Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the pig.
A/N: This idea popped into my head a while ago so I decided to actually write it down. I hope you enjoy!
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Lily Evans had been contently reading the assigned chapters of Intermediate Transfiguration in the full Gryffindor common room when she heard the voice.
"Oi! Evans!"
It was Potter. Lily pretended that she didn't hear him.
"Evans!" Potter repeated.
Please go away, please go away, please-
She saw him sit down next to her from the corner of her eye.
"I know you heard me."
Lily grit her teeth and snapped her book shut.
"What do you want, Potter?" She asked. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "Actually, I know what you want, and the answer is no. I won't go out with you." She told him.
"You don't know that that's what I wanted to say!" Potter protested.
"So you weren't going to ask me out?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well…" Potter trailed off.
"Well what? Make it quick, this book isn't going to read itself."
"Yes! Exactly! I was going to ask you what you're reading!" Potter exclaimed.
"Intermediate Transfiguration. You know, because we have to read chapters 12 to 16 tonight for homework. You have done that, right?" Lily asked him.
"Umm… Yes, of course." Potter answered. Lily heaved a sigh.
"Is that what you came here for?"
"Well, Iwasalsogoingtoaskyouout." Potter said quickly.
"What?" Lily asked.
"I was also going to ask you out." Potter repeated. Lily rolled her eyes.
"When pigs fly." She told him. Surprisingly, Potter didn't seem upset. In fact, he seemed… inspired? That glint in his eyes couldn't have been good.
"Oh, alright then… I'll see you later." Potter said, rushing up the Boys' staircase. Lily looked at the stairs for a moment, then returned to her book, hoping that whatever he was scheming didn't involve her.
Oh how very wrong she was.
"Evans!" The dreaded voice called. Lily closed her eyes, praying for patience. She closed her book.
"Potter, if you-"
She stopped abruptly when she looked up.
She was face to face with a pig.
A rather large pig, for that matter.
But it wasn't an ordinary pig.
On its back were a pair of tiny, white wings that looked rather comical, considering the size of the pig. It was hovering a few inches in the air.
"Potter. What the hell is that?" She asked slowly. Potter grinned and puffed his chest out with pride.
"It's a flying pig." He answered.
"I know what it is! What's it doing here?!" Lily nearly shouted.
"You said you'd go out with me when pigs fly, so-"
"Potter! That is a muggle expression that means no, because in the muggle world, you don't see flying pigs everyday!" Lily exclaimed. "Where did you even get that thing anyway?" She added.
"Transfigured it." Potter answered.
"From what?"
"Moony's Transfiguration textbook." Potter told her. She knew that Moony was a nickname for Remus Lupin, Potter's friend.
"Why would you do that?!" Lily asked, feeling sorry for Remus, who had to put up with all of this.
"It's a book. It doesn't have any use." Potter replied. Lily sighed, but before she could say anything else, a low voice interrupted her.
"Transfiguring a teapot to a tortoise is not extremely difficult, but it is necessary that the spell is done precisely, or the tortoise may have strange traits, such as breathing steam, having spouts in the place of a tail, or have the teapot's patterns on its shell." Lily turned to the direction of the voice. No one in the common room seemed to have spoke, for they were all staring at either the pig, or the exchange between Lily and James. In fact, the voice seemed to have come from the direction of… the pig.
"Did that pig just lecture us about turning a teapot to a tortoise?" Lily asked, feeling her face burn from anger.
"Possibly." Potter all but squeaked.
"If you don't transfigure it back, I will break your wand." Lily said through gritted teeth. Potter swallowed and pointed his wand at the pig. He muttered something, and the pig started to shrink, turning back into a book. Unfortunately, Potter didn't remove the spell that gave the pig wings, so the book began flying around the common room. Lily took a deep breath, trying to calm herself as she watched the book fly around, knocking over ink bottles and bumping into students. Lily heard footsteps coming from the Boys' stairs. Remus Lupin appeared at the foot of the staircase.
"James, do you know where my Transfiguration textbook went? I had it this morning, but-" He stopped in the middle of his sentence when he saw the flying textbook. He stared at it for a few seconds. "You know what, I don't think I want to know." He decided.
"No, you don't." Lily assured him.