Title: Too Little, Too Late
Author: Adrienne
Spoilers: Season twelve, through "All About Christmas Eve"
Summary: A little one shot AU fic about Carter coming back to Chicago hoping to reunite with Abby and having his hopes mercilessly dashed across the rocks when he finds her happy and pregnant with Luka. It takes place in late spring 2006. Don't get me wrong, it starts out like a Carter fic, but it is definitely Luby. I'd love to hear your feedback!
John Carter returned from abroad a changed and defeated man. The flight back from Africa was long and exhausting, but he had no idea where to go once he landed in Chicago. Without thinking, he went directly from O'Hare Airport to the Cook County ER, not only to attempt to get his job as an attending physician back, but also to find someone had left behind without a thought.
It had been nearly a full year since he had left Chicago behind; he had never intended to return, at least not so soon. He and Kem were no longer together. Something had broken inside both of them when their baby died, and the spark that was so present in the beginning of their relationship had burned out along with it.
Chicago was the only place he knew as home, he had lived there all his life, but he had seen no reason to return now that his grandparents were dead and his parents had divorced and moved away. He no longer even had an apartment and Gamma's mansion didn't feel like home, especially since he would be the only person living in a hundred room estate.
The glimmer of hope that had been ignited within him and fueled his return had started on Christmas Eve. He had received several Christmas cards from various members of the ER staff, but one in particular caught his attention. It was from Abby Lockhart, his ex-girlfriend, sort-of friend and the person he had always felt he could turn to when he needed help and support. Maybe the card was just something that one friend sent to another, but Carter was hoping that it was a sign of something more. And he needed that something more, especially now. Maybe he had made a mistake leaving her like he had, and maybe now was the time to make amends.
Carter walked through the ambulance bay and into the triage station of the ER. He immediately saw Sam Taggart sitting in her familiar position behind the triage desk.
"Dr. Carter?" she asked imploringly. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in Africa or France or something."
"Not anymore," Carter replied. The young nurse smiled at him, sensing his defeated state. "Is Dr. Lewis around?"
"Umm…no," Sam told him.
"Is she in tomorrow?"
"No, actually she doesn't work here anymore."
"Oh," was all Carter said, at a loss. "When did that happen?"
"Back in September… You've missed a lot."
"I guess so. What about Dr. Weaver?"
"Uh, yeah, she's just finishing up in Trauma One, you can probably still catch her before she goes home," Sam told him.
"Thanks," Carter said as Sam pushed a button next to the desk, allowing him to walk into the main section of the ER.
"No problem. Welcome back, Carter."
He wandered through the ER, taking his time, replying in a friendly manner to the confused glances he received from his former colleagues. He found Kerry Weaver in Trauma One, finishing her chart notes on a now deceased patient. She sensed someone's presence in the doorway and looked up, removing her glasses and tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear.
"Carter," Kerry said, obviously startled. "What are you doing here?"
"That seems to be the question of the day," Carter replied with a smile that turned into more of a grimace. "I was hoping to speak to Dr. Lewis."
"Oh…well, Dr. Lewis is no longer with us. She decided to stay home with her baby."
"I know, Sam told me when I first came in."
"Well, is it something that I can help you with?"
"Yeah, sure. I just wanted to inquire about whether or not it would be possible to get my position as attending back," Carter said rather meekly, almost embarrassed.
Kerry was again taken aback. "There is an attending slot open. We recently lost Dr. Clemente, who moved back East, but I wasn't aware that you were back in Chicago."
"I just got back tonight," he said, the exhaustion showing on his face and in his physical demeanor. "I wanted to get this settled first."
"As much as I would love to hire you, Carter, but even as Chief of Staff, it's not entirely up to me. You would need to speak with the new ER chief about that."
"Oh? Anyone I know?" he asked innocently.
"Yes, in fact, Luka Kovac was hired as the new ER chief just before Christmas."
This fact eased Carter's mind a little. After their mutual experiences in the Congo, he and Luka had formed a friendship, not a strong one, but a friendship nonetheless. Luka had been there for him when the baby was stillborn and was the one person in the ER who could truly understand his frustration about America's stance on health care in third world nations. With a little bit of luck, Carter felt he would be able to get his job back.
Carter's thoughts were interrupted by Kerry. "I know he's been interviewing candidates all week, so you would need to speak with him as soon as possible."
"Okay, thanks for the tip. Is Luka on tonight?"
"No, he was off today and I believe he has tomorrow off also."
Carter sighed. "Maybe I'll just find him at home. Thanks, Kerry," he said and began to walk away.
"John?" Carter stopped and turned back to face his former roommate and boss.
"Yeah?"
"Are you all right?"
"No," he answered honestly. "But I think I will be." He shook his head. "Good night, Kerry."
"Night, John."
