This is no one's fault, except that my brain kept seeing a bunch of academic articles trying to "no homo" history and I wondered how the future people of Middle-Earth would do the same to certain characters. Please enjoy the ensuing silliness.
Pairings referenced include Fingon/Maedhros, Finrod/Barahir, Finrod/House of Bëor, Haleth/OFC, Faramir/Éowyn, and Curufin/his wife.
Warnings for general silliness and Faramir being a nerd.
Chapter One: Close In Friendship: An Examination Of Fingon and Maedhros's Relationship
The following is an entry from the diaries of Faramir of Ithilien, estimated to have been written in the year Fo.A 7. Figure 5 in the middle of the book shows the photographed copies of Faramir's diary, with the accompanying ink stain that Faramir references.
The reorganisation of the archives continues with some rewarding results already, though I must admit to some disappointment that I cannot tend to the project personally. But the thought of leaving Éowyn and Elboron for a few weeks is unthinkable, especially when he is still so young. How could I forgive myself if I missed the day that he spoke his first word? The healers claim most children would need another month or two before they begin to speak, but I look at Elboron and know he will surprise them. How could he not, with Éowyn as his mother?
But I digress, for I was speaking of a wondrous discovery at the archives. My lord Aragorn has sent word that a box mislabelled as lists of Dorwinion wine sales to Himring has turned out to be none other than a series of letters between the High King Fingon and Prince Maedhros! The king has been gracious enough to send me copies of the first few translated letters, for he knows well my interest in elven lore and history, particularly now that most Elves have gone over the Sea and there are few to answer my questions. Indeed, Legolas and his fellow Elves of Greenwood often tease me for my curiosity.
But let us praise the woman who thought to study the box's contents! Apparently she intends to write a history of wine throughout the ages and was disappointed by her discovery. For her sake I hope there will be mention of wine in one or two of the letters that might prove useful. Still, I shall have to write her with my personal thanks. These letters of Maedhros and Fingon may answer many of my questions regarding the lost years of the First Age.
And what letters they are, though already they bring about more questions than answers! In one letter Fingon writes to Maedhros, warmly greeting his cousin and alluding to an earlier visit to Himring and the time they spent together. However, try as I may, I cannot imagine what circumstances would lead to them sharing a bed. Surely there were rooms enough to house the High King of the Noldor during his visit? But perhaps one of the other letters will enlighten me. King Aragorn promises more as they are deciphered and copied.
But now Elboron has decided I am neglecting him, judging by his frightful wails. I've even spilled a goodly amount of ink! I will discuss the letters further later.
Chapter Four: Lord and Vassal Dynamics in the First Age: A Study
When it comes to the rich and complicated relationship between a lord and his vassal, a modern day audience may read too much into the terms of devotion and manner of speaking that such men of the period used between each other. Modern readers might even mistake such platonic devotion for something carnal.
One example is a letter from Barahir, written to his lord Finrod, king of Nargothrond. Barahir is best known for being the father of Beren Erchamion as well as for receiving the famed ring that would be passed down through centuries, most notably worn by King Aragorn at the end of the Third Age and throughout his rule. Barahir remained in King Finrod's service until sometime between F.A. 425 and 428, after which he returned to Dorthonion and married. Barahir and Finrod would not meet again until the Dagor Bragollach, in which Barahir saved the elf-king's life and received both the Ring of Barahir and a binding oath to aid Barahir's descendants. For more details on the oath and Finrod's fate, refer to The Lay of Leithien. One letter, believed to have been written in F.A. 421 during a brief separation, speaks to the intense manner in which a vassal often addressed his lord.
When Barahir writes that he aches for the touch of his lord, he is expressing that he is at a loss for what to do without Finrod's guidance. We see this confirmed in the next line, where Barahir speaks of wanting Finrod's hands on him. The letter is filled with repeated references to Barahir's desire in seeing the elf-king's sword. Although no records survive of this weapon, the letter indicates that the Ring of Barahir and Finrod's oath might not have been the only tokens of esteem Barahir received.
Finrod himself also sheds light on the relationships he had with various men from the House of Bëor through letters to the men themselves as well to his sister Galadriel, with whom he actively corresponded until his death in F.A. 465. In an early letter to Galadriel, Finrod describes Balan, later known as Bëor the Old, in terms that could be mistaken as homoerotic, but are clearly a humourous depiction by the elf-king on the similarities and differences between the Edain and the Noldor. When he describes Balan's impressive girth, for example, he speaks on the stout build for which many of the House of Bëor were known. A later line in the letter regarding Balan's "fine thick pelt" could be misinterpreted as sexual, but clearly references Balan's beard, something Finrod would have only seen before amongst the dwarves.
Further...
Appendix B
Two letters from Maglor to Caranthir, believed to have been written between F.A. 374 and 379. Sadly, only Maglor's letters survive, though readers perhaps can hazard a guess on how Caranthir answered!
Little brother,
Word has reached me of the Haladin chief's refusal of your proposal. Allow me to offer my condolences that she rejected your offer of friendship so forcefully! I am certain your next attempt at an assignation will be with someone who can look past any flaws to your positive qualities. Or perhaps next time you should begin by offering one or two baubles made by your dwarves? Admittedly I have met few Edain women beyond those who live with their husbands in Himring, but I believe a love of fine craftsmanship is present in all races.
Condolences and advice aside, my cursed streak of curiosity compels me to ask a few questions. Rumour follows on the heels of news, or—more often—arrives arm in arm. Thus, I have heard things about the encounter which puzzle me.
Lady Haleth refused you without hesitation. All those who brought me the news agreed on that point, I am sorry to say. But if rumour is true, take heart that it might not have been your personality that dissuaded her from accepting your offer, but rather a comparison to the zealous devotion of one—if not several— of her guards. (I must admit the rumours were numerous but varied wildly in detail.) Still, if one or more of her guards protects her heart as well as they do her body, well, there is hope for you yet! Not with the lady Haleth, of course, but we might yet find you a wife. If Curufin can marry, why, anyone can!
Your wise and devoted brother,
Maglor
/
Caranthir,
I am impressed!
Perhaps if sweet nothings flowed as easily from your lips as your hand penned those curses, you might have wooed the lady Haleth after all. Your letter was very much an educational experience. I cornered one of Maedhros's Edain to translate a few of your more creative curses, though the fellow Amlach could only guess at most of them. He informed me- rather crossly, in fact- that the tongues of the Haladin and the people of Marach were not as similar as I had assumed. But if the lady Haleth refused your advances, at least she or some of her people have taken the time to teach you a useful sentence or two. Hopefully Lady Haleth did not use such language against you! Do tell me you didn't press your suit beyond endurance.
However, there were a few sentences Amlach and I could only shake our heads at and puzzle over, much as we tried to decipher them. Maedhros refused to help, being engrossed with one of our charming cousin's recent missives. Wonders of wonders, whatever cousin Fingon has said has put Maedhros almost in good humour!
But Caranthir, dear brother, what have those dwarves of yours been teaching you? For we decided that it must be their curses you used. And must I apologise very nicely to earn a proper translation? I would dearly love to use one or two of those phrases on Curufin, who, it seems, somehow read my previous letter to you and has been especially aggravating these past few days. It would please me to see his face when I use a curse he has never heard before.
Your somewhat penitent brother,
Maglor