Warning: This story is pure crack. One of my final Labyfics, written purely for fun and not to be taken seriously. Filled with adventure! Fantasy! Lotsa snark! And just a touch of romance ('cause I'm such a sucker for that. heee). I wrote it back when I was a member of the Labyrinth Fanfiction mailing list, which may or may not still exist. It is blatant self-inclusion, an epic "visitation" fic crossed with one of my favorite anime shows, Fushigi Yuugi.

If you don't like those sorts of fics, turn back now. This is the only warning you'll get.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't have reposted this, except I've actually had several requests to do so from certain readers who really seemed to enjoy it! So, as thanks to those lovely people, I decided, what the hell why not? Thank goodness for Google. It can find anything. I don't even have a physical copy of this story anymore, but my defunct website is still archived out there in the great world wide web, so I was able to retrieve it.

Chapters are being lightly edited to clean them up a bit before posting. However, most of the crack remains intact. Proceed with caution. ^_~

One

She barely noticed when the Goblin King arrived in a swirl of glitter, so intent was she on the television screen before her, which flashed with images of colorful, animated characters playing out a drama before her eyes. Jareth looked upon his Listian, who was sprawled comfortably on her bed, continuing to ignore him in favor of watching the cartoon; he frowned as he turned his gaze to the set, wondering what in the Underground could possibly be more interesting than him. His frown deepened when he saw a familiar image flash across the screen; an animated character with flowing, silver hair locking swords with another animated character dressed in black with bluish-black hair.

That show. Again.

With a long-suffering sigh, he flicked his wrist, and the screen went dark. This action was followed immediately after by a full-throated screech of outright indignation. "Jareth! What the hell do you think you're doing?" the enraged Listian squealed, sitting bolt-upright and tossing him a glare that could flatten a mountain.

"My dear girl," he replied wryly … with just the faintest hint of steel in his tone, "this is not the first time I come to visit my loyal subject only to find myself ignored for the sake of some trivial cartoons—"

"Anime is not 'cartoons'!" came the indignant reply. "Bugs Bunny is 'cartoons'!"

He waved aside her protest. "That being the case, I find it highly disturbing that you are spending more time watching that … that…"

"It's called Fushigi Yuugi."

"Yes, well, I find it disturbing that it is taking so much of your time away from what's really important!" he finished in a huff, glaring at her disapprovingly.

"Like what? Singing your praises to heaven?" she snorted. "Not that I ever did that before."

"I am being serious here!" He smacked his ever-present riding crop against the video cabinet with a loud whack and succeeded in making her jump in surprise. "You are my Listian! Mine! Do you understand what that title means?"

She rolled her eyes. "Get a grip, J," she muttered. "Just 'cause I have interests other than you … and I just started painting that cabinet so I'll kindly ask you to not ruin my artwork!"

He glanced down at the cabinet, noting the beginnings of a forest landscape painted on its unfinished doors. Ignoring it (much to her angst), he replied, "You have not written a fanfiction about the Labyrinth ages! You have not even watched Labyrinth in months!"

She winced. Well, he had her there… "Hey, cut me a break, okay? Remember my friend? Mister 'I-hate-Labyrinth-even-though-I've-never-seen-the-movie-in-my-life?' Huh? Well, who was it that actually convinced him to sit and watch it? And not only did he watch the movie, he liked it! In fact, he liked it so much he watched it again!" She smirked triumphantly. "Don't tell me I haven't been doing anything to help your cause along!"

"But when was the last time you wrote a story about me?" he questioned in a soft, menacing voice. "I'm not speaking of trivial visitation stories. I mean a long, ten-chapter-or-more novel featuring myself and my kingdom and even that childish Sarah?" He smirked when she remained silent. "My point proven. Instead of writing about me, you've been writing nonsense about Soldier Moonbeam or whoever—"

"It's Sailor Moon, and it isn't nonsense!"

"—and now," he continued as though she had never spoken, "I catch you writing poetry and story outlines about … that." He pointed to a video case which depicted several people dressed in the costumes of old China, two of which were the characters she'd just been watching. "What is so fascinating about this person, anyway?" he muttered, poking at the silver-haired man on the case. "There is nothing remarkable about him. And don't think I haven't seen all those images you've been gathering from the internet…"

"Jareth! Quit prying through my personal files!" the Listian squawked, giving him an outraged glare. "You have some nerve!"

