(A/N: When I was working on Conversations, I wished that I could also shoehorn in Asbel-Lambda interactions because I felt that, like the Sophie-Lambda dynamic, the Asbel-Lambda dynamic during the f arc was ridiculously limited given that this particular dynamic was one of the most important parts of the plot. Hence, I decided to write a new fic focusing on these two, taking place alongside Conversations even though the other fic is mostly irrelevant to the plot of this fic. I think this is the first time I've ever focused on an Asbel-centric story so it was an interesting experience and I hope that people will enjoy this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!)


Contact

"I would consume you. In time, your space would fade and disappear."

"You won't consume me."


Lambda was moping.

Even though the creature dwelling within his mind hadn't said a thing, Asbel knew it. There was a sadness that had wormed its way into his thoughts; a feeling that distinctly wasn't his. He had felt it ever since Lambda had awakened, three days ago in the ruins beneath Gloandi. It didn't really affect him, but it was constantly there; like a shadow lurking just beyond the periphery of his vision. He could only describe it as weird- to feel something, yet realize it wasn't his own.

Six months ago, when he had reached the momentous decision to accept Lambda, he hadn't fully considered what it would mean, to live day by day with the creature within him. It had been a genuine, spur-of-the-moment decision- and because of that lack of forethought and instantaneous emotion, Lambda had decided he had meant no harm. For six months, the once-destructive creature had been sleeping- a dull throb in the back of his head, nothing more. For six months, they had avoided the consequences of their actions back in Ephinea's core; the reality that they now shared: that they were living together; two separate beings in one body.

And now Asbel had no idea how to even begin a conversation with the creature that dwelled in his mind.

They had stopped for the night at Velanik, where the night was quiet, leaving Asbel to his thoughts- and with Lambda's. Everyone else had already fallen asleep, judging by the gentle snores that echoed through the room. But there was a nagging feeling that prompted Asbel to act. He felt like a bystander to Lambda's sadness- and he hated realizing that he was the only one who could sense that; hated that he hadn't already done anything to alleviate his companion's state of mind. He couldn't help but wonder if this was how Richard had felt when he first realized Lambda dwelled within him- helpless in the face of the ancient creature's weight.

Deep down, despite everything he had told Lambda at the core, once the reality started setting in, he had felt... unease. Not doubt or fear, and certainly not because he didn't believe that Lambda wanted to live, but he had no idea how to help the creature, no idea what it was that he could actually do in the face of such overwhelming sorrow.

But doing nothing, and ignoring the unending thrum of despair pressing in against his companion, was much worse.

And so, even though he had no idea what he hoped to achieve or what he was actually doing, Asbel decided to try to reach out to Lambda- like he had, once before.

He spoke quietly into the night, angling his body away from his companions so that he wouldn't disturb their rest. "Are you alright, Lambda?" his voice was loud in his ears, even though he tried to keep it to a whisper. He paused, waiting for either a response from his friends or the creature in his mind.

There was no response.

Asbel sighed softly, burying his head into the pillow. He hadn't expected anything different, but he had hoped; and even if his hopes were irrational, he wished he could reach the being that dwelled within his very body. And while he had grasped Lambda's hand all those months ago, he remembered all too clearly how the creature had almost slipped away from his grip, and then how his tiny fingers curled lightly into Asbel's palm without explanation.

Such it was, then, that he was genuinely surprised when a deep voice cut through the stillness of the night.

"I do not require your help."

The voice was curt and raw, resounding in his ears and not at all. He had been relaxed a moment before, but suddenly his body tensed, and any sleepiness he felt was wiped away at the sound of Lambda's voice. Asbel forced himself to unclench his fist, trying to adjust to the sensation that Lambda's presence brought with him- dark, heavy, like an uncomfortable cloak draped too tightly over his shoulders. He forced himself to focus on the creature's words instead.

"You're sad," he whispered. "Aren't you?"

There was an uncomfortable silence, and Asbel wondered if Lambda would just ignore him. But then he felt a welling of anger, and a sharp bitterness that was like a slap against his cheek.

"What did you expect, human?" Lambda snapped. "You may have taken everything away from me, but I do not need your pity."

"It's not pity," Asbel insisted. He hesitated, then added, "I was... worried about you."

"As well you should be."

"You know what I meant."