Carter caught the El just outside the ER and headed to Luka's apartment, hoping that he would still be living there. It had been a year, and as Sam said, he had missed a lot. He quickly arrived at Luka's front door, but hesitated knocking because of the late hour. He sighed, having wanted to square the matter of a job away before he saw Abby, having at least one battle out of the way before he began another. Carter was about to walk away from the apartment when he heard Luka's laugh, and figured the Croatian doctor was up watching some TV, giving him the courage to knock on the door. The laughing halted, and he heard footsteps as Luka approached the door.
"Carter," Luka said, surprised, when he opened the door. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in Darfur until the end of the summer."
"Hey, Luka," Carter replied sheepishly. "Sorry to bother you so late--"
"No, it's no bother, I'm glad to see you!"
"Thanks. Look, I'll just get straight to the point: I'm back in Chicago and I had gone to the ER to see about getting my job back and heard that you were the new ER Chief, so here I am."
"Oh," Luka said, again surprised. "We were hiring. I actually just hired a new attending yesterday."
Carter's face instantly fell. "Kerry told me you were still interviewing."
"Yeah, I hadn't had a chance to tell her before my shift ended yesterday. If you need, I can write you a reference, I'm sure there must be some hospital in Chicago in need of a good ER doc, right?"
"Yeah, sure," Carter replied, now troubled.
"Do you--" Luka started, but was interrupted by a female voice asking him who was the door. It hadn't occurred to Carter that Luka wouldn't be alone. It also had not occurred to him who Luka would be with. Carter knew that voice. He would know it anywhere.
"Luka, who is it?" Abby asked, walking to the door, with her hands supporting her back. All Carter could do was stare. Abby, his Abby, was here in the middle of the night. With Luka. But the thing he couldn't stop staring at wasn't her face, although she was as beautiful, if not more so, than the last time he had seen her. The thing he couldn't stop staring at was her stomach. By his estimation, she was at least six months pregnant.
"Carter. Hi!" Abby said to him, shocked and uncomfortable. "I had no idea you were back in Chicago."
"Yeah…I…uh…thanks for the Christmas card," was all Carter was able to get out.
"Huh?" Abby asked him, obviously confused.
Carter cleared his throat and shook his head, trying to get his mind back into reality and out of the fugue state he was finding himself in. "The, uh, Christmas card you sent me at…Christmas," he finished lamely. "Thank you. I really appreciated it."
"Oh," Abby replied, barely remembering the card. "No problem. What are friends for, right?"
"Friends…right," Carter said slowly.
"Do you want to come in?" Luka asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence that followed. He was beginning to sense another reason that Carter had returned to Chicago, and he wasn't at all happy about it, though he was too much of a gentleman to show his displeasure to Carter.
"No…I should go."
"Oh, come on Carter," Abby said. "It's the middle of the night and it looks like you just stepped off your plane."
Carter cleared his throat again, once more staring at Abby's stomach. "I did, actually."
"Well, come in then, it's obvious you don't have a place to stay right now," she insisted.
Carter found himself being led into the main room of Luka's apartment which he slowly came to realize was now Luka and Abby's apartment. He recognized her furniture and pictures, dried flowers and feminine touches to Luka's formerly barren apartment. He was becoming more uneasy by the second.
Once they were all seated in the living room, Carter found himself still staring at the objects all around him, trying to avoid the uncomfortable situation. "I guess I missed a lot," he stated.
"You could say that," Luka said with a smile, grasping Abby's hand in his.
"So…Abby…you're pregnant."
Abby laughed. God how he missed that laugh. "Stating the obvious, aren't we, Carter?" God, he missed that sardonic sense of humor too. How could he ever have left her?
"When did this all happen? And what exactly is happening," Carter asked, forcing a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.
"Well, we're having a baby," Luka said. "Obviously. And this just sort of started again, around the night Neela and Gallant got married--"
"Actually, on the night Neela and Gallant got married," Abby said with a mischievious grin.
"Ah, that's right," Luka replied with the same smile.
"Wait, Neela and Gallant got married?"
"Yeah, it was great," Abby said. "And then right before Christmas I found out I was pregnant and everything else has just…well, worked itself out from there. I've never been happier."
A stab in the heart, Carter thought. He couldn't breathe. He needed to escape. But he had nowhere to go. "Can I use your bathroom?" he asked, and got up without waiting for an answer.
Luka and Abby looked after him, worriedly. "Do you think he's okay?" Abby whispered.
"I don't know. What is he doing back in Chicago anyway?"
"I have no idea," Abby replied. "Did you see the way he was staring at me? I mean, I know I'm pregnant, but it was a little creepy."
"Yes, I saw. And I know what he was thinking."
"What are you talking about?" Abby asked, still whispering.
"It's obvious he wants you back."
"No…No, that's ridiculous…" Abby thought for a moment. "Oh my God, maybe that's what he meant by that Christmas card remark."
