This is a rewrite of my story Love me, there was stuff in it which bothered me so much that I figured that I´d do a rewrite and move some of the focus away from the relationship between Mordred and Merlin. Some of it will be the same, but some of it will be different. I do hope that some of the ones who read the original one will let me know what they think of the new version. If there are some new ones out there I would love to hear/read what you think of it.
But please be a bit gentle with me if you hate it and want to let it known to me…

The Road Home

They were on their way home from Ismere when they made camp for the night. Merlin took care of Arthur's bedroll first like she was supposed to, all the while keeping an eye on Mordred just to make sure that he didn't try anything while she wasn't looking.

She tried to figure out why he saved Arthur's life back there, it just didn't make any sense, she figured she was going to maybe, just maybe, have to ask him about it. Not that she had any faith that he would ever tell her the truth. According to Kilgharrah, he would join Morgana, so why had he stabbed her? Was it a plot to get closer to Arthur? Was it a plan he had made with Morgana?

Merlin narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him when he rolled his bedroll out on the ground a little off from the burning campfire. She gave a high yelp when there was suddenly a hand on her shoulder, she quickly twisted around which made her foot get stuck in a tree root emerging from the ground, which in turn made her clumsiness kick in.

She landed flat on her face into the forest floor, she groaned as she heard high laughter all around her. Merlin narrowed her eyes at the ground as she got up on her hands and knees, she muttered one curse after another. There was a moment when she almost felt bad about her language but she spent all her time with the knights, she was bound to pick up some of the things they said. She She pushed back and balanced on her feet, glared up at Gwaine who was laughing so hard that he was almost falling over himself.

"It´s nice to see that you never change Merlin, you are still as much a danger to yourself as you always has been." he somehow managed to get out in between big gulps of air. Merlin glansed around and saw that the rest of the knights were working at getting their laughter under control, she might not have fallen on her face on purpose but it lifted the tense mood they were all in, so that was fine with her. Somewhat fine with her, okay not fine but she could live with it.

As her gaze moved from one to another, it landed on Mordred who stood a little off to the side with his bedroll, a look on his face she could not decipher. Her crystal blue eyes meet his blue/gray one and he frowned a bit. It was only for a second, so Merlin was unsure if he even had frowned or if the shadows had been playing a trick on her eyes. Merlin knew he would be able to feel how little she trusted him but that was fine really, if he knew she didn´t trust him, then maybe he would stay away from Arthur.

"Emrys are you alright?" she heard his voice say in her head, but she just glared at him and took Gwaine´s offered hand to get up. He pulled her to her feet and put an arm around her waist. Gwaine was a good man and an even better friend, and not for the first time Merlin noticed he really was quite handsome. While she could easily picture them together in her mind, she could see the end of their friendship even better. Gwaine might think that he loved her, but Merlin knew that it was not the kind of love, which would end in marriage and children. Merlin placed her head against his shoulder for a moment, just for the comfort of it. In addition, maybe because it felt nice to be held in a pair of strong arms, just maybe, okay it was nice Merlin decided before she pulled her head back.

"Merlin, you scare way too easily. I just wanted to ask what you were thinking so hard about. I mean, I was talking to you, and you completely ignored me in favor of staring daggers at the Princess´s savior. Or maybe that is not the way you are looking at him at all, and I just never have seen that kind of look on your face befor. Come on, Merlin, just be happy that we are going home in one piece."

She answered in a low voice to make sure that they were not overheard, "Of course I'm happy that we are going home I was not sending him those kind of looks I'll have you know. He is not even my type! I just don't see why we have to take him with us. I don't trust him!" Gwaine just laughed at her and gave her a one armed hug, after which he went over to the other knights still laughing a little to himself.

She looked after him with a little smile to on her face because of his antics, even though she didn't think it was a laughing matter at all. Her smile slipped off her face as soon she felt Mordred´s powers brush up against hers, like a caress upon her inner being, and she did not like how her skin started to tingle in anticipation, of what she was not sure, but she didn't what to have anything to do with it. "Emrys, why will you not talk to me? Are you alright? Emrys?" she glared at him for a few seconds while he just stood there with a sad look on his face.

