Cash's funeral

by Maryland Rose

The death of Cash forces a painful choice on Julian

Cash's Funeral

Julian stood alone, looking out of the window.

There was a photograph on his desk, and his eyes kept moving away from it. Frank, Cash and Sonny, laughing, lifting their beer glasses. The Knights of the Beer Table, they called themselves. Now Death had come and broken the fellowship.

He knew that it would happen. Nothing lasts forever, and for years Cash and Sonny had known that they would lose Frank, unless he chose to be embraced, and Frank had not chosen. But it was not Frank who had died, but Cash. The motorcycle he loved so had gone out of control and exploded. Cash had burned to death in the wreckage. Julian tried not to think about it. Burned alive. It must have hurt so much...

He thought of Cash, of his courage, his decency, his devotion. He thought of all the things they had done together, what they had seen the San Francisco Kindred go through. He thought of the plans they had for all Kindred. It was not so long ago that the Kindred court had come into session. Cash had submitted a list of Gangrels that he wanted added as judges, to allow a Gangrel presence in it. Julian knew that he would push for them, in spite of Cameron's objections. He would push it through, even if he had to make Cameron a judge, as he wanted.

But Cash would not be there to see the judges installed. He would not be there when the new era truly began, with Kindred under the rule of Law instead of the personal rule of Primogens and Princes who could kill them for a whim.

He touched the photograph again. He would have to tell Sonny when he came back. How could he tell Sonny that Cash was dead? Maybe it would be Frank who would tell Sonny. In a few years Sonny would be the only surviving Knight. And the new Prince of the City, too.

Sonny was now out of the City, after retiring from the police, waiting for enough time to return with a new identity. In a few days he would be back, and Julian would have him elected Prince (He had to strike several bargains with Lillie. He still had the Gangrel vote, but the Nosferatu was chancier. The Nosferatu Primogen was not as close a friend of his as Daedalus had been - how he missed Daedalus still -. He was actually close to Cameron, helping him with his efforts to reclaim the Brujah past.)

Now when Sonny came he would have to attend Cash's funeral service.

How could an accident kill Cash? Kindred were tough to kill. And Cash had ridden motorcycles ever since they were invented. He knew the machines in and out. He had traded his horse for his first hog, and never looked back. And yet his beloved motorcycle had killed him.

A knock on the door announced a visitor. His bodyguard let Frank in.

"Frank." Julian rose to take him in his arms. He could see how age was advancing in his friend. How many more years would Frank have? It would not be long. And he would not be embraced. As he held Frank close against his chest, he began to tell himself that he must learn to let him go. But not now. Not today. "It is true. Cash is dead."

"I know. I want to talk to you about it. Alone."

Julian nodded, and the bodyguard withdrew. There was pain in his eyes, still mourning for his Primogen.

With an effort Julian released Frank. "We will have a funeral for him later in the week, when Sonny comes back. Please come."

Frank nodded. "His death was not an accident. I will show you what I found."

Julian felt cold creep upon him as Frank detailed the evidence.

"Did you show this to the others?"

"No. If it is Kindred business, it may be safer for them not to know of it. I know that there are several Kindred cops, but none that I think I can trust with this knowledge. None that report directly to you as Sonny did."

"That was wise." Julian thought about it. "This is very dangerous knowledge, Frank. I hope you did not mention it to anyone."

"No one. Only you."

"Good." Julian went back to his desk, feeling a terrible weight fall upon his shoulders. "So Cash was murdered. And the evidence points to the Brujah."

"Cameron, you mean."

"Or Cyrus. He is still making trouble for us. He knows that I am a danger to him, and that my courts are even more dangerous. He wants to destabilize them. What better way than to start another clan war?"

"Cameron has his own reasons to get rid of Cash."

"Yes, he has. If it is Cyrus, then I can make it an issue between cities, and get Cameron's help against Cyrus. But if it is Cameron... And if Cyrus manipulated Cameron into it, then..."

"Then you do not dare to make it public."

"I will have to know how to do it. Frank, I need to make plans, I need to consider my options. And I need you to say nothing of this to anyone. Do not let anybody suspect that you know anything of it, or it may kill you."

"What will you do?"

"I will see what resources I have, and how I can move. I will talk with the Gangrel. They are still electing a new Primogen. They will give me an idea of how to demand an accounting."

"And in the meantime I know nothing of this."

