It was one of the many world meetings, and it started like any other. It was a beautiful, sunny , and warm day. I mean, not everyone liked it that way. But fuck you, this is MY story, and I'll write it as stereotypical as I want.
*The narrator clears their throat, and pulls a squirrel out of their throat, before shoving it in their wallet, and picking up the script laying in front of them. They frowned loudly, looking at it with disgust.*
Okay, back to the story. It was a lovely day, and everyone seemed in their best mood.
Everyone except for a certain BRITISH asshole, but he's never in a good mood.
"So, America-san, I heard you can drop the bass well. But one question. Doesn't that hurt the fish?" Kiku said, as the A.C blew his hair majestically, and he looked kawaii as hell. Some of his kawaii sparkles blew onto America's glasses, and he realized someone had addressed him. He quickly (and metaphorically) pulled his head out of his ass to answer the question he'd been asked only moments ago.
"PFFT- NO DUDE! You're not even saying it right! It's BASS, and I do drop it quite well." Suddenly France walks to America, holding a bass. He held it out to America, but instead America picked up the European country, and dropped him. He then shook hands with the bass.
Kiku applauded after wiping joyful tears from his sugoi eyes, and Germany felt it necessary to speak up.
"I FEEL THE WRITER OF THIS STORY SHOULD HAVE IT AT LEAST MAKE LOGICAL SENSE."
Suddenly, a record scratching sound was heard. Immediately after, Germany disappeared, then reappeared in a dress.
Fanservice. All of the fucking fanservice.
Italy found himself complimenting Germany on how beautiful he looked, and Germany blushed. They made the yaois, but I did not write them in. Not that much fanservice, you filthy tools.
England sneered in distaste. His 14 eyebrows all rose at the same time as he came up out of his seat, and slammed his hands on the table. Like all of the drastically and not poorly written fan fictions, England spoke with a thick accent. "BLOODY HELL, YOU GITS! I-"
Suddenly, deep Music started Playing.
The room got darker, and all of the countries started to deeply hum a tune. A very- familiar? Tune... Disney, maybe?
Everyone danced around the table in the dimly-lit room as he backed away. Red, orange, and yellow lights flashed about the room, but no one cared. Again, it's my story. But he didn't get very far, for Germany and Prussia had grabbed him tightly by the arms. England restlessly looked around, noticing one person still sitting silently. "Japan?" He asked, before he was answered by a different person, with an out-of-context answer.
"Deception..." America spoke, and he was dressed as Lady Gaga. He had a short dress and tights. His belly flab hung over them, sorry. No fanservice from THIS guy, or FOR you. Germany pulled England out of Prussia's grasp, and spun him around repeatedly; England finally got dizzy enough and fell over.
"Disgrace." France said, and with a sassy tone. He was dressed in his normal attire, but his face seemed less happy. Less beautiful- if possible. Prussia stepped on England's ass, and started pushing his foot harshly into the bottom of his spine. When it finally made a horrid crack sound, Prussia eased his foot, knowing he'd broken England's tailbone.
"Evil as plain as the scar on his face!" Canada hissed, in nothing but a speedo. His glasses were cracked, as the reflection of England had shone in them. For some reason , England had a large scar across his face, and it was really fucking weird. Like, DAMN BITCH, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? Suddenly, there was a short flashback. England was tied down to a table, and Kumajiro was sitting at the end of the table, by England's head. 'Who are you!?' England rudely asked. 'THAT'S MY LINE , YOU DIRTY SLUT!' Kumajiro abruptly yelled, before scratching the fuck out of his face. The flashback ended, and the present resumed.
"Deception" China chanted out, his normal outfit was now a panda suit. England had a large rice ball stuffed down his throat, and tears filled his eyes. It was hard to swallow, but he managed, and he suddenly screamed afterwards. There were small metal shards in the riceball that scratched England's throat on the way down."(An outrage!)" Panda also chanted, dressed as China. England stumbled away from Panda, seeing the demonic look in his eyes. England was relieved when Panda turned away from him, but he was in immense pain right after, for he'd fallen on a bear trap.
"Disgrace!" Russia quietly spoke, taking another sip of his vodka. He laughed loudly, before smashing England upside the head with his vodka bottle. England had been trying to stand up, but he'd been knocked over onto the table, rubbing his bum. "(For shame!)" The bottle said, some of its contents spilling out. Some of it got into England's hair, and some got into his eyes. He rubbed his eyes, standing up and not watching where he was going.
"He asked for trouble the moment he came!" Italy said, his light and happy voice turned to that of an old, scary man. He evilly grinned as England bumped into him. Italy took the chance to kick England where the sun didn't shine, and hold a knife to his neck. England tried to let out a scream, but no sound came out. Italy smirked once again, stabbing the knife into England's chest, and watching him fall backwards, gripping the knife.
"Deception,An outrage!" Romano started, being the one to catch England when he fell. England's eyes and many eyebrows shot back to stare at the other brother, the obviously more evil one. England tried to scramble away, not noting that Romano had now the knife in his own hands. England was pulled back down, once again, and he started to cough up blood. And, as the blood came out, off came his left ear. As England was in shock, Romano took the time took lick the blood off of the knife, and stab it through England's ear, and into his head where the ear USED to be. Romano lifted his foot, and kicked England away.
