I was biting my nails so hard that there was barely anything left at this point. I bit my nails when I was nervous; it was a habit I've had since I was small. And I had plenty of reason to be nervous.

You can never really prepare yourself for the moment you meet one of your heroes. You think you can - you play the scene over and over again in your head, you prepare a speech based on a conversation you predict you might have with that person, you practice your laugh, check yourself out in the mirror to make sure you look great - but it ultimately does not prepare you for the exact moment you finally see that person.

You find yourself stuck in a state of shock as the person you've been dying to meet comes into eye sight and suddenly everything you've put yourself through to brace this moment falls to millions of pieces and dies.

That's what happened to me when I caught a glimpse of Sean McLoughlin from the middle of his meet n' greet line. I had let other people walk past me in the line because I was too afraid to move. And it was so stupid! This was another human being, not some idol made to be worshiped (as my mother would say). He was just another awkward nerd like me, with probably even more anxiety problems than I had, why was I freaking out so bad?

I had everything planned, yet my body became absolutely stunned at the mere sight of the young man several yards away. How silly of me! I thought, but I still could not bring myself to move.

I had been waiting for this moment nearly three years (and 6 very long hours). I quit my job, I moved away from home in with a friend in New Jersey just so I could start my own Youtube channel, just so I could be noticed by other Youtubers like Sean. I wasn't all that recognized. The majority of my viewers were women and that didn't bother me, but it was a start. And I did all this so I had a topic for Sean to relate to when I finally met him.

And what was I doing? Wasting all the money I had spent to get me here to Seattle so I could stare at my hero. I do that at home, why spend money on it?

I nearly jumped when I felt a sharp poke in the back of my shoulder.

"Move it, Quinn. You're holding up the line." A short Beetlejuice stood bouncing in anticipation behind me.

It took me a moment to grasp that he was talking to me before I realized he had referred to me as my cosplay; I was dressed as Harley Quinn from the Batman video game Arkham Asylum. He had a glaring eye as he waited for me to move. I looked from Sean back to the midget Michael Keeton and slowly started to walk forward.

Then I stopped again. I could here his Irish accent from here. He was laughing at something some kid dressed in a septic Sam shirt was telling him.

I got chills when he laughed. His thick, black rimmed glasses rose on his face when he smiled. He was running his hand nervously through his teal hair (the kid he was talking you probably had been there for a moment and Sean was just too polite to shoo him away)and adjusted the glowing cat ears on his head. When the kid left, Sean looked on down the line as it moved forward. I stayed put; the kid behind me just went around me, like the others had.

Sean must have noticed, because he took a step back to look on down the line at me. If I wasn't frozen before, now I felt as if Elsa had come from my nightmares and spun her ice magic at me to hold me in place.

Jackspeticeye was staring at me.

He turned his head crooked, smirking in amusement.

My eyes grew wide and my stomach felt like it was about to do a flip.

I bolted.

I don't know why, but I just lost it. My heart was pelpitating so hard, I thought I was going to die. I didn't stop running until I made it to the escalators and up the opposite way they were rolling.

God, I felt like an idiot, . . . but maybe it was for the best. I felt more relaxed when I'd been sitting by myself for awhile. Yeah, I though. It probably wouldn't have been that great anyway. I mean, I met Jenna Coleman at Indiana Comic Con once and that lasted 30 seconds.

When I'd convinced myself that I had made the right decision, I also reminded myself that there was still a lot more Pax for me to see. I had my eye on a certain vinyl record booth when I first arrived, maybe I would check it out.

I made my way to the escalators and used them for the direction for which they were purposed.

~~

It was nearly four hours later when I made my way back to the meet n' greet lines just to discover that there was no one there. I don't know why I had hoped for the autograph session to still be going on, people can't always stand in one spot for hours and hours. I could have gone into the tourney where everyone would be watching the eclipse, but I felt colastrophobic inside of a large, dark room filled with hundreds of people; though, being inside of a large, semi-open, lit room full of thousands of people wasn't that bad.

I was about to spin around and go the opposite direction when something caught my eye. Earlier, when I'd seen Sean, he was wearing a black, leather-ish looking hoodie. The Youtuber was no where to be seen (I looked around like a manic for a good 45 seconds), but the hoodie he'd been wearing was hung on the back of a chair behind the ropes meant to keep fans at bay. Seeing it hanging there made me shiver.

I was wearing a short skirt, knee-high socks, and basically a bunch of straps under a thin waist coat. The AC in the building was probably turned all the way up because of all the bodies roaming around (sound like a zombie apocalypse much?). My small frame didn't hold much heat and I was freezing. Honestly with my anxiety and fear of being groped or kidnapped at Pax, the least of my worries had been being cold.

I took another look at Sean's hoodie and shivered.

