Black. Nothing but black. Only the tiniest glimmers of light shine through the slits made accessible using the slivers of energy left in my body. The pain has gone, and now there is nothing: Nothing holding me to this world. There is no feeling left, and I can barely move. I can barely breathe.
The pressure on my neck increases as I sense my shoulders being pried from the blood-soaked grass. The little blood I have left rushes straight to my head, and makes my weak mind feel so much heavier. Is that all I am now, a limp useless rag doll? It seems that I cannot move of my own accord, and the people beyond the darkness are the ones manually adjusting my position.
I feel them ease me onto something, and the pressure on my neck lessens. I feel my entire body suddenly lurch from the ground and then come to rest again on something much less sturdy. My eyes can barely register what's going on around me as they fight the growing numbness, and oppose the descent into eternal darkness. I can just see the moon beyond the treetops, and the blurred outlines of people around me. The world seems to be slipping behind me, am I being led somewhere? It seems so. The strain on my eyelids becomes too much, and I eventually give in. I must conserve my energy.
--
How long have I been asleep for, and how long has the pain been so intense? Feeling has returned to a single spot in my body, in the middle of my chest, where I can feel the heaviness of lead and the warmth of a lantern. And the pain… The pain. I can barely move my fingers, and barely open my eyes. And instead of retreating back to the dark, I can see a blinding light. Everything is clean and white and cold beyond the confines of my body, in the world of consciousness. I miss it so.
And suddenly the high-pitched screaming in my ear stops, and I can hear the faint voices in the world before me. I cannot distinguish the words they are speaking, like a foreign tongue. But I recognise the voices, and the tone in which they are speaking. Animated, aggravated, concerned. The one I admire most is just beyond my bedside.
I close my eyes and my ears as the pain increases. There's a bubbling sensation beneath the pressure, and its scalding me. I feel it desperately searching for a way out, past the heaviness. But there's something keeping it in. It feels sharp. I can barely hold on anymore.
--
This time when I open my eyes, everything is dim and dark. There are no more voices, only a steady ticking above my head. Everybody's gone, and the pain has numbed itself with the rest of my body. I come to the conclusion that it has been at least three hours since I last opened my eyes, because everything is dark and inactive. Its still, like death. Now I can open my eyes a little more, and take a little more in. The white plaster ceiling is slightly illuminated with a pulsing green light, the source on my left. There's my shadow; the outline of my forehead, my nose, my lips. There's extra bulk on my chest, and it constricts my movement. It must be layers and layers of bandages.
To my right, along the plaster walls, is a window. I can hear the crickets chirp outside, and the moon is no longer in the sky. Now there is just dark, with the faintest line of pale blue on the horizon behind the buildings. Daybreak is coming. Soon the people will be back, I am sure of it. They will talk about me, and my condition, and why I'm unable to move. I can remember it all too well, especially the first blast of searing pain as the kunai was forced into my chest. I am a failure.
I have to continue to live in my world of darkness. It is the only way to escape the truth of the conscious world. I failed in my duties, and in doing so went against my ninja way. I am supposed to be stronger, I am supposed to fight and live up to the status and finally gain acceptance among my peers. But it seems I have not grown in the slightest. I am nothing more than a hopeless child who puts on a mask every day to hide form herself, to hide from the truth. People cannot change: it was the hardest lesson I ever had to learn.
--
It seems to be daytime now. I do not open my eyes, however much I want to. I can hear them around me, conversing in solemn tones. And he's there with them, the loudest and most prominent of all the voices. I still cannot understand a word anybody says, they all seem slurred. I have movement in one of my arms, but nowhere else. I long to reach up and find his cheek, for just a little reassurance that he is real and he is there. That I'm not just being punished.
--
How long have I been here now? Days, maybe? It feels as if I have been in the same sheets for almost an eternity. I cannot move of my own accord, I am still too weak. Pathetic, is more like it. And more is returning to me, as if validating the fact that I am where I am. The fight, the screaming… The kunai. I remember being alongside him, lost in my own world, staring into the eyes of my enemy, feeling as if nothing could stop me. He was there, watching, expecting me to grow and advance. And for a moment I remember feeling as if I really had changed, and I was going to be somebody… But then the pain came.
And now I lay here, in limbo between light and dark, waiting for something to pull me up or drag me down. How long must this last?
As if on cue, the pain worsens. I feel it dig into me, and the heaviness penetrates my ribcage. My lungs choke and my heart bursts, and the warm bubbling sensation returns. My throat tightens and I find my voice. And I scream. And then the blackness came and took me away.
And as I drift in and out of consciousness, I can hear the people running and screaming and ordering each other. And I find the strength to open my eyes, and look into the face of my beloved. He smiles down at me and takes my head in his hands, tears glistening in his eyes. I can tell from the yelling and grief and sadness around me that my future is black. But the pain I'm going through at this moment cannot be felt because of the warmth I feel reflecting on what I have had in my life. The fighting, the bloodshed, the many hours of constant training to improve myself, all for him. Because I love him.
Naruto… Do you think…? I maybe changed…? Just a little…?