"I have every right to find out as much as I can about anyone who takes away my subject's loyalty to me!"

"Since when am I a subject?" she huffed. "Do I look like a goblin to you?" He smirked and opened his mouth. "If you even think of answering that, I'll knock those pointy teeth right down your throat," she added quickly.

He sniffed. "This silly infatuation of yours—"

"Infatuation? Oh, please, Jareth…"

"—has gone on long enough!" he finished with a glare. "I am your king, not some foreign emperor who doesn't even exist—"

"Uh, Jareth? Technically, neither do the Fae. Has that ever stopped you from popping into my room whenever you feel like it? I can obsess over anyone I darn well please! You can't control my life! You are the one who is being ridiculous, getting jealous over an animated—"

"That will be quite enough."

The words, spoken softly in a voice gone cold as ice, was enough to freeze the words in her throat. She couldn't remember him ever using a tone like that with her, no matter how mad she made him … and she felt a little twinge of apprehension shiver up her spine.

"It seems to me that you are in need of … help," the Goblin King continued softly. "What can I do to persuade you to produce another story about me?"

She winced. "Look, J, it isn't that I haven't tried to write another Labyrinth story," she pleaded. "I started so many, but … it's all been done before! That's why I moved on to Sailor Moon fanfic. It's nothing personal, honest! I just … have to go where the inspiration takes me!"

"And I suppose the fact that the characters you so adore are all gorgeous young men has nothing to do with it."

"Of course it does." She smirked at him. "Why do you think I started watching Labyrinth in the first place? It certainly isn't 'cause I have an overt fondness for goblins!"

He preened a little at that, and she wished she hadn't opened her mouth. His ego was too big as it was without her feeding it. Then he frowned again. "This … Hotohori character…" He grimaced in distaste. "You seem to favor him above all the others. Why is this?"

She smirked. "You mean besides the fact that he's drop-dead gorgeous, rules an entire country, and possesses every good quality that guys seem to lack in real life? Gee, Jareth, I really couldn't tell you," she replied with open sarcasm.

He scowled. "So you have no intention of stopping your ridiculous forays into other fandoms?" he demanded.

"Does the word 'duh' mean anything to you?" She sighed and shook her head. "Look, when you can give me an idea that's original and interesting, come talk to me. Until then, just let me write whatever I feel like writing. I've given you enough award-winning stories in the past to cover my duties as a Listian!" And she turned on the TV again; a clear hint that he was free to puff out.

"An original idea, you say?"

His tone was sly, but she could tell he was trying his best to sound innocent. Immediately, all her defenses went on full red-alert. Taking those subtle "get lost" hints had never been his strong point, after all. He circled around her bed and knelt at her back, his breath warming her neck and making a shiver run up her arms. She hated when he did that to her, getting all seductive. She never knew quite how to deal with him in these moods. He was too unpredictable to be trusted.

"Perhaps you need a little help in the inspiration department," he murmured in her ear, letting his lips ever so lightly brush against her skin while her heart took a nose-dive into her stomach. "Since the muse I so generously bestowed upon you has apparently declared mutiny in regards to serving me, perhaps you need something else to help stimulate a story idea." His fingers were trailing lightly up her arms, and she flinched.

"Don't go getting any funny ideas, Jareth," she snapped, brushing his hands from her shoulders. "You know what my answer is to that!"

"And what makes you think that is what I'm talking about?" His expression was all innocence.

She snorted. "You're joking, right?"

His smile was catlike as a shining crystal appeared in his hand, balancing on his fingertips in outright defiance to the laws of gravity. She flinched when she saw it. It had been awhile since she'd seen him pull one of those things out of the air and, given his mood, she had the feeling it wasn't a good thing he'd decided to do his magic tricks now.

"Now don't go doing anything stupid," she warned nervously, her fingers scrabbling for a means of self-defense and closing around her velvet purse. Not the hardest thing in the world, but it contained a wallet that held several dollars in loose change, her writing notebook, a small pencil case, and enough makeup to arm a small salon for a month (which she never wore anyway). "People will get suspicious, after all, if I don't show up for work tomorrow."

He merely smiled and gazed into the crystal's glowing surface. "You need inspiration to write a story? Well, what better way to gain inspiration than to live out the story?"

And with those words, he tossed the crystal at her—much too quickly for her to make use of her bag and knock it away—and vanished in a sparkling shower of glitter.