I don't think there are enough Jacob fics.

So…ta-da!

Disclaimer: Why would I want to own Jacob Ben Israel? I mean, ewww.

I would like to own glee, but that ain't happening.

10% Gossip

Jacob listened in to the latest conversation happening between Finn Hudson and the love of his life.

'I just can't that us kissing cost us Nationals!'

Jacob's eyes widened- Finchel were back on? He quickly jotted this down in the notebook he always carried with him.

'I know. Didn't the kiss mean anything, though?'

'Finn, I don't know!' Rachel's voice grew louder with exasperation.

Jacob praised all the gods he knew- God, Santana's Boobs, Katie Price, the guy who made Rachel Berry- and began listening intently.

'But…we kissed! On stage! For like, one minute! Doesn't that count for something?'

A few days later, he saw Big Blonde Mouth and Ferrari meet up in a coffee place parking lot, talking about some secret.

Jacob smiled in triumph. He always had an ear for gossip.

20% Girls

Santana was hot. Quinn was hot. Brittany was hot.

Why were most of the glee girls hot?

(Excluding Freaky Asian, because she was NOT attractive and Ferrari because, hello, plus size!)

Anyway, ever since Push It- Rachel was so hot in that- he joined the Celibacy Club, which totally sucked but was worth it when Rachel announced that girls wanted sex just as much as boys.

Because, seriously? Jacob didn't want sex with girls.

He wanted sex with Rachel.

69% Rachel Berry

Jacob was sure he loved Rachel Barbra Berry. Her glossy, blackish brown hair, her warm, twinkling brown eyes…

She was perfect.

Sure, she was overbearing, hyperactive, self-involved, egotistical, extremely selfish, and shrewd, but nobody was perfect?

Besides, she was the only girl who was attractive and wasn't too out of Jacob's league.

Let's face it. Jacob isn't the jock everyone wants to make out with. Jacob isn't good-looking, or funny.

But Rachel Berry was talented and that's what killed Jacob.

Because Jacob wasn't really talented at anything. Yeah, he could whip up a 232 word article in eight minutes, but that was when you gave him a good topic!

Jacob wanted to have a girlfriend who was 'out of his league' but didn't think it.

The only person who thought this way was Rachel Berry.

So, he may have developed a slight obsession on her.

1% Work

You can't go through school without thinking about work, can you?

Okay…so…yeah.

Go read some other fics now. Unless you want to review. But no flames.

Flames will be used to burn Puck's mohawk off.