A/N: This is a one-shot set when the boys are still at Hogwarts. My inspiration for it was a song called A Daydream Away (hence the title) by All Time Low, and I think it goes really well with the atmosphere of it. I recommend listening to the song whilst reading, also because it's just a great song. Anyway, enjoy!
A Daydream Away
Remus John Lupin could honestly say that he had never been in a state of such bliss.
His arms were locked in a tight embrace as another's hands roamed over his skin. His chest was flush with theirs, bare and beginning to dampen with hot sweat. And his lips - oh, his lips. A mouth was pressed to his, working magic with its tongue and tasting warm like a fresh mug of hot chocolate - Sirius' mouth. Remus was numb, utterly induced by the taste that filled his mouth, coated his tongue, and the sensation that quivered through his body like a cold chill.
But that was just the beginning. Somehow, when the lips broke from his, trailed down his throat and back up to his ear, then everything pounced to a whole new level. Sirius' low voice, always tinted with the warming sound of a smile, filled his ears as he uttered Remus' name. His lips attacked his throat then, marking his territory with nips and bites that dented Remus' sensitive skin. Remus found his hand at the back of the other boy's head all of a sudden, the curls of black grasped between his fingers tightly and urging him on. Sirius seemed to be filling every one of his senses all at once: the sight of his face just a moment ago, his deep eyes staring into Remus'; the sound of his kisses and intimate bites in his ear; the feel of his body pressed against Remus' as though there was no room; the taste of his magnificent tongue still lingering in Remus' mouth; and most prominent, the smell of him that floated like a feather in the wind around them.
Oh, that smell - warm and toasty, like a hot summers day. Freshly cut grass, lemonade and the light sprinkle of sweat that dusted the air. Remus couldn't comprehend how it felt so real, or how his imagination had been able to recreate Sirius so accurately.
In the end it all folded away, into a pocket of Remus' mind and no longer so prominent on his senses. Because in the end, it was just an avid daydream.
"Remy! Stop stealing all the chocolate!" came a shout from a familiar voice, and suddenly the real world came pouring through Remus' senses as Sirius slapped his hand away when it idly reached for another glorious square of chocolate. He blinked to ground himself - his eyes had been open but zoned out into a world of his own imagination - and came back to his senses only to see his friend take his wrist and snatch away the piece of chocolate from Remus' fingers with his teeth. Sirius then continued to eat the piece, and the whole while Remus watched him chew with a blatant stare, before he swiftly checked himself and reminded his longing that this was a different reality to the one locked within his head.
"What were you dreaming about this time?" Sirius wondered, blissfully unaware of the desire framed by Remus' hazel irises when he looked at his friend. "Dragons and mermaids again?"
"Something like that," Remus murmured, knowing full well that those creatures, as brilliant as they were, had never haunted his imagination as much as something so mundane as another human being. "You ought to see your face," he told Sirius casually, noting the brilliant smile that brightened up the other boy's face.
"What about my handsome features should you be referring to, dear Moony?" Sirius asked with the same joking arrogance he always carried. Remus had ever envied the confidence his friends seemed to have, a total contrast to the anxiety he himself had always felt.
"You're grinning like a fool," he reported, and snatched another square of chocolate from the shrinking pile between them despite Sirius' protest. Sirius' grin only grew wider at the news, to Remus' own pleasure.
"Well, it is said that fools are the happiest of people," Sirius threw back with a flash of white teeth.
"Maybe one day I'll be as happy," Remus heard himself mutter, perhaps a little louder than he ought to have been. He'd meant to utter he words in one of his imaginary worlds, but every now and then a word or two slipped between the cracks and instead appeared on his lips in reality. Sirius looked worried all of a sudden.
"Why, Remy? What do you have to be sad about?"
In truth, Remus could think of a lot of things. As happy as he may have seemed on the outside, with his average looks and slightly better than average grades, Remus was not quite so content on the inside. While he was wracked with anxiety, a type that his friends would never understand despite their knowledge of his condition, there was another type of agony that lurked within him and some nights had him silently crying himself to sleep with the torture of it: the burden of love, hung on his shoulders like an anchor weighing him down.
