I was thinking, 'Kamina sure is manly,' then I remembered that Nodoka Saotome liked manliness. This drabble was born from that, and most of the rest by bouncing ideas off my brother. Enjoy.
I own none of the characters from any of the series contained here-in. If I did, I wouldn't be unemployed and broke, now would I?
Kamina: 1 Ranma: 4
It was all Shampoo's fault.
"What'd I tell ya? Everything worked like a charm!"
No, it was Cologne's, she cast the spell.
"When I got here you were nose deep in shit, and now look at you!"
Who was he kidding, it was his Mom's fault for insisting on the stupid manliness oath.
"All your problems, well most of them, are behind you now after only a few days with the greatness that is me!"
No, no. It was the panda; his idiot father was, as always, the root of his dilemma's.
"All lesser mortals should be awed I graced them with my manly presence."
After meeting his mother for the first time and learning of her obsession with Ranma's manliness and Genma's subsequent mutual-suicide pact, all three of Ranma's fiancé's, and Kodachi, had put every effort into showing Nodoka that Ranma was a man amongst men. Most of their ploys didn't turn out anywhere near what they hoped for, and it was starting to look like Ranma would have to pull through on the oath.
"Maybe I should start a counseling agency for manliness. The world could use more men like you and me!"
That was when Shampoo got desperate. She approached her Great-grandmother and pleaded for her help in proving that Ranma was a true manly man. Cologne decided that only another truly manly man could undo the damage the girls had caused and prove that Ranma really was everything she hoped for. Since men of that caliber were very hard to come by and tended to die young, Cologne decided to summon a spirit from beyond the grave to be the one to convince the Saotome matriarch of her son's manliness. The summoning was a complete success; then things went horribly wrong.
"Right Ranma?"
The spirit of manliness summoned by Shampoo and Cologne to appease Nodoka that latched onto Ranma was a punk named Kamina. His overzealousness annoyed the boy greatly, but his crazy belief in manliness being founded almost entirely in ones belief in oneself, or in the belief of others in oneself, and flashy explosions, definitely worked to Ranma's advantage with Nodoka.
"Hey, Ranma, you listening?"
After only a couple of days, Kamina was able to tell Nodoka flat out that Ranma was definitely a great man; popular with the ladies, strong, independent, self-sufficient, honorable, straightforward, and above all else he never backed down. He did find a few unmanly features about Ranma, notably: his curse, which was negligible sense he took advantage of it like a man, and his fiancé situation.
"Ranma!"
The bastard was as perverted as Happosai! He insisted on a true man being able to handle four women easily. More even! This meant that he insisted Ranma should go the harem route. Everyone flipped at that…initially. But when Shampoo flat out agreed with him, the others quickly jumped on the bandwagon.
"RANMA!"
Ukyo and Kodachi were only mildly agitated by not being able to disagree with Kamina, and really didn't want to share Ranma, but were more than happy to finally have everything settled. Akane went ballistic and officially declared all Amazons, the other fiancé's, and all men, especially Ranma and Kamina, absolute perverts. At Nodoka's insistence on honor, Kasumi was muscled into the arrangement. The wedding took place immediately.
"RANMAAAAAA!"
"What!" Ranma snapped at the annoying spirit.
"Now that I have your attention... Congratulations! You are definitely a man among men! I'm gonna go hunt down your mom and give her my blessing, then I'll depart for the other side. My work here is done."
Ranma shifted to get a better look at the spirit. "So, you're going? And I'll never see you again?"
"Yep."
"Thank Kami, I'm finally rid of you," he said with a relieved sigh.
"Hey!"
Ranma exploded. "You wouldn't shut up during the entire thing! Do you think I want you around for the rest of my married life? Would you want me hanging over your shoulder while you were with your girlfriend?"
"Ah, good point. Well, I guess this is goodbye. See ya on the other side in a few decades."
"I'm not dying if I have to deal with you in the afterlife," Ranma deadpanned.
"Ha ha! That's the spirit! Well, I'm off!"
