Title;; Because of You

Summary;; I was afraid I might not be able to go back to the times
When I had not known you. –BBRae, songfic to Ayumi Hamasaki's Because of You.

Words;; 2,163

Author;; Me.

Pairing;; BBRae

Dedication;; To all my lovely readers.

Disclaimer;; I assure you, Teen Titans does not belong to me, nor does the song.

A/N;; Hello all, it's a pleasure to meet (?) you. I haven't written fanfictions in a while and lately the urge has hit me. I am a rather big fan of this coupe, so please expect more BBRae from me. Also, this was a spur of the moment fanfiction, so please excuse the multiple errors that undoubtedly plague this horrid piece of writing, I will fix it when I can. The song, in its translated form, is written in italics to avoid confusion.

I sincerely hope you enjoy.

( ( h e l l o ) )

My eyes met yours again, we talked a little
My heart throbbed and I hid my feelings behind a smile
As I was afraid I might not be able to go back to the times
When I had not known you

She bit her lip, her violet gaze drifting to stare deeply into his emerald eyes. She flinched at the worry (the concern, the care, the anguish) in his beautiful, beautiful eyes, and couldn't help but to wonder about the emotions swirling in their depths. "Why do you care so much?"

He shrugged. "I just do. By the way, I'm Beast Boy."

And thus, the strange pair had met. Raven had always questioned the green male's genuine concern for her well-being, but the longer she spent with him, the more she realized that it was just a part of who he is. She spent several months in his company before leaving him. In a matter of a year, she stumbled into him again and the Teen Titans was formed.

She couldn't get rid of him, could she? She only wished life could return to the way it was before she met him; it had been far more simple, and easier for her to comprehend. These days, she didn't know what to expect of her life except for one thing—she would undoubtedly become the portal for her father (if she could even call him that) to come to Earth, and when he comes, he would destroy everything, including to the person who happily introduced himself to her as "Beast Boy".

Everyone's death, including her newly acquired "friend's" would be because of her.

( ( t e a r s . f a l l ) )

The wind has already gotten cold
Laughing voices fill the air with white breath
It may be because of the winter
That I feel like crying for nothing

Everyone laughed at the green changeling's attempt at a joke. It was hardly humorous, but it filled the dull atmosphere with some light. Raven rolled her eyes, a smile fighting at her lips, stubbornly refusing to show her amusement. A stray strand of her hair was tugged lightly by the wind and fell into her vision, shrugging, she blew at it, and it was pushed back out of her face. She frowned at the light swirls in the air, it had never been cold enough in Azarath for one to see their breath. A bit of sadness tugged at the back of her mind at the thought of her homeland, and she quickly abandoned the thought, opting instead to focus her attention on the back of her friend's as they walked hastily. She paused mid-step and stopped in her tracks. Her friends were so full of laughter that they hadn't noticed her absence as they continued on their way back to the tower (she couldn't help but to wonder why they were walking, and how they planned on getting to said tower on the island, but she didn't question it) and her grief grew. She wondered if she started crying, would they take notice? Not a single tear fell as she resumed walking, and it was as if no thoughts of such an action had even entered her mind save for the simple action of her flicking the hood of her cloak up, hiding herself from the prying eyes of civilians and she felt so lonely and exposed.

( ( r e w i n d ) )

I remember that night when we first met even now

Raven closed her eyes, remembering their meeting. Did Beast Boy even remember the months they spent together before the forming of the team, or had he forgotten completely? And even if he recalls everything, did he even care? He was often pestering her in the attempt of making her smile, or laugh, or simply happy in general, and never once had he succeeded. She was far too scared to give him what he wants for, if she does, what if he decides that he has no further use of her and leaves her? And even then, if she doesn't give him what he wants, will he simply abandon her and never come back?

Around Beastboy, Raven found that she was always so terribly afraid.

( ( r e m e m b e r ) )

My eyes met yours again, we talked a little
My heart throbbed and I hid my feelings behind a smile
As I was afraid I might not be able to go back to the times
When I had not known you

Hesitantly, oh so hesitantly, she met his gaze. "Raven, what's wrong?"

She didn't bother gracing his gentle inquiry with a reply, opting instead to remain silent as she always does. Nothing was wrong, absolutely nothing.Why was he being so insistent that something was? She was fine, everything was sound, there was absolutely no reason for her to be sad. She gave him a slight smile as thanks for concern but was otherwise silent. He blinked in surprise and then nodded stiffly, "Okay, I take that as a 'nothing Beast Boy, thanks for asking, now gimme some of that tofu'." He joked, handing her some of the tofu he had been eating. "Try some."

Raven shook her head in silent refusal, a look of disgust coming across her features as she looked at the white mush. She couldn't help but to wonder what life would be like if she left the Titans and was almost frightened by the fact that life would never again be the same—she can't go back.

