Title: Don't Blame Your Daughter
Fandom: NCIS
Author: Alidiabin
Words: 2,115
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Warnings: S7 mentions of rape etc.
Spoilers: Up to S7
Parings: None
Summary: Eli didn't want her dead. He just hoped that she wouldn't have to live through Salim's horrors.
Don't Blame Your Daughter
'Don't blame your daughter, it's just sentimental'
He had not wanted her for dead. When she was captured by Salim, he had simply hoped she died so she would not have to live through the horrors Salim would inflict. It would be more bearable to live with a dead daughter than knowing he had led her to Salims camp of horror.
Eli was far too familiar with the agonising pain and guilt the followed the death of a child. His soul remained broken from the deaths of Ari and Tali. He was sure Eli could not endure the death of his third and final child. However, he would rather endure her death, than have her live with what Salim and his tribe of merry men had done to her. He had always hoped she would outlive him and perhaps have some children of her own. He often dreamed of it.
Ziva would stand in the doorway of his penthouse apartment. A three year old girl running from her legs and a seven year old boy running towards Eli.
"Sabba" they would cry in unison. Ziva would smile just as she used to smile before Tali's death. A man whose face Eli never quite envisioned of would kiss her causing the children and Eli to shout.
"Eww" then Ziva and husband would leave and Eli would spoil his grandchildren with toffees and tales of their mother's teenage escapades.
Eli never let go of the vision. So, the night after the Americans left her he found Ziva sitting on the balcony of his penthouse, letting one of his cigarettes burn in the ash tray. She was stroking Dorrit the cat of Eli's latest and equally broken fiancée Ruth.
"I would understand if you chose not to go on the mission" Eli said as the cat walked off. "It is a dangerous mission" Eli said sitting on the chair rather the ground to spare his back.
"Papa," she uttered "I do not believe the mission to be an adventure holiday" she said stubbing out the unsmoked cigarette. "I understand the risks" satisfied with Ziva's response Eli stood up. Ziva stared out to the darkening sky. "Papa" she whispered. Eli looked at the blackening sky "The men I go with they cannot have families" Eli nodded in understanding, the mission was dangerous and not wanting to make widows and fatherless children.
Malachi Ben-Gidon stood in his office bruised, dirty and broken as he recounted how Ziva had gone after Salim alone. In that moment he did not pray she would survive Eli was too familiar with Salims methods of torture. He knew how the treated male prisoners and did not want to fathom how they would treat they would treat a female prisoners. He hoped that Salims men showed uncharacteristic kindness and killed her quietly so that she did not register death slowly surrounding her. Eli would rather out live his third child than selfishly ask her to live with what Salim Ulman did to her.
Tali's death had been painless. Eli took solace in that fact. From what he read from the reports; Tali had been a seat away from the bomber who was a boy about her age. The bus had not been full but Tali had still sat in such close proximity with the bomber. His youngest and most compassionate child had always been a mystery to Eli, even in death Tali remained a engima. Eli still pondered why she sat next to the bomber. Perhaps, she was attracted to him? Eli knew his daughters had inherited their mothers taste for inappropriate men. Perhaps Tali was just sitting next to a fellow human? Shylocks 'Hath Not Jew Eyes?" speech always rang so true with Eli's youngest child. Tali had always seen all humans as equal. Eli pondered these questions as he walked to Tali's grave which was really just the stone which marked the site where the remaining David's had buried Tali's left arm and all of her belongings. It was the most decorated site in the cemetery. Old school friends frequently left toys and stones at the site, and the ones who had spent time in Christian countries left colourful flowers.
"It's your turn to look after your sister now" Eli whispered before leaving. The site showed no sign he'd ever been there.
Ziva did not get a memorial service or even a grave site. Eli did not tell many people. Ziva's school and army friends would be remembering and memorialising a different person, so he left them to there lives and Ziva to be a figment of their mind when they sat in their boring office jobs. Eli sent a mass email, which contained her photo her mossad identification number and missing presumed dead in the status row. It was sent to the three officers in Mossad who Ziva had been close with. Amit Hadar and Malachi Ben-Gidon sent no reply accepting it for what it was. Ziva's only female friend in mossad Dana Tofel called from her Rome Station. She asked for the story. Eli told her a collection of half truths the same ones he told NCIS, that she died in a shipwreck. Even as he spoke, he never mentioned the word dead referring to it as her status. He sends the email and falsified report to Leon Vance.
It was Ruth who finally made him say it. They are at a benefit for the disease that killed Ruth's son. Eli spent the entire benefit slowly drinking. Ruth who is almost as broken as Eli, as he never dated anyone who is not broken he cannot ruin more lives. A man whose name Eli cannot recall drifted towards them. He asked after Ziva. Eli chocked. Eli could not force the words out of his throat. Eli walked away.
"She died" Eli heard in a hushed and whispered tone as Ruth explained.
A few hours later, Ruth walked into Eli's study as he systematically and rhythmically puffed his cigar.
"Why don't you say it Eli?" she asked standing against the window. Eli wonderers for a moment. Perhaps, he still hoped? He booted that thought from his head as soon as it entered, no it was more likely he wanted proof. He wanted something to bury. He craved closure. He shrugged his shoulders pretending to be indifferent. "Say it Eli" Ruth shouted. Eli turns.
