To Speak the Truth When No One Wants To Listen
Suggested Themes:
Main Themes- Silence by Lucia, Astral Romance by Nightwish
"Chaotic is a real place. Perim is a real place! How many papers do I have to write before you realize that I am telling the truth! Why would I keep persisting on this if I didn't have definitive proof? Mrs. Gabeler, you know that my worst papers have to do with anything involving my imagination. I cannot imagine Perim; I can't even create an imaginary friend!" Tom slumps to the floor and tugs at his hair while listening to his friend bicker with their English teacher for calling bullshit on Chaotic. Again. He is only sticking around because he is very curious to what Mrs. Gabeler can do to Kaz now since his mom is clearly not going to ship him off to a psychiatric hospital for boys. Kaz couldn't be expelled for arguing why he got a failing grade on his essay. Tom should be glad that Kaz is probably going to be lectured and get a failing grade for his paper instead of being shipped to an asylum. Instead, he wouldn't mind if Kaz gets into real trouble. He hoped that Kaz would learn from the last time to keep his mouth shut about Chaotic and he did for about a week. But then he went back to his crazy self when Mrs. Gabeler assigned another essay. Why does Kaz keep doing this? Why is he so determined to be the town's loon? Is he incapable of learning from his mistakes? Tom is tempted to punch a locker to relieve his frustrations, but Mrs. Gabeler thankfully offers him some verbal respite.
"Kazdan, we've been through this before. You can make-up your failed essay by writing me a whole new one by tomorrow. Free of anything to do with Chaotic. I believe I'm being very magnanimous considering how this isn't the first time you pulled this stunt. I would refer you to the school psychologist, but that did you no lasting good. Honestly, Kazdan, I am at my wit's end. I am ready to give up on you and give you a failing grade for my class since half your essays are about your game. But you would continue to spout your nonsense regardless if you failed my course. I am trying to be understanding….but, Kazdan, please stop with your ravings. I don't have the heart to listen anymore." There is such a weariness in her tone like she is ready to collapse and sink into the Earth. Kaz has never been great at discerning emotion, especially with the opposite sex, but he knows what sadness and anger look like. Tom feels so sorry for his teacher. She sounded like she needed a day at the spa after dealing with Kaz.
"The truth is the truth." Of course, Kaz just has to have the last word in the argument even when their teacher is on the brink of tears. Tom has a gut feeling that Kaz will probably never get married, at least to a woman. The door opens and Tom scrambles to his feet. Kaz has a determined look on his face, while Mrs. Gabeler looks like she could use some comfort.
"Thomas, I need to see you for a minute." Kaz wasn't the type to wait. Looks like I'll have to walk myself home today, Tom sighs and quickly heads inside. Mrs. Gabeler sits down at her desk and rubs her temples in a circular movement. Tom is tempted to advise her to take some aspirin for her headache. Yet, he has another gut feeling that she'll probably take something much stronger once she goes home like scotch.
"I know that you and Kazdan are close. And you also play Chaotic. Yet, you don't complain it's a tangible world like Kazdan. Why is that?" This was the first time a teacher directly asked him this question. Others have asked questions similar to hers but with either a condescending or pitying tone.
"Chaotic is just a game." It is a lie that has come easily since Tom has been given plenty of opportunities to practice. And like all those who asked, Mrs. Gabeler is fooled by his lie.
"Thomas, I would appreciate it if you would insure that Kaz stops writing about Chaotic. I know that's a lot to ask of you, but I just…..I would appreciate a break from Chaotic again. Perhaps, you can edit Kazdan's papers from now on. You are, after all, one of my best students, while Kazdan….could use your assistance." It is true that Tom is one of her best students. He has always had a talent when it came to English, while Kaz has always struggled whenever a teacher assigns a non-formulaic assignment. Yet, it would take a catastrophe for Kaz to stop talking about Chaotic. Kaz has listen to him before but not when it came to keeping his mouth shut about the legitimacy of Chaotic.
"I'll 'edit' his papers and I'll try to get him to quiet down about Chaotic." It was not a vow, or a guarantee, or even a promise. He would do as he said, he would "try" but he knows that he won't succeed.
Since Kaz went straight home, Tom has to catch him on Chaotic. They were going spend the night at Kiru City because of a festival in honor of the city's founder. Even with the M'Arillion Invasion going on, Maxxor, or maybe his council, insisted on not canceling the festival in hopes it would boost morale. Or at least make the OverWorlders momentarily forget about their troubles. Sarah and Peyton couldn't make it because of a scan quest for a drome match. It is odd in the sense that Kaz hasn't made one derogatory remark since porting to Kiru City. He has been very content and quiet like he didn't "talk" to Mrs. Gabeler. In fact, he has been complimentary about the OverWorld Tribe. Tom didn't want to ruin his windfall by essentially "nagging" Kaz. Yet, the sooner he gets it over with, the quicker it will be for Kaz to calm down. If he calms down. They are on top of the Ancestor's Wall; it is the best (and mostly Creature-free) spot in the city to view the fireworks. Kaz is looking up at the nighttime sky, eagerly awaiting the colorful pyrotechnics.