Kamina faded out through the wall. Ranma sighed and lied back down. "Finally, some peace and- URK!" Ranma tensed suddenly as he was gripped in a 'sensitive area.'
"Looks like he's ready again girls," one of the four large lumps under his sheets giggled, causing the others to reply in stereo.
Ranma groaned. He would be mute on whether he was groaning in pain or pleasure for the rest of his life.
The Man Who Lived
"That man is mad," Hermione huffed.
"He's brilliant," Ron countered in apparent awe.
"He's hot." Ginny, of course. Red heads are just drawn to the guy.
Hermione and Ron gaped at her. Then Hermione's face quirked inquisitively as she glanced back to the man. "That too." Now only Ron was gaping, at both of them.
Off in the near distance, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, was standing in a stupid pose, left arm on hip, legs spread wide, and right arm raised straight over his head pointing dramatically at the sky.
"No no no," A young man in a pair of ragged pants, worn sandals, pointed sunglasses that gleamed as they caught the light, and nothing else said in exasperation for the umpteenth time. "Like this!"
He threw his legs wide and planted his feet firmly in the soil. He threw back his left arm and brought his fist to rest on his hip. He threw his right fist, index finger extended, high into the air and thrust it into the heavens. The setting sun crested the trees behind him and bathed him in the red light of sunset. The sky exploded in color above his outstretched finger. "Mine is the power that creates the heavens, and then rips right through them! I am Harry Potter, The Man Who Lived! Not even Death himself can stop me! Just Who The Hell Do You Think I Am!" He raised his head to face the clouds with his final shout, and the sun striking his shades set his eyes on fire, inspiring fear in his enemies, awe in his allies, and lust in all women the world over. He dropped his finger and head to face Harry, and willing all his mighty awesomeness into words of inspiration, said, "Now you do it! And Get It Right."
Harry was rendered truly speechless at the display. He took a deep breath after a few moments and stood loose and supple before the great Man before him, basking in his raw manly confidence. To his incredible shock, he could feel his long suffering determination arise within himself and ignite in flames of power not unlike the breath of the Horntail he challenged in his fourth. He threw his legs wide and planted them firmly; he cast his left fist onto his side, and he jabbed his right hand and wand into the sky. With utmost confidence that surprised his friends, he said in a voice of forged steel, "Mine is the power that creates the heavens, and then rips right through them! I am Harry Potter, The Man Who Lived! Not even Death himself can stop me! Just Who The Hell Do You Think I Am!" He raised his head to stare at the darkening sky, and allowed his emerald eyes to shine under the last rays of the falling sun. From the tip of his wand burst a jet of green fire that held the shape of a crowing phoenix, and cried a note of battle into the air around him.
The shirtless man nodded in approval, arms crossed over his chest, stance oozing primal confidence that drew the eyes of men and women alike. "Not bad kid. You just might become a real man yet. Never lose that confidence, and never give up!"
"Thank you, Kamina. You have shown me the way to victory." Harry clenched his fist and his eyes glinted with purpose. "I WILL survive. I WILL defeat Voldemort. And I will do it with my own hands, and my own power! As a Man!"
Kamina looked around the field to the amassed crowd of students and teachers who were witness to the display. The men were either staring at Harry in fear or admiration, and the women, young and old, were staring between him and Harry with looks of hope, anticipation, and not a little lust.
"Yes. Yes you will."
The Manly Beast
That day everything changed.
Team 10 was never the same after they met that loud drifter.
Lee started growing his hair out, picked up a gaudy pair of sunglasses, and traded in his green jumpsuit for a pair of pants and open sandals.
"I am the manly beast of Konoha! Who the Hell do you think I am!"
Negi traded in his bland Hyuuga clothes for an open blue jacket and orange goggles. He debated cutting his hair and getting a pet hamster, but ultimately decided against it.
"I am Neji Hyuuga, the Neji that believes in myself!"
Gai, overfilled with pride for his students, marveled at just how manly they had become…and came out of the closet.