"Say what?" he uttered playing dumb.
"Say it Eli" Ruth shouted "Say that your daughter is dead" Ruth wrapped her hands around his shoulders. She stared deep into his eyes. He shivered. It had been a long time since he'd let a woman see so deep into his soul. "My daughter is dead" Ruth repeated. Eli looked away.
"My daughter" he shakily whispered. Ruth relented her grip on Eli's shoulders. He felt the anger rise inside of him, he is sure Ruth registered it too. "Is" Eli paused. He angrily ashes his half smoked cigar until it's put out and nothing but black ashes in a ashtray. "Dead" he uttered. Ruth moved predicting the anger the swept through him. "Ziva is dead" he screamed. He tipped his desk over breaking his seldom used computer. Eli repeated as he trashed his office. The tantrum continued for over an hour. Ruth found him sitting on the floor holding a picture of his three children.
It took Eli a while to fathom the Ari had gone rouge. Maybe love had blinded him. Or much more likely Eli refused to believe something that was half his could be capable falling over the line of good and evil Mossad officers so dangerously tip-toed along. Eli took comfort in knowing Ari died not registering his half sisters bullet in his skull. Eli naively clung to the idea that upon death Ari's soul split in half. The jaded broken soul was discarded into the underworld and the youthful innocent soul went to the heaven his mother believed in. Eli liked to think Ziva is with them too now.
Eli decides he wants closure. Vengeance is a familiar emotion. Eli enlists Amit Hadar to help him get his vengeance. Somehow the prime minster hears. He is not impressed.
"Eli" the prime minster shouted as he entered Eli's office "I will not have another innocent Israeli lost at the hands of Salim Ulman" Eli is tempted to smack the only man in Israel he has to answer to. "I will not loose another Israeli to your obsession" Eli wanted to but in but the prime minster did not allow him too "If another Israeli dies because of your obsession it will be your head" Eli watched as the prime minster left. He sits in his office, thinking of all he could lose. He knew he could not lose his job and Ruth and in one go. He cannot lose all his has left. But he cannot let it go.
Amit Hadar and his team of famililess men still search in the desert for Ziva. They are not permitted to be as ruthless as Eli would have wanted them to be. They were to act with caution.
NCIS found her. Eli gets an email from Leon Vance. He is confronted with photograph of Ziva she is covered in dirt, far to skinny and eyes are empty. Eli returned to his penthouse to find Ruth gone, a scrap of Dorrits fur the only sign she was ever there.
Eli sits and contemplates how yet again he has failed her. The first time he failed her was when she was twelve, he dropped her off at the European boarding school her mother had insisted she attend. Ziva had been acting out since the death of her best friend Khaleed. For months after he dropped her off Eli saw her piercing eyes looking back at him begging for him to come rescue her. The second time was after Talis death, he did not see how broken she was. He was broken too but Ziva was falling deep into the black hole of despair. Eli made no attempts to rescue her. He let her sell her soul to the devil. He led to mossad and a lifestyle she never wanted. A lifestyle he had never wanted for her. Each time her broke her trust and made her hate him yet each time she forgave him. However, now he knows she won't forgive him a third time. He does not expect her to forgive him.
Two weeks after her rescue, Eli got an email from Leon Vance. Ziva's medical records and psych evaluation. Vance's stressed Ziva's privacy. For a brief moment Eli thought of the hypocrisy of country of people who are willing to share all their personal information on facebook and twitter yet cling so tightly to the notion of privacy. Eli reads as Ziva recalls the torture to the therapist. Ziva spoke of an aversion to cigarettes and caf-pow. How she cannot sleep in a room with slat blinds because they are two similar to the bars of Salims. Eli reads some of the things done to her; he knows his daughter does not speak about trauma. The therapists report barely scratches the surface. Eli is familiar with the methods of trauma detailed in the doctors' report. He gulped the bile that rose in his throat as he read of the seventy-six cigarette burns on her back and thigh one for each day she was held captive. The vomit is then directed to wastepaper basket as he read about the 'S' carved into her inner thigh. A sob escaped him as he read about the various STI tests and other signs the men had raped her.
A few days after Vance's email, he got an email from her. She asked to be released from mossad she told Eli of her wonderful new life she is building for herself of friends with dogs and children of a facebook page. Eli is told she wants to be left alone. She does not reply or return any of his call or emails.
He selfishly refused to allow her to be happy. He wanted her back. He invested over thirty years in the relationship. He cannot let go. He wanted her back. He sent Ben-Gidon to get her back. He made another mistake trying to win her back. Malachi tried to burn her. Ziva holds the sharp knife cuts the last badly and quickly tied knot holding their relationship together. To her he is dead.
He never wanted her dead. Sometimes he wondered if she had died. If maybe the pain would have been more bearable.
'Don't blame your daughter, it's just sentimental'
A/N: M E Wofford gets a dedication and massive thanks for putting up with my moaning about the evil New Zealand education systems and encouraging me to write.
The lyrics and the title come from a The Cardigans song called 'Don't Blame Your Daughter', which I don't own.
I wanted to explain why Eli had mossad looking but claimed she was dead. After all in 'Last Man Standing' he said he wanted grandchildren yet he lets her go to Somalia. So, please read and review.