~~

I brought a steaming cup of chai to my lips, coddling the styrofoam to absorb the warmth it gave off. The newly added attire over my shoulders helped, but the tea was exactly what I'd needed.

It was almost 5:30 at this point. My feet ached. My back hurt. I was tired. I'd been here since 9 am, but there was still a few good hours to explore Pax. Currently, I was headed out a closed off back door to view the eclipse by myself.

I was entirely alone. I sat on the foundation of a street light and sipped my tea. The world grew darker and I stared up into the sky, cupping my hands over my face to take in the full effect. As the sky grew dark, I tucked the hoodie closer to my body and wrapped myself in it.

I sat there, staring up at the eclipse, squinting through my glasses, and pulled the fabric over my chin. It was warm and soft. I expected it to smell differently, granted I wasn't entirely sure what Sean McLoughlin actually smelled like, but laundry soap would not have been my first guess.

I heard murmurs from behind me and then the doors swung violently open. I jumped to the other side of the street lamp to hide. At first I panicked, thinking I would get into trouble for being back there. Then a peculiar voice caught my attention.

"It was right at the autograph booth. Mark, I swear to you, I didn't leave it in the hotel."

I turned my head and caught a glimpse of teal hair before it disappeared round the corner of the building. My heart sped up as I stood. I don't even know why I did. His voice was fading and my first instinct was to follow it.

I peeked around the corner and watched Sean McLoughlin pace back and forth while he debated with his friend on the phone as to the whereabouts of his lost hoodie. I looked down at the imitation leather hoodie I was wearing, sticking my hands in the pockets.

Yes, I stole Jacksepticeye's hoodie. Yes, I was guiltridden. But I knew now if I just gave it back, there would be no happy ending to this story. I listened a little longer to his conversation. When he hung up and swore, my mind was made up. I sighed.

It took everything in me to slide the hoodie off of my shoulders. I hugged it one last time and laid it on the ground next to street lamp. I felt stupid and any moment he could turn around and see me being so stupid, but I just couldn't go up to him and be like 'Yo, I totally stole this a little bit ago. So, here ya go!' I mean . . . I could have, but I didn't want to 'adult' and take responsibility for my actions.

I waved my love goodbye, took one last glance of Sean and bolted back into the building, then waited there and looked through the window until I saw Sean round the corner again. He almost came right to the door until he did a double take toward the clothing on the ground. I smiled, my work accomplished, and ran the other way.

~~

I was cold again. It was nearly 11 at night now. Pax was ending. People were crowding the lobby, waiting for rides or just prolonging their undoubtedly long and exhausting drive/plane ride back to wherever they came from. I was back where I'd been during the eclipse, fishing for signal on my phone (stupid straight talk). I had a few dollars to spare for an Uber, even though I had convinced myself earlier that morning that I could make it back to my hotel on foot. But it was late, I was cold, and even though my hotel was only 2 miles away, I was NOT all about that walk.

I'd switched my skirt for jeans about an hour ago but I still shivered violently when a small breeze blew through me, it seemed. I started to search my small pack for a longer sleeved shirt, even though I was sure I didn't bring anything. I hadn't. My hands shook while I tried to catch signal on my cell again.

The door swung open behind me and I jumped, mumbling a not so subtle 'Fucking Christ', also dropping my phone in the process. I completely ignored the person who had emerged as I retrieved my phone from the ground, which had ruptured into pieces and glass. The battery had gone one way and half the screen went the other way. I repeated my previous statement a little louder.

"Why did I trade my nokia for this piece of dick . . . Smart phone my ass. . . Fuck you, Obama . . ." I scratched my head and sighed, looking around for the battery. It looked like that walk was going to happen after all.

I stopped looking when laughter erupted behind me. Yes, laugh at my misfortunes you . . .

"I am so sorry. My fault, isn't it? . . . Really, I didn't mean to startle you."

It was him. I froze again. I didn't care about my phone or the cold any more. I was standing 4 feet from Sean McLoughlin and he was laughing at me. I should be mad. If it were anyone else, I would have taken the remnants of my phone and threw it at them. But, I didn't see myself throwing my phone at Jacksepticeye.

After his laughter settled and my heart went back to a normal pace, he approached me, shoving his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. I pouted at the sight of my old friend . . . I missed it already.

"Fuck you, Obama." Sean repeated after me and giggled. My tension loosened and I laughed a little too.

The shattered screen on my phone made me frown again. "Well . . . That's that then. Guess it's time to downgrade."

"I use to have a nokia. Thing lasted for years."

"Everyone use to have a nokia. Then Apple came out swinging its dick, trying to one up everything. If you ask me, flip phones where in. I'd take t9 texting over touch screen any day."

Sean laughed again and it took me by surprise. No one really laughed when I tried to be funny, it was awkward. Maybe he was just trying to be nice.

"You're alone there." Sean said.