"If you want to live, yes. I may not be able to protect you, any more than I could protect Cash. Come see me tomorrow, at this time. Speak to no one of this. Keep away from Kindred. And leave me alone to make my plans."

o

The church's walls were a comforting gray. He had seen pictures of the church where Darius had lived safe from Immortal challenges, and this church reminded him of it. And inside there was another Immortal priest, who would listen to him, and give him absolution if he was truly contrite. He went in and sat in the confessional.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." he began. "I lied to a friend, told him that I would seek justice for a friend of ours. He expects me to do it, but I will not. I will cover it up, and ask him to help me do it."

Under the priest's gentle prodding he told the story's of Cash's death and the proof he was given that it was murder.

"If you seek justice it will mean a clan war, wouldn't it?"

"Yes. I do not want a clan war. I spent my last years stopping them, making them impossible."

"How much suffering do clan wars cause?"

"Too much, Father."

"Would a clan war help Cash? Would it help his people?"

"It would hurt them. And it would not help Cash. It would not help him rest any easier if his people suffered."

"You know the answer to your own question. You know what is right."

"I also know that I am sacrificing another friend to my own ends. I want peace at all costs, and if my friends have to die for it, so be it. I just gave Cash's life for the cause of peace."

"I see. You balk at doing this thing because it is convenient for your own goals, even if it is the right thing."

"Cash should have justice. He burned alive, Father. He hurt a a long while before his body gave in and his soul was free."

"But his soul is free now. And a clan war will not undo the pain he endured."

"I tell myself that. But it is wrong. There is something in me that demands justice. I want Cameron's head. I want him punished."

"Do you want justice or revenge?"

"I do not want him to get away with murdering my friend."

"Why do you think that he murdered him? What goals did he seek to accomplish? What goals did Cash have that his enemies wanted to frustate? Maybe justice can be found there."

"Cameron wants to weaken the Gangrels. And Cash wished them to be so strong that the Brujah would be afraid to go to war with them."

"Maybe your vision of justice has to consider these goals, too."

"Yes. I will consider them. Cash's goals will be best served by peace. And Cameron's by war."

"So punish Cameron by denying him his goals, and give justice to Cash by advancing his."

"I know, father, I know. But it is wrong. It is a lie. It is saying that Cash's life does not matter."

"Does his life truly not matter?"

"I will miss him every day of my life."

"And so will many others."

"Will Cash forgive me if I lie about his death?"

"Will he forgive you if you destroy his goals?"

"Father, do you want me to do this thing?"

"I want you to reach your own goals. I know what you want to do. I know what a noble undertaking it is, and how difficult. I do not wish you, in your pain, to destroy your own dreams."

"Is there forgiveness for this lie I will tell?"

"There is always forgiveness, for those who are contrite of heart. God is a God of love and mercy, Julian. Reach out for it, and you will receive it."

o

Frank sat alone at the table, with a beer bottle in his hand. Three days ago he had sat there with Cash, making plans for Sonny's return. Sonny was to be the next Prince of the City and Cash and him were going to give him a surprise party. Something truly undignified, something to remind him that no matter how high he rose, no matter how much dignity he was supposed to muster, he was still a Knight of the Beer Table, and that he should never forget it.

Now Sonny would come just in time for Cash's funeral. Frank knew that the Beer Table would be broken by death. His own. He had thought of being embraced, and had balked every time. First because he wanted kids, then because he just liked the sunlight. Then it was just an habit. He was human. He liked his Kindred friends, but did not envy their had a full life, fuller than most, and would not mind giving it up when then time came. Besides what Julian had told him of his experiences with death vigils made him aware that there was something at the other side, something that he did not want to be late for.

So he always thought the he would be the one Knight to break off the fellowship. But it was Cash who was missing from their table. He recalled Cash's laughter, his dismissive tone when someone had said something stupid. In the beginning it had been Frank who carried the brunt of Cash's sarcasm, because Frank asked too many obvious questions about Kindred and feeding. But there was no malice in Cash's sarcasm and Frank found himself liking him more and more. Sonny was his partner, and that bond was closer than marriage. But Cash's irreverent outlook in life was closer to his own. And neither Cash nor him worshipped Julian as Sonny did. They loved him, but also knew his faults (Cash had once beaten Julian with a baseball bat. And Frank hollered at him often for his self-righteous, controlling ways).

He hoped that Julian got Cameron's head for this. Julian should get Cameron's head before Cameron got his. He had told Julian that often enough. And so had Cash. But Julian refused to do it. He continued to spare the man, insisting that he needed his cooperation for the court that he was setting up. Well, let the court handle it. Try Cameron for Cash's murder, have the court pass sentence of death, and have the court designate the executioner, leaving Julian out of it.

