Author's Note: This is something that's kind of stuck with me since the season finale. First of all, I love the Violet/Cooper relationship; I think they're great as friends, but I also think that if given the opportunity, they could be so much more. After that massive shock of what happened to Violet and the baby, not to mention the guilt I'm sure Cooper is bound to be feeling in the season to come, I wanted to write this. It's not a Viper oneshot necessarily, but it comes pretty close.
If there are any grammatical mistakes, I apologize. I didn't have a beta for this, so any mistakes are my own. The title comes from the song "Lullaby", which I do admit is one of my favorites. Listen to it if you wish, but it was something I could picture playing quietly in the second scene here. Make of that what you wish.
Disclaimer: I don't own Private Practice. Sometimes I'm grateful and others I'm sad, but basically I just want to say I only take these characters out to play, mostly because this scenario wouldn't get out of my head.
Dedication: To all the Viper fans and readers out there, but also to Cara, who surprisingly hasn't told me to shut up during my insane shipper rants and supports these two as much if not more than I do. It took longer than expected, but it's finally done.
"How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough, is forever enough?
How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough...
'Cause I'm never, never giving you up."
-Dixie Chicks, "Lullaby"
Naomi found her way to the rows of waiting room chairs and the only man sitting in the room. She found herself not at all surprised to find him sitting there. "I brought coffee." She offered weakly before sitting next to him. "Cooper-"
"This is my fault," he cried into his hands. "This is all my fault."
"Cooper." Naomi refused. It was the first time he spoke to any of them save for calling and letting everyone know.
Cooper shook his head and stared ahead. "I was just doing what she asked-what Charlotte asked-and Violet's the one who gets to pay for it."
Naomi frowned in confusion. She held out the coffee cup in his direction and waited until he took it. "What are you talking about? Cooper, you can't blame yourself for this. Violet's her own woman; she made the choice to open the door, and even then, she didn't know. No one could've stopped this."
Cooper set his coffee down and wrung his hands together. It was the single thought that had been plaguing him for hours, had haunted him since going to Violet's that morning to bring her breakfast. He had been coming over to give her doughnuts, an indulgence he hoped would make up for scrubbing their plans the night before. Until he found the door unlocked and his best friend laying unconscious in a puddle of blood. It was the single thought that propelled him through calling 911 and after that, Naomi and the practice. "I was there, Naomi. I was at her house last night. I could have...I should have opened the door, gone inside. Maybe I could have prevented what happened." He said and his shoulders shook. "But Charlotte called, and she said she needed me, and I just left. What kind of person does that?"
At that, Naomi set down her cup and grabbed him by the wrist. "Cooper, look at me. Look at me." She sighed and counted the moments until his eyes finally rose to meet hers. "You didn't know. You were just doing what you felt was right. You didn't know."
It wasn't enough. As much as Cooper knew Naomi was trying to help, it wasn't enough to stop the steady panic running through him, didn't stop him from wishing he could somehow end up taking her place. "If she doesn't...if she doesn't make it, Naomi, I swear..." He swallowed and stopped, the lump growing in his throat making it difficult to swallow, but the thoughts still plagued him.
Addison was running into the room, but stopped abruptly at seeing them. She'd done this so many times before, been the one to offer condolences or at the least news that wasn't the brightest, but it was always different when you knew the people involved. "I expected Pete to be here."
"He's not, Addison. He's not here because he's out looking for the sick twisted person that did this." Cooper spoke through his teeth. He tried reading her, tried to tell what the news would be, but she was guarded well. With a shaky breath, he gestured for her to give them the news.
Addison nodded in return before drawing in a deep breath. "She sustained a great deal of trauma to her abdomen, but whoever it was that did this must have done their homework. The ba-" Addison's voice caught in her throat as she saw the flicker of pain in Cooper's eyes. "In all likelihood, the baby survived."
"What about Violet?" Naomi asked. She grabbed Cooper's hand and held on tightly.
"She suffered a great deal of damage and lost a lot of blood, but she gained consciousness. She'll stay here for observation, but as far as I and the other doctors are concerned, Violet should make a full recovery." Addison replied, too unprepared for the hug Cooper immediately enveloped her in to properly respond.
There was the sound of high heels clicking through the corridor before Charlotte appeared in the room. "I came as soon as I heard. It's all over the news, Coop. What's going on?"
It wasn't her fault. He tried reminding himself that, but while he knew it was the truth, he still stiffened as she touched him. "Violet will be fine, as far as they can tell."
Charlotte smiled and nodded, even though she backed up a little at his negative reaction to her. "Don't beat yourself up about it, Cooper, you just said yourself she's gonna be just fine.'