"Leave me alone Mordred." she all but snared at him. She could see that he got the message as she felt his magic retreat from hers, she almost felt sad to feel it gone, since it left her feeling lonely in a way she had not felt before no matter how alone she sometimes felt. She distributed it to the fact had he was the only one who had had more than just a brief touch with her mind. After all, it was the third time she met him, and the first two times he had also talked to her in her mind. His face got even sadder for just a second only to then grow hard and his eyes cold and distant. She felt his magic come back with a force she was not prepared for so it made her gasp for air, "Fine! If that is the way you want it to be, then that is the way it is going to be. I´ll leave you alone… for now. However, one day Merlin, you are going to tell me just what it is you have against me. I already told you that I´ll keep your secret and that I do not wish you any ill will." This time when he pulled his magic back, it felt almost violent. Like he ripped it back from where it intervened with hers and it made her want to clutch her chest in pain, but she managed not to. He turned his back to her and she glared at it, `good luck with that, you will not get anything from me´. She rolled her own bedroll out and settled down for the night, after she had gotten under it her hand went to the middle of her chest as if rubbing it would get the pain he had caused to go away.

Merlin was tired but no matter how much she tossed and turned she could not fall asleep, so in the end she settled with laying on her back staring at the stars while thinking. Not on anything specific, she just let her mind wander and not really focus on anything as the knights snored around her. Even if Merlin did not look at Mordred or even in his direction, she was very aware of just where he was and his breathing was the loudest sound in her ears. It was not because he was the loudest snorer at all; actually, it was rather low but because he was on her mind… The night slowly turned into morning, Merlin fell into a restless sleep at some point.

When morning came she woke up to Arthur shouting "Merlin! Wake up! You need to start packing up so we can get moving. Breakfast is going to have to wait till the next stop." She let out a sigh and answered with a sugar sweet voice ruffled a bit with sleep, "Well, if king clotpole could pack his own things, it would go a lot faster." She rolled out of the way as there was a stick flying at her, her roll made her face Mordred who stood with a horrified expression on his face.

Merlin knew her face turned colder just at the sight of him that early in the morning, before her eyes had landed on him, there had been a moment when she had forgotten about him. Had forgotten that it weren't just a bad dream, no it was all real, Morgana, Arthur´s bane and Mordred. `why couldn´t it just have been a nightmare, that would have been so much better´.

She got up on her hands and knees, keeping Mordred in the corner of her eye; she got up and just looked at Arthur with her hands on her hips, "I know you did not sleep on a rock since I was the one to lay your bedroll out. Did you then sleep on your sword, Sire? Or are you just missing your big nice bed with your lovely Queen in it?" she asked with a smirk on her face since she knew for a fact that Arthur missed Gwen a lot on the nights they were away from home. And since they were on their way home it was almost safe to tease him with it, but if they were on the way out she kept her mouth shut about it. That she had learned by being pushed into a steam a year earlier.

Mordred stood off to the side with the most adorable confused look on his face as the rest of the knights chucked, since they were used to their banter by now, and just thought it was funny to watch. Whoa… `bad Merlin. Did you just think anything about Mordred as being adorable?´ Okay so maybe he was a bit adorable, but that did not make up for the things he was going to do in the future. He could be as adorable and cute and what not as he wanted, because there was no way Merlin was going to forget who he was going to become.

In the background she heard Arthur grumble "Shut up, Merlin."

Sure she could see that Mordred was handsome with his fair skin, light blue eyes that she could imagine looking tender and loving if he were not so cold on the inside, his dark hair that, if she were honest, she could almost feel a prickling in her fingers to run her hands through and pull on, and his lips that looked like they were made for kissing.

But all that she pushed from her mind, considering she was not going to think like that about her best friend's future murderer. He was not to be trusted and she would not be fooled by his pretty exterior, no she would keep her eye on him and if he tried anything she would have to take care of him. She packed up hers and Arthur's things and they were on their way.

They had only been in Camelot for a day before Mordred was knighted. Merlin stood in the crowd with her forehead stuck in a frown as she looked on the proceeding. As if it weren't bad enough Arthur had taken Mordred home with them, now he was going to be a knight too. Merlin saw his smile as the ceremony was done and could not help the slight sting of attraction she felt for him in that moment. The way his whole face had been alight with happiness made it tough to see him as a killer. In that moment Merlin swore she was going to keep her eye on him, make sure that he would not hurt anyone. Even if it took her spying on him at almost all times.

Merlin snuck out of the throne room when the cratulatons began, and made her way through the castle to Mordred´s rooms to wait for him and have a little talk with him. Getting into the room unseen was surprisingly easy, the unseen part Merlin had expected. It was the unlocked door which had thrown her off. Someone with as much to hide as the druid should have locked doors, but then again, he had only just arrived, so maybe there was not really anything in his room yet.