He hoped to be there to see Cameron's head fall.

o

Julian sat in his office. He had the priest's absolution for what he wanted to do, and yet he did not felt he was right in doing so. It would be what Cash wanted. It would frustrate Cameron's plans. And still it was suppressing evidence and letting Cash's murderers get away with it.

If only the court was not so new, if he could afford to have Cameron tried there. But Kindred were not yet accustomed to bringing their claims to it. Cases involved only low level Kindred at that point. High level were still be considered untouchable. That would change, but he knew that the first high level Kindred would have to be brought on a breach of the Masquerade.

Kindred would not recognize the authority of the court enough to let it handle a case of a high ranking Kindred of one clan having committed a crime against a Kindred of a different clan. Those problems would still the province of the Prince of the City. He knew that he would change that, and that one day any Primogen who committed murder as Cameron would have done would be tried in court. But he could not do it now. And he still needed the help Cameron could give him to make the authority of the court respected through the Kindred world.

"Cash, forgive me. I have to let him get away with it."

He opened his drawer. There were so many portraits there. Men and women he had known and loved, and whom Death had taken from him. His fingers touched Alexandra's portrait. He mentally asked her forgiveness as he always did. If only he could have spared her, if there was a way that she could be with them.

It was thanks to Alexandra that he had met and befriended Frank. First he had hated Frank for Alexandra's sake, then he had loved him for her sake. Then he had loved him for his own sake, and one day he realized that his own love for Alexandra was tinged with gratitude for having brought Frank into his life. And how had he repaid her for this gift?

His fingers touched Archon's portrait. He remembered his wisdom, his love, and his dreams. According to Kindred law, Cameron had carried out a rightful execution when he killed Archon. But Archon deserved better than that.

The next portrait he touched was of Daedalus'. Killed by human predators. All that wisdom, all that knowledge, all that gentleness gone because of some vicious young men. They had paid for it, but that did not return Daedalus to him.

With a sigh he added Cash's portrait to his collection. One day he would have more friends dead that still alive. And when that happened, he would wonder why should he go on living... He still wondered sometimes, when the pressures got too great, or when he felt one of his now infrequent flashbacks come through him. But he then always found something to do and the moment passed...

"Forgive me Cash. I know that it is what you wanted. I know that it will help the Gangrel. But you deserve better than that."

o

"Frank, I have to tell you something. Something that you will hate."

"What is it?'

"I am going to cover up the cause of Cash's death. And I will make you forget what you know."

"You cannot do that!"

"I must. I will explain to you why."

"Don't you care about Cash at all?"

Julian sighed. "Frank, I loved Cash. I was not as close to him as you and Sonny were, but I loved him. I have this gaping hole in my heart thinking of him. But I cannot start a clan war. Not for him. Do you understand that?"

"I do not like it."

"Frank, the Gangrel are low in numbers. There used to be a lot less of them when Cash became Primogen. You know how they were purged from their Nazi members in the forties and fifties. It had to be done, and we tried to spare the innocent Gangrel. Never mind, what happened was that the weakened Gangrel became easy pickings for the Brujah. The Brujah wanted them weak and few. Cash rebuilt their strength. He started a vigorous recruiting campaing, and he made me agree not to execute any Gangrel, except for the most heinous crimes, before Cash had the opportunity to straighten out the offenders with his baseball bat. We discussed it often, him and me. We traced the history of the Gangrel, and their feuds with the Brujah and other clans. Cash eventually realized that the Brujah used clan wars to keep Gangrel's numbers down. Each time the Gangrels became stronger the Brujah would go to war with them and cut them down to size. He said that he would not let them play that game on him again. He would rebuild the Gangrel strenght and not let the Brujah trick him into any war."

Frank nodded, knowing what Julian was leading up to.

"If the evidence comes out of Cash being murdered by the Brujah, war will break out. Cash would not want that, anymore than I want a clan war to destroy what I worked for."

"So you will destroy the evidence."

"I wish I did not have to." Julian turned his face away, as tears began running over his cheeks. "I wish I could storm into Cameron's office and demand justice for Cash. But the days when I risked a war to ease my own personal pain are long gone. I almost destroyed my own peace years ago when the Brujah embraced Sasha. I shudder now when I think of what Eddie Fiori almost tricked me into destroying. I know what I need to do. And that means destroying the evidence."

"And destroying my memory of it?"

"Frank, how much did you love Cash?"

"Enough to want to tear out the heart of the one who did this to him."

"Enough to protect what Cash loved?"

Frank did not answer.

