Patience
I took a moment to look out my only window. I was one of the lucky few to rank a small slice of a view and sometimes I think it's to taunt me. Others, I am grateful to see something other than these four walls.
Those stormy gray clouds reflect my current mood as I reflect about how I got to this point. After the wars, all five of us were recruited to protect the peace we fought for. Winner declined with a valid excuse of the family business. Barton and Maxwell tried it for a few mere months before realizing that life had narrowed down to the in and out box on their desks.
Barton is now traveling with his sister in the circus, though they seem to spend an excessive amount of time on L4.
Maxwell is on L2 with a friend from the war named, Hilde. Together they run Maxwell's Salvage. I understand it is booming with the spoils of our war.
Yuy hung on the longest of them, but he too bailed within four or five months after Barton and Maxwell left. He finally accepted Ms. Peacecraft's offer of employment with a few trips to L2 interspersed.
This left me under the thumb of Commander Une. Six years now. Maxwell is very vocal in his questions of why I haven't moved on. Surely I was settled enough to find my true calling to his logic. Barton and Yuy would question me with their eyes. They can all see that my job is sucking the life out of me and appear to be concerned that I am losing my edge.
The truth is, I know all this. I know Une has planned to keep me in check with my sense of duty. Stacks of paperwork and lack of action eat away at my muscle tone with the excuse that others are not quite as capable at going from point A to point Z efficiently.
Another truth is, I don't care. I am through fighting. I never wished to in the first place. Responsibilities and expectations forced me into the pilot's seat. Now though, I have no one left to push me to be the leader I was bred for. No heir demanded, no image to be maintained. Just paperwork and deadlines are required of me.
I've thought on going elsewhere to find my own peace. Traveling the few untamed regions of China has crossed my mind. I think I would like stopping at a temple or two and trading philosophical opinions with the monks. I once mentioned this desire to Commander Une and was immediately bombarded with reasons why I could not be allowed my allotted vacation time to pursue such follies. I know the truth behind her excuses. The world would no longer feel safe to several individuals if the traitor pilot was not being monitored. It amuses me that Une is one of those people even though I was under the employ of the one she now calls daughter.
At one point, I had been offended by all surveillance and lack of trust. Now though, I guess I have gained some measure of peace. Or, perhaps it is just ennui. I am just biding my time until I can finally be reunited with my ancestors and it does not matter what I do in that time. As someone wise once said, 'The secret of patience is doing something else in the meantime."
I do not feel it will be too long before this life is finally squeezed out of me. All but a small part of me is looking forward to meeting those I've lost. That minor piece though, that is the troubling part. That piece wishes to enjoy the full measure of this existence before it is snuffed out. My childhood was spent daydreaming of the places and people I'd read about. My mind thirsts for stimulation, and the joys the world can offer, but I have grown used to quieting that desire and turning my focus to cases and background checks, and pointing fingers of evidence at suspects.
The incoming call buzz from my phone startles me from my internal musings and I turn from the window. A sigh heaves itself from my soul, but I know my duties and they call. Perhaps one day I'll be at peace, whether in death or in freedom. For now, life moves on and so shall I.