It's my late response to an episode "The pain in the heart" [3x15]. I hope you will like it. Please read and review :)

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Bones', neither a 'Miss You' by Natalia Lesz.

Miss You

I am raw inside

And strangely lonely in this space

Empty bottles, dirty place

Still here....I miss you

And I am out again

To look for you among your friends

They glance my way, as if to say-

"You're still here..." ...I miss you

Restless night

Remembering the things you said

I thank you for and won't forget

Still here....I miss you

She was sitting at the couch, her apartment was in mess, next to her lied an empty bottles, a handkerchiefs and a photos. She took few days off work, she couldn't work, she didn't want to work, didn't want to work with other FBI agent. Angela came to her everyday to check how she was doing but Bones stopped opening the door. She spent all days on the couch looking at the window with tears streaming down her cheeks. Yet, everyone left her, everyone no except. But he promised... promised that he would never go away, that he would be always with her. But he left her, left her alone. And for what? Without him, she hadn't any reason to live. Why he rescued her from being killed, why he rescued her pathetic life? Now she has to be alone, without him. He had someone to live for, he had Parker.. And she? That bullet was for her. She should be shoot, she, not him... That's all because off his alpha male tendency, if he didn't want to protect her, she wouldn't be alone, she wouldn't suffer... Wouldn't be sitting alone in dirty place, on the couch with tears streaming down her face. She thought she had cried all of her tears but there they were again. She no longer had strength to dealt with it, to stand up, to think, to eat. She lost her weight. Bones was always skinny, but she became one of the skeletons She processed. She'd missed him every day, every one fucking day she was thinging about him, crying, watching photos. She knew that was irrational but she couldn't do anything. 'I should get that bullet" she thought "It was for me..." she couldn't help it. She couldn't forgive herself. Couldn't forgive herself that she lost everything. She lost her partner, her friend and something more, she lost her love. She lost love of her life. The only one that she always repeated she didn't believe in. And the worst is that she never told him that and she never would... She was seeing them together and every flashback hurted more. She was tired, tired of crying, tired of her life. Night was restless. She dreamt beautiful dreams where their were together, they were solving a cases, they were laughing, talking and when she woke up everything was gone. The reality was so painful... Gentle rain and wind lullabyed her to the restless sleep.

I know its time

That I am OK

But they can tell

I am bitting on my fingernails...

Still here...I miss you

She woke up by knocking at the door and she thought it was Booth. But after few seconds the brutal reality hit her with double force. It couldn't be him... he's dead. Tears started to falling down... it was too much for her... The knock took her out of her daze and she quickly wiped out her tears and opened the door.

"Oh, Sweetie" said Angela. She perfectly knew that her friend was crying. But she didn't say anything more, she knew that if she do, Brennan would kick her out.

"What do you want?" asked Brennan coldly.

"I came to remind you that today you have to back to work and.." started Angela.

"I know it so if that's all then goodbye." Bones interrupted. She knew that she was hurting her friend but that was the only way to make her leave.

"Sweetie, I know. But today's the funeral and..."

"No, I'm not going. Thank you for coming, I meet at work." Brennan interrupted again. She made clear that she didn't want to talk about it.

"Ok, Bye."

When Temprance closed the door, she sat on the floor, tears were streaming down again. That's so much hurt, she didn't know how much more she would can handle...

At work, she tried to pretend that everything's ok. She once again was a cold professional. She was using more scientific jargon than normally she used to. At least, something kept her busy, let her think about something else. But not for long, soon everyone gone to the funeral and in some way they took her with them. And she was standing over the grave, looking at the coffin. She tried to not cry, she was reciting all bones and injures which she remembered, it wasn't the right place to cry, not here, not in front of everyone... She tried to be strong, like she used to be... But everything was interrupted, so fast... officer's fighting with some man, falling coffin, plastic doll, officer's hat... Booth? It was the moment when her world turned upside down. How it's even possible, he's dead... It must be one more dream, one awful dream. 'I'm going to wake up, i'm going to wake up... ' she closed her eyes and when she opened them again nothing had changed. She didn't wake up. In one moment everything came clear. He faked his death, faked to catch some guy. She noticed him standing in front of her. She did the first thing that came to her mind, she hit him right in the face and run away. She ran as fast as she could with tears streaming down her cheeks. The mixture of tears of sorrow, happiness, anger, relief, rage... She knew he was right behind her. She ran to a little forest which was around the cementary, she hoped that she would hide between the trees. After a while, she leaned against a tree, breathing hard. She let the tears fall. She heard him, knew he was searching for her, she hoped he didn't find her...

"Bones" he was right behind her, he let her choose. She turned around.

"What do you want?!" she growled and wiped her tears out.

"Bones, I... You... you were supposed to know... I was thinking that you know" He started, uncertainty clear in his voice

"I was supposed to know? And who should tell me?? You didn't even think to call me. You let me believe that you're dead! And now, you came here pretending that nothing had happened." she shouted. He was terrified, he never saw her so emotional befrore. But at the same time she seemed so fragile. She lost her weight since they seen each other last time...

"I left the list... they were supposed to inform you. You were supposed to know..."

"The list? List?!" she started to laugh hysterically "Who you left the list? No one ever told me anything... but, you know, don't worry. That's not important anymore." she didn't controle her voice anymore, not even tears.

"Bones, I am so, so sorry..." He gently placed his hand on her arm . She turned around, she wanted to go away. She couldn't control her tears, which was now streaming down her face.

"Bones, please, listen to me. It's not my fault... you were supposeed to know" he repeated again and again.

But that was too much for her "Not you fault? So who's? Mine? Is it my fault that I was crying every one minute, my fault that I couldn't stop to think about you? You're right. I'm sorry that I ever showed any emotions. I will never do that again!" she shouted.

Seeley didn't know what he should say. There were not a words which could go back the time. There were not any way to do this... "I am really sorry, I promise that I will never..."

"You promise? You already once promised and you broke it! Why I even believed you then? So don't make a promise you can't keep. I don't need to once again feel the same! So please, go away and leave me alone..." her voice broke, she sat on the earth, lied her head on knees and hid in her arms. She let the tears flow. She was furious, she felt humilated. All two weeks, she believed that he was dead. Those two weeks, was one of the worst in her all life. And now he came like nothing had happened... She missed him so much, she wanted to be with him, to be with him once again. But when he was there, nothing was like it should be, nothing... She felt strong arms around her, she felt the warm of his body. She couldn't resist, just leaned into him, she was trembling. He just held her, without needless words. He already knew, knew that he wasn't alone, knew that she was feeling the same way. He kissed the top of her head and whispered "I love you". Brennan lifted her head and met his gaze. She was feeling his breath on her face "Did he just said, what I think he said?" she thought. Booth gently wiped out her tears, he was looking into her eyes. She felt his lips on hers. In gently, shy kiss. His sweet mouth seemed to ask "can I?" And she let him, she answered in that same way. She kissed him back and whispered "I love you too".

She woke up from a dream, the feeling of terrified came back to her. One more dream... please not again... tears flowed in her eyes of blue. It can't be true, it cannot be only a dream... she felt a strong hand on her waist. She turned her head and saw sleeping Booth. It wasn't a dream, fortunately it wasn't. That all happened yesterday and it's true. One lonely tear fell down her cheek. But this time it was a tear of happiness.

~The End~

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