"Kaz…..why are you still telling everyone that Chaotic is real?" Tom is desperately trying not to make it seem like he was doing this on Mrs. Gabeler's behalf. Thankfully, Kaz is still fixated on the stars.
"Because it's the truth." He does not sound annoyed or angry; it is more like he is giving a date to some obscure battle in History class.
"Yeah, but, again, you and I are the only ones that know that. I mean after the whole 'almost-getting-ship-to-the-looney-bin' incident; I thought you were going to be more 'discreet' about it." Again, Kaz refuses to meet Tom's eyes and keeps on gazing at the stars. Tom can recall that Kaz used to be very intense about stargazing when they were little. Kaz firmly believed that there was life on other planets and that one day he would visit those planets, and he would never come back to Earth. He thought Kaz was some sort of prodigy the way he talked about spaceships, future technology, and potential for extraterrestrial life. He was so good at school and was at the top academically, and Tom truly believed that Kaz would reach those far-away worlds. Now, Kaz was making average grades at a public school and doesn't even have the motivation to even look at colleges. What happened to the boy that wanted to explore the stars like a cosmic sailor? He got into Chaotic.
"Tom, if you're worried that my mom will ship me away, don't be. She swore to me that she'll never do that so long as I don't cause harm to myself or others." Sometimes, Kaz can be utter shit when it came to reading his best friend's emotions like now. Tom is trying to be understanding with Kaz, but Kaz just isn't getting it. Frankly, Tom does not understand why someone as smart (he built a theoretical model for the inside of a Scanner for Christ's sakes!) as Kaz is obviously doing something that causes negative repercussions. Kaz gets picked on for claiming that Chaotic is a real place unless Tom is around. The girls at school refuse to even be in his vicinity. And some teachers (like Mrs. Gabeler) are getting very concerned with Kaz's mental state.
"You do realize that eventually your mom is going to confront you about Chaotic, especially since you're arousing more teachers' concerns. I have a feeling that they might alert the principal about this. He might force your mom to send you away for your own good." It's not exactly a lie because Tom has heard teachers talking about alerting the principal about Kaz and his obsession with Chaotic. The only thing preventing them on doing so is because Kaz is still maintaining his grades, granted they weren't anything to get him into a good university.
"Then, I'll be homeschooled. I have the discipline to educate myself." Maybe when we were kids and you practically scoured sites and libraries for more knowledge, Tom kept that thought to himself.
"I don't think you understand what it means to be homeschooled." Tom doesn't get it either but it was a gentle way of shooting down Kaz's contingency plan.
"Yes, I do. I can be tutored at home so long as said tutor provides progress reports to the school distract about my work. My mom can afford a tutor. In fact, I have already found one that would be willing to teach me at any time. Coincidently, his name is Kiru." Tom is stunned and offended at Kaz's flippancy.
"When did you decide this?" Tom almost screeched. Yet, Kaz is as cool as Frozen Fire.
"The minute I got home. I still had enough time to get to Chaotic before you." Tom is tempted to yank Kaz's face away from the stars to see if there was a hint of mischief in his eyes. Yet, Kaz's voice didn't go up like it normally does whenever he was pulling Tom's leg.
"Does your mother even know about this?" Forget trying to get Kaz to shut up about Chaotic, now Tom is on a mission to prevent Kaz from leaving the school.
"No, but I will tell her when she gets back from her business trip. She'll cave considering how I will provide her ample evidence why it would be better for me to be tutored from now on." True, Kaz's mom is not exactly the most assertive woman in the universe, which actually surprised Tom when she managed to take all of Kaz's Chaotic merchandise that time. He's hoping that she'll be assertive again.
"What kind of evidence? You can't tell her that the school is unchallenging since you're not even getting A's and B's in most of your classes." Kaz isn't failing any of his classes, but he's barely pulling a C in English.
"Yes, but I can tell her that the school is providing an unsuitable environment for learning. I can point that I'm being bullied which is why my grades aren't what they could be." Either Kaz has spent a lot of time thinking about this or he has finally become a full-fledged UnderWorlder. Mrs. Kalinkas loves her son and would do anything to protect him and enrich his future, especially if it means his grades will be better.
"The tutor sounds too good to be true. How do you know he isn't some pedophile eager to get into your pants?" Okay, Tom admits this is a long stretch. Kaz really isn't attractive, but he is physically weak and emotionally vulnerable.
"He asked me flatly why he should teach me. I told him about Chaotic and how I refused to remain in a place that refused to acknowledge the truth. He believes me, Tom, an adult that finally accepts the truth!" Now, Kaz is looking at Tom. His brown irises are so painfully looking for approval in his best friend. Yet, Tom cannot give that to him.