Remus could honestly say that he had been deeply and horribly in love with Sirius Black since the moment he'd laid his eyes on the boy, but perhaps it had taken him a little while to notice it - no less than two years. He'd always seen Sirius as brilliant, and although he and James hadn't necessarily been of Remus' usual crowd, there was a certain excellence about the two of them and their mischievous plotting that had Remus thrilled. But by third year it had become more than a friendly love that he held for his friend Sirius, and more of one which led to dreams of kisses and intimate embraces. By now, in Remus' fifth year, the like had turned to love, and that love had begun to eat him up from the inside out at the idea that he could do nothing to quench his longing.
The fantasies had begun when Remus was a child, and as much as he had tried to grow out of them they never shifted. They hadn't always been centred on his love for Sirius - at one point when he was younger, they had been about dragons and mermaids as he suggested - but over time they had all divulged to become a compilation of moments with Sirius that he wished he could develop into more than friendly. They would much take the same turnings as reality, but whilst in the real world a midnight traipse to the school kitchens such as this (after having"borrowed" James' cloak) would consist of a friendly chat between mates over a midnight snack, in his mind they would be littered with kisses, and once they returned to bed Sirius would follow Remus to his rather than parting at the door. It had become normal for Remus to zone out at random points when his fantasy became most interesting, otherwise just a running commentary of alternate events in his head, and the bliss of them was a way of forgetting how impossible any romantic relationship with Sirius was outside of them.
There had been many a time when Remus had wondered if he was crazy, what with all these fantasies playing in his head like a never ending video, but he guessed that love made men crazy everyday.
"It's midnight, Moony," Sirius reminded Remus all of a sudden, nodding up at the clock on the wall ahead of them which signalled only minutes until this Tuesday evening faded away and the next day came into fruition. They were sat on the floor of the Hogwarts kitchens, huddled in a corner and surrounded with the food the loyal house elves working there had generously provided them with. Of course, they weren't meant to be down here, especially not in the dead of night, but the elves never once told on them or minded their presence. Remus thought them to be lonely, but of course they were loyal creatures and were here to serve the students after all.
Remus didn't want the next day to dawn. Soon, within a few hours, either he or Sirius would yawn and they would together deem it time for them to vacate back to bed, as not to lose too much sleep on this adventure out of their dorm. He and Sirius had come down here many times before, a tradition they had kept up since first year when they'd been smaller and stealthier, mostly since they could both fit under the invisibility cloak much easier than now, four years on. The food itself was wonderful as all that the elves prepared was, and Remus valued Sirius' company even forgetting his avid love for the boy. They would sit and talk for hours about rubbish, mostly laughing about a joke the Marauders had recently pulled or perhaps James' latest attempt to woo Lily Evans, his devoted love.
But the main thing that Remus loved so much about these evenings was the fact that it was just him and Sirius. It was clear to even the blind or stupid that the closest friendship within their tight group was that of Sirius and James; the two had been strong since their first day, instant best mates, and whilst Remus knew that he was also each of their friends, he still felt sometimes as if he and Peter were just the tag-alongs. That was, until Sirius had roused him one dark night in the winter of their first year and urged him to come down to the kitchens - him alone, not James. In fact, as far as the two were aware, James had no idea of their snatching of his cloak and running off into the night together.
"Here," Sirius said now, pouring each of them a mismatched cup of some kind of tonic that Remus couldn't name. The dark haired boy handed one cup to Remus whilst keeping one for himself, and both of them stared at the clock as the second hand ticked towards midnight. This was another of their traditions, to toast the day ahead, but tonight Remus didn't want to give tribute to the next day. Instead he wished only to remain in this company with only Sirius, even if the reality of the situation wasn't quite as desirable as those within his mind.
As the second hand approached the top of the clock, the two friends readied themselves and clicked their cups together at the same second that it was officially Wednesday. Remus hated Wednesdays - it was the day of the week when he saw Sirius the least.
"A toast to this fine coming day," Sirius announced in a mockingly grand voice. "May mischief await." Remus could drink to that, since as innocent and docile as he may have seemed, the werewolf enjoyed the hilarious pranks the Marauders famously pulled as much as his friends did - perhaps more, since he was almost never suspected for the blame.
"What are you planning?" Remus asked after downing his cup, which had contained a liquid tasting strangely of soap. He daren't ask or even wonder about what it might have been.
"Something brilliant, no doubt," Sirius told him valiantly. "Filling a Slytherin's pants with snakes, maybe?"
"Didn't you attempt that a few months ago?" Remus wondered, and recalled perfectly the failed attempt that had landed all four of them with a week's detention.
"Ah, yes," Sirius marvelled, a smile creeping onto his lips. Remus' head trailed off, wondering how it would feel to kiss that smile, and a whole new fantasy began to form, a growing bud in his mind. He stored it away for when he was safely back in bed.
