Author's Note: So creative inspiration has finally hit me, and I'm ready to write another multi-chaptered fic of Xellina goodness :D. Thanks to all of you who've read my stuff in the meantime. Hopefully this was worth the wait. It's rated M for later chapters *wink wink*. This is for all of you who enjoyed reading Love Scene, and are still lingering in the fandom :). Enjoy!

Things We Lost – Chapter One

Three weeks before…

The fight had lasted longer than anyone would have anticipated.

Just east of the borders of the white magic capital, a shift in the land had created a rift through which an intense magical energy poured. Though the rift had been successfully sealed at the sacrifice of Princess Amelia's life, the aftereffects of the catastrophe were still overwhelming. Monsters and lesser demons alike multiplied and gained strength from the magical source, and from each other. It worked like a virus, implanting itself within a host to proliferate and spread to another, and before long the matter had already gotten out of hand. But Zelgadiss Greywords, friend of the late princess, had been there to turn the tide and shift it in favor of the people.

But it seemed, before the end of the battle, another sacrifice would have to be made.

He fell to one knee and dropped his sword into the ground. Blood spattered up through his mouth as he coughed and clutched at the vital wound to his lower abdomen. He didn't have to see it to know that all the healers of Saillune could not save him. His body no longer felt right—there was probably something important missing down there. Unless the healers had learned to replace body parts, this would be where he would make his final stand.

As he willed himself to rise, an unprecedented visitor appeared before him with a familiar voice. "Oh my, you certainly don't look well, Zelgadiss-san."

Zelgadiss raised his head. Though he couldn't clearly see who had appeared before him (his vision had gotten so fuzzy with all the loss of blood), that voice was unmistakeable. In a hoarse voice, he uttered the priest's name, "Xelloss. What are you doing here?"

The mazoku raised his hand. "I assure you, I am not here to oppose you. In fact, you could say I'm here to help."

Another cough escaped Zelgadiss's blood-ridden lungs. "Help?" That was unlikely. "I don't have time to play games with you. Explain yourself."

"No, you certainly don't," Xelloss commented. He lowered his hand, seeing the aggression fade from Zelgadiss's eyes. "But I am here on business, and the details include information I am afraid I cannot share with you, Zelgadiss-san."

Zelgadiss sighed, and it was a long, drawn-out sigh. Xelloss wondered briefly if that had been his last breath, but then the chimera pulled himself off the ground and coughed again. "I guess you will do," he muttered, then fished down the neckline of his cloak. He then pulled out a letter, and held it out to Xelloss. "I have a favor to ask. Can you deliver this?"

Xelloss raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think would I feel compelled to perform an act of generosity?"

"Well, we travelled together once, so maybe your sense of comraderie," Zelgadiss joked, observing how Xelloss responded with the customary grin. "That, and this gives you an excuse to see her again." He witnessed the grin slowly fade, and then Xelloss quickly turned his head, feigning ignorance. "Admit it," Zelgadiss said, "we all find things more interesting with Lina around."

Xelloss hesitated for a moment longer before a tiny smile appeared on his lips. Then he reached forward and took the flimsy note from Zelgadiss's beaten hand. "That is probably true," he agreed, and tucked the slip of paper away in his bag. "But Zelgadiss-san, how do you think she will respond to the news of the death of her companions?"

A smirk appeared on the man's face. "That's something for you, the news-bearer, to deal with." He shifted and groaned, feeling the numbness beginning to take over. "Xelloss," he began. "Can you tell her this, too?"

"That is?"

Zelgadiss wiped the blood from his mouth, and Xelloss saw that a small and gentle smile had appeared there. He regarded the chimera with a solemn expression on his face, for this was the moment he had seen in few humans before, and a moment he would never experience as an undying mazoku. This was the little bit of respect he had for their race—for those who fought to keep on living. In their final moments, they grew to their fullest just before their light was put to an eternal rest.

"Tell her I'm sorry."

"How are you doing today, Lina?"

She raised her head and tipped her hat up as she paused in the road. The length of her skirt swept around her ankles, fluttering as a light spring breeze blew on by, and she wondered briefly if it was the sign of an oncoming storm. She ran a hand through her long red hair, then patted down her dress as she greeted the man with a warm smile. "Great!" she answered. "How are you doing, old man?"

He laughed at her. "I can't be doing anything but good after that lively response of yours." The man stood up and straightened his back. As he sighed and stretched out his arms, he continued, "How have you been holding up? A town this quiet must be an absolute bore for you."

She waved a hand carelessly at him. "No, that's not true. I quite like it here."

His smile shifted. "That's a shame. Someone as young as you should be exploring the world, not settling down." He paused to rub his nose. "At least experience what it's like to fall in love."

Lina strained a smile at him. Time and experience had taught her how to best manipulate the muscles in her face to make others believe her pretenses. "I already have," she responded. I already have, but that was quite a while ago, now.