"How do you know he wasn't lying? He could've just been humoring you." Tom knows his words sound cruel, but they are also very true. However, Kaz doesn't look disappointed. It is like he expected this answer from his best friend.
"It was in his voice, Tom. He sounded so alive like he was dragged from the edge of despair. He kept asking questions about Chaotic and how he could get there. I promised him that I would teach him how to play so he could see Chaotic for himself. He's like me, Tom. He just wants to escape Earth as much as I do." Oh God, a stranger who wants to escape reality is not exactly going to improve Kaz's chances of accepting his life on Earth. It's not like Kaz can live in Chaotic. Tom hasn't even heard of a human who attempted that experiment, let alone succeeded.
"Kaz, you don't have to do this! If you would just keep your head down about Chaotic, then school would go much more smoothly for you! Kaz, I know you must be intelligent enough to realize this! Why do you insist on doing this to yourself?!" And to me, Tom almost added. Kaz's expression instantly changes. It is like all the stars went out in the sky.
"Because it is the truth! The truth shouldn't be buried away! The truth shouldn't be ignored! The truth shouldn't be knocked down by jocks! The truth should be told! I thought as an OverWorlder you of all people would agree with me on the importance of telling the truth!" Honest, straightforward, and honorable are what OverWorlders essentially are. Yet, even an OverWorlder in Kaz's situation would have enough wisdom to keep his mouth shut.
"Where did you get this idea, Kaz? Who put this notion into your head to keep on hurting yourself for a truth that no one outside of Chaotic and Perim will ever acknowledge?!" Tom is trying to comb through a list of adults that actually could've injected him with this "spouting-the-truth" disease about Chaotic. Their teachers have little or no influence over Kaz and his mom is not exactly a constant force in his life. She has to go on business trips a lot for her work. He knows that Sarah, Peyton, and himself didn't teach this to Kaz. Who else could it be?
"My father. It was one of the few things I can remember of him. In fact, his last words to me were, 'Remember, Kazzy, the truth is the truth! It doesn't matter if the rest of the world (or your mother) views you as a madman for speaking the truth. You can forget everything else about me but those words. The truth is the truth.' And I did forget everything else about him but his last words." Kaz's dad died when he was five, so it does make sense that Kaz wouldn't remember anything else about him. Yet, Kaz told him that his dad died as a hero in the war, but it sounds like Kaz believes his dad died some other way.
"I thought he died as a hero." Tom awkwardly stated. Kaz goes back to look up at the sky. Still no fireworks just suns imploding millions of light-years away.
"He didn't. Mom told me to tell everyone that if they asked in the new town." Kaz didn't meet Tom until they were in Kindergarten. Tom hazily remembers Kaz telling him that he moved when they first met.
"Then, how did he die?" Or maybe it was a bitter divorce and Kaz's dad may as well be dead for all he cared.
"He used to believe that gargoyles, the statue ones, were aliens from Pluto. They escaped their home world to Earth because it became too cold for them. If anybody mentioned anything about gargoyles, he would launch into a tangent about the alien gargoyles. He painted them as gruff protectors that were only cold to others in order to protect themselves but would rise up to protect those they cared about. I loved it whenever he talked about the gargoyles, but mom wasn't happy at all." The fireworks whizz up in the air and explode into a conflagration of blues, yellows, greens, and whites. Some took on the shape of a certain troll and an infamous Muge. Tom swore he saw a gargoyle in the sky.
"What happened to him?" Tom has read plenty of books and heard plenty of legends to know how this will most likely end. Either Kaz's dad was trapped in a psychiatric hospital or he died from his own madness. It is a tragic ending either way for Kaz.
"Mom got him to go to the hospital for help. I don't know exactly what they did to him, but it was enough to drain the truth from him. And with that, his happiness and my joy. She wouldn't take me to see him. If I saw him, then maybe I could've reminded him of his words. He wouldn't have given up. He would've been thrilled to know that someone out there believed him…." Another flurry of colored sparks in the sky fill Tom's vision. He couldn't bear to look Kaz in the eyes. He's afraid that best friend might be crying. He wouldn't be able to hear because of the fireworks.
"And that's why you tell the truth because you're honoring your father's memory." Tom knew he should be saying something comforting right now, but what can you tell your best friend when he has confessed that his father killed himself? Sorry for your loss? It would be almost twelve years too late.
"You can support me by keeping your mouth shut." Kaz flings Tom's advice and duty back at him. Yet, Tom does remain pitifully silent if only to respect his wishes. They do not look at each other for the remainder of the festival. They are too busy watching the fireworks display. Tom sees an explosion of colors and smoke that accompanies them. Kaz sees the sparks infusing with the nighttime sky and forming into a gargoyle that eats the Perim moon.