Authors Notes: Ok so this is the fanfic of a movie that my sis and my friend made like in 2006. Basically it's about Harry being a nerd, Ron a gangster, and Hermione…is shaped a bit differently. There's singing! There's dancing! There's HARDLY ANY MAGIC! This is written in a script format because I am just writing what it says in the movie, so it might be kind of confusing…anyway ENJOY! (And if this is too crazy for you check out my more normal Harry Potter story "Too Good To Be Fake")
Disclaimer: This is SOOO not mine! Well…technically Harry Pooter is mine because the characters are COMPLETELY different, cept with similar names, but they are based off of the WONDERFUL world of Harry Potter made by the Cooliomundo JK Rowling!!! OH! And just so you know I LOVE Harry Potter, this is not making fun of it, well…it kinda is…but not in a bad way I love Harry Potter too much…this is just it in MY own crazy way!
OH! and the rating is for using the word "boob" so if you're not comfortable with me using that word...well i have warned you now! The rating is also for a little vilance and a whole lot of drinking!
WARNING! THIS WAS MADE UP AS WE WENT ALONG!
Harry Pooter
Part: 1
"Welcome to the Pooter Club!"
Key:
Underlined names with the colons after them are the lines that the people are saying.
The words in bold are me (the narrator) talking to you to tell about how the scenes start and end.
The stuff in "( )" in the bold stuff is me (my personal self) telling you random explanations and things to the stuff in bold.
The stuff in "( )" and italics is me (the narrator) telling you what the actions are in between lines.
Ok. Imagine a bedroom. The walls are painted baby blue with puffy white clouds (THANK GOODNESS I repainted my room shortly after this!) All you can see of the room is one wall. There is a door on the far left of that wall and big white closet doors taking up most of the rest of that wall. (Hey, I'm just telling it like it is!)
A girl dressed up like a boy is standing in the middle of the room, in front of the closet. She is wearing a red, yellow, and blue striped shirt and blue shorts pulled up REALLY high over the shirt. Her stomach looks fat because she has purple stuffing in the short. Sometimes the stuffing hangs out… She also has on a fake coonskin cap (?) Cheetah print sunglasses (??) A purple belt, a blue knee pad, and a white knee pad (more on those later…)
She is Harry Pooter.
(Harry Pooter does finger-push-up-nose-nerdy-snort-thing.)
Harry Pooter: I'm Harry Pooter, welcome to the Pooter Club!
(knock knock knock on the door)
Harry Pooter: Someone's at the door!
(HP walks over to the door)
Harry Pooter: Come in. Come in!
(A girl with REALLY big boobs, like huge round pillows, hint hint, comes in. She has a blue hat on with blond braids that are clearly made of yard hanging out of the hat. She is wearing a black skirt, white t-shirt and a black robe)
Herhiney Greater: Make way.
Harry Pooter: Hello? Hello! It's you Herhiney! What happened to you?
Herhiney Greater: I got some…reinforcements…
Harry Pooter: I see! Come on (walks toward her with arms out stretched) give me big hug! Give me a big one! WHOA! I can barley fit you!
(They hug, though barley, Herhineys boobs get in the way.)
Won Won: Hey Herhiney I got—
(Another girl dressed as a boy walks out from the corner of the room that you couldn't see. She has a green cloth tied around her head like a 'do-rag' and is wearing a REALLY long brown sweater and is low-ridding a pair of tight-ish jeans. This girl is carrying two 'empty' green bottles. )
Harry Pooter: HEY Won-Won!!
Won Won: (to Herhiney) What happened to that? (Jesters with bottle to Herhineys MASSIVE chest) I see it's not only HerHINEY now.
(Harry Pooter in background picking his nose)
Won Won: (Hands Herhiney a bottle) Well take this.
Herhiney: Yeah I'll take that.
(Herhiney walks over to a bench on the right side of the room, sits down, occasionally takes a few sips.)
Won Won: Oh Harry, I stuffed yours somewhere…
Harry Pooter: Oh! Yeah right here! (Pulls another green bottle out of his shorts pocket) Here! Lets Cheer! TO THE POOTER CLUB! (Raises drink)
(Won and Herhiney clink bottles together)
Won Won: Should be called 'Gangsta Won-Won club.'
(Harry clinks bottle with Won at that)
Herhiney: Speakin' of gangsta, since when do you wear a 'do-rag' and since when do you wear an 'earring'?
(In background Harry is picking his nose again and then flicks 'it' at Herhiney…yup this is the weird sort of stuff that I am only just noticing now when I am writing it all down…)
Won Won: Well, the earring came from Lavender Boob—
(Harry Pooter interrupts)
Harry Pooter: Look! Look watch this (licks finger and touches it to his side and makes sizzling sound) I'm hawt!