Lambda did- Asbel knew he did. There were only so many things you could hide from someone you shared a mind with.

"I'm not going to judge you or hurt you, Lambda," he insisted. "I just want to help."

The creature gave a short, bitter bark. "How could you?" he said in a half-snarl that reminded Asbel all the more that for a thousand years, this was a monster of legend that had terrorized Ephinea. "You took away my only purpose in this life, then told me I could not die. No matter how much I wished it."

That stung. The idea that someone had nothing to look forward to but death- it reminded Asbel all the more of how Sophie had looked, before he stepped between her and Lambda. He had promised Lambda he'd show him a world worth living for, but even now, the creature didn't want to see; didn't want to take his hand and step away from the pain that had been his coccoon from the world.

"Do you still want to take over the Lastalia?" Back then, Lambda realized the futility of it all- how there would exist nothing but emptiness and loneliness if he continued down his path. That he would still be willing to do so again sounded like complete madness, but Asbel had to ask.

"What other choice do I have? To simply dwell within you, without a mind of my own? To be, but not exist?"

"No!" Asbel blurted out a bit too loudly. He glanced around quickly, thankful that none of his friends had heard his outburst.

"No," he repeated in quieter tone. "I promised you a future, Lambda. One that will be full of life and happiness."

"Do you truly think there exists a future for one such as I?" he asked in a wintry tone, but there was something else there: a question left unasked. Did Asbel truly believe that it was possible for a creature who left destruction and sadness in his wake for all his life to be capable of change?

And there was the crux of the issue. Asbel hadn't really realized what it was that caused that overwhelming sorrow until Lambda put it into words- the inertia the creature had towards change of any sort; because change was a departure from all that he knew- even if all that he knew was hate and fear. Because change meant that all his struggles were for nothing, that everything he believed to be true- everything he had known in his entire life- was false.

No, that wasn't quite right- Lambda once knew a different truth, didn't he?

"We both know that's what you want," Asbel replied with certainty. He had to believe that- after all, that's why Lambda had stayed alive within him all these months, was it not? "That's why you're sad, isn't it? Because you don't know how to reach that future, or what it could possibly be. But I believe- I know- that it's possible. And I want to help you, Lambda-"

"You are delusional to think your help can 'save' me." Lambda snorted, cutting his train of thought short. "You do not truly understand the weight of your burden, Asbel Lhant. And you, a mere human man, cannot stop the inevitable. I will win. I will always win."

Asbel frowned. "Even though you don't want to?" he asked.

There was a silence, a conflict, as Lambda tried to come up with a response. The bitterness wavered- just a tiny bit- but it wasn't enough for a glimmer of hope to crack through. And with a sinking heart, Asbel realized that even though Lambda meant him no harm now, the creature was still very much just that: a creature, without reservations or kindness in his heart.

Lambda, satisfied that Asbel understood, simply sighed. "Beware of your sympathy, Asbel Lhant," he finally said. "If you persist in your attempts to help me, it will simply be far easier for me to seize control. That has always been the way of things."

Lambda's words rang ominously before falling completely silent. Asbel's posture relaxed, the tension he felt in Lambda's presence easing when the creature had faded away from his awareness. He had always known it would be difficult co-existing with Lambda, but he had hoped that their first, actual conversation would have been different.

He remembered still how Lambda had outright told him that his plan would never work, back in the core. He remembered how he wanted to believe that it would- because he could imagine that he could have turned out like Lambda, were it not for Sophie and Richard and the rest of his friends. That was why he had reached out when the weakened creature looked ready to sleep forever- why he had been so desperate.

And he remembered the little choke of surprise he had heard, when his fingers clasped tight over a small, fading hand.

How, in that moment, he had felt Lambda's relief, even if neither of them knew why.

That feeling, for the moment, seemed to have been forgotten- or perhaps it simply went unacknowledged by the creature; but not by Asbel.

He shifted in the bed, pulling his blanket over his shoulder, pushing those thoughts out of his head. They had a long day tomorrow, and for the moment, at least, Lambda still seemed inclined to help. He had other things to worry about too: about Sophie; about her sadness, about Lhant and whether it fared well in his absence.

But that didn't mean that Asbel was about to let it end just like that. Like Lambda had said in the core, this would be a battle of wills.

And Asbel was not willing to lose either his own, or his new-found companion's.