So here we are, back again.
I really missed this...
I'm not gonna get too into it.
If you missed my update story, I wrote what was said on my profile.
Enjoy :)
Hi.
My name is Daniel James Howell.
I am a 17-year-old male who is currently in their final year of school.
What you are about to read is my story...
The story of who I am and how others see me.
Which unfortunately isn't in the nicest way.
Might as well start from the beginning, huh?
I was born in Wokingham, England in 1991 to the two most amazing people in the world.
My mum and dad.
They were everything I could ever want.
Supportive, encouraging, caring, sympathetic... Just everything a parent could ever give.
People were envious of me and my brother. Some didn't come from good families like we did.
That changed though when I was 14...
My parents went out to dinner to celebrate my dad's promotion while my brother and I were watched by my gram.
And you could probably guess what I'm about to say next...
Yeah, my parents didn't come home that night.
We waited for what felt like centuries until we got that phone call.
The funeral was only a few days later. My parents wrote down at some point in their lives that they wanted to be buried next to each other, so that's what we did.
It's been 3 years since they died and it's still hard.
I definitely feel like my brother, Adam, took it harder than me though.
Adam is my older brother, being older than me by 5 years. He was 19 when they died.
Our parents passed away on August 22nd, 2006. It was the August right after my 14th birthday and Adam's 19th birthday.
We both live with our gram and have been for the past 3 years since they've been gone.
Adam and I are very different.
Adam is definitely more popular than I am. He's has a lot more friends than I have. He has a girlfriend. He's athletic. He's was a straight-A student.
I'm never gonna be as good as him.
But that doesn't matter because my brother and I have an amazing relationship.
He's my best friend.
One of my only friends really...
People don't really like me.
And I feel like I know why.
I only have one true friend, PJ.
PJ and I knew each other growing up.
We've always been good friends. It kind of just clicked between the two of us all those years ago when we met back in primary school.
Unlike me though, PJ actually has friends.
Yeah, his friends are nice to me when he's with them or with me, but if PJ is nowhere near, his friends won't even give me a second look...
I was always a loner growing up.
My brother and PJ the only two who were there besides my parents.
And then when my parents passed, it was just us.
I can still see in my brother that he's still hurting, but it's understandable.
I'm still hurting too.
No one ever truly gets over the death of a loved one.
They say with time, pain ends and happiness is found.
That's not always the case.
Because I'm fighting a constant battle.
Maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally it's a rollercoaster going on inside my body.
And I feel like one day I may just explode.
But that day isn't today.
So for now, I have to keep it all bottled up inside me.
It's not fair, but life isn't fair.
I've been bullied everyday for I don't even know how many years.
It feels like an eternity though.
One day though, it'll all end.
When will that day come?
Who knows, only time will tell.
But with the marks and scars on my wrists...
That day may come sooner than anticipated.
Yes, I cut.
Want to know why?
Because I fucking hate my life.
I fucking hate everything about it.
My parents are dead and my brother is moving on with his life.
PJ is my only friend.
I just can't do it anymore...
Want to know the other reason?
...I'm gay...
And ever since I came out, my life has been a living hell.
People look at me like I'm some kind of piece of trash who they can just kick around whenever they want.
Does my brother or gram know about this? Of course not.
I can't tell them that...
So as per usual, I have to keep to myself.
But how much longer will I be able to go on?
Well, again, only time will tell...
And with these scars on my wrists...
Not long.
Yeah, I know...
It's something different to what I normally write but I'm excited to try it out.
I hope you enjoyed and I will see you again on chapter 2!
bye! :)