"Well," Sirius said, holding a hand out to take Remus' cup from him. "Best give it another try then. If at first you don't succeed, a Gryffindor must reattempt until he does." As Sirius' fingers brushed lightly against Remus', the werewolf thought he felt a jolt of electricity between them, but since Sirius didn't respond to it, he reasoned that it must have been his imagination, as most things were by this point.
"When's the next full moon?" Sirius queried curiously. Remus knew without thinking, as always; it was his responsibility to know exactly when the monster within him would no doubt erupt from his bones and flesh like a possession.
"Next Thursday," Remus replied in seconds, and heard Sirius' curse shiver across the air between them.
"Shit," he muttered under his breath. "Quidditch practice is that day. I guess I'll have to just miss it, tell them I'm ill or something."
Part of Remus wished to urge his friend not to allow his condition to make him miss something so important to him, but the words died in his throat as he realised what Sirius' willing sacrifice meant: he valued Remus over Quidditch. Sirius had always been there for Remus, every month that he turned, since the day he'd found out about it with not a single missed full moon. James and Peter also joined him almost every time, but they were less reluctant to miss a month or two if needs must. Even with the potion that McGonagall gave him to allow him to retain his senses, the night was still long and lonely for Remus, and having his friends around him was something he loved them dearly for. In truth, he was utterly terrified every night he had to transform into that monster, and filled with shame, but having people there that understood and didn't hate him for who he was made it at least slightly more bearable.
Remus looked at Sirius and smiled in clear gratitude. "Thanks, Siri," he said quietly, just loud enough for the other boy to hear.
Sirius granted him a wide smile back, baring white teeth. "Of course, Remus. I couldn't let you go it alone, could I?"
There had been many times when Remus had longed to kiss Sirius before, but the urge had never been quite as strong as it was now - he had to forcibly pull himself back to stop his hands from grasping Sirius' shoulders and pulling their lips together. Usually it was a manageable kind of desire, one he could suppress and live out only in his fantasies, but this one was tougher to ignore, harder to keep in. So Remus forced his mind to imagine being so intimate with Sirius yet again: a hand reaching out to stroke his cheek, Sirius smiling his broad grin and looking deep into Remus' eyes. A deep part of Remus mourned at the fact that these ideas would never actualise themselves, never come to life before his eyes. But he also knew that he didn't need the real Sirius kissing him, or his real hands holding him at night. Because in truth, Sirius was just a daydream away, and all Remus had to do was close his eyes and think for all his dreams to play out behind his eyelids.
In his mind, Remus took a hand to Sirius' shoulder, massaging away any invisible tension, and sighed at the sadness of his situation in a moment of self pity. Sirius' face carried a look of wonder and a little confusion, and despite having sculpted the scenario in his head himself, Remus couldn't see what he had programmed for his lover to be wondering at that moment. He decided not to worry about it, and curled the hand around the back of the other boy's neck, immediately pulling those brilliant lips towards him until they were pressed deeply to his.
The kiss had never felt so amazing, so sensuous, so right. Lips intertwined and tongues danced lightly against the ridges between Remus mouth and Sirius'. Remus grasped at the other boy's neck, but more from his stricken level of adrenaline rather a real necessity; as always, Sirius was dealy still, and if he moved at all it was definitely not to shift away from Remus. Their mouths moved in a slow rhythm, and it wasn't long before they were both sat up on their knees, their bodies as flush as they could manage. Remus hated to wonder what he may have looked like, his eyes no doubt glazed again as he drifted off into his thoughts. The kiss felt so good, so full, so real, that Remus could feel a stubborn ache growing between his thighs and hoped the real Sirius wouldn't notice. All of the sensations felt so real, so much like reality, and although it may have taken a moment, Remus eventually realised why.
Somehow, yet again, actions meant for his imagination had seeped defiantly into reality. The feeling of Sirius' lips and skin against his was not a mirrored version of life but the real thing, making his skin tingle at the idea that every sound and smell and taste was real. For once the two realities were crashing into each other, rather than being so diversely parallel to the point where they would never meet.
