A/N: This is a Lorelai-centric fic, but gets a bit L/L at the end, for all you Java Junkies! It's short, but with big paragraphs, which I don't usually do. So enjoy the larger word count!
Disclaimer: They aren't mine. You all should know this by now.
Dedication: This one goes out to all of you guys who write CSI fiction. I just started writing in that fandom, and everyone's been really supportive. Thanks to you all!
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"Is this what it's supposed to be like? Is this how
it's supposed to feel? Like a roller coaster?
Like a lifetime's emotions squeezed into a
single minute? Like heaven and hell, sweet and
sour, light and dark…? Like losing your mind?"
Caitlin McCann, Lucas by Kevin Brooks (pg. 145)
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For as long as she can remember, Lorelai Gilmore has always had a façade.
When she was a child, it was the "Cute Daughter" façade. She pretended that she enjoyed those tedious tea parties and stiff, fancy dresses. Playing with dolls bored her to tears, but it was what was expected of a daughter in a civilized society. It took awhile for her to realize that the other girls didn't feel as she did. The other children actually enjoyed dressing up and looked forward to the stuffy parties.
It was then she began feeling like an outsider.
As a teenager, she switched to her "Perfect Daughter" façade. She didn't have to work hard to do well in school, so she was able to run with the bad crowd and keep her mother happy with straight A's. Often, she'd stash a change of clothes in her bag and leave dressed in her neatly pressed school uniform, only to meet Chris around the corner and skip class for the day. Lucky for her, her school didn't have a strict class-cutting policy.
But when she got pregnant, she could no longer hide. "Perfect Daughters" didn't get pregnant. They were "Perfect," after all.
So she ran with her baby girl to fashion herself an "Experienced Employee" façade. This involved entering the Independence Inn with an attitude of 'I don't need this job. There are plenty of other places willing to hire me.'
That was far from the truth.
And even though she was trying to hide it, Mia was able to see the fact that Lorelai needed this job in her eyes. So she hired her.
While her child grew up, Lorelai concealed herself behind a "Cool Mother" façade. She told her daughter that they shared everything, when in actuality; the unpleasant facts of life were hidden from her. Lorelai made sure her daughter had good things, like books, book covers, good food, CDs… Anything she wanted. But she herself was scrimping to afford those things. She did a good job with this false front, managing to show her daughter that she had complete control of her life.
When it came to men, she put on her "Cute-But-Dumb" façade. She acted as though she was confident in her beauty, even though all she could feel were the two extra pounds on her hips from her most recent movie night pig-out with Rory. She pretended to be stupid, when she knew she was brighter than she acted. At the end of the night, drunk and exhausted, she would tumble into bed right after relieving her daughter's baby-sitter and taking a couple Aspirin.
And in the morning, smiling through the pounding in her head, she would back in the role of "Cool Mom," just as she should be.
But with Luke, she didn't need the "Cute-But-Dumb" façade. She didn't need any of the others, either.
This was a bit of a shock for her. Never, never, had she been in a relationship with someone who really knew her. But it was a good feeling, too. It was everything all rolled into one.
And it was incredible.
Every one of her façades shattered with him. She felt naked, vulnerable. But she felt so safe at the same time. She couldn't describe it. He loved her for who she was, and it seemed too good to be true.
But it wasn't.
--
And here it ends.
But according to the book I quoted earlier…
"That's what happens.
You just get on with it.
There are no endings."
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