AN: I think I'm going to turn to be one of those writers who creates a lot of new fics and updates really slow. Aw crap. But I seriously want to try this one out.
First up, our favorite "hip and cool" lying jounin. Kakashi!
Warning: Hints of Kakashi/Obito
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto's that lucky bastard.
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FoolHe feels like he's living in a dream. Life seems so surreal. Now it's a routine of endless missions for him. Strangely Yondaime-sama, no, Arashi-sensei seemed to know what to distract him from his state of mind. If Arashi-sensei didn't force him to take those missions, Kakashi thinks that he would break down.
Every time he was alone, he almost heard him. Obito laughing gaily, Obito yelling at him, Obito ranting on and on about triviality. Obito, Obito, Obito.
Fool.
He remembered it. That day, that accused day. Himself acting so stuck-up and snobbish. So concerned about rules, rules, rules. Because shinobi rule number 67 says this, rule number 33 says that. He wanted to clobber the younger version of himself. But he couldn't and so he hit himself instead.
Fool.
But it doesn't make things any better because he's gone. Gone forever and he's never going to scream at Kakashi again, cry like the stupid crybaby he is and laugh as if the world is perfect. Because when he laughs, the world becomes perfect.
Fool.
Rules. They ruined his life. His father didn't obey them and that left him fatherless. All alone in the world. And when he had precious people of his own (although he didn't know it), he followed the rules too rigidly and he died. He was left all alone again.
Fool.
His eye didn't hurt anymore. He remembered the first time he woke up with his eye, the burning pain… He screamed shamelessly. Flashes of images appeared, he was forced to watch that incident. Images in Obito's perspective, when he first awoken the Sharingan. The fight, the exchange between the two boys and cold death.
He thought the Obito was probably cursing him, blaming him. Why do I have to die? Because he was the one who least deserved death and Kakashi agrees fully. But there is no justice in the world, there never was and Kakashi was the one alive and Obito dead.
Fool.
The eye gave him a lot of problems. Everyone thought that having the Sharingan was a blessing but he refuted. It was a curse. The first month has been tortuous. Every morning, he was jerked awake by that searing pain, something was bubbling in his eye and it wanted to be released, as if knowing that the user is not a Uchiha. It felt like hot boiling acid on his eye, burning through his sockets. Next came the headaches. The eye memorized in detail everything and anything he saw. He couldn't control it and it went haywire frequently as if to mock him. Everyone was disturbed by the sight of the swirling Sharingan rolling about his eye socket. It felt like Obito himself was making fun of him.
That day when he died. Oh when he died! Trust in his eyes when he gazed at Kakashi, telling him, it's going to be alright. But it's never alright! And why did he trusted Kakashi anyway? If only Kakashi first stepped forwards to help Rin, Obito wouldn't have to die. And everything will be alright. They'll go back to the pointless squabbles that they had, the grudging respect (not that they would admit it) and everything would be peachy!
Fool.
What good is living in the past anyway? Why can't Kakashi just move on with his life like everyone else? Why can't he forget that annoying smile, those dark, dark eyes and that ridiculous goggles! Kakashi keeps those goggles you know, underneath his pillow when he sleeps, but he won't ever tell anyone that. And he defends himself saying that he didn't keep those goggles for sentimental sake. He kept it to, well… To remind himself of Obito and that rules aren't always right.
Fool.
As much as Kakashi tries, he can't stop thinking of him. When Kakashi did his missions, Obito was always there whooping over the fricking cool mission that he had. When Kakashi killed, Obito was always there, his eyes downcast, lips trembling and mourning for the dead. Even though the man was an enemy nin but enemy nins are still human and have their own precious people back home to return to. When he head for lunch, Obito grumbled over the boring choice of food. Who the hell eats the same thing over and over again everyday? And at that time when Arashi-sensei died, because of that bastard fox, Obito was screaming at him. Why aren't you there when Sensei was fighting that damn fox? Why were you away from another mission? Why didn't you try to get home faster when you sensed the disturbance? You never tried! You never cared! You're just a stupid selfish jerk and everyone close to you always dies, always dies because you never did enough to help them! You never helped at all!
Fool.
Kakashi lies on his futon, eyes glazed over and let Obito scream at him. Because Obito was telling the truth and Kakashi has always been avoiding the truth. Even though if it manages to punch his face.
Fool.
Then Sandaime went back to being Hokage and after a few years, pulled him out of the ANBU team. Did Sandaime see that he's slowly becoming insane? Sandaime demoted him to Jounin and forces him to take on a new genin team. And he keeps failing them. Just look at them. They're going to die when they get out there! He sees different teams over the years and envisions all their death and they always fail. Because they're not ready, they're never ready. And he doesn't want them near him, because all his precious people always ended up dead and he's convinced that he is cursed.
Fool.
But Sandaime didn't give up on him and refuses his request to be reinstalled into his ANBU ranks. He sees his next team and was hell-bent to fail them. A noisy hyperactive underdog. Obito. A lovesick but average girl. Rin. And an arrogant and selfish fool. Me. Kakashi could see the ghost of Team Yondaime wafting mockingly at him in them and he grits his teeth. He tells himself that there is no way he's passing them, there's no way another Team Yondaime is going to end up dead again.
Team Yondaime is dead because of him. Yes it's all Kakashi's fault. Everything that's important to him is long gone, erased along with their deaths. But it's not the end of the world. Kakashi tells himself to hang on, because there's nothing left to do. (Unless Kakashi wants to fall off.) He tells himself it's not that bad, because it's over now, and it's not going to happen again. And Kakashi feels relieved for a moment.
Fool.
But when he saw them offering their lunch to Naruto, even if they were just as hungry as Naruto is, Kakashi faltered. He's going to make the same mistake again, isn't he? The sight of that selfish scowling boy, so much like himself, giving something up for that hyperactive noisy boy, so much like Obito. It makes his chest ache and he wonders if Kakashi and Obito could have another chance to start anew, in another body, in another lifetime. He relents and passes them.
Fool.
He was a rational idiot like that. He calculated that the possibility that both of them succeeding at what Kakashi and Obito failed, would be higher since both of them are lonely like that. He thought it's going to work. He let that silly piece of hope comfort him. But not everything follows reason and logic, you know?
He gets that sinking feeling that he's going to end up wrong again. He tries to brush it off and tries to concentrate on that orange book in his hand. But that feeling stays on and keeps bothering him. He's going to end up wrong again and he wonders if he has ever been right to start with.
Fool.
And he could see Obito laughing mockingly at him. Because Kakashi is and always has been a…
Fool.
-End-
AN: I think I'm more suited to do one-shots and short fics. Short attention span. Reviews will be cooed and adored over!