A shock of anxiety and sheer panic ran up Remus' spine like a blade, scraping against the bone, as he realised what he had done: as brilliant as the kiss was, it was no doubt an unexpected gesture and may not have sat well with Sirius. Remus could almost hear the tear of their friendship being ripped to shreds, ruined by his impulsive actions. Sirius' lips were so soft against his, new and exciting whilst at the same time unmistakably familiar. Remus felt his deluded fingers knotting themselves in the hair at Sirius' neck, pulling him closer, and his other arm was tied like a rope around the other boy's waist. Sirius wasn't pushing away but he wasn't moving either, remaining utterly still perhaps out of sheer fright. Despite the brilliance of the embrace, and the way Remus felt so encapsulated in the realness of it, he knew he had to stop it before his and Sirius' valuable friendship was torn into smaller pieces than it was by then already. If being a friend to Sirius was the only way to be with him, Remus would gladly take it - no matter their relationship, he couldn't imagine a life worth living with Sirius somewhere within it.
As Remus pulled away, his lips and hands felt as though they were being cut from their other half, but he bared the pain and watched avidly for the expression that passed like a wave through Sirius' wide eyes. It was clearly some level of shock, and Remus mentally and emotionally prepared himself for the likelihood that Sirius would shove him away, leave immediately, or maybe even hit him. Yet Sirius did none of what was expected. In all honesty, Remus ought to have known that his friend wouldn't harm him in such a way, but the possibility of Sirius being awkward or disgusted still weighed heavier on Remus' stomach than an undigested meal - he thought he was going to be sick. But he was evidently glad he didn't, as what Sirius did next he could never have guessed
Rather than crushing Remus' heart with a step away, as the werewolf had solemnly expected, Sirius was smiling all of a sudden. The grin burst into his face immediately, leaving Remus barely a second to notice it before the mouth that held that beautiful smile was pressed to his yet again - and his time it was Sirius igniting the kiss. His arms had slung themselves around Remus' neck and were hanging onto him as though he would fall if he let go. The kiss was urgent, desperate, willing the seconds to move slower and grind to a halt so that the moment could last forever.
The impact had thrown Remus right off guard, having him tumbling back onto the floor behind him in a less than graceful fashion. For a split moment their lips broke, yet Sirius seemed intent on continuing with the kiss and only followed Remus to the ground until he was leant over his werewolf friend, positioned above his lips and letting gravity do the rest of the work. Their chests were flush once again, the majority of their bodies pressed against the other's, until their figures seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces, clicking into place and making no effort to move. Remus' hands found refuge at Sirius' waist, his hips, his back and his thighs, roaming as though they wished for the shape of Sirius' body to be imprinted in his memory like a stamp of his presence. Meanwhile, Sirius' hands gripped Remus' golden brown hair as though they were sticky with glue, and his lips burned with a fiery passion that singed Remus' lips, but the pain was tantalisingly good. Teeth nipped at his mouth, grabbing at the edges whenever he tried to take a breath - no matter what, Sirius' lips never strayed more than a centimetre from Remus', and the werewolf could feel the other boy's hot breath staining his skin. He hoped the stains would last forever, invisible to anyone but him.
Inevitably, all too soon, even Sirius misplaced his breath and was forced to draw his warm lips away to find it. By the groan that rumbled through his throat and the time it took for him to completely pull away, he was reluctant to do so. But even without his lips so occupied, the warmth of heavy breaths against his face had Remus grinning ear to ear. Sirius didn't hesitate to smile back just as grandly, and once his breath was retained he littered Remus' mouth with soft kisses yet again.
"I knew it," he murmured as he did so, apparently not quite finished with Remus, whose mouth was already worn out but no way was he about to complain. "I knew this would happen one day."
Whatever Sirius was talking about, all Remus knew from his words was the joy that resided in them, the same pleasure that ran through Remus' own veins like some mutant form of adrenaline, ten times that of what he had ever thought possible. Unnamed and indescribable emotions swelled within him, he was drowning in Sirius' warm aroma, and he could scarcely believe what was going on. He thought he was about to wake up from a dream any moment, but at the same time he knew that what he felt couldn't possibly be anything but utterly real. It was so much denser that his imagination had shown it to be, every sense clearer, more defined - the reality of what he had dreamed about for years was right in front of his face, leaving light patterns from the dance of Sirius' lips across his cheeks and mouth, and it was wonderful.
The dreams seemed like nothing in comparison, too foggy and distant to be of any use anymore. Sirius' lips began descending, reaching Remus' jaw bone and gripping the bone possessively between his teeth, before he continued on to Remus' neck.
And gradually, as though they were slipping from his grasp, Remus felt himself letting go of his daydreams.