"She lost her baby, Charlotte. Someone-someone just ripped it out of her, just sliced him from her body. Physically, Violet will be fine, but mentally..." Cooper balled is hands into fists and tried hard to keep his composure. It wasn't like him to lose control, and he wasn't about to start that particular tradition. He calmed a bit when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"What Cooper is trying to say is that Violet is likely to experience shock. She was able to retain memories from last night, but everything is still hazy as to the actual event. I think it would be best if we just allowed her the chance to rest and recuperate for the time being." Addison offered, and as she did so everyone began to leave the room. That is, everyone except for Cooper. "Are you coming?"
He thought for a moment about following them. They could go to that diner nearby and grab a coffee, sit and wait things out, but in truth he wanted anything but getting out of there. "I'm staying here."
"Cooper-" Charlotte interjected.
"No, that's fine. You guys can go right ahead. Leave and go grab some food or...I just need to be here, okay? I need to see her." Cooper replied as he hung his head. Maybe he sounded weak and desperate, but he could only imagine what Violet was feeling. The idea that anyone had harmed her, let alone the baby that had been growing inside her, caused a sick feeling to settle in the pit of his stomach.
"I'll take you to her room." Addison offered. She saw Charlotte open her mouth to object and sent her a look before shaking her head. It simply wasn't the time or the place to start any arguments.
Naomi sent a sympathetic smile his way before turning to Charlotte and gesturing to the hall. "I should go call Pete, see if he's found anything."
Broken.
If there was a word to describe the way Violet looked amidst the pillows and blankets in her hospital bed, that would be the one. Addison quietly showed Cooper to the room before leaving, which left him with nothing to do but simply look at her. She was sleeping, or at the least had closed her eyes, and Cooper couldn't remember ever seeing her so pale.
"You don't have to just stand there, you know. You can come closer." Violet spoke quietly from the bed. She cracked an eye open to see who it was standing there. "Coop-"
"How are you feeling?" He asked after reaching her side. He watched as tears pooled in her eyes and threatened to fall, but knowing her, she was too stubborn to let them.
"I didn't-" She began falsely. "None of you should have to see me like this."
Cooper shook his head as he pulled up a chair. He grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through hers. "Don't worry about it, Vi. You're going to be fine."
"Don't say that, not unless you know for sure." Violet shook her head against the pillow. Her other hand absent-mindedly went for her stomach to rest there until she winced; apparently, despite the medication, the incision spot was still very tender. "She took my baby."
"I know." Cooper offered. "Listen, Vi, I'm sorry. I mean, that is to say that I..." He trailed off and sighed. If she remembered everything about the night before, which according to Addison she didn't, she would know why he was apologizing. Judging by the confused look in her eyes however, the blurry memories from the night had not completely returned.
"You don't have to apologize. I know you can't always be there, that you can't always fix things, and I realize sometimes I do try and take advantage of the fact that you're here." Violet replied as she tried her best to squeeze his hand. Her strength hadn't completely returned, a fact which made her feel a little saddened.
Cooper shook his head. While he knew it wasn't exactly the best time for the conversation, he also knew she was steering them right for it. "You're my best friend, one of the most important people in my life, and I should have been able to help you." He sighed and turned away from her for a moment. Seeing Violet as she was, pale and defeated, was something he hadn't prepared himself for. How could she try and be so strong about all of this when he felt as if he was falling apart? "Is there anything I can do? Anything you need?"
She watched as he turned his face away and found herself wishing she could pull him back, but also knew it was part of his way of coping. "You're helping just by being here, Cooper. I know that sounds kind of cliche'." She laughed and for just a second, things felt almost normal, until the sound of a doctor being paged from somewhere outside of the room brought her back to reality. "The police already came in to question me. They want to know what happened, how she came in my house, what happened when she was there, but it's still all like this...blob." Violet choked back a sob. "That's not the technical term, sorry. I just mean that I don't completely remember. All I see is her hands, just cutting me open. I remember, or at least I think I do, that he cried."
"That's a good sign though, right? I mean, if he cried then that means he's alive." Cooper offered, even if he doubted it would help. Reminding Violet that she had a child alive somewhere in the world probably wasn't the best thing to do.
Violet's fingers trembled a little underneath his. "I just can't help thinking about it. If he's still alive, you know, if he's hungry. What if he's scared? Does she still have him or did she abandon him somewhere? Has he been changed or fed recently? Is he cold or wet?"
"Violet, you need to stop." Cooper replied, his tone a bit more harsh then he intended. He saw her open her mouth to object, but quickly placed a finger over her lips before she could. "You can't do that to yourself, okay? You can't keep asking yourself those questions, it's only going to make you more stressed which won't exactly help you get better any sooner."