"Frank, if Cash was here, if he could tell you what to do, what do you think he would say? Get Cameron, never mind what gets damaged in the process? Or protect my Gangrels, do not let the Brujah hurt them? You knew Cash. You know that he would not sacrifice those entrusted to him for his own personal satisfaction."

"Yes, I know that."

"Frank, I will make you forget, because I have to. But I want you to understand why. I want you to forgive me for it."

Frank looked down. "Can't you take it to your court?"

"Our court is too new. It cannot try a prominent Kindred yet. One day a case like this will be tried in court, but not now. Not to give justice to Cash."

"It stinks."

Julian nodded. "This is the best I can do. I am sorry, Frank."

Frank formed his hands into fists. "Damn it, Julian. If I let you do this, I feel that I am betraying Cash. Saying that his life does not matter. That we do not care what happened to him."

"I know, Frank. But we are not betraying him. We are carrying out his wishes. We are protecting the Gangrel, letting them grow strong, until they are so strong that the Brujah will fear them as they never feared them before. Would not that be a better revenge for Cash? Wouldn't you rather see Cameron come to me, striking deals so that I could protect the Brujah from the Gangrel? Wouldn't Cash enjoy seeing that?"

"He would." Frank smiled. "He would love that. Will you promise me that it will happen?"

"I promise you."

"Then make me forget what I know. Go ahead, Julian. Give Cash what he wants."

o

The rain fell heavy as Cash's coffin was carried to his grave. Julian looked wistfully at the falling water. Why couldn't this downpour have fallen the day of Cash's accident and doused the fire? Why did it rain now, when it did nobody any good? He looked around at the assembled Gangrels, Ventrues, Torreadors, and some Nosferatu (He had to remember that Daedalus' death had brought into power a Primogen who had become close to Cameron. He no longer could count on Nosferatu backing.) He looked at the pain etched in their faces, and knew that they echoed his own. But he was the only one who knew that Cash's death had been no accident. This knowledge weighed like a ton on him.

He turned to Sonny who was sobbing quietly. Right beside him stood Frank. Frank had forgotten the facts of Cash's death, but some part of it still knew the truth, and that part was now breaking into bitter tears. The Table was broken. One of its Knights had died, and the other one would soon follow in a few years...years that passed so quickly. Then Sonny would be all alone.

Two days from now he would put it to a vote. Sonny would be the new Prince of the City. He had the votes for it, and behind it the threat that if Sonny was not given the post Julian would continue to hold it. That would bring the Brujah vote around...but it did not matter now.

Cash would never see his friend Sonny become the Prince. He would not be able to accompany Julian in his trip to France, either. He would not see the new Gangrel judges sit in Julian's court. No, Julian corrected himself. He probably saw them from wherever he was. Only it might not mean the same thing to him now.

The speeches came one by one, everyone saying how much they loved Cash, and how much they would miss him. They told of what he had done for the Gangrel, and for all Kindred too.

Sonny broke into tears when it was his turn to speak. Yet he managed to speak of all the thing that Cash and him had done together. He spoke of the fun they had had. He reminded them of how much joy Cash found in life, and how that joy communicated itself to him when depression threatened him.

"Now I will have to live without your laughter, without your jokes, wihtout your off-key singing. It is going to be hard, Cash. I will try to go on, and I only hope that one day we will meet again."

Now it was Julian's turn to speak. He bent his head, once more begging Cash's forgiveness for the lie he had told and made everyone believe. Then he went to the speaker's podium, asking for courage to do what must be done.

He looked around. So many people who had loved Cash. So many people who turned hungry eyes on him, asking him for some soothing words, some way to make sense of their loss. And he did not know if he was up to the challenge.

"We have heard much of what Cash did, and what he loved. Yet no one has spoken of one thing that Cash was famous for: his baseball bat. There is hardly any Gangrel here who was not beaten with it." (he did not mention that he himself had been beaten that way) "Yet it is not a shameful secret, but it is his glory. While so many Primogens sacrifice their clan members to their ambition, or kill them, without giving an accounting to anyone, Cash fought to preserve their lives. The means that he used were not genteel, they were not proper. But they were effective.

"I remember how he came to me and said :Julian, we are executing too many people who can be salvaged. I agreed with him, but said that since we have no jails, we cannot impose lesser penalties than death. So he said that he knew of a lesser penalty, and that if I let him do, he would enforce the lesser penalty for a first offense, and that it was only at a second offense that we should talk about an execution. That was why he started beating up Gangrels. And later on, he made me agree not to execute until the third offense. And then, only if he, as Primogen, avowed that he could do nothing with the offender.

