It had happened during the summer.
James had gone out to Diagon Alley with Sirius. The plan was to have some ice cream, maybe get started on back to school shopping. It was supposed to be a quick visit, a one hour ordeal.
Mr. and Mrs. Potter trusted their sons but the wizarding world was more dangerous than ever. It wasn't safe for two blood traitor teenagers to wander around by themselves.
For the first time since what felt like forever, James had actually decided to listen to his parents and do as he was told.
The plan was to: get in, buy whatever it was that he wanted to buy, then get out. Simple, easy, quick, safe.
She wasn't supposed to be there. Such was the case, she wasn't usually where she ought to be.
So, when James Potter and Sirius Black walked into Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour that afternoon, and James took notice of her, something inside him broke.
It was no secret James loved her. Everyone knew it, it was common knowledge. Surprisingly enough, she was oblivious. The important thing here was, James Potter was in love with Lily Evans.
So, when he saw her in Diagon Alley, wearing a flimsy yellow sundress, eating ice cream and chatting excitedly with Mary McDonald, something inside him broke. Completely shattered.
Seeing the look on his best friend's face, Sirius suggested they come along and say hello. She wasn't supposed to be there. But she was, and James was in love with her. Madly, hopelessly in love with her.
Therefore, when after an hour of catching up, Sirius and James made to leave and she asked them to stay, they did. Lily Evans had asked him to stay. Blinded by love, how could he ever say no to her? Instead of the full hour they should have, they stayed for nearly four.
It was already dark when Sirius and James arrived at the Potter Manor. Elsa and Alex Potter were inside, there was no doubt, worried about the two of them, ready to scold them once they got home.
Once they did it was already dark outside and the only light came from the flames that burned the house to the ground.
He fell down on his knees, watching the fire consume his childhood.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. No kid should ever have to bury his parents at the age of seventeen.
James had thought planning the funeral was terrible; Attending it was much, much worse. An angel made out of concrete sat on top of their graves. Lily held his hand through the whole thing and once it ended, he cried like a baby.
If only he had arrived earlier… He'd be dead too, that was certain. Or was it? He'd never truly know. The one time he decided to listen to his mum and dad. Of course he'd find Lily Evans in Diagon Alley that same day.
He knew it wasn't her fault. It was his. Weren't he so blindly in love, so infatuated with her, maybe he'd have returned in time. If only.
James forced himself to slip away from her. From everyone he loved.
He holed himself up on the small cottage in Godric's Hollow and hid himself from the world. James answered no letters. Not one, not a single owl received a reply. His Head Boy badge sat at the bottom of his school trunk, completely ignored.
If love was wanting someone to the point where he had no will, no desire to say no… Maybe James didn't want love at all.
He ordered his school supplies via owl. Sirius, Remus and Peter stopped by, repeatedly. He didn't utter a single word. They were worried about him; he didn't know if Lily was. He'd vowed not to think of her ever again.
She was picked Head Girl, he knew it. How could she not have been? Lily Evans was a charming, vivacious, kind and powerful witch and James was absolutely smitten. It wouldn't surprise him if Dumbledore himself was infatuated with her. But he was not thinking about her.
If only he had gotten there on time… Oh, the guilt was excruciating. It sat at the pit of his stomach and he felt haunted by it.
Once classes started, James Potter was a different person. Having influence over the student body, he wasn't surprised that Hogwarts wasn't the same anymore. Or maybe it was just him.
He was too tired (exhausted, really) for childish antics. Dumbledore's speeches about hope and unity meant nothing to him anymore. There were no Marauders. There were Sirius, Peter and Remus and then there was James.
His grades were flushing down the drain but he couldn't care less. His parents' fortune was moved to his personal vault, and he was wealthy enough that he didn't have to work for a single penny to live the rest of his life more than comfortably. How was he supposed to care about homework when his world had been turned upside down? Maybe if he had gotten there on time… But he hadn't.
There was nothing anyone could do. Dumbledore had even tried threatening to strip him off his Head Boy position, but the Gryffindor's only reply had been "Go ahead. I've made peace." The badge was still pinned to the front of his robes.
He was walking down the third floor corridor when she spotted him. She was crying, he noticed, but still she marched over to where he was standing, glued to his spot.
"Who are you, James Potter?" She said, barely louder than a whisper. The accusatory tone of her voice was not lost on him.
Thankfully, the corridor was deserted. Neither of them could see this conversation having a positive outcome.
"I see you, James." He said nothing. "I've always seen you. But if… If you keep building these walls around you…" Tears streamed down her face. He had been so close. But seeing her cry like that, for him especially, made all his efforts feel futile and useless.
"Soon I won't see you at all." James knew then he'd always love her.
Snapping James out of his thoughts, Lily continued. "I knew who you were from the start." She took a step forward, cheeks still wet. "But now I don't know who you are."
James pulled her close, closer than ever, and she cried into his chest. James cried too.
His jumper and her hair were both damp from both their tears. After a while, they walked all the way to Hogsmeade and apparated to a graveyard.
They walked over to the concrete angel and left a garland of lilies and tulips in front of it. It was a slow process, but eventually James smiled genuinely again, the Marauders ruled the school once more and no letter was left unanswered ever again.
Lily held his hand the whole time. Only because she never was where she ought to be.