"Wally, you're in Denial"
"I'm comfortable with that"
It was late. Wally sat at the edge of his bed, eyes wide and sweat dripping down his face. "It was just a nightmare" he choked out. Just a nightmare- but it wasn't. The things he saw, they were very real… At least for him. The simulation was killing him from the inside, he couldn't stand the thought of it. So he didn't think about it. Or at least that was what he was supposed to be doing, but it's kind of hard to ignore something when it plagues your dreams.
Every time he looked at Robin he could see the flames coming towards them slowly.
The deep sound of a ray blasting rang in his head when he looked at Artemis.
Whenever Kaldur spoke, he felt the sharp push that send him flying into the zeta.
A single glance at Connor reminded him of his sad face every time someone called him Superman.
Even looking at M'gann was painful, her screams for Artemis, the tears falling down her face. It was unbearable.
Letting out a frustrated cry he fell back onto his bed dragging his hands down his face. Blankly, he stared at the ceiling, letting the rocky walls around him fade. He could deal with everything else by pretending. Hell, everyone on the team believes he's an idiot, a goofball who is perfect for coming up with "truly dumb ideas'. No one even thinks to question his home life or his school life, because no way he could be in hell every time he set foot out of the cave. He's too happy.
At this point Wally gave up on getting back to sleep, his walls were breaking, everything he denied was starting to leak through. He wasn't comfortable with that. He found denial more effective if it stayed behind locked doors.
Sighing, he stood. He was hungry anyways, and either way, maybe food could help him forget, or at least fix the ever growing crack in his wall. So quietly treading, he made his way to the kitchen forcing any thoughts that weren't relevant to food to dissipate before they developed. Glancing up he found himself at the doorway of his souvenir room. 'I thought I was going to the kitchen…' he thought as he stared into the dark room. Each item seemed to mock him. His eyes travelled over every souvenir recounting every story behind him. He paused slightly at the taunting grin that was painted onto Cheshire's mask. That was the first time he nearly died. He could vividly remember the dark water choking him, suffocating him, drowni- No. He shook himself of the memory… 'Forget it' he spat mentally. His eyes shifted to the next item and he froze. Fates helmet.
The helmet that stood for everything he didn't believe in. The helmet that almost took his life, his future away from him. The helmet that is keeping Kent Nelson trapped, and alone.
He didn't remember picking it up, but he found himself glaring at it. Stupid helmet. Stupid desire for control. Desire for order, and logic, and peace. He dropped it with a strangled gasp as he realized how the helmet craved the same thing that he did. He wanted to have control, he needed logic, and the only reason he became a hero was because he wanted peace… He was just like the helmet he hated so much; and with this knowledge the walls came crumbling down.
The relentless teasing and torment at school. "It's not me" he whispered , but he knew it was.
Mum and Dad fighting every night. "I-it's not my fault" he stuttered, but even he was beginning to doubt it.*
Not deserving to be Kid Flash. Tears began to form as he reasoned "I earned it", he knew it was only his annoying begging that made Barry cave.**
Nearly killing his friends in the tower***. "It's- I just wanted her to like me", he was being selfish.
Kent Nelsons death. His tears began to fall freely, "He chose that", it sounded so wrong to say that, and he felt like had he just accepted magic he would be alive.
Artemis dying. He clenched his jaw, "t-there was nothing I could do", 'I wasn't fast enough.'
Kaldur never coming through the zeta. "He- he was our leader, I-I had to listen" he choked out weakly, but his inner mind spat back: 'You were weak, a coward"
The realization that he was wrong about everyone being alive. "I hoped-" '-you gave them false hope'. A broken sob tore it's way through his mouth.
The explosion that came towards him and Robin. "T-there was n-nothing I could do",
'The Flash could have saved him."
He couldn't stand being in the room anymore, so blurry eyed and hurting, he shot out of the souvenir room, ignoring the loud clang of the helmet hitting the floor, and forgetting any notion of stealth. Past his room, past the living room and kitchen, straight out the cave entrance. Running was his only solace, the repeated motion of feet on the ground, propelling him forwards. So he ran.
Allowing the world to blur around him he focused on nothing but the rhythm of his feet.
Left
Right
Left
Right
The dark horizon spread in front of him, the occasional lights flashing as he streaked past. He felt free. A bitter laugh bubbled up his throat as he skidded to a stop. He problems were gone for now, he out ran them again, he built his walls back up. His problems were back behind the wall where he didn't have to deal with them. He was back in 'denial' as Black Canary would say; but turning back towards Happy Harbour a weary smile made its way to his face.
"I'm comfortable with that"
And with that Wally was gone with the wind, leaving his dark thoughts in the dust.
A/N: I hope you liked it, cause I don't really know how I feel about this :\
*This is a reference to the comics, where Wally refers to his parents relationship as 'the longest divorce in history' and that he couldn't help but feel rejected
** In the Young Justice comics it's revealed that Barry didn't want Wally as Kid Flash claiming, but eventually he said yes under the conditions that Wally did exactly as he was told.
*** A reference to 'Denial'. When Wally lied to the tower claiming he believed in magic.