A tear trickled down her cheek. Outside the room, a nurse wheeled a patient by. There was a steady beeping sound coming from a machine sitting next to her. With all of the movement and sound going on, none of it even managed to truly register with her. "I just wish...I wish it could have been different. I wish I could turn back the clock so I wouldn't open the door. What kind of person does this? Cooper, I-" Violet shook her head before a sob escaped her lips. "I don't know what to do."
She was crumbling right before his eyes. It was something he'd seen before, but never like this. "It's gonna be okay, Violet. We'll find a way."
Violet shook her head and withdrew her hand from his, wiping it furiously at her eyes. "No, no everything is not going to be just fine. Everything's not going to just magically go back to normal. Someone took my baby, the one that has been living inside of me. He had ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes, and he liked to wake me up at three in the morning. He liked to...he liked to kick me and make it hurt if I ate too much spicy food. He-he liked-"
Cooper shook his head and placed a hand against her arm. "Please don't do this, Vi. You know it's not going to help."
Rather than listening, Violet kept going on, all the while tears were steadily flowing down her face and clouding her vision. "I had a name picked out, you know. I had a name, and I was going to start decorating the room for him soon. I had so much planned. It's all gone, all of it. All of it's gone."
He didn't know what to do. She was reduced to a crying and sobbing woman, something that was obviously not good for her physically or mentally, and even as her best friend and someone who cared deeply for her, Cooper was lost on what was supposed to come next. He looked toward the door to make sure no one was coming. It was true that he could have gone and gotten a doctor or someone who could have helped her, but he wanted (and even if he wouldn't admit it to himself, he needed) to be the one to comfort her. Crawling up onto the bed, Cooper took Violet's crying form into his arms. "It's going to be okay. I know you're worried, I know you're scared. I know right now it feels like it's going to be everything but okay, and I also know you feel worse than you've ever felt. But I know you, Violet. I know you're going to find a solution, and you're going to see it through."
Violet shuddered against him as she clung to his shirt, thankful for the one semblance of comfort. It didn't bring her son back, but this was Cooper. He was the one who was always there for her no matter what, the one who stood by her every step of the way.
"Pete's out there now doing what he can, and the police are looking for clues, asking your neighbors. We're going to get through this." Cooper said as he rubbed small circles on her back. In reality, the bed was probably too small to be occupied by them both and he was sure if a nurse or doctor came in that they'd say something, but he didn't care. What mattered was that Violet knew he was there and that she was safe. "You can get through this."
"What if I can't?" Her voice sounded hollow, vacant of the usual tilt it had. "What if this is a sign? I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a mother at first, and just when I start to truly see my future with my baby, he gets ripped away from me. Maybe it's supposed to be this way. All that wishing he didn't exist and thinking that he would only serve to complicate things only served me for worse in the end."
Violet was speaking through her tears, through the anguish he knew she felt. Words seemed completely useless at a point when she probably wasn't even thinking about what she was saying, so Cooper simply held her and let her vent it all out. Her shoulders shook, causing her body to hiccup against his, but he held on tighter. He held on and vowed to do so until she asked him not to anymore. It wasn't the guilt or even any obligation, but because as he sat there holding her he was faced with the truth that he'd known all along. He loved her. Sometimes what she did or said frustrated Cooper to no end, but he knew it was just part of their relationship. No matter what happened and who came in or left their lives, they would always be there for each other.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed if any at all, but soon enough Violet's sobs quietly ebbed into a dull silence, erupted briefly now and then by a sniffle or a sigh. Her eyes opened and closed a few times, and she realized she was fighting off the urge to sleep. In her profession, she knew what happened to people after traumatic events; while they didn't necessarily experience dreams, it was more than likely they'd experience stress in regards to the event during their sleep. It wasn't something she thought she could face alone. "Cooper?" Violet called his name timidly, feeling too weak to really say much else.
"Hmm?" Cooper murmured, his mouth pressed gingerly against the crown of her head.
Violet cleared her throat to speak, to ask him to do something she knew he probably already would, but before she could ask, she felt him pulling her closer.
"Of course." He said. The question hung in the air around them, but it didn't really need to be voiced. "I'm staying until they kick me out."
For just a brief moment, Violet smiled. This was what she needed to heal. "But what about the practice? Or better yet, what about-"
"Don't worry about it, Vi. I rescheduled all of my appointments today." Cooper replied as he rubbed a hand down, not stopping until it rested at the small of her back. "Everything and everyone else can wait."
Violet nodded and tried hard to fight the lump that had settled in her throat. For whatever reason, the feelings between them had never been directly discussed, save for a few embarrassing experiences. They were always there though, which was something she could take comfort in. It wasn't over. There were still so many things that had to be done, and she doubted that she could actually sleep, but she allowed herself the simple comfort of knowing he was there, that he always would be even if she didn't ask him. "Thank you."
