AN: It's all randomness and crack pairings. I'll try to get back to my other stories soon...
"Hey beautiful," Yumichika drawled as he breezed into the Tenth Division office.
Hitsugaya looked up sharply, eyebrows drawn up in confusion and annoyance. Yumichika abruptly stopped sashaying across the office, surprised.
"Aah, Captain Hitsugaya. I didn't mean you... although that teal lining on your haori is doing wonderful things for your eyes."
The room got noticeably cooler as the younger officer pointed towards the door with a glare. "Business is welcome here. Fashion advice is not."
Rangiku got up from the sofa, shivering even as she opened her eyes. "Yeesh, captain, I was only out for five minutes. You didn't have to turn me into a popsicle." She suddenly noticed Yumichika. "And fashion advice is always welcome here," she added, dragging him out the door as Hitsugaya protested. "And even if I'm the popsicle, he's the one with the stick up his ass."
Once they were out of earshot of the frustrated little captain, Yumichika pulled Rangiku to a stop and busied himself smoothing wrinkles out of her uniform. "You know I believe in beauty sleep," he told her as he fussed, "but it only works if you don't make a mess of your clothes when you nap."
Matsumoto grabbed his hand as he tried to tuck her kimono top more neatly into her obi, stilling his adjustments. "Maybe there's a time and place for fashion advice," she mused. Laughing lightly, she pressed a kiss to Yumichika's prettily pouting lips. He sighed, giving her shirt one last tuck before circling his hand around her waist and leaning into her kiss. Matsumoto giggled as the feathers on his eyelashes tickled her cheek... and then gasped as a tiny head popped up over Yumichika's shoulder.
"Hey, Pretty-chan, whatcha doin' to Booby-chan's face?"
Yumichika narrowly avoided biting Rangiku's lip as he jumped back, startled. "I'm kissing her," he answered, indignantly brushing sticky hands away from his hair.
"Why?" Yachiru demanded, tightening her grip on both her lollipop and Yumichika's head.
He paled. He had the feeling that Zaraki wouldn't approve of him explaining the birds and bees to Yachiru, and Zaraki's disapproval usually came with smashing and a side of dismemberment.
"Uh, because her lips tasted good?" he tried.
Yachiru contemplated this for a moment before thrusting her candy towards Yumichika's face. "You can try mine if I can try yours," she offered happily.
Rangiku doubled over with laughter as Yumichika stared, shocked. He might have forgotten to breathe if it weren't for a large hand clapping him firmly on the back. Firmly enough to put a hole through a brick wall.
"Same goes for me," Ikkaku remarked with a leering grin.
By this time, Matsumoto was on her knees, smacking the floor as tears of laughter streamed down her face. Yachiru leaped onto Ikkaku's shoulders and latched her little teeth onto his head, abandoning her lollipop in Yumichika's hair. Yumi glared at Ikkaku, and both men yelled at Yachiru, and Hitsugaya yelled at them all.
"Okay, what did you Eleventh Division brutes do to my lieutenant?" Toshirou hollered.
Rangiku looked up from her fit of breathless laughter. "Yachiru wanted to kiss me!" she explained.
When Hitsugaya spoke again several moments later, a vein in his forehead was throbbing, but his voice was menacingly even. "Matsumoto. Return to the office at once. And you three, if you don't leave my division grounds at once, I will freeze you into individual ice cubes and see to it that your captain makes a bloody mary, on the rocks, out of all of you."
Standing up, Matsumoto ruffled her captain's white hair. "If there are bloody marys, count me in!"
"MATSUMOTO! GET GOING!"
She waved to Yumichika and spun on her heel, and Toshirou figured if he took care of the other three within three minutes, he could find her again before she got to the Rukongai bar district.
Ikkaku walked away, holding Yachiru at arm's length. She waved over his shoulder. "Bye bye, Shiro-chan!"
Yumichika turned to follow them. "So long, beautiful." He glanced over his shoulder at Hitsugaya. "And this time, I did mean you."
"AYASEGAWA!"