( ( t e l l . m e . e v e r y t h i n g ) )

We have come to know each other little by little
But suddenly I find I know nothing about you
Please tell me what you feel by the time I understand it
You can even shout

His true name is Garfield; he hates the colour green; his mother was remarkably beautiful; though he loves tofu, his favorite by far is spinach (an odd choice, but she wasn't one to judge); he knows how to play a guitar . . . there was so much about the changeling that she had learned and she couldn't help but to want to know more. What made the boy tick? Why is he the way he is? She has yet to really know him like she would want to, and the thought sickened her—she could only pretend to be his friend, but she really wasn't. He hardly trusted her with the deep truths of his life and she often left his presence with more questions that she wished she could ask. She wanted him to tell her everything there was to know about him.

( ( i . l o v e . y o u ) )

My love grew when we couldn't meet
My heart ached because my voice didn't reach you
I found I couldn't go back to the times
When I had not known you

She had left the Titans for a short period of time, claiming that she was going on a "break" to clear her mind. It had hardly been true, but her motives for leaving weren't questioned, merely accepted—as she knew it would be. In her time away from her friends, she grew terribly worried, finding that she missed the smell of oil that often accompanied Cyborg, the rigorous training the team's short leader forced them through, the bone-crushing hug of a tamaranean princess's, and, most of all, she missed the blinding smile always given to her by a certain green boy. She had entertained a smirk when she realized that she had fallen in love with him, but it had slowly turned down into a frown and she tasted the salt of her tears. She had never known it would hurt so much to love for the emotion was foreign to her, and knowledge of it came to her only in the form of books. Her hand wandered to her chest and clutched the fabric of her cloak as if she was in intense physical pain and a wounded cry of "Beast Boy" escaped her. She fell to her knees there, in the middle of the sidewalk of the busy city and, though she was thrown several dark glares, was otherwise undisturbed as she wept. Feeling a hand fall on her shoulder, she glanced up into the emerald eyes. A strange warmth filled her and she stood, wrapping her arms around his slender frame and he didn't speak as he rubbed her back soothingly. He had come to take her home.

Upon returning to the Tower, they never spoke of what had transpired, but neither person forgot of it. Raven smiled at the knowledge that all thoughts of leaving the Titans for good had escaped her for she knew that she could never, ever, go back to the time before she knew him. And as she walked the halls scented with oil, and her bones ached from training and bone-crushing hugs, and her presence was met with a grin, she was so very, very happy.

Is this love?

( ( i ' m . s o . w e a k ) )

Please don't smile with such sorrowful eyes
As if you were about to be broken and disappear
What can I do, my dear?

She wiped away his tear absently, as if she didn't care of the cause of it, but that it simply bothered her. She fought to keep the lackadaisical façade in place, but she felt her mask of calm slipping as more liquid quickly replaced the tear. She bent her head to hide her face from him, instead choosing to bury it in his short green hair, whispering words of false comfort. "It's okay, it's okay. I'm sorry, Garfield—everything's going to be okay." The words escaped her without a thought and she hardly had to think about what she has to say. She rocked him lightly as if he was an infant, her words streaming out of her still. What was left unsaid, however, was that the words were as much for her as they were for him. She felt so useless here with him, powerless to fight back his fears. What could she possibly do for him?

( ( i . m i s s . y o u ) )

My love grew when we couldn't meet
My heart ached because my voice didn't reach you
I find I can't go back to the times
When I didn't know you

Raven calmly—oh so calmly—rose to her feet, her gaze not drifting from his. "You're leaving?" Her voice revealed her inner pain and she flinched at the desperate sound of it. When had she gotten so weak?

"Only for a little while." He assured her, his frown showing his dislike of leaving her, even if for a short time. "It'll be fine, 'kay, Rae?"

She didn't bother correcting his use of her nickname as she so often did, nodding mutely instead, already seeing through his lie. He wasn't going to be "fine" and he wouldn't be gone "only for a little while", the truth of the matter was that neither one knew when and if he was truly returning. Biting her lip, she couldn't help but to wonder—if he doesn't come back, could she forget him and pretend the last several years never happened?

She knew such a thing was impossible, for she can no longer return to the time before him.

( ( so . m a n y . q u e s t i o n s ) )

Why sometimes I can't say honestly?
Why sometimes I can't be tender?
Why sometimes we hurt each other?
Why sometimes we check each other?
Why sometimes my heart aches so much
Why always my heart goes out to you?
I can't think of anyone but you

Why was she so terrible to him? Why was she always so cruel? And why—why, why, why, why—did she love him so much? She shook the thoughts away, it was foolish to question such things. Things in life were beyond her control and these things were almost always things she would never have questions answered about. It was best to go about her daily life and be glad for the simple pleasures it brought to her. Her mind. However, was far too analytical for her tastes and she found her thoughts always drifting back to the questions. She was startled to realize that all her questions involved him, and that her thoughts revolved around his existence

She smiled, she wouldn't have it any other way.

I can't think of anyone but you.

The End.