A/N: This is the one-shot I was talking about in my fanfiction.
~~~~~~How it all began~~~~~~
It was a boring holiday and all the Captains and Vice-Captains were taking a break at the hot springs. Hiyori was fighting Shinji, Kensei was arguing with Mashiro, Love and Rose were talking etc. Hikifune took Hiyori to the girls' changing rooms. Kensei went ahead to boys' to undress.
"Hey, Shinji, we thought about something…" Love started.
"What? Better be good, whatever it is." The other two sweat dropped. Apparently, the Captain of the 5th Division was in a crappy mood. That much they could tell by the way he was glaring daggers at them. Of course he figured they wanted something.
"Well, fuck it! Let's steal Kensei's clothes!" Rose said. Shinji's eyes widened and he gave them his signature grin.
"You know… that'll be pretty damn funny actually. Count me in."
~~~~~~Later~~~~~
Kensei was relaxing at the hot spring. There was only one thing he didn't like.
"Oh, Muguruma-Taicho, have you seen Hirako-san, Rojuro-san or Aikawa-san?" Kyoraku asked.
"No. I keep wondering where those clowns I call friends are."
"Eh, we'll probably hear the ladies scream soon. Really, they have no manners." Kuchiki said.
"Hopefully not. Sensei would be livid."
"Where is he by the way?"
"Oh, he said he'd be taking a massage."
"I think I'll join him."
Kensei got out and went to get dressed. As soon as he opened the drawer, he palled. His clothes had been stolen! He took a deep breath and looked through the other drawers. Had he been in this situation before, he would have taken someone else's clothes. But he wasn't very fond of getting killed by Kyoraku, Ukitake, Ginrei or Kenpachi. So yeah. Life sucks. He thought for a little and figured there were no towels as well. "Fuck~!" Well, there was only one thing left to do. Shunpo home. Easy, fast and safe. That's what he did. Well, tried to. Kensei bumped right into Yamamoto Genryusai in his old glory.
"Muguruma-Taicho, did you know that Shunpo is forbidden outside Sereitei?" Kensei cursed his luck, or lack thereof.
"Yes sir." The old man opened one eye.
"So where do you think you're going… naked?" the Captain turned crimson red.
"Umm… my clothes have been stolen! Sir!" Okay, now the old man had both eyes wide open and was almost laughing. Almost.
"That isn't an excuse to not follow the rules. And what kind of Captain lets his guard down and gets his clothes stolen? Well, go home, but don't use shunpo. That's your punishment."
"Yes sir!" Yamamoto left.
'Shit!shitshitshitshitshitshitshit…' Kensei thought while running like hell in order to get home. Of course, this being his lucky day, he got lost. 'Fuck! Can this get any more embarrassing?' He saw a fence and thought it was his way out, so he climbed it…
~~~~~~Somewhere in the bushes nearby~~~~~
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! Man, that's priceless!" Rose said. Shinji covered his mouth.
"Shuddup idiot! We're dead if he hears us!"
"Damn Shinji, how can you not laugh? Have you seen where he went?" high pitched female screams were heard then some apologies from Kensei. "Okay, this is priceless! Who thought that stealing his clothes could be so much fun?" Love said.
"So, I see that some of my Taichos are having fun. Mind sharing?" the three froze. Behind them, Yamamoto was slowly burning with rage. "IDIOTS! You're captains so act as such!"
~~~~~~Back to where we left Kensei~~~~~~
He saw a fence and thought it was his way out, so he climbed it… only to end near the women's hot tub. The first to notice him was Mashiro, who quickly covered herself.
"Kensei, you perv, what are you doing here?" And then there was only screaming. Kensei covered his eyes. He was crimson red by now. Lisa took Hiyori out, leaving Kensei only with Unohana and Hikifune.
"Muguruma-Taicho, you'd better have a good explanation for this." Unohana said, with her creepy face. Hikifune's reiatsu was flaring.
"Well… I don't." Kensei gulped.
"Too bad." Hikifune answered, .
People from miles away could hear Kensei's screaming.
~~~~~~~~Back with the others~~~~~
"See. They really have no manners at all." Ginrei said.
"Umm, should we do something?" Ukitake asked.
"Nah, we'll just get into trouble as well. Old Yama-jii seems to be having fun as well." Kyoraku said, noticing the old man's reiatsu flare and the raise in temperature.
~~~~~~~~In the evening, at the 4th~~~~~
"Oh, man, we're totally screwed and it's all your fault guys. Why did you drag me in this?" Shinji asked. Hell, he had to blame somebody!
"You agreed!" both Love and Rose yelled. They were fully bandaged with third degree burns all over their bodies. "Well, at least Kensei didn't figure that we stole his clothes." Love said.
"You did what?" he yelled from the bed next to Rose. "Hikifune nearly killed me you bastards! Jut you wait till I get out of this bed!" he struggled to get out, but his broken ribs prevented him from doing as such, much to the others' relief. They all hoped to get out of the hospital before he did, at least to have time to write their will.