Road Trip – Part One

Summary: JJ and Derek plan a road trip, kidnap Hotch and Emily. Spencer tags along. It's the road trip where they really let loose, and regret just about everything.

Authors Note: So this is another humor filled fic staring the Criminal Minds characters.
It's much different then my story 'Locked In', but they're both humor full.
I understand that not all of them are in it, and I'm sorry if you wanted someone else to tag along.
This takes place towards the end of season 5.

AND JJ DOES NOT HAVE HENRY NOR IS SHE ENGAGED TO WILL! :]
No spoilers are in this, if there is I will let you know.
Rated M for the following: (Not too graphic) Sex, partying/drinking and language – You have been warned!
There are no pairings in the beginning of the story.

HERE IS THE BANNER :] Don't forget to replace the '[DOT!]' with '.'

http:/i52 [DOT!] tinypic [DOT!] com/2hx0i1x [DOT!] jpg
I hope you like it! Review, please.

x o x o

JJ and Derek were smiling at their evil scheme to kidnap Hotch and Emily. Spencer walked by the two of them and sat down across from them, looking at the two of their evil smiles. He was tempted to ask them why they were smiling like two buffoons, but was scared of what the answer may be. Then he let out a sigh.

"What are you too smiling about?" he asked after his internal debate, obviously you know which side won. JJ nudged Derek's arm and shook her head.

"We're planing a road trip." Derek said.

"To Miami, can you come Spence? It'll be so fun..." JJ said, Spencer thought for a minute, why would JJ shake her head to him, did she not want him to go. "C'mon, Hotch and Emily are coming." Spencer was shocked, Emily going on a trip was kind of shocking, but Hotch? Would he even agree to such a thing?

"How did you get them to agree?"

"I know how to talk to them," JJ said, it wasn't a complete lie. She knows how to talk to them, Spencer would probably just interpret it differently then the actual meaning of that.

"Sure, I'll go." Spencer said, he wasn't going to do anything else during that time. "What about Garcia and Rossi?"

"Penelope's going away with Kevin." Derek answered as he raised his eyebrows. "And Rossi said he'd rather not spend his vacation with us... which I didn't take to hard because it's true. I don't wanna spend it with JJ either."

"Shut up," JJ said. Hotch walked by. "Well... I have to get back to work." JJ said very quickly and she walked back to her office, Spencer gave Derek a weird look who started working quickly before Hotch said anything about getting back to work.

x o x o

"What are you doing? Morgan, you can't just throw me in the back seat of a truck." Hotch protested as Derek shut the door and went to the drivers side as JJ smiled back at Hotch.

"Hey Hotch!" she said with a smile, Hotch raised his eyebrows. "We're going on a road trip." JJ said with the same smile on her face.

"Are you guys on drugs?" Hotch asked.

"In retrospect, they told me you were fine with it." Spencer told Hotch honestly. Spencer was as shocked as Hotch was. Derek took the car out of gear and started driving.

"When we get back to the BAU, I am firing you for abducting your boss." Hotch told them. "I have Jack, I can't just go on a road trip."

"He's away with Jessica, besides, we'll only be gone for 5 days. 6 tops." JJ told him, Hotch raised his eyebrows.

"Where are we going?" no one answered him, he looked at Spencer, who shrugged. He didn't ask that one bit of information. Derek stopped the car and JJ tool her seat belt off.

"I'll be right back, Spence, can you get in the back?" JJ asked as she got out of the car, Spencer had no time to protest, he went in the back and got himself situated. A couple minuted later, JJ put Emily's bags in the back as Emily got in next to Hotch.

"Hey... Hotch... I didn't know you were coming..." Emily said, she was suddenly confused as she looked back at Spencer. "Or you..." she said, then looked at Derek. "Or you." Her and JJ were supposed to fly to Miami, as a "girls" vacation, having fun, drinking, picking up guys and having meaningless sex, something she couldn't do around Quantico.