(Won and Herhiney roll their eyes)
Won Won: Uh-huh sure Harry…
Harry Pooter: Yeah, you gangsta, you got your pants all way down low! (Jesters to Won's low pants) I like them up high! Tight high! (Rubs fat stomach) See all that fat…I try not to show it…but it just does…
(Won Won hits Harry's fat with the back of his hand)
Won Won: I thought that was a six-pack man! (Hits fat with his bottle)
Harry Pooter: OOO-OO (grabs fat and stumbles backward) that didn't hurt, just hit my fat.
Won Won: Give me a hug Hermione! (Hugs her) You're like Lavender Boob now! Can hardly reach my hands (bends head to other side) Yup! That's the spot!
(Won and Herhiney start to walk to the door, Harry is oblivious…off in his own world…)
Harry Pooter: Three Cheers for the Pooter Club! (Raises bottle to the sky)
Poot Poot! Parayyy! (Lifts bottle again)
Poot Poot! Parayyy! (One more time)
Poot Poot! Parayyy! (This time bottle comes down 'on accident' on one of Herhiney's big bosoms.)
Harry Pooter: Oops! Sawy Sawy!
Herhiney: Help me take my robe off yo! (Won Won pulls it off)
Harry Pooter: So what happened to your hair? (Pulls on one of Herhiney's blond yarn braids) I thought you were…brown…
Herhiney: (twisting braids) I changed *giggle*
Harry Pooter: Why?
Herhiney: Blonds has more fun, of course!
Harry Pooter: Oh yeah! I love a blondy!
Won Won: (he had been walking behind Herhiney throughout this conversation trying to balance his bottle on Herhiney's bottom, OH YEAH! I forgot to say that she also had a pillow on her but under the skirt, Herhiney is FAT if u didn't catch that…) LOOK! LOOK! It's like a little beer holder!
(Harry and Won Won both try to balance their beers on her bottom...hehe)
Harry Pooter: (to Won Won) Hey I like your do…rag. And your sweater! Where did you get it? I want one! I want a Shweata! But I need to have a short one (jesters to small amount of shirt showing because his shorts are so high up) so it can go right here! Right, right up here!
Won Won: I'll tell my mom, she made this one for me! I don't get it! I told her I'm a gangsta! But she made me this sweater! I don't get it! (Won won rubs his do- rag and Harry snorts again)
Won Won: Ok I got to go for a sec (walks out of screen to fix his do-rag)
Harry Pooter: What? You're going? (Walks over to Herhiney) But, Hermione, well, Herhiney, I like your blond curls! (Grabs them and rubs them on his cheeks) They make me look special (?) Well, you do. (That's better).
(Won Won runs in out of nowhere and pushes Harry aside)
Won Won: Don't be hitting on my Herhiney man! (Puts arm around Herhiney) I thought you liked that Cho girl! (just so you know the time of this movie is sort of nonexistent as Harry likes Cho, Ron likes Lavender and Hermione, and Ginny is not in it at all…There will also be a few surprising crushes that come up that were never there in the books, but as the only characters are Harry, Ron, Hermione, Lavender, and Cho, and the characters drink beer and stuff, I really wouldn't try to match anything that goes on to any of the books at all)
Harry Pooter: Yeah, Cho-Chang, no Cho-Pang! Cho-Pang (we stop using the name cho-pang in a little while, so she is just cho or cho-chang)
(Won, arm still around Herhiney, is walking with her to the door)
Harry Pooter: Hey Hey! What you doing! What you doing! (Harry is sort of dancing around them hitting Herhiney's boobs with his bottle)
Herhiney: Stop! (Harry doesn't stop, but she doesn't seem to notice) I thought you still liked Lav Lav! (She is talking to Won Won obviously)
Won Won: I don't like no Lav Lav, she's kinda getting on my nerves…you know I have always liked you. (Ok my favorite thing happens in the movie here: when Won Won says "I have always liked you" he pushes up Herhiney's boob with his bottle! It's hilarious!"
Herhiney: (to Harry who is STILL hitting her) Stay away from my Boyfriend yo! (She hits his bottle away with her bottle using it like a sword)
(Won and Herhiney are walking out the door and Harry raises his bottle yet again, jabbing it in the air)
Harry Pooter: I'LL FIGHT! I'LL FIGHT TOOO CORONA!!!!!!! (This is very crucial to the story that you know that Corona is a type of beer, you shall see next chapter why we chose Corona, for that reason is why we made the movie in the first place!)
Screen fades to black as Won and Herhiney leave.
End Notes: so…what did you think? I know its crazy but HEY I bet you laughed at least once! …even if you were laughing AT me…oh well the next PART will be coming soon-ish for those crazy enough to keep reading!
-way to HP obsesed!