Merlin leaned against the wall just around the corner of the door once she was inside. She had set herself up for a long wait, but it was not even half an hour before Mordred came into the room. Merlin just looked at him as he stepped away from the door after closing it, and moving to the middle of the room and fiddle a bit with the clasp on his cape.

"Here, let me help you with that." Merlin said just before she pushed of the wall and went to him. She was able to feel Mordred´s eyes on her as she went over to him and stepped in front of him. Merlin looked up at him and met his gaze as her fingers opened the clasp on his cape. It felt like his eyes burned into hers as he looked back at her with a searching look. Merlin looked at the clasp because the way he stared made her felt just a tiny bit uncomfortable, like he could look all the way through her without even trying.

"Thank you." Merlin looked up at Mordred at his softly spoken words, the soft smile she received she ignored as she went over the table and placed the cape on a chair next to it. Merlin turned to Mordred as

she crossed her arms in front of her and leaned back against the table. Merlin looked at Mordred while being very careful not to let her emotions show on her face.

"You know, if Arthur knew you had magic, things would be... very different. Tell me something."

Mordred had turned to face her as she talked and looked at her with a serious look on his face. Gone were the young man who had just been accepted by a king, and in his stead a hard man stood. A man who had had had to fight for where he was and who he were. Merlin watched him like a hawk does its pay as he walked closer to her only to stop just in front of her.

"Of course." Merlin could not decide whether his slight smile was a mocking one or a sincere one. Merlin´s gaze followed him as he moved across the room to stand just an arm's reach from her. The smiles had disappeared from his face by the time he reached her. In the end Merlin decided that it really didn't matter if his smile had been sincere or not, because he was who he was.

"You saved Arthur´s life, why?" While Merlin knew her tone was a little mocking, she just couldn't help trying to get under his skin. When Mordred looked at her face Merlin met his curious gaze which turned serious with a steady one of her own, there was no way she was going to be intimidated by him.

"Because Arthur is right. The love that binds us is more important than the power we wield. Morgana had forgotten that."

Merlin took the sword from Mordred´s side and pretended to study it with a calm exterior, or at the very least she hoped she looked calm, on the inside everything was running in circles so fast she had to wonder at the fast she didn't become dizzy by.

"And then Arthur made you a knight. Tell me something else; what will you do the day you have to fight someone with magic, will you be at his side then, or will you betray him?" Merlin turned her back to him with her heart in her throat. She looked out the window at the people below. "It is a hard and unthankful life to serve a king, a friend, who doesn't know who you are."

Merlin tensed when she felt Mordred come up behind her, her whole body preparing for a fight or flight situation.

"I know who you are, I know some of what you have done to keep this kingdom safe, to keep Arthur safe. Yes, I have been keeping tabs on you. How could I not? You are the killer of her own kind, you have betrayed so many of us to keep him safe. I don't condemn you for what you have done, some of those you have killed would have killed you, had they been given the chance. You can always count on me. From now on, you and I are not alone."

Merlin felt her eyes sting at his words, she turned to look at him and meet his eyes. They held a strange kind of tenderness that made fury rise inside of her. Who was he to say he didn't condemn her? Who was he to think she even cared what he thought of her and her actions?

"What do you know about anything?" She hissed out at him while she pushed past him, "I am still alone! I would not trust you even if my life depended on it, and most certainly not Arthur´s!"

Merlin stormed up to the door and ripped it open with so much forced that it banged satisfactorily against the stonewall as she stomped down the hallway. It wasn't until later when she was in her bed that she realized that he had never answered her question, in fact he had dodged it perfectly. As if, he knew just how to get under her skin. Merlin swore to herself that that was not going to happen again. She would have to monitor him from afar as much as possible. With that resolution, she fell asleep.

A week went by with Merlin watching Mordred closely but so far, she had seen nothing to indicate that he was anything other than the dutiful knight he portrayed. But Merlin would not take that to mean he wasn't up to anything, because sometimes she felt his eyes on her but when she looked around he was nowhere in sight. Until one late night, she were standing on one of the walls, which separated the castle from the town looking out over the forest that lay beyond.

The feeling of being watched was the first to creep up on Merlin, it was as if a sudden cold wind hit her, the hair at the back of her neck stood up and a chill went down her spine. Her whole body stiffened as she felt Mordred come closer to her and stand beside her; only his back was to the forest.

"You know Emrys, if there was something you wanted to know you could have just asked, instead of spying on me all the time." Merlin half-smirked half-sneered at him in the darkness, even if he would not be able to see it her face just did that when she looked at him sometimes.