"Manly combining is a beautiful thing! The act of two souls coming together, to form a raging inferno!"
Tenten found an antique weapon in a store called a 'rifle' and started wearing her hair down. The bikini and hot pants were the next il-logical step, and the most appreciated one.
"What's this furry thing hiding out in my cleavage?"
Oh, and a squirrel. No one knows where it came from, or why it was wearing sunglasses, but it was so cute no one really cared.
All because of one man.
One Piece of Kamina
"I'm Luffy!"
"I'm Kamina!"
"Let's eat!"
...Two Hours Later...
Kamina and Luffy fall back in their chairs and give great sighs of contentment. The table before them is groaning under the weight of the empty dishes that cover every inch of it in towering piles.
"That was really good! I'm stuffed!"
"A man's stomach knows no limit!"
"You should join my pirate crew!"
"No way! You join my Team Dai-Gurren Dan!
"Pirate!"
"Team Gurren!"
"Pirate!"
"Team Gurren!"
"Pirate!"
"Team Gurren!"
"Pirate!"
"Team Gurren!"
"Pirate!"
"Team Gurren!"
"Pirate!"
"Team Gurren!"
"Pirate!"
"Team Gurren!"
Three busty women and one moe girl are sitting at a back table watching the spectacle that is quickly brewing into a fight, while in turn being watched by everyone not watching the fight.
"That Luffy, always causing trouble," the orangette sighed.
"That's our energetic captain," her dark haired companion said with a slow smile.
"I'm really glad Simon stayed behind with the others," the redhead said with a sigh to match the orangette.
"But I'm sure Simon would have enjoyed the meal," the abominably adorable moe girl said earnestly.
"Yeah, but then he'd have got stuck in the middle of those dolts argument," her friend replied.
"Sigh. I'd better go shut up my captain." So saying, the orangette stood up and headed for the bickering duo.
"Right behind you," the red head followed.
As the violence which begets two flame haired girls berating their male friends began to play out in the background, the more remaining duet returned to their meals.
"More tea Nia-san?"
"Thank you Robin-san."
Spirit of Manliness
Hi, my name is Simon, and I'm a shaman. I'm fighting in the Shaman Tournament. My Bro, Kamina, is helping me. He's always encouraging me, always pushing me to be my best.
"Spirit Form, Unity. Kamina, into the drill!"
He's always encouraging me, saying stuff like "Simon, don't believe in yourself. Believe in me! Believe in the Kamina who believes in you!" and "Your drill is the drill that will pierce the heavens!" and "Go beyond the impossible, and kick reason to the curb! That's the Team Gurren way!"
On our way to the site of the Shaman Tournament, Bro and I picked up some companions, sisters named Yoko and Nia, and two ancient spirits named Gurren and Lagann. They can manifest and combine using Manly Combining to form the giant spirit Gurren Lagann. Bro pilots them in battle.
"Having left his home land, he never yields, never retreats, and never regrets. He faces forward and never looks back! He's manly! He's tenacious! Kamina of Team Gurren is here to take you on. Lets go!"
We finally made it to the staging grounds for the tournament. When we did, we met these guy's called the X-Laws. We won the battle, but Bro was…
His final words to me were, "Listen, Simon, never forget. Just believe in yourself! Not in the Simon that I believe in, not in the Kamina that you believe in, believe in the Simon... that believes in you!"
"Bro's gone. He's gone! But he's there on my back, and here in my heart! He lives on as a part of me! If you're gonna dig, dig to the heavens! No matter what's in my way I won't stop! Once I've dug through...it means that I've won! Just who the hell do you think I am? I'm Simon. I'm NOT my bro! I'M ME! SIMON THE DIGGER!"
Now I fight using the spirits of Gurren and Lagann, piloting them like bro used to.
"Who The Hell Do You Think I Am? Finishing move! Giga Drill Breaker!"
My name is Simon. Leader of Team Dai-Gurren, Simon the Digger. If you decide that you're going to be a wall that's standing in my way, then I have something that will open a hole in you every time! And that something... is MY DRILL!
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