"You sent him a Christmas card?"
"I sent everyone I know a Christmas card! That's only like twenty people anyway!" Abby shook her head. "Augh, this is just too weird."
"Just relax. You know we're going to have to ask him to stay here for the night," Luka said.
"What? No!"
"It's the middle of the night, it's obvious he has nowhere else to go."
"All right," Abby relented. "Just tonight though."
"You'd better believe it'll just be for tonight," Luka said. "He's interrupting our nightly routine," he told her with a devilish smile.
Abby laughed loudly, then covered her mouth to stifle the laugh. "Oh!" she said suddenly.
"What?" Luka asked, visibly concerned.
"Nothing," Abby said, laughing again. "The baby just did a somersault," she told him, placing his hand on her stomach. "Feel it?"
Luka's eyes lit up. "I love that feeling," he told her, leaning in and kissing her. "You're beautiful," he said, kissing her again.
Carter walked in just as he kissed her a third time and stopped in his tracks. "Sorry, I should go," he said hurriedly.
Abby and Luka exchanged looks. "No, Carter, stay for the night. It's late, you'll never get a hotel at this time of night."
Carter looked at him, realizing he was right. "I don't want to impose."
"You're not imposing Carter," Abby told him. "Look, you can sleep on the couch, it's comfortable and quiet."
"Thanks," he finally said.
Later on, Luka and Abby were in bed, his hand resting on her stomach and his head lying on her chest, listening to her heart beat and feeling their baby move simultaneously.
"I love you, you know that?" Luka said suddenly lifting his head off her chest.
"I know," Abby replied, looking into his eyes. "I love you too. I couldn't ask for anything more right now…" She thought for a moment. "Okay, maybe some chocolate ice cream would be good."
Luka laughed, loving to please her every craving. "I think we have the last of ten cartons of chocolate ice cream downstairs in the freezer. Want me to get it?"
"No, it's okay, I'm not tired, I can get it."
"Okay," Luka said, kissing her. "Hurry back though."
"I promise," Abby said laughing.
Abby crept down the stairs to the kitchen, hoping not to wake Carter up. She rummaged through the cabinets for a bowl and a spoon and grabbed the chocolate ice cream, opening the carton, then decided to ditch the bowl and just go for the ice cream with her spoon in hand. She was about to walk back up stairs when she heard Carter roll over on the couch.
"Abby?" he said. He sounded exhausted yet somehow wide awake and her heart sank. She'd hoped to avoid an awkward scene with him.
"Hey, Carter. Still awake?"
"Yeah. I can't sleep."
"Everything okay?"
"No."
Abby sighed internally. Here we go, she thought, wanting only to crawl back into bed with Luka and finish off the ice cream.
"What's up," she asked, sitting on the chair next to the couch where he was laying.
Carter didn't say anything for what felt like an eternity. "I came back to Chicago…" he started, but didn't finish.
"You came back to Chicago because… What? Did something happen with you and Kem?"
"We aren't together anymore. It's over. For good this time."
"I'm sorry, Carter. I really am," she told him and meant it. As much as this conversation and his sudden reappearance was making her uncomfortable, she knew he had been through a lot and she did sympathize for him.
"It's ok," he said. "It wasn't working after the baby… And we both knew it, so we decided it was best to part ways… I'm sorry, Abby."
"For what?"
"For the way we left things. For the letter. For hurting you when you are the only person I have ever known that…well, that I think I could spend the rest of my life with." Carter stared into her eyes and when Abby looked away, his eyes again rested on her stomach.
"Carter…"
"John. It's John," he told her. "Don't you remember what it was like?"
"Yes, I do," she said quietly. "And I'm sorry, but I would never go back to that. In all the time you've been gone, in all the time that we've been apart, I've come to realize that I was never really happy when I was with you. I may have thought I was happy at the time, but that was only because I wanted myself to be, because you wanted things to work so badly."
Carter looked away and down quickly, his hopes obviously shattered. "And it's not fair of you to do this," Abby continued. "I'm happy now. I really am, maybe for the first time in my entire life. And I'm not going to let anything ruin it. I love Luka. I think that I always have, and I'm about to have his child. And I know this is going to work, not just because Luka and I both want it, but because it's right this time. He's the only one for me."
"I'm sorry, Abby. I didn't mean to upset you, or make you angry…I just…I just wanted you to know how I felt on the off chance that you felt the same way," he told her, almost whispering.
"I'm not angry. And don't be sorry. It's just…too little, too late," she told him with finality, getting up to go back to bed. "Get some sleep, Carter. You look exhausted." And with that she walked back up the stairs and Carter could hear Luka and Abby's soft laughter coming from the bedroom. He closed his eyes and laid back on the couch, pulling the blanket over him. She's right, he thought. It is too little, too late.