"And where would the fun be in that? It will keep you on your toes that you never know when I might be watching."

Merlin more felt than saw him turn to her, her hair flying in the wind obscured him from her view. He was silent for a long time and Merlin could not help but wonder if he contemplated pushing her to her death. She was able to feel his eyes on her face, or her hair as the case were. Merlin stiffened when she felt him come closer, but it was just his hand. It brushed her hair behind her ear, his fingers just grazing her chin.

"You are wrong. I always know when you are watching."

Merlin turned and stared after him with a deep frown on her face, his departing words and gesture confused her, and if she was honest made her feel very concerned. If he knew when she was watching, then how was she supposed to keep an eye on him? Was there a hidden threat in his actions and words? If there was Merlin could not figure it out, but the other option was out of the question. That meant it was only supposed to confuse her, and confuse her it did. His touch had seemed almost loving, but on the other hand, maybe it hadn't been his intention to let his fingertips grace her.

In the two days since Merlin had seen Mordred on the banner she tried to be more convert at watching him, but the way his eyes kept narrowing at her, she knew he was aware she was still watching him. Even if he didn't take contact to her, she felt his magic becoming agitated. Why she was able to feel his emotions through her magic she had no idea, but put it down to his telepathic powers, like is was bleeding into hers.

However, that changed sometime around midday, Merlin wasn't sure exactly when, but it was a little after she felt something had changed. He didn't sent out agitation anymore but rather a fierce determination and just a tiny bit of rage. It made her suspicious. What had happened for that change to occur? There really didn't matter how she looked at it, the result was bad, something had to have happened to change whatever his plans was.

As the night fell, Merlin walked the halls trying to see if anything was amiss. Her thoughts drifted to Arthur and a talk they had had earlier that day. Arthur really weren't as dumb as she sometimes would like for him to be. He had noticed she apparently odd behavior and questioned her on it.

He had wanted to know why she was acting odd, or in his words, more odd than unusually. There had been no answer she could give him so she had done what she was becoming a master at; she had lied so much, that she really didn't know what she had told him. She seemed to be able to recall something about telling him she was coming down with the flu, or was that she was getting over the flu? Well it was something with the flu and maybe some horses…

As she passed an opened dark door, an arm shot out and grabbed her arm, pulled her into the dark and pushed her up against the wall so hard that her head banged against it and she could not focus for a minute. When she could see straight enough to use her magic, she felt a hand wrapped around her throat and was just able to make out Mordred´s form in the vague light from the torches, which were placed along the walls to give the guards some light during the long hours of night. "Don't try anything, Merlin, it would just make the guards come running and neither of us want that, now do we? No, I didn't think so. Now, you are going to be a good girl and tell me what I want to know. Why don´t you trust me? Why do you really keep watching me? I have not done anything to any of you… Well, besides from now, but you've had it coming with you watching me all the time."

She had both her hands around his forearm and tried to pry it away from her but he was simply too strong and she did not dare to use her magic, so she would just stand there trying to suck air into her lungs but was held too tight and she started to get lightheaded. He loosened his grip a little so she could get some air in.

"You may seem like you are doing nothing wrong but I don't believe it for a second, you may have the rest of them fooled but you will not fool me." She said while she glared at him but it did not have the desired effect on him, since he just smirked at her and pressed his body up against hers. She sucked in a breath of air at his close proximity and could almost taste him in it. A kind of earthy taste and he smelled of the forest on a summer's night after the rain.

"Who said that I am trying to fool anyone? Could it not be that I generally am just what you see? I am not doing anything I'm not supposed to do." His every breath ghosted over the skin on her neck and made it tingle just like his magic was doing to hers, her chest brushed against his with each inhale. He pulled back a little and looked at her with an expression she could not decipher in the vague light. She was a little scared of what he would do because she could feel, in the way his magic pulsed, that he was at a breaking point, she just wasn't quite sure what would happen when he fell over the edge of it.

His other hand came up to her face and she squeezed her eyes tight and turned her head to the side, only to feel his knuckles run down her cheek to her jaw. "You are so beautiful." he whispered just before his lips grazed her throat, just below the thumb on the hand still around her neck. Her eyes went wide at the sensations that sent tingles shooting from where his lips met her neck to the rest of her body. Her hands let go of his arm to smack against his shoulders to push him away, at the same time she hissed at him, "What are you doing? Stop it. Mordred, stop it!"

But it did not seem like he heard her and if he did, he ignored her to continue to nibble on her neck. Her breathing hitched as his teeth bit down on her pulse point and her knees started to feel a little weak. She kept screaming in her head that it was wrong and that she should just use her magic to push him away, but she was not sure she could control how far she would throw him, and as she could see the guards in the torch light on the other side of the courtyard, she couldn't risk it. There was also the little voice in the back of her mind that kept telling her that maybe the dragon was wrong, it seemed like he really liked Arthur so how was it that he was supposed to kill him? He had been right, there had been nothing at all to indicate he meant any of them harm, in fact from what Merlin had seen, he got along well with the other knights. She may have Seen it herself, but maybe, just maybe she could change that future, by changing him.

Just as the thought entered her mind, she questioned where that had come from; there was no changing ones destiny. Moreover, even if there were, why would she only think of it now? True she wanted to save Arthur; did she really want to save Mordred as well? Somewhere deep down she knew that she would not let him die if there was a way around it, after all; he was one of her people, one of her kind. And he knew who she was.

He pressed his body up against hers and she almost let out a moan at feeling his powerful body. She must not have been as good at suppressing it as she had hoped since he let out a low groan and pressed harder against her. His hand on her cheek moved down over her shoulder and under her arm to graze the side of her breast, against her will, she arched into the touch. His lips ran over her jawline to her lips and he whispered against them, "Emrys, trust me." And then he was kissing her hard.

Her mind blacked out at the feel of his lips so demanding on hers, they moved with a purpose to get hers to respond to him but she was too shocked to do anything other than grip his shoulders. Her lips seemed to have a mind of their own as they started to move with his, she felt his tongue trace her lips. She gasped as it sent shockwaves through her body; she lost what little control she had left. She ran one of her hands up the back of his neck and into his hair, closed her hand in it, and pulled his head back so she could look into his eyes. His pupils were blown wide as he looked at her, his gaze shifted down her body and settled on her chest that was rising and falling rapidly.

His eyes rose to look at her lips, he crashed his down on hers again. His hand on her throat glided down over her shoulder until it rested on her hip, his other hand went to the back of her thigh and lifted it to his hip so he could grind his groin against her heat. She threw her head back and it made impact with the wall behind her, but she barely felt the sting of pain because his arousal was creating shockwave after shockwave to course through her with the way he rubbed it against her, and the way he basically attacked her throat with his lips and teeth.

One of her hands let go of his hair to run down his back till she reached the hem of his shirt, her fingers snuck under it to his lower back, from there she managed to get it in between them, to his stomach and up to his chest. Her nails scraped over his nipple which in turn made him groan and hiss, "Emrys, please…" The only things that were running through her mind were: YES, YES, YES! Mordred, Mordred, Mordred!

He pulled away a bit and started to lift up her skirts and it brought a bit of her senses back, so she moved her hands back to his shoulders and tried to push him away again, while she put her foot on the ground again. "Mordred, no this is wrong. Let me go!"

He however did not let her go but grabbed her wrists and pinned her hands over her head, and put his mouth to her ear.

"You want this Emrys, I can feel how much you want it. Your magic is screaming for me to touch you, to love you. However, I already love you. I always have. Just let go."

"No, you are wrong. Why would I want you, Mordred? Don't fool yourself into thinking you love me, you are not capable of love."

He laughed a hollow laugh that somehow sounded so sad that it went straight to her heart. Merlin knew that is was a mean thing to say, but she had had to say something, because him saying he loved her made her feel all kinds of weird. He pulled her hands together and grasped them in one of his own still over her head and his free hand he brought to her cheek, and even though she fought it, she still turned into the caress he offered.

"If you don´t want me Emrys, then way do you so gladly seek my touch?" He then kissed her and she could not help but respond to it. Where the other kisses had been hard and demanding, this one was so tender she could weep from the sheer sensation and the way his magic roared in happiness that she kissed back. Oh, how she would love to be able to love him, she could picture waking up to him and falling asleep in his arms every night. Nevertheless, she could not let herself love him, which was why she ended the kiss.

"Let my hands go Mordred." He looked her in the eyes and she gave him a little smile, and he let her hands go. She put a hand on each of his cheeks, he copied her actions. She leaned forward and gave him a small and sweet kiss, pulled her head back, and screamed.

Mordred let her go with a confused expression.

"Who is that? Who is there? Hold!" The guards could be heard yelling from a hall close by, and Merlin turned and ran down the dark passage.

"I´ll get you for that Emrys. You can count on that. Till next time..." She felt his magic brush her cheek as a light kiss.

I hope the next chapter will be up some time during the next two weeks. No promise though as I have a few exams coming up.