"Aw shucks," the man said playfully. "And here I thought I had a chance with a sweetheart like you."

She laughed at him. "Thank you, Mr. Carson. Have a nice day."

"You too. Take care."

She bowed her head to him, then walked off down the road with her hand on her head to keep her hat from flying away. After ten minutes down the dirt path, she climbed a small hill and entered the front door to her house, sealing the door behind her. She paused behind it to catch her breath as it came in ragged, painful gasps.

"Lina-san?"

She froze. Had someone broken through her ward? She realized she hadn't paid attention upon entering the house. But when his figure appeared around the corner, however, she realized that it was not her wards that had been broken. Her wards simply had no effect on him. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them. "How did you find me, Xelloss?"

"Ah, that." He took a step towards her. "That was a task indeed. You never fail to impress me, Lina-san. How did you ever manage to conceal your presence so well? …Lina-san?"

Not now. Please, gods, not now!

She stumbled, and Xelloss teleported to her side to catch her. "Lina-san?" he repeated. There was worry in his voice, and she found that it annoyed her. But that wasn't the biggest of her problems for the moment.

She swallowed. "Help me to the other room," she said, words strained, and pointed wearily at the door across the room. Xelloss nodded as he hooked an arm around her and lifted her off the ground, carrying her over to the next room. There was a large bed. Taking light of the situation, he walked over and set her down on top of it.

As he pulled away from her, he saw that she had gone ghastly pale. He was about to speak, but then she closed her eyes and raised her hands before her, palms down. He backed away just as the spell swelled, runes glowing brightly on the engraved wooden boards below his feet, magic swirling around her before it finally settled. She sighed quietly, and Xelloss noted that the color had effectively returned to her face, though she still looked sufficiently exhausted.

Her eyes fell on him then, and he realized that the redness had dimmed slightly over the years. It had been twelve years since he had last seen her. She had disappeared about four years ago, location lost to him and all of her friends. Apparently she had wandered into the outer continent, which explained why she had escaped his vision. The higher ranked mazoku knew of every single being within the inner world. What he could not understand, though, was how she managed to evade his tracking abilities via the astral plane. That would take an enormous amount of magical capacity and endurance, or…

Lina slipped her legs off the side of the bed and paused. Then she eased off the side of her bed and stood up slowly. As she began to teeter, Xelloss reached out and grabbed her arm. "Are you sure you should be standing, Lina-san?" he asked.

She brushed his hand off. "I'm fine, Xelloss." He noted the strain in her eyes silently. "So, tell me. What do you want with me now?" She paused, then turned to him slowly. Her eyes regarded him with melancholy. "I'm sure you've noticed it."

His expression was somber, though his eyes were still hidden. "Yes," he responded. "You've lost your capacity for magic." When she nodded slowly, he continued, "So that explains why I couldn't track you, and why you've been out here in the outer continent, where no one knows spells beyond the simplest ones, for so long without being discovered."

She smiled weakly at him. "If you know that, then you don't need me anymore for whatever it is you have planned." She walked around him and out the door to her room with him following behind. Then she pulled a cup out of her kitchen cabinet, poured some tea from her thermos, and offered it to Xelloss. He took it from her and looked down at it as she poured one for herself. "Sorry to disappoint you," she said finally, then took a sip from her cup of steaming tea.

He drank from his own cup. The aroma was pleasing, and the taste was just as good. Lina-san certainly knows how to choose her tea, he thought. He cast her a long look, and she blinked at him. "It's a local tea," she explained. "They grow the leaves on the farms here."

He grinned at her. "Is that so?" She nodded. "I'll have to purchase some before I leave," he commented.

Lina walked over to the small round table she had in her dining room and sat down, gesturing to the chair across from her as she looked to Xelloss. He took her invitation and sat down in that chair, setting down the cup on top of the table with a small clang. Then he lifted it back to his lips and took another drink, thinking again how nicely it tasted.

She saw the expression on his face and said, "Actually, you can just have the rest of my tea leaves. I can always get more." Her fingers fiddled with the cup on the table before her, and she smiled. "Think of it as a thank you gift, for coming to see me."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Because you haven't left yet." She raised her eyes to meet him. They regarded him with curiosity. "And I am absolutely no use to you, now."

He put the cup down on the table and leaned back in his chair as he folded his hands in his lap. He watched her as she watched him, waiting for him to speak. Time hadn't done a lot to her. She was still youthful, vigorous, and pretty much the same Lina he had known from before. There was a subtle maturity about her now, though. It showed in her mannerisms, and in how calm she had been. As for physical appearances, her height had stayed the same, though her adolescent and sometimes awkward body had finally settled on a more womanly shape. Though she was still petite, her figure was more adult-like, and she was no longer scrawny in odd areas. Her face had also matured, and her hair was a bit tamer, though it was still the same length he had remembered it. Apparently, she still loved it too much to let it go.