"You knew?" Hotch asked, Emily gave him a confused look and nodded as Derek pulled away.

"Uh, you're supposed to turn left on Old Keene Mill Road and take the ramp onto I-95." JJ told Derek as she read it off the sheet they had printed out.

"What? That's not the way to the airport? JJ?" Emily said.

"We're taking a little detour." JJ said with a smile.

"To where?"

"Miami, Florida."

"Wait, we're driving there?" Emily said as she looked at Hotch.

"Don't worry, I fired them when we get back to the BAU." Hotch told her, Emily looked at JJ.

"Are you crazy? JJ it takes like 2 days to get there. We only have 5 days to do this."

"Actually, it takes about 17 hours. 18 if we hit any traffic." Spencer said, that just made everything worse.

"Still, JJ. That's a whole day, which means we only have 3 days there."

"Hey, now. Miss Debby downer. Put a cork in it." Derek said, JJ laughed and looked back at them.

"The road trip is part of the fun! Besides, it's 2 now, we're going to stop in Myrtle Beach and stay in a hotel. So we're gonna be able to drink and pick up guys there, okay?" JJ told Emily, Emily widened her eyes, that was something Emily didn't want her whole team knowing. Especially Hotch, because that's weird. JJ knew it and gave Emily an innocent smile. "Then we'll leave in the morning, around 8 or 9. And be in Miami by 8 or 9." JJ continued. "We'll stay there for 2 and a half days and make our way back. We'll stop somewhere before it gets dark and leave in the morning. We should be back by Saturday." JJ told them. Hotch groaned, Emily nodded slowly, she was taking all the information in. So they were going to be spending 3 days in a car, with Hotch, Derek, JJ and Spencer. Someone do the honors of killing her now?

"What are you doing?" Derek asked JJ, who was squeezing her legs together and wiggling around, They weren't even to Richmond. They were only on I-95 for 20 minutes. JJ looked at him and gave him a half smile. "Oh no. JJ we've only been on the road for 20 minutes." he said, JJ smiled at him innocently. "Dammit JJ." Derek groaned.

"I'm sorry! I'll be quick, I promise!" she said as Derek took the next exit, which luckily for JJ, was only a mile away.

"Have to much coke, JJ?" Hotch asked with a slight smirk on his face. If asked, he wouldn't lie. He enjoyed seeing JJ uncomfortable. She's one of the ones who kidnapped him, yes. He was still thinking about that.

"Shut up!" JJ said as she squirmed out of her seat belt and ran into the gas station. Derek looked at everyone else.

"I'm gonna go grab us a couple of beers." he said as he opened the car door.

"MORGAN!" the three of them said in unison. Derek chuckled.

"I'm kidding! I'm gonna get a few snacks. If you're thirsty, there's stuff in the cooler." Derek said as he shut the door and walked in the gas station. They were the only people there. Derek grabbed a couple bags of chips, a few slim jims, and beef jerky.

"He leaned forward to look down my shirt." JJ said after she walked over to him after giving the key back to the guy at the counter. Derek looked at her as she grabbed the chips from him.

"You're the one that needed to go to the bathroom, sweetie." he said with a smile, JJ rolled her eyes and put the chips on the counter, Derek did the same with his slim jims and beef jerky. JJ felt him staring at her again as he rand everything up.

"I'm gonna wait in the car." she said as she walked past them and towards the door. Derek looked back at the cashier, who stopped with his hand on the button as he watched JJ leave.

"5.76." he finally spoke, Derek handed him a 5 dollar bill.

"You know she's a federal agent, she can kick your ass faster then you know what hit you. And so can I." he said with a smile as he grabbed the bag with everything in it and walked to the car. He just stiffed that guy of 76 cents and he didn't notice because he scared him shitless. Which Derek enjoyed doing, especially when he was being really obvious about staring at someone's ass. "No more stopping for at least 30 minutes this time JJ, please." Derek said as he pulled away. JJ glared at him and everyone laughed.

This is going to be one hell of a road trip.