I nodded. "I figured. I imagine your job would be pretty difficult without a touch screen of some sort." It came out sounding a bit bitter, though I hadn't meant it to. Sean didn't seem to notice. He seemed more interested in the fact I knew what his job was. "Yeah, I know who you are." I added.

"I saw you in the autograph line." He pointed out. Oh, good lord. "Yeah, with the," he was pointing me up and down, referring to the half-outfit I wore, "Asylum Harley Quinn. You ran from the line." He hesitated for a moment when I stared down at my feet. "I'm sorry. I didn't make you nervous did I? With the, staring . . . I was just wondering why you were standing there."

"Nah." I said simply. Even though, yes, him staring at me had made me hella nervous, but I wasn't about to tell him that. "I just, left my bag in the convention hall. Waiting in line for 6 hours was fun and all. I just didn't want it to get stolen." I lied.

He nodded. "Well, was there something you wanted me to sign or?"

He was really gonna go this? Dude! I slipped my pack off my shoulders and shuffled through its contents until I found what I was looking for.

They were identical copies of the same graphic novel. My graphic novel. Sean stared over the one I handed him for longer than I expected him to. He smiled.

"Is this me!?" He sounded excited. I smiled.

"Yeah. Its a series I created with my roommate. Its a full story about Jacksepticeye and his sidekick, Septic Sam, and his arch nemesis, Anti. Felix is in it. And Mark, the Game Grumps and Vanoss. Its kind of like DC Youtubers."

"Oh my God!" Sean started to flip through it. "This is so cool!" After a moment he looked back up at me. "You did this?" I nodded.

"Yeah, my friend helped me write it and put it together. I drew everything, see." I pointed to my name in the inside cover. "Illustrated and Written by (Y/N). We're currently waiting for a callback from a publisher. "

"Ah, dude . . . This is just," he went back to flipping through it. I went into my pack and pulled out a permanent marker.

He saw it and remembered why I had pulled the graphic novel out in the first place. "Oh, right." He hesitated. ". . . Are you sure I can't just sign your shirt or something, because God I would love to keep this."

I picked up the identical copy of the novel and handed it to him. "This is your copy," I said. Sean had a face on that looked like a child had just seen his first snow or was told they were going to Disneyland. He held a hand over his heart as I gave him the graphic novel. "Now, can I trust you with it? You won't go claiming it or anything."

"Oh, most definitely. Im going to consult with Mark and Felix right now and try to snatch the rights from you." He laughed. I did not.

"No, seriously . . . Elise, my roommate, she will literally murder you." I warned. "And then I won't be able to send you the others when they've all finished."

"There's more?"

"Oh yeah. We're working on the 4th one right now. See this," I flipped through to the end. "is my email. If you get a hold of me, I'll keep you updated on our progress."

"Righty'O, then!" Sean said, giggling. Goodness, he was as giddy as a schoolboy.

He signed my copy and I shoved everything back into my bag. I looked at my wristwatch and sighed. It was late. The sad truth was, I had held Sean up from finally getting out of here and the man probably needed a few weeks worth of rest. So did I.

"Well, Sean . . . It was very nice to meet you. Finally. But, Im going to get going."

"Yeah, me too. Just gotta call my ride. Em . . ." He watched me put my broken phone into my jeans pocket. "Do you have a car? Or ride. I mean, did you call someone before . . . Well."

"Nah. My hotel is a couple miles away. I was gonna Uber it, but a walk won't kill me."

"You sure?" He asked in earnest.

It was cute how he worried and my heart sped a little at the thought of riding in a car with him. But, my anxiety kind of flared too and I was immediately turned off by the idea.

"Yeah. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you. And if anything, I've got mace in my pocket." (I didn't) "So, I'm sure I'll be fine." (I wasn't)

Sean contemplated what I said and, after a moment, he slid his hoodie off his shoulders and offered it to me.

My eyes grew wide. "Oh no, I couldn't." I waved it away. This was so crazy, my brain was going bonkers inside my head. And the look he was giving me didn't make it easier.

"Oh, come on. It's just a hoodie. And you've got nottin' but straps on. It's freezing. You girls and your cosplays . . . Just take the damn thing, would ya?" He laughed to ease the fierceness from his demand. I took it and put it on.

Oh, my old friend.

"Thanks, Sean." I turned in the direction of my hotel and began my walk. I could feel his eyes on me. I know I couldn't have known for sure if he was looking at me, but I just felt it.

A few steps away he called after me. "I'll talk to you soon, (Y/N)!"

I smiled and threw him a peace sign as I kept walking.

When I got to my hotel room, I didnt even bother to shower like I had planned. I threw off my shoes, pack, and clothes, and flopped onto the bed and wrapped myself in Sean's hoodie.

It smelted like laundry detergent and coffee. I let the smell engulf me as I fell asleep.