Lina shifted uncomfortably and looked down at the tea cup in her hands. Then Xelloss leaned forward and asked, "What happened, Lina-san?"

"What do you mean, Xelloss?" she replied, pretending to be innocent.

"I mean," he began, and lowered his face so he could look into her obscured eyes. "What happened to your magic? And what was that earlier?"

He sounded concerned again, and Lina felt a little annoyed, and a little touched at the same time. Her fingers wrapped tightly around her cup, then loosened, then tightened again. She bit her lip. "I-I don't know. Well I do know, but I don't really know." She glanced up at his eyes and saw that he was regarding her openly with a compelling sincerity. She breathed slowly and continued. "I felt it fading—my magic, I mean. And then one day it was gone."

"Gone?" he repeated.

"Gone. I can't even cast a lighting spell."

He 'hmmed' softly. Then she went on, "I think…I think my body has been changing. When it was fading, I felt my body reject the flow of magic with every spell I tried to cast. And then I began to have these…attacks."

"Like what happened earlier?"

She nodded. "They don't happen too often—maybe once every three weeks or so. They've been escalating recently, though."

He put his elbows on the table and laced his fingers in front of his lips as he leaned in. "How often is it now?"

She hesitated. Then she said, "This is the second time this week."

"And your only cure is that spell you cast earlier?"

She shook her head. "It's not really a cure. Those runes are made to bind whatever magical flow is left inside of me."

His eyes narrowed at her. "Bind? Who made those runes, Lina-san?"

"I did."

He put his hands down on the table. "You did?"

"Yeah," she answered. "I began to study them, as my magic was beginning to fade. It's provided a temporary solution, but I'm afraid-"

Her voice choked up then, and Xelloss tasted a stray wave of fear as it seized her. "I'm afraid I may be running out of options," she concluded, then turned her face away. She fidgeted for a moment, then stood up and walked back over to the kitchen. "Do you want something to eat?" she asked.

His eyes returned to normal. "Do you have enough food to spare?" he inquired.

She stuck a tongue out at him, catching the hint. "I don't eat as much as I used to, since I was doing it mainly to restock the energy I used from all the magic. I have plenty here for you and me." And, part of her wanted him to stay for dinner so that she'd have some familiar company for a few more hours. But she wouldn't admit that to herself.

Xelloss chuckled at her. "Then, I accept your invitation, Lina-san."

She grinned at him. "I was hoping you'd say that."

o o o o o

They chatted happily over dinner, sharing random stories from the decade that had passed between them. While Xelloss relayed stories of performing tedious and sometimes ridiculous tasks for his superiors (one of which included hunting down ten very rare species of rabbits for Beastmaster's collection), Lina exchanged with him stories of her life with Gourry, which ended when he became ill with disease and passed away.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Xelloss commented.

Lina laughed lightly at him, knowing full well that it was impossible he felt sorry at all. "Thanks," she replied.

Then she told him of the years she had spent with Zelgadiss, and how he had convinced her into working with him for Amelia. But she had come to rely on him for too much of an emotional support, especially after losing Gourry, and she had begun to fall into a vulnerable pattern with him. To say the least, it hadn't been good for her relationship with Amelia.

"So that's when you disappeared?" Xelloss asked. He watched as she poured a glass of wine for each of them, and took the one nearest to him.

She shrugged. "There was an opportunity, so I took it." She put the bottle down and took her own glass of wine, swirling and smelling it briefly before taking a good sip. "I needed to get away, before all my friendships broke," she explained. "Granted, I'm not sure if they even know I'm alive. I disappeared on a mission, so they may think I'm dead." She leaned back and sighed. "But I'd rather that than be hated."

Xelloss drank some of the wine before placing the glass down. Alcohol didn't really do anything for him as it did for the humans, but he did quite enjoy her exquisite choice in drink. Then, carefully, he said, "Lina-san, they know you're alive."

"They do?" she answered, surprised. "But, how do you—oh, damn. So that's why you're here, isn't it?"

He raised a hand to quell her rising anger. "Hear me out, Lina-san." His hand went below the table and into the bag at his side, and he fingered the slip of paper knowingly as it sat concealed in his bag. Then he brought it to the surface of the table, slowly and deliberately, and saw her face go pale. He looked down at it and saw that a small blood stain was smeared along the corner, undoubtedly from Zelgadiss. With a small sigh, he placed the letter down on the table and slid it over to her with his fingers. "It's for you," he said, as though she couldn't already tell. And maybe she couldn't, since her mind only seemed to register it as he said so, and she reached forward unwillingly, fingers colliding with Xelloss's as she took it from him. Her eyes continued to seem unfocused, even as she unfolded the letter and read its contents. And then they glossed over as she read farther into the letter, and finally, her eyes fell as the words came to an end.

