Note: I wrote this about 19 months ago, so it may be a bit rusty, but, come on, who doesn't love a good Naruto angst?
Disclaimer: after all this time, I still haven't got jack.
"I love you"
It is not a real declaration of love, not a tender nothing whispered softly into her ear after a night of sex, or a begging cry, or anything else she had ever imagined. It is a fact. And that's all it ever can be.
"Lee, don't do that. Don't torture yourself. Nothing will come of this, I've told you before." She's told him the same twenty one words, one word of rejection for every year they've been alive in this messed up world. The same words she says when he asks her to dance, to dinner, to do anything that involves the two of them alone. They don't even walk together.
"I know, but he's not there, he was never there when you needed him, and he won't be. He's gone. He left you." And the words hurt him to say, just as much as it hurts him to see the way she flinches away from the truth in them. But then the ever-present wall comes speeding up, cutting her off from him as she hurls her words into his bleeding heart.
"Why would you say that! Someone who loved me wouldn't say something like that, and it's not true, not true, it's not true!" She rages at him with real menace in her eyes and he's only thankful that she isn't too numb or jaded to really feel anything after all these years.
It makes him sad that he has to tell her the cold truth, that without big brother Lee watching over her, she's alone. But he has to tell her and she screams and cries, until it seems that all her anger has faded and what is left a broken statue of a girl, worn down and exhausted from fighting the tide.
She starts crying, big slow silent drops that seem to beg for him to brush them away. And so he puts his hand out.
She hits him.
Hits him with a rage that has been building for years, since they were just Genin. Since the stupid clan prodigy told her that she was just dead weight.
And once she's sure he won't follow her, won't run for the Hokage, she flies away. She knows exactly what she wants to do, and once her feet begin to trace the path that the other member of the Rookie Nine took, there's no going back. She does not look back. She does not stop to thank anyone.
So all she can do is promise herself. She promises not to be seen or heard, to keep going until she collapses, to prove that she is not just a dead weight. So she goes and goes and goes until she sees the border of Fire Country and leans against the rough bark of a tree, so tired that it's as soft as a pillow.
As the sun rises, she stretches herself, preparing for the long trek to Snow Country, her destination that she decided on as of two minutes before she left the main gates of Konoha. Winter may not be her favourite season, but the Snow was full of new promises. She could change her name, get married, dye her hair, get coloured contacts, raise a family, live in a completely parallel universe of her life in Konoha. She would be safe. She could be happy.
As she gathered the pack she grabbed(stole), there was an almost imperceptible crack of a twig and she shot three shruiken into the foliage. And then the trees laughed.
"Very good little girl. You almost hit me." There was another dry laugh and a man with eyes and hair like coal stepped out. (Sasuke?). He nodded and she could tell by his robes that this was a formal invitation. And she nodded in return.
Itachi Uchiha appraised her, eyes glittering. He held out a small pair of Akatsuki robes and she yanked them over her head, letting her Lead headband fall to the ground. Itachi frowned and handed it back to her, along with a kunai.
With one deft movement, she slashed a deep gash in the middle of the Leaf spiral. And it is done.
Itachi extends a pale hand for her to follow and she jumps after him, digging the tip of her boot into the bark of the tree, eager to begin her new life as a missing nin. Snow Country and the promise of normality fades quickly and the glamour of the Akatsuki shines in its place. They will use her for their purposes and in return, she will use them for her own. One day, she can forget what Lee said. She will find somewhere to belong. Even as a missing nin; even as part of the Akatsuki.
Itachi glances back as the new recruit and is mildly surprised to see the look of determination that settles in the lines of her mouth and he briefly sees Sasuke running behind him. And he smiles, as every step takes them closer to the Akatsuki hideout, because this game will be fun.
It is not easy, it is not pleasant, but a week later, Tsunade takes out her black book and adds Haruno Sakura to the list of missing nins.