ÒI want to be normal.Ó
He smiles and kisses me again, deeper, longer. I put my arms around his neck and bring him closer to me, I like the way his cologne smells.
ÒRei, this is the beginning of you and me.Ó Touji says, his eyes shining a smile across his face. ÒThat is, if you would like it that way.Ó
Instead of saying yes or no I respond with a smile and a kiss of my own. This is my first step to a normal life. I might have the same job and responsibilities but now I also have someone to share it with. My own reason for living.
- Touji -
Who would have thought that I could have fallen so such a girl? She is my opposite in so many ways yet now that I am around her everything feels so normal... so right. I feel myself wanting to make her happy and to make all of her dreams come true, I guess for the first time I am feeling what love is. You know what? It is a damn fine feeling.
Ayanami and Suzahara, our journey is just beginning...
~*~ THE END ~*~