"How many Gangrels, who would have otherwise died, stand here now, no longer in danger of execution, having changed their ways under the incentive of Cash's bat? I remember how Ken Drury came to my attention. How I said that he would never learn responsibility, and that he should be executed for his breach of the Masquerade. I see Ken Drury now, an upstanding man, with only short episodes of recklessness, and all of this because Cash cared enough to teach him what he should know."

He looked around, at the Gangrels slowly bowing their heads, at Marian Sands, the new Gangrel Primogen who stood very still, her head bowed honoring Cash.

"Let this be Cash greatest honor, that he fought to preserve life by any means available to him, even though it might be cruel, even though it might make others hate him. Let the Gangrels become strong as he wished them to be. Let the Gangrels grow in wisdom and strength and thus become his monument. Let him be remembered for his love and how he fought for it."

He stepped away, feeling that he had given himself absolution for what he had made himself do. Cash would not want another war with the Brujah to weaken the Gangrels again, and he would give Cash what he wanted. He could not save Cash's life. He could not get justice for him. But he could do what Cash wished for his Gangrels. So be it. There were other speeches, and then Cash's body was returned to the earth. Everyone threw a handful of dirt until the grave was filled. Then, one by one they left. Julian remained there to the last, with Marian Sands next to him.

"This is it, then." Marian said. "This is the last of Cash."

"You are Primogen now." Julian told her.

"I know. I wanted the job for a long time. But I did not want to get it this way. Cash and I were lovers once. No, not really lovers. More like repeated one-night stands. He carried a torch of Sasha, though he hid it well. And I.. I too had a weakness once for a Brujah. He is dead now. Eddie Fiori killed him to enforce discipline... well, it does not matter. Brujah and Gangrel have fought each other since we can remember, and no one can stop it."

"After each war the Gangrels became weaker."

"I know. Cash told me. That was why he wanted me to succeed him as Primogen, because I could understand the need to avoid war. And because I was tough enough that I would not be suspected of weakness."

"Will you use the bat?"

"Yes. Not the same bat as Cash's used, of course." Julian nodded. "Julian, it was an accident, wasn't it?"

"It was. I looked into it. I asked Frank Kohannek to look into it."

Marion nodded. "If you knew of anything..?"

"If there was anything that you should know I would call you." He hoped that she did not notice the evasion. "You know I would."

She nodded again, accepting it. "There was so much life in Cash. I cannot believe that it took so little to end it."

"I cannot believe it either."

They hugged each other, then she left. Julian stood alone over the grave of his friend.

"I am sorry Cash. I had to lie to her, too." He said. "We are going to have a tough fight in the days ahead, and I will do what must be done. I will send Father Cosme back to Europe. He may become a target if he remains listening to my secrets. He will be safer away from me when the fight heats up. I will miss him, but I will learn to make do without him. As I will learn to make do without you. As I learned to do without Daedalus..."

There was a rustling behind him. He did not move, waiting patiently for whoever was there to reveal himself. Or herself. The other one did not move, and Julian waited. Then he knew who it was.

"Come out, Sasha. Cash would want you to be with the others."

Sasha came into view, carrying a long-stemmed red rose.

"I...I cannot be seen here." she confessed.

"So I have not seen you. Go, say goodbye to him. He loved you until the end, Sasha."

"And I love him still. But it could never be." she laid down the rose over the grave. "Damn Eddie Fiori. May he burn in Hell right now."

Julian nodded. "Sasha, when you see Cameron give him this message for me."

"A message?"

"Do not look for advantage in Cash's death. There is a new Primogen who will continue Cash's policies. Cash may be dead, but the Gangrels live. And one day the Brujah will have to deal with them as equals. Cash's death will change nothing."

Sasha lifted her head. "Do you think that Cameron had anything to do..."

"It was an accident, Sasha. There is no proof of it being anything else. And I looked for it. No, I cannot accuse Cameron of anything. But if he sees this as an opportunity to make trouble he will regret it."

"I will tell him that." Julian wondered how much Sasha could guess, and how much she could find on her own. No, better to let her believe it was an accident.

"Sasha, please hold me. I...I feel so alone now."

Sasha put his arms around him and began to weep. He wept too, all the tears he had repressed through the funeral. "We have to love each other better, Sasha. We are so fragile, our lives can end so suddenly. All we really have is our love for one another."

"I know...I love you, Julian. I do love you."

"I love you, my little Brujah princess. For all the we fought, I love you."

They stood thus, holding each other in the rain, watching the water pummel the newly covered grave. They would never see Cash again for as long as they lived, and they began to accept it.