"He can't change his stripes!" Spain howled, clothes-lining England as he tried to run to the door. Spain grabbed England's hands and started to dance, spinning him every & each way. England was already dizzy from blood-loss, so this helped in no way. The pace in Spain's tango changed, and Spain had started kneeing England in the crotch repeatedly. England's high pitch screams were music to Spain's ear, so he figured the dance lesson was over. Spain spun him, and where he should've caught England low to the ground, he threw England harshly to the ground, before stamping over him.
"Disgrace!" Netherlands said, picking England up by his collar. England lazily stared at him, too weak to flinch, or scream. Or react in any way, for that matter. Netherlands pulled his scarf from his neck and wrapped it loosely around England's neck, before pushing him back into Belgium, and disappearing from England's sight. "For shame!" Belgium yelled in England's still-attached ear, grabbing either end of the scarf. England quickly tried to pull the fabric away from his neck, but she'd already been tightly choking him with it. She seemed to pull him lower and lower, before she shoved him into someone else, removing the scarf from his neck.
"You know these Outsider types." Sweden spoke, right behind England. Just his voice enough made England want to kill himself. The deep, mysteriousness of it. England quickly ran away, before tripping over a fluffly white dog, and landing with his chin on someone short's shoulder.
"Evil as plain as the scar on his face." Finland laughed out, staring at something behind England. England looked behind him, seeing the dog he'd tripped on. It was fucking humongous. Like, bigger than Finland. It opened its mouth and flashed its teeth, showing all of the sharp (No pun intended) canine teeth. Finland pushed England into the mouth, and his face was soon being mauled. The dog violently and rapidly shook its head, tearing off half of the skin from England's face. It sent England flying into the arms of another nation taller than him.
"See you later, agitator!" Denmark laughed out in an obnoxious and drunk tone. England weakly stood in front of Denmark, hearing his loud laugh ring through his head. England's brain snapped a little. Didn't the king of Scandinavia have an ax? Of course he did, silly! In fact, the blade of it had been on England's shoulder. Denmark had the handle in his hand, and as he laughed, he pulled the ax down into the flesh of England's shoulder. England squirmed as Denmark hit bone, and Denmark quickly pulled the bloody weapon away. England was pushed ONCE AGAIN, but this time into a smaller boy.
"Deception! An outrage!" Iceland yelled in his total tsundere voice, glaring up at England. England held his shoulder, before Iceland grabbed his hand. Iceland turned him around and England just sort of not caring? At least he didn't hurt him, right?
WRONG, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!
"Just leave us alone!" Mr. Puffin called, flying around England's head. England kept his gaze off of the bird, not needing to be ANY MORE dizzy. He was already on the verge of passing out. But then, his eye was met with a beak. A RATHER LARGE ONE, WITH A GREAT FORCE BEHIND IT. England cried as his eye was pecked out, but then the bird was swatted away by another.
"Disgrace For shame!" Norway called, pointing a wand in England's face. ''Just fucking with you bro, go on." Norway said, stabbing the wand through England's throat and pushing him towards the angry Allies, all dressed as hookers.
"And we know that he'll never be one of us." They all spoke, shoving him into eachother. They were in a circle, so he was spinning, too.
His head was spinning and all of his body aching.
"He is not one of us." Canada said, ripping his other ear off with his bare hands, and shoving it down England's throat. He dropped England and England fell to the floor, gagging on his own body part in his mouth.
"Deception!" America yelled, picking up England by his hair, and slamming his head on the table. America pulled the wand out of his neck and passed it to Russia, who spun the wand around, blood flinging all over his own clothes.
"Disgrace." Russia said, pulling down England's pants with one hand. He kneed England hard in the crotch once, before having a glare-war with him. (It was one sided) But the beautiful Russia won. Just as England thought he was safe, the wand was violently kneed through his boxers and far into his anus, stabbing his insides.
"Deception." France came next, pulling on one of England's eyebrows. He'd always told England he was the perfectionist (Which, he was) and that he wanted to give England a makeover. Now was the time.
France pulled every eyebrow off, one by one.
"Disgrace." China said, pushing France out of the way. China stared down at England, angry at him for his cooking. China mumbled something, before grabbing the knife from England's head and ear. He pinned one of England's arms to the table and got to business. Damn, could China fillet. He fillet'd the FUCK out of England's arm, leaving him with only one whole arm.
The lights blacked out completely, and England was left alone. He was too weak to cry or scream.
When the lights flashed on, he found himself still covered in blood, with all the injuries from before. The rest of the room was completely clean.
England lay on the floor of the meeting room, alone as far as he knew. His body was limp, and most of his blood was gone. He looked around the room (with his NON-plucked out eye) , accepting that he'd soon die. "Oh, please..." England said, his throat still in pain and bleeding, much like the rest of his body. He closed his eyes and smiled, starting to drift away. He didn't hear the gross sobs from the person coming towards him, or their light footsteps. "Deception.." Japan quietly and sadly said, as England's eyes shot open with hope. Japan gave a weak, and sorry smile. England didn't understand wh- OH MY GOD IS THAT A SLEDGEHAMMER? England died at that moment, as his former secret admirer slammed the heavy tool into his face, parts of his skull going over the room, the hammer, and Japan. Japan simply licked his lips, before dropping the hammer and walking away, humming the very last verse of the song. The hammer was lodged deep into England's now-mush brain.
*The narrator sadly closes their book, before realizing they fucking hate England. The camera pans out from the narrator's evil laughs, as we see the Flying Mint Bunny eating England's remains.*
DON'T WORRY ENGLAND FAN GIRLS, I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU.