In a Frozen AU, by which I mean a very cold Arendelle University, a freak blizzard hits. In the middle of January. In Australia.
Why Australia? I don't know.
Arendelle University is a fairly large university for those with extraordinary abilities, so no one knows exactly who's to blame for the snowstorm. Or whether anyone is to blame, really.
But the Guardians have some ideas.
They are staring down one Jack Frost, who is scooping up snow to throw at unsuspecting passersby.
"Guys, guys, I swear, it isn't me!" he says, as he sculpts another snowball. He grins as it hits the nape of the neck of his intended target, a lithe black-haired fellow in a black robe. Bingo.
"OWW!" With a swish of his robe, the spiky-haired dude turns around and bares his jagged teeth.
Jack runs, laughing, into the hallways. The other Guardians stroll in after him.
"You seem to be having a lot of fun with this."
"Of course. I love snow days!" Having realized his mistake, he backtracks. "Look, guys, it isn't me. There's nothing up my sleeves," He pushes up the sleeves of his blue hoodie for emphasis, "and I'm in full control of my powers." Hands on his hips, he smiles one of his perfect smiles.
(Anyone want to take a gander as to whom the smile affects most?)
The other Guardians still aren't convinced. Before they can grill Jack for more answers, a very flustered dress rushes down the hallway and nearly runs into them. By which I mean a full on collision. Also, since when could dresses fluster?
It's Anna, of course, since this is a Frozen AU. Her dress isn't flustered, though she is. In case you couldn't tell by my terrible writing/narration and that she ran into the four people blocking the hallway. Not that she normally doesn't run into things.
Luckily for Anna, North takes the brunt of her momentum. As she apologizes, he puts his enormous but gentle hands on her shoulder. "What's wrong?"
"It's Elsa!" she blabbers, "I thought Elsa was completely normal but she's not, she has ice powers, when did she get ice powers, how did I not know about this, and oh my gosh, I think she freaked out and ran, but I don't know where she ran, and oh my goodness, when did she get ice powers, and how did I not know-"
"ELSA'S MAKING A GIANT BLIZZARD!" Olaf helpfully summarizes, having rushed into the scene while you were busy reading Anna's chatter.
5...4…
"AH!" Next thing we know, Olaf's head believes it can fly...
Oh, I mistimed it. Oh well.
Anyone else think she should be on the football team?
Between Anna's panic, North and the other Guardians trying to calm her without any help from the extras in AU, and the humongous snowstorm, Olaf running around screaming is not very helpful. Luckily, Sven has stolen Olaf's nose again. No, this doesn't make things less chaotic, but at least we can't hear Olaf talk anymore (unless muffled speech counts). And with Sven comes Kristoff to calm Anna down, leaving the Guardians free to think about their next step.
Jack shoots them a I told you so look. Bunny replies with a glare. Tooth hovers between the boys, hoping it'll prevent any possible outbreaks of Easter Kangaroo and who'd you think I was, mate? North paces. Sandy (oh, you didn't forget about Sandy, did ya? It's not my fault he doesn't talk and goes missing for most of the film) chugs eggnog in the background. Even though we're not in North's workshop.
They all perk up when they hear, "Let it go, let it go…!" It sounds like Elsa singing, and it's coming from the mountain top, of course, where the snow glows white…
...on the mountain they are on now! It takes no time at all for the boys to stop fighting and start racing, and of course, Tooth flies! North has been going to the gym (Petalburg had been no problem at all; who has an entire team of Normal Pokemon?), and Sandy? Sandy's just awesome.
So, in an unrealistic amount of time (one nanosecond, to be precise. You mean it took more than one nanosecond to read through all the narrator's obstructionist comments? Pshaw, you read fanfic. You can't fool me.), they make it to the mountaintop. They find Elsa's ice castle, of course, and she's sitting in the topmost tower, sobbing.
"My project!" she wails.
The Guardians look at each other. What project?
Elsa sniffs. Sandy, forever thoughtful, conjures a handkerchief. Elsa takes it and blows her nose.
Jack clears his throat. "Hey, um, Elsa?" He scratches the back of his head. The other Guardians gesture him on. "You know, I think your castle's really great. As a fellow ice user…"
"I'm going to cry."
Jack whirls around. Elsa's eyes, which have been staring into Jack's in wonder, quickly resumed their almond shape. She quirks an eyebrow in a huh? look.
"Go ahead, Kristoff. I won't judge," comes a louder echo from the same direction. Without warning, the castle doors open. Kristoff stands in the doorway, craning his head to see the ceiling. Anna is already running toward her older sister.
"Elsa!" Anna flings her arms around Elsa's neck and buries her face in her sister's shoulder. "Elsa! I'm so glad you're alright."
As the sisters continue sobbing into each other shoulders, Kristoff, finally recovering from the ice's sheer awesomeness, Sven, and Olaf gather around the sisters for moral support.
By the way, if you're wondering how they managed to get up here so fast, then I'm just as confused as you are!
The Guardians, meanwhile, hold a meeting in the kitchen. (How and why does an ice castle have a kitchen?) Jack paces back and forth, while Tooth hovers (again. Her wings are kind of handy for that). Bunny, of course, is twitchy. He's jumping back and forth between his huge feet, calling out for blood for whoever hurt Elsa and ruined his beautiful Aussie summer. North leans back, arms crossed, tapping his foot. Sandy sits on an icy counter, swinging his legs and whistling.
The mystery, of course, is what got Elsa into this state. Jack mutters. Upon Lap 5908 across the room, he pivots on one leg, stops, and swings his staff forward. "I've got it," he murmurs.
"What? Who're we lookin' for?" Bunny says, juggling his boomerangs.
"Judging by the shards in the laboratory I saw earlier this day," Jack says, while using his Super Sherlock Scanning Senses, "I know who's behind this."
The room seems to hold its breath. (Which is quite ridiculous, really. How can it?)
"It's Pitch."
[Insert evil laugh here.]
"Pitch?" Tooth gasps, "Pitch Black? Here?"
"No!" Jack pauses. Dramatically.
"Pitch Perfect!"
What?
A more realistic amount of time later, after the snow has vanished, five Guardians confront the culprit in an empty classroom (without mirrors that show your deepest desires. Another universe, another story). The evil laugh looping in the background for the past half hour morphs into a nervous laugh. The Guardians are not amused.
"Pitch. Pitch Perfect. Explain yourself," North says in his deep booming voice (reserved for SERIOUS BUSINESS).
"Look, well, um, I needed to practice for the upcoming talent show, okay? and someone had stolen my wine glasses last week! So, I take a look around, and I conveniently find these panes of glass. I think to myself, 'How perfect! These'll be great for practicing my glass shattering act with my voice!' How was I supposed to know that they were sheets of ice and that they were Elsa's senior thesis project?" Pitch wails.
The Guardians all resist the urge to facepalm. Unsuccessfully. Except for Sandy, who smiles.. He nods as an exclamation point forms above his head. Well, at least the situation's resolved now.
That is true. Instead of a few measly icy sheets, Elsa presents her beautiful ice castle that she built in all of half a minute for her senior thesis project. The only one of its kind, it brings tourists from even the neighboring Corona (not the beer or the SoCal city, sorry), but most importantly, animators who, if the rumors are true, are going to make a movie based on the Snow Queen!
Life in the not-Frozen AU returns to normal. The Guardians, however, are not any less busy, with finals and papers and projects…
As well as some missing wine glasses.