A long silence passed between them, filled only by the occasional soft sniffling sound from Lina. As the clock on the wall ticked away, Lina finally rose from her chair. "I-I need some time. Don't mind the dishes, I'll get them later," she said as she skirted the table, and hurried for the door.

"Zelgadiss-san had something else for you," Xelloss said suddenly, catching her as her hand fell on the doorknob. She paused there, but never turned around. Then Xelloss continued, "He wanted to tell you, 'I'm sorry.'"

He watched quietly as she swallowed the words, then turned the doorknob and left.

o o o o o

It was raining lightly outside, and the only things that accompanied her as she walked were the sounds of her feet on the wet grass and the sound of rain gently falling against the ground. Thunder rumbled softly in the distance, and she picked up the pace, walking quickly along the invisible path before her.

She stopped at the foot of a large tree, placed her hand against its woody trunk, and sank against it. It was nearly as big as a Flagoon, with roots extending in many directions across the surface of the ground. She eased into a little cove formed by the roots, nestling herself in the curve of its arms as she listened to the sound of the rain. Some droplets fell from the leaves far above her, splashing against her forehead or into her hair. But then she lowered her face into her arms, and she no longer felt the impact of the rain at all.

What was the last thing she had said to Zelgadiss? The thought of it made her sick to her stomach, and she wished that it wasn't true. But deep down, despite how she attempted to forge her memory of it, she knew the words she had said to him that day, and she regretted it now with every fiber of her being.

He had done nothing for her except support her in her time of need, and in exchange, she had left him hurtful words.

She laughed bitterly, and wept into her raised knees. How she wished now that she could take back those words, go back to that life, and stay by his side. She would be smarter about it—she'd keep her feelings in check, and her friendship with Amelia would improve for it. They could all be together, all together, and alive.

There was a small shuffling noise, and at first she didn't move. But then she raised her head slowly, and looked up to see Xelloss standing over her, cape held out to keep the rain from falling on her head. If she had been in better spirits, she would have blushed in response to his kind gesture. As it was, she simply lowered her head back into her knees and cried.

He remained standing, offering her neither comfort nor condolences, but only his cloak to ward off the weather. He drank in her sorrow, feeding on it as his first real meal that entire evening. It tasted bitter and sweet—and of Lina, a flavor he hadn't experienced in a long, long time.

"How did he die?" Lina asked, voice quivering.

"He was wounded. I'm not sure if you were aware, but Saillune was met with a crisis recently. He fought and died for it."

He heard an audible swallow, and then Lina shifted. She was afraid to ask, but had to know. "And what about Amelia?"

"Dead. She died to complete the seal necessary to save her people."

"Gods," Lina cursed, and grabbed a fistful of her hair, clenching it angrily. As she hiccuped, she continued, "And why were you there?"

"That is a secret," Xelloss replied, though it was sincere. "But I was not there against any of your friends."

"You just weren't there to help them, either."

"Of course not."

"Figures," she muttered, and released her hair. She raised her head just enough to peer out at what was at her feet. A small patch of flowers grew there, in a small patch of dirt. But they were crushed now, most likely from her mindless steps. She wondered briefly if she should feel bad about killing them—those little fragments of beauty that struggled to grow here in this particular patch of mud.

She sighed and apologized. "Sorry," she said, "I'm just taking out my frustration on you."

"No need," Xelloss replied. "It's natural for you to be angry with me."

She shook her head. "No, it's your nature. I'm angry with myself for not even being there. For being helpless and stupid. I should never have left." He answered her with silence, to which she said, "Hey, Xelloss?"

"Yes?"

"Sit next to me?"

He was a little surprised by her request, but obeyed it since it wasn't much of a deal. With his arm still raised to hold the cloak over her head, he sat down next to her, effectively forming a small cave around her.

And then she surprised him more by leaning forward and cuddling into his chest.

He glanced down as she sank into him and cautiously wrapped her arms around his body. "Lina-san?"

"This doesn't bother you, does it?"

He blinked. "On the contrary," he said, "this makes it easier for me to feed on your sorrow."

She laughed at that, and for a moment he winced. But then she quickly dropped back into her sad daze, and rested her head against him, giving herself entirely to the embrace. He wrapped his cloak around her and leaned against the root of the tree. No words passed between them for a long period of time, after which Lina finally spoke up.

"Well, now I have something to look forward to in the case my attacks finally win over me."

Though she didn't see it, a small, dissatisfied frown appeared on Xelloss's face as he thought about her statement. And if he had known it was there, perhaps he would have given the peculiar feeling more thought. But as it was, they both remained unaware of that tiny gesture as they held one another, listening to the sound of the rain as it fell lightly around them, until eventually the sound was no more.