Draco pounded on the door of the Muggle house. "Open up, Potter, I know you're in there!" he shouted. At eighteen, he was to become the Dark Lord's youngest ever second-in-command if he could kill Potter. He was so close, so close--!
A girl opened it, saw Draco, gasped, and slammed the door in his face.
She reappeared five seconds later with Harry and two other girls.
"This is Kit, Kitty, and Kristi," Harry said, introducing Draco to the three girls.
"We press-ganged him into being our friend," explained Kitty.
Kit and Kristi seized Draco and pulled him inside. Kit snatched his wand away with a "tsk" noise.
"You won't be needing that wand, Drakey," she leered, flicking a glance down at his pelvic area.
"Ooh, yes! Can I make wand jokes now?" asked Kitty eagerly, holding Harry's arms behind his back.
"Get your wands out boys, it's time for a yaoi scene!" called Kristi.
"They--they're--" Draco whimpered, paler than usual.
Harry gulped. "Yes. They're pervy fangirls."
(the following scenes have been removed due to time constraints and blackmail usage)
Six hours later, very traumatised, very…satisfied, and very lacking in the clothes department, Harry and Draco were shoved out the door. Seamus, Blaise, Dean and Theodore were on the doorstep.
"We got a tip a Death Eater was going to be here," growled Dean. "I guess we found him. Just in time to save Potter, too, eh?"
"Woah mates, what happened to you?" asked Seamus, taking in their state of undress and excitement.
Harry turned to him with a dazed, vacant look. "Fangirls."
Without warning, the four innocent boys were pulled into the house as if by some yaoi-addicted kraken.
The next day, the Ministry denied reports that Fangirls were becoming as much of a threat in the Wizarding World as they wwere in Middle Earth.
"We have spoken to King Elessar and Lord Sauron and various other Lords and Ladies of consequence throughout that fandom, and we can safely say that Voldemort is our biggest problem at this moment in time," confirmed a spokesperson for the Ministry.
In a basement on Privet Drive, Lord Voldemort, being forced through all manner of torture up to and including badly written fics slashing him with Harry and Lucius to admit his secret